Death on Credit

by Louis-Ferdinand Celine

  As they were starting, he stuck his head out again from under the big top… He took in the whole farm… The gendarmes at attention!… “Whip ’em up, driver!” They drove off in a hurricane, heading for Persant… The bulls, the clerk, the plain-clothes men didn’t let the grass grow!… They beat it too about five minutes later… The reporters came back… They took some more pictures… They’d been around, they knew the score! Ah! They were nobody’s fools… They knew all the dodges…

  “Hell!” they told me… “Don’t worry… Anybody can see you had nothing to do with it!… It’s all a lot of red tape! Stupid routine! Window dressing! Don’t mind them! They won’t hold you half a minute! They’ve got to go through the motions!” The old girl was glum all the same…

  “We know those characters!… It’s not the first time we’ve seen this guy on the job!… If he had any real suspicions, he’d have hung around longer! Besides, he’d have arrested you sure as shit!… Oh, no, he wouldn’t have hesitated! We know him! One shred of presumption and hoopla, he throws you in the clink! That’s for sure! Doubt is that boy’s middle name! He’s got his feet on the ground… He’s a shrewd article! Ah! You can’t mess with him!”

  “Then, my dear sirs, you’re quite sure he won’t come back?… That it wasn’t just the cold that drove him away?…”

  “The cold doesn’t scare him! Ah! You’ve got nothing to worry about! Hell, no, It’s all a lot of moonshine! Hocus-pocus! Oh! If I were you, I’d relax! He came out here for beans, that’s all!… So what? So he’s sore!” They were all of the same opinion…

  They got back in their carriage… They were talking about women already… They had to push off slowly… The axles were creaking hard… There were too many of them, all in a pile… Two of the reporters had made the trip all the way from Paris just on our account… They were sorry they’d come… The old lady pestered them so bad with questions, in the end they started bellowing in chorus:

  There ain’t no crime… bingo bing!

  There ain’t no crime… bingo bing!

  Thumping their heels like to crack the floor… Actually they were having a fine time. They sang dirty songs… As they drove off, they were singing ‘Father Dupanloup’!

  * * *

  The gendarme who’d stayed there on guard found another shanty in the village, completely empty, near the watering trough, where he could put his horse inside. He liked that better… Our stable was a wreck… all the rain came in… and the drafts whistled like an organ!… His horse wasn’t happy in there. She staggered… her legs were folding with the cold… So he moved her… And then he came back… maybe an hour before supper time… He had something to tell us…

  “See here, you two jokers, can you keep your shirt on awhile? I’ve got to go to Tousne!…” That was a village pretty far away on the other side of Berlot Forest… “I’ve got to get some oats. There’s none left in my saddlebags! My sister-in-law’s over there, she’s got the tobacconist’s… Maybe I’ll stay for supper… I’ll be back a little later… But no later than ten!… So don’t get smart, you two! I haven’t a grain of oats!… While I’m at it, I’ll take the nag… She’s lost a shoe… I’ll stop in at the blacksmith’s… Then I can ride back… that’ll be quicker… You understand? Eh?… You won’t let anybody in?…” We understood perfectly… He was bored out there with us… He thought he’d take a little time off… We wished him a fair wind… He passed in front of the farm, leading his horse by the bridle… I saw him disappearing in the distance… It was getting dark…

  The old lady and I lay low… We waited for it to be really dark to go out for wood… Then I made it quick… I pulled three slats at once off the fence… I broke them up into kindling… but naturally they smoked… they were too damp… I went back in with the old lady… I was glad we had a chance to get warm… We needed it! But we had to keep our eyes closed! It stung too bad… She had calmed down after her session… But she was still kind of worried!

  “Do you think it’s true?…” she asked me… “You think the cops won’t bother us any more? You don’t think they’ve got some trick up their sleeves?… You heard the way they suspected me?… All of them! The very first thing… you saw them… Point-blank! Weren’t they disgusting? Oh my oh my!…”

  “Who? The cops?…”

  “That’s right, the cops!…”

  “Oh, the sergeant’s nothing but a big yokel!… The way he lost his tongue, bzing, in front of the prosecutors!… In two seconds flat!… He dropped out!… He didn’t know what had hit him!… He hadn’t a word to say for himself!… The sap, what’d you expect him to talk about?… He hadn’t seen a thing!… The reporters said the same thing… you heard them!… They’d have noticed… they know the ropes!… They’d certainly have warned us… They don’t like that guy with the lisp… All they had was presumptions… hot air!… They wouldn’t have farted out of here so fast if they’d thought they had anything on us! Hell no!… Those bulls would still be here, it’s perfectly obvious!… And then some!… You heard him, the Lisp himself, on his way out!… What he said to the others: ‘It’s suicide!’ That’s all! Don’t go looking for complications!… The doctor said so too!… I heard him telling the little guy: ‘It was fired upwards, my friend, upwards!…’ That was clear enough! He wasn’t spoofing!… That’s all there is to it!… No use looking for trouble!… We got plenty!…”

  “Yes, I guess you’re right!…” she answered very softly… But she wasn’t convinced… She wasn’t very confident…

  “How are they going to bury him?… First they do the autopsy, don’t they? And then what? And what for anyway? Do you know?… Are they still looking for something?…”

  “I couldn’t tell you…”

  “While they’re about it, I wish they could take him back to Montretout… But it’s too far now… if they take him to Beauvais… Is that where the funeral will be? I’d have liked to have a service… I’ll ask them… Do you think they’ll be willing?…” That was something else I didn’t know…

  “I wonder what a little service would cost in Beauvais… only in a chapel!… The cheapest class for instance… It can’t cost more than anywhere else… He wasn’t religious, you know, but even so… They’ve tortured him enough! A little respect wouldn’t hurt… What are they going to do to him now?… Can’t they see well enough as it is?… He hasn’t anything in his body, the poor man… It’s all in his head, isn’t it?… Anybody can see that, good Lord!… Oh, it’s so awful!…” She started wailing again…

  “Ah, Ferdinand, my little friend!… When I think that they could think such a thing!… Oh well, while they were at it, they couldn’t use kid gloves, could they?… Oh, it’s all the same to me!… Now… But what about you?… Do you think it’s finished?… With you it’s not the same… You’ve got to make your way!… You’ve got your whole life ahead of you!… It’s not the same!… You had nothing to do with all this!… Goodness, no!… They ought to leave you alone… Are you coming to Beauvais with me?…”

  “I’d go… if I could… But I can’t… There’s nothing for me to do in Beauvais!… Remember what the Lisp said… ‘You’ll go back to your parents!…’ He said it twice!…”

  “Well, in that case no monkey business!… Go, my boy, go! What’ll you do when you get there?… Look around for something?…”

  “Of course!…”

  “I’ll have to look too… that is… if they let me go… Ah, Fer­dinand!… While it’s on my mind!…” She had an inspiration… “Come over here… I want to show you something!…” She takes me to the kitchen… She climbs up on the stepladder… the little one… she disappears up the chimney to the waist, she pokes around in one of the niches… She dislodges the big brick… A lot of soot comes down… She shakes another stone, it moves, it jiggles… she takes it out… From the hole she takes some notes… and even some change… I hadn’t known about that hiding place… And Courtial h
adn’t either, that was a safe bet… There were a hundred and fifty smackers and a few five-franc pieces… Right away she gives me a fifty-franc note… She kept the rest…

  “I’ll take the hundred francs and the change… All right?… That’ll cover my trip at least… and maybe my expenses at the church! If I’m there five, six days… It can’t take any longer than that, can it?… That’ll be plenty, don’t you think?… But what about you? You’ve still got your addresses?… Do you remember all your bosses?…”

  “I’ll go see the printer right away,” I said. “I’d rather start in that direction…”

  She rummaged in the hole some more, she took out another twenty-franc piece, she gave it to me… Then she talked some more about Courtial… but she wasn’t so excited any more…

  “Ah, my little Ferdinand, you know!… The more I think of it… the more it comes back to me… how fond he was of you… He didn’t show it, that’s a fact!… You know that too… It wasn’t his way… his nature… He wasn’t demonstrative!… He wasn’t a flatterer!… You know that… But he was always thinking of you… In the worst situations he often told me so!… Only a week ago!… ‘You know, Irène, Ferdinand is somebody I’ve got faith in… He’ll never do us dirt!… He’s young! He’s scatterbrained! But there’s a kid that’s as good as his word!… He’ll keep a promise! And that, Irène, that’s rare!…’ I can still hear him saying that!… Ah, he appreciated you all right!… He was sincerer than a friend!… Take it from me!… And the poor man, believe me, he had plenty to be distrustful about!… He’d seen a thing or two!… And how he’d been deceived!… In thousands of ways, one more disgraceful than the last!… He could have been embittered!… Never did he say an unfavourable word about you!… Never the least unpleasantness!… Nothing but compliments… He’d have liked to spoil you… But he couldn’t… Our life was too hard… But as he said one time when we were having a little chat… ‘Wait just a little while!… Patience!… I’ll make that kid’s fortune yet…’ Ah, how well he understood you… You can’t imagine how fond he was of you…”

  “Me too, Madame, me too!…”

  “I know, Ferdinand, I know!… But with you it’s not the same… You’re still a kid luckily!… Nothing is so sad at your age! Now you’ll be starting out in life… You’re only beginning… You can’t understand…”

  “He loved you too…” I said… “He often told me… how terribly fond he was of you… that he couldn’t do without you… without you he didn’t exist… ‘You see my wife?’ he’d say…” I laid it on pretty thick… I was trying to console her… I did my best… So then she gushes like a fountain…

  “Don’t cry, Madame! Don’t cry!… This is no time… You’ve got to harden yourself actually… You’re not through yet!… You’ll have to talk… when you get to Beauvais… maybe you’ll have to defend yourself! It gets on their nerves when you cry… You’ve noticed!… I’ll have to look out for myself too. You said so yourself…”

  “Yes, you’re right, Ferdinand!… Boo hoo! You’re right… I’m stupid… I’m nothing but an old crazy woman!…” She tried to control herself… she wiped her eyes…

  “But he was really fond of you… Ah, believe me, Ferdinand! I’m not saying it to flatter you… You knew that, didn’t you?… He knew what a good heart you had deep down… even if he was hard sometimes… even if he was a little hard on us…”

  “Oh yes! I knew, Madame!…”

  “And now that he’s killed himself… It’s so awful! Can you imagine?… I can’t believe it!… It’s incredible!…” She couldn’t tear herself away from the terrible thought…

  “Ferdinand!” she started up again… “Ferdinand, listen!…” She tried to find the exact right words… they wouldn’t come… “Ah, yes!… He trusted you, Ferdinand!… And I trust you… And you know… right?… He didn’t believe in anybody any more…”

  Our wood wasn’t burning at all… It smoked up the whole joint… It popped, it flew up in the air… it was going out… I tell the old lady… “I’m going to get some more that’ll burn!” I start for the barn… maybe I’d find some dry sticks… I could rip out a piece of the wall… the inside wall… I start across the yard… I turn to one side to pass round the well, I look across the plain… I see something moving… looked like a man… “It can’t be the gendarme,” I say to myself… “He wouldn’t be back so soon… It’s some tramp… Some guy prowling around… Well,” I say, “if he’s looking for trouble… Hey!” I shouted, “Hey there!… What are you looking for around here?…” He doesn’t answer… He disappears… So right there I turned back, I didn’t even go so far as the barn… I had a feeling something fishy was going on… “Hell and damnation!” I say to myself. “Beat it, kid!…” Quick I tear off a hunk of fence… “That’ll do,” I say to myself… I run over… I go in… I ask the old bag:

  “You haven’t seen anybody?…”

  “No!…” she says… “No!…”

  At that very moment, in the window pane, not two yards away… I see a face staring at me… a great big face… I see the hat too… through the glass… and the lips moving… But I can’t hear the words… I move up with the candle, I throw the window wide open… That was brave of me!… I recognize him right away!… Christ, if it isn’t our canon!… Fleury. It’s him all right!… The nut!… Him and nobody else!… Shit!… How’d he get here? Where on earth did he come from?… He starts spluttering… He sprays me with spit… He gesticulates like mad!… He seems beside himself with joy to have found us!… His friends… His brothers!… He steps through the little window… There he is inside… He’s jubilant!… He prances!… He wiggle-waggles all around the table… The old lady didn’t remember his phiz, or his name, or the circumstances!… A little lapse of memory…

  “It’s Fleury!… Look, it’s Fleury!… The one with the diving bell! Don’t you remember?… Take a good look!…”

  “Ah, my goodness, it’s true!… Why, yes, yes, it’s him… Oh, Father!… Oh, forgive me!… Ah! So you’ve heard? Ah, why of course it’s you!… Oh, I’m going out of my mind!… Ah, I recognize you! Ah, I didn’t recognize you!… You haven’t heard the awful thing?”

  It took more than that to stop him!… He kept on prancing! Hopping! Skipping!… He didn’t pay attention… He did a big leap and then some little jumps!… He jerked backwards… He jumped up on the table… He wiggled around some more… He jumped down, bam!… His cassock was all caked and armoured with muck and dung… up to the armpits… up to the ears!… Sure, it was him I’d seen out in the field just now!… We’d both scared each other!… My, was he harnessed!… Some load he had on his back… A whole soldier’s outfit… two musette bags! Two canteens! Three mess kits! And on top a hunting horn… an enormous magnificent thing, slung over his shoulder!… The whole business clanked every time he moved… and he never stopped moving!… What bothered him most was his hat… it slid down over his eyes… a big straw affair like a fisherman… And the guy had decorated himself too!… Admirably!… His whole soutane was full of orders and medals… and several Legions of Honour… They were all caked with muck, and a big heavy crucifix, an ivory Jesus, dangling on a long chain… He was so wet, this fine canon of ours, he dripped all over the room… He was a walking watering can… His soutane was ripped from top to bottom in back… You could still see the briars…

  The old lady tried to make him stop moving… She wanted to convince him… She just had to… I motioned her not to work him up!… Maybe he’d leave of his own accord!… No use getting him excited… But she didn’t want to understand… She was glad to see him again. She crowded him into corners… which made him growl like a wild animal… He backed plunk against the wall with his head down, ready to charge… He didn’t listen to her… He pressed his fingers to his mouth… “Sh-sh!” he went… He darted looks in all directions, and they weren’t very friendly!… This clown was on the lam…

  “Didn’t you
know, Monsieur le Chanoine?… I see you don’t know!… Oh, if you could only have seen!… Oh, if you knew what’s happened!…”

  “Hush, hush!… Monsieur des Pereires?…” Now he was asking for him… “Monsieur des Pereires?… Where is he? Where’s Monsieur des Pereires?…” He grabbed her by the shoulders, he snorted into her face, quite violently… A tic convulsed his whole mouth… It stayed twisted… Then in little spasms he relaxed…

  “I haven’t got him, Father!… Oh no!… I haven’t got him! You really don’t know?… The poor man’s not here!… He’s gone, poor soul!… Come, come!… Didn’t they tell you?…”

  “Hurry!… Hurry!…” He shook her even more violently!…

  “But gracious, he’s dead!… He’s passed away!… Haven’t I told you?…” She’d met up with somebody that was even more pig-headed than she was…

  “I want to see him!… I’ve got to see him!…” He had this obsession and he wouldn’t let go… “It’s urgent!… Sh-sh!… Sh!… Hurry! Hurry!…” He tiptoed round the table! He looked on top and underneath, he looked up the chimney… He opened both cupboards… He tore out the keys… He battered the wood box… he broke off the hinges… He was frantic… He couldn’t stand being crossed… His tic made his whole lip curl!…

  “Father!… Father!… Don’t do that!…” She kept trying to convince him…

  “Ferdinand! I implore you! Tell Father Fleury!… Isn’t he dead, boy?… Tell him!…” She latched on to his musette bag…

  “Go look on the door, it’s written there!… Tell him if it’s not true, Ferdinand… ‘Good luck’…” She grabbed him by the hunting horn!… He dragged the whole place after him… The old bag, the table, the chairs, the dishes!…