You couldn’t keep your mother from leaving. Why should it be any different with him?
She could feel the cracks running through her heart, breaking it into tiny pieces.
“Oh,” she said in a thick voice. “So that’s how it is, is it?”
Turning away, unable to bear even being near him, she reached up and began fumbling with the catch on the necklace she was wearing. The little fantail he’d given her. Suddenly it seemed important she get rid of it, and anything even remotely to do with him. But it wouldn’t come easily so she jerked on the chain, breaking it.
Behind her, she heard him curse. “Judith,” he began. “Look, I’m—”
“Here.” She shoved the fantail necklace at him. “Take it. I don’t want it.” When he didn’t take it, she shoved it forcibly into the pocket of his trousers, despite his efforts to push her hand away. “Give it to someone else. Hell, give it to the next bimbo you meet. I’m sure she’ll love it.”
“Darling…”
“No,” she said forcibly. “No darling, no babycakes, no honey pie. Don’t ever call me anything like that ever again.” She looked up at him, into his eyes. “I’m never going to put my heart on the line for you again, Caleb Steele. Never ever. Twice in one lifetime was bad enough. I’m not doing it a third.”
“Jude—”
“Don’t forget your shoes.” She went past him, out into the hallway, and into the lounge. And then she sat on the couch until she heard the door shut behind him.
Then she burst into tears.
…
Caleb drove back to his hotel cursing all the way. He’d never been so furiously angry in all his life. Not even when his father had refused his final offer of help.
He’d done what he had to do. Broken it off in as brutal a way as he could. So there would be no coming back from it even if he wanted to.
You bastard. You hurt her so badly. After you’d promised not to.
Yeah, he had. And he’d meant to. He’d tried to be kind, tried to be gentle, but he hadn’t counted on her fighting, demanding more. Which meant he’d had to go for the big guns. Make it utterly clear just what kind of asshole he truly was to her and to himself. So they both knew never to go there again.
Pity it felt like he’d ripped away a part of himself in the process.
He cursed again, hitting the steering wheel with the flat of his hand, furious with himself and with her for making him care, for this terrible sense of loss. The ache that had started in his chest as he’d delivered the coup de grace to their relationship and which had now spread right through his body.
No, he’d done the right thing. He had to keep telling himself that. She’d get over it eventually and find some other guy. A guy who could care about her the way he would never be able to.
Coward.
Caleb gritted his teeth, trying to push the image of Judith’s white face, and the tear that slid down her cheek, out of his head. He didn’t care. He didn’t want to care.
His phone rang annoyingly and just for one intense second he thought it was her, and he felt almost dizzy with relief. But it was Mike.
Ignoring the gulf of disappointment that opened up inside him, Caleb hit the speakerphone button.
“Hey, Mike.”
“Are you all right? You sound a little—”
“No, I’m fine,” he said curtly. If the guy pushed him now, he’d pick up the phone and hurl the bloody thing out the window. “What’s up?”
“I’ve got the TV contract here all ready to go. You should see the salary. It’s an awesome package. I’m thinking a bottle of Scotland’s finest single malt wouldn’t be amiss as a thank you to your wonderful agent.”
It occurred to him that this was great news and that he should be feeling very pleased with himself. But he just felt empty. “That’s great, Mike,” he forced himself to say. “When do you want me to sign it?”
“How about next week? We’ll do lunch.”
“No,” Caleb said, his hands tightening on the wheel. “Let’s sign it now.”
Yeah, he’d go sign this contract. Get it sorted. Then he’d be all ready to leave the country for Australia as soon as he’d finished with the club. And that would be the best thing for everyone.
Chapter Twelve
“You have to come, Jude.”
Judith concentrated on some of the images on her computer screen, not even looking at her brother as he leaned over her desk. “No, I don’t. And could you move, please? You’re blocking the light.”
“You took the bloody photos for that calendar. So I’m sorry, but you have to come to the auction.”
“What part of the word no don’t you understand? The N part? Or is it the O?”
Joseph made an irritated sound. “Is it because of Caleb?”
Damn. She shouldn’t have told her brother they’d stopped seeing each other. She shouldn’t have bloody said a word. Oh, she’d made it sound as amicable as possible. That they’d decided to call it quits and she was fine about it. Best not to mention the fact that Caleb had broken her heart into little jagged shards that were still rattling around inside her chest, cutting her like sharp pieces of glass. No, best keep that part quiet.
Judith finally deigned to look at him, making sure the only expression on her face was one of contempt. “Caleb? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s got nothing to do with him.” And it hadn’t. She didn’t want to go to the auction because she had lots of work on. Giant great lumps of work. Oceans of work. A veritable tsunami of work…
Her hand rose to touch her throat, reflexively grabbing for a necklace that wasn’t there anymore. Then she realized what she was doing and quickly stopped.
No, it was over. Gone. He was dead to her. D-E-A-D.
Joseph, annoyingly persistent, leaned his hip against her desk. “If it wasn’t to do with him, then why aren’t you coming?”
“I have work, Joe. Believe it or not, I’m quite busy now.”
“Because of that calendar, Jude. Let’s not forget that.”
“Don’t you have something better to do? Like going and playing on the street? Or making another important ‘lunch meeting’ with Chris?”
Her brother stared down at her and made an odd growling noise in his throat. “I’m going to kill him, I swear to God.”
Judith rolled her eyes. “Oh, stop it. This protective older brother thing is getting old. Get over yourself.”
“I will. Once you get over him.”
She lifted her chin, met his blue eyes head on. “I am over him.”
“No, you’re not.” Slowly he leaned forward, putting his hands on her desk. “I don’t think you ever got over him.”
Judith scowled at her screen again. “I don’t see how it’s any of your—”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?”
Her hand moved, quite unconsciously, and almost deleted the picture she was looking at. “Bloody hell, Joe, look what you made me almost do?”
“Be straight with me, Jude. I was straight with you about Christie.”
Pressure built in the back of her throat. She couldn’t tell him. Couldn’t admit anything. Otherwise the tears she’d been fighting off for the past week would all come flooding out again and she’d fall apart like a stack of wet newspaper.
But then he said, “Jude,” in his big-brother soft voice. The one he used when he knew she was hurting and he wanted to help.
And she felt her heart crack open.
“Yes,” she said hoarsely. “Okay, so I’m in love with him. Happy now?”
Joseph swore. “No. Now I’m really going to kill him.”
“Well, it’s not like you helped the situation with your ‘you’re not good enough for her’ comment.”
Joseph at least had the grace to look embarrassed. “Of course he isn’t good enough for you. The bloody Pope wouldn’t be good enough for you.”
She grabbed a tissue, dabbing her eyes. “Not helpful, Joe.”
He let out a sigh. “So…does he
know how you feel?”
“Yes. I kind of told him. Dumb, huh?”
“Not dumb. Not dumb at all.” He put a hand over hers where it sat on her desk.
“I was an idiot,” Judith said, everything spilling out. “I was just so sick of pretending I didn’t feel anything for him. I just wanted to say it out loud. He…he told me he was selfish. That I…” Her throat closed. “That I wasn’t enough for him.”
Joseph made another growling noise but at least had the sense to stay quiet.
Judith took a ragged breath, gave her eyes one final wipe, then chucked the tissue in the bin. That was it. She wouldn’t cry another tear for Caleb Bloody Steele.
“It’s okay, Joe,” she said in a firmer voice. “I’ll be okay.”
Her brother didn’t say anything for a long moment. “Come to the auction, Jude,” he said at last.
She looked at him. “Why should I?”
His gaze didn’t waver. “To show him what you’re made of. You’re strong, Judith Ashton, and you always have been.”
Judith swallowed. “Yeah, well, sometimes being strong is overrated. I’ve been strong for a long time, Joe, and I’m tired of it.”
“Okay, so go curl up in bed, eat ice cream, and watch crap movies then.”
“There’s nothing wrong with doing that.”
“No, there’s not. But there’s nothing wrong with showing the bastard you’re not going to let him stop you from going out and having fun, either.” He gave her a look. “In fact, I’m going to have to insist on you coming. Your presence is going to be the only thing that’ll stop me from murdering him.”
Judith let out a breath. When her brother got an idea into his head, sometimes it was impossible to distract him from it. “Fine,” she said grumpily. “I’ll think about it.”
…
Caleb adjusted his cuff links, gazing out at the crowd that filled the theater from the backstage area. As predicted, the auction dinner was a sell-out. The calendar had generated so much interest that people were buying tickets for huge sums. He was quietly pleased with himself at the success of the thing. Though, really, Jude’s calendar was what had caught people’s interest. She’d been right to focus on people’s expertise rather than go the generic sexy route. The pictures had brought out people’s passion, too, not just their expertise. And that’s what had been the selling point. Plus her idea for the venue had turned out to be truly stellar, too.
The ache in his chest that had been there for the past week throbbed. No, he wouldn’t think about it. Wouldn’t think about her. He didn’t care. He really didn’t.
He leaned against the backstage wall, staring out at the crowd, restraining the urge to scan around for any small, beautiful, black-haired women with bobbed hair and Cleopatra fringes.
Who cared if she was here? If she was, great, if she wasn’t, no big deal. It didn’t matter to him either way. They were over. Done.
One of the “bachelors”—or in this case, a bachelorette—a high-profile lawyer, came backstage after her auction finished. Her offering of free legal advice had gone for quite a sum and she was looking pleased.
Off to the side, Luke waited, his habitual serious look quite a bit more serious than it normally was.
“Relax, big guy,” Caleb said. “It’ll be no drama.”
Luke said nothing, merely giving him a dark look.
No, he wasn’t going to ask if Jude had come along tonight. He wasn’t going to say a word. “So, is Jude here?”
Shit.
Luke pulled at his jacket, adjusting it. “Yes.”
Double shit. Caleb shoved his hands into his pockets. “And are you all going out after this is over?”
“We might. I don’t know yet.”
“Where do you think you might go?”
“I haven’t decided.”
“To a bar, maybe? A club?”
Luke, in the process of flicking a microscopic bit of lint off his lapel, paused. “Why are you so interested?”
He wasn’t interested. He didn’t care. Caleb lifted a shoulder. “Oh, no reason. Hey, you’re up, mate. And remember, smile at the nice people.”
Luke glared as the MC announced him. Then a tight smile turned his mouth as he stepped on stage.
Caleb realized his hands were in fists in his pockets. With an effort, he relaxed them. Crazy.
He’d never been nervous in front of a crowd before, so why was he now? Nothing to do with knowing Judith was there. No, of course not.
Someone came up and leaned against the wall beside him and Caleb found himself doing a double take when he saw that it was Joseph.
Oh shit.
…
Judith realized she was rubbing her sweaty palms down the blue silk of the dress Marisa had suggested she wear. She swore, grabbing a napkin from the table instead.
The beautiful old Art Deco theatre where the auction was being held was breathtaking, but she really wasn’t in the mood to appreciate the amazing ceiling studded with tiny lights to emulate a night sky. Or the two massive lions on either side of the stage. Or the scrolled and gilded proscenium arch.
Not when every time she looked, she kept remembering the conversation she’d had with Caleb about it. The conversation where she’d been held in his arms, his naked body pressed up against hers…
No, crap, think about something else.
They were having a small intermission after the first lot auctions and then the second half would start. Caleb was the last person on the list. Thinking about the prospect of seeing him again made her feel sick.
God, would he look at her the way he’d looked at her in her apartment? With that cold expression on his face? Or would he not even glance at her at all? She couldn’t figure out what was worse.
Bloody Joseph. Why had she let him talk her into coming?
Beside her, Marisa was twiddling with the straw in her glass of what appeared to be water. Which was weird because water was definitely not Marisa’s style. Or maybe it was vodka? She was having a rather strained conversation with Christie, who sat on the other side, and her new sister-in-law seemed rather puzzled about something. Perhaps she was wondering where the hell Joseph was. His auction had been in the first half and he still hadn’t come back to the table yet.
Judith opened her mouth to interject something, anything to take her mind off her own problems, but then the music started and the lights dimmed.
And the nausea did a back flip in her stomach.
Caleb would be coming on soon. She’d have to see him up there on the stage, so near and yet so far. Tall and dark and gorgeous. And she’d have to sit there watching while other people—other women—bid on the privilege of a date with him. Spending up large just to get time with the famous rugby player. With “Abs of Steele”. But they’d never know the man behind that persona. The wonderful man he was underneath all that charm.
Only she knew.
Tears started in her eyes. Furiously she blinked them back. Perhaps he’d see her sitting there. And she’d be damned if he saw her cry.
Judith reached for her wine glass and downed the whole lot.
…
Awkwardness fell like a giant forest tree, blocking the space between him and Joseph.
Caleb hadn’t spoken to his friend in over a week. He’d told himself it was because he was so busy, a big game the night before last and lots of training beforehand. Then a couple more meetings with the TV execs, plus another with a potential sponsor—energy drinks this time.
Of course, that was a lie. He hadn’t seen his friend because he couldn’t bear the guilt.
Joseph stared at him, eyes uncomfortably direct.
“Hey, Joe,” Caleb said, because he had to say something. “What are you doing here? You already sold your mentorship.”
“Yeah, I know.” He shifted on his feet, still staring at Caleb. “I’m here because you’re avoiding me and I need to talk to you.”
So he was going to head straight into it? Well, fine. Cale
b could deal with that. “I’m not avoiding you, I’ve just been busy. And before you say anything else, you can get down off your big-brother high horse because Jude and I are over.”
The expression on his friend’s face didn’t change. “Uh-huh. And whose decision was that?”
“It was a mutual decision.”
“That’s not what I heard. In fact, what I heard was that you were a selfish bastard and that she wasn’t enough for you.”
Caleb glanced away, a hollow, empty feeling taking up residence in the pit of his stomach.
“Which makes you right, doesn’t it? I’m not good enough for her.”
Joseph gave a soft curse. “I only said that because, well, no one’s going to be good enough for her. She’s my sister for God’s sake.”
“That doesn’t make it any less true.”
“No, but it’s not specific to you, okay? And that’s bullshit she’s not enough for you. I think you told her that to push her away.”
The hollow feeling in his gut tightened. He looked away again. “And what would you know about it?”
“Because it sounds exactly like the stuff I said to Christie.”
Caleb gritted his teeth. “This hasn’t got anything to do with you and Christie. And I’m not pushing her away.”
“Don’t be an asshole. You know why I said that to Christie? Because I was falling for her and I didn’t want to. And I didn’t want to because I was afraid.”
Tension began to creep through him, locking his muscles tight. “Joe, this conversation isn’t one I want to be having right now.”
“And you think I do? Shit, Cal, talking to you about Jude is probably number one on my list of things I’d rather chew my own arm off than do, but…” He stopped, shifting against the wall. “She’s hurt. And I hate seeing her like that.”
Caleb could feel his shoulders beginning to hunch. He tried to put them back, to loosen his tight muscles. “I thought you wanted me to stay away from her.”
“Mate, if I had my way you’d be dead on the floor.” His gaze was uncompromising. “And the only reason you’re not is because, for some insane reason, she loves you.”
The ache in his chest squeezed tight. “She shouldn’t.”
Talking Dirty With the Player Page 18
