Ray dug in his pocket and brought out a small velvet box. Before she could say anything, he opened the box, and presented it to her. “You win, Kelly. I knew this was what you were after, but I didn’t think I was ready. I do now.”
Kelly looked at the diamond solitaire ring, the stone large enough to be noticed but within the bounds of good taste. Knowing that only days ago she probably would have accepted his insulting proposal horrified her. She tried to give the ring back to him. “I can’t take this.”
He held his hands up and backed away. “This is getting a little old, Kelly. I understand you’re angry and that you were trying to get back at me for some wrong you think I’ve done, but this has gone on long enough. I made a mistake. You’ve made more than your share since we started going together, and I’ve always forgiven you. Is it so wrong to expect the same in return?”
Finally she understood. In his own way, Ray really did love her. Did she have the right to blame him if it wasn’t the way she wanted to be loved? She unfolded her legs and reached out to take his hand. “Timing really is everything, Ray. From the beginning we’ve been off step with each other. When I wanted you to make a commitment, Dara got in the way. And now–”
“Don’t tell me you feel something for that guy you were with. You can’t have known him more than a couple of days.”
“Sometimes that’s all it takes.” She didn’t care that she was letting him believe something that wasn’t true. Ray needed sound reasons for their breakup and nothing was more sound than her finding someone new. “My mother and father knew from the moment they met that they were destined to be together.”
“Give me a break, Kelly. Love doesn’t happen like that. Not real love. Odds are if your mother had lived, she and your father would be divorced and they would be with other people today.”
“You’re wrong.”
“Oh, grow up.” He flung her hand away. “Look at the statistics. Forever is a greeting card fantasy.”
“Then what is it you’re asking me? You want us to be married–for a while? Until you get bored or someone better comes along?”
“No, of course not. I’m just being realistic. If we go into this without illusions, and it works out better than we thought, think what a coup that will be. We’ve put too much time into this relationship to just toss it away now.”
A sadness enveloped her. “Better now than later, Ray. When I finally do get married–if I ever get married–I want to believe with all my heart that it will last a lifetime. Without that I’d rather be alone.”
“Even if it’s an illusion?”
“Yes, even then.”
“I can’t give you that,” he said. “I can’t even pretend it’s possible.”
He gave Kelly a lopsided grin filled with irony and mischief, reminding her what had drawn her to him in the first place. “My guess is you wouldn’t have gone for the prenuptial agreement I was going to have drawn up either.”
He walked over to the chair and picked up the flowers. “These need to be put in water. No sense letting them go to waste.”
“I’ll take care of them.”
“About the chocolate …”
She exchanged the box for the flowers. “Take it. I know Godiva’s your favorite.”
She walked him out to the car. “Do you have something going with that Matt guy?”
“No,” she answered truthfully. Whether she wanted to have something going with him was another matter.
“He’s not your type, you know. You don’t want to rebound from us and end up with someone like him. It will never work.” He leaned over to give her a kiss good-bye. Their lips touched and it was over. “Take care of yourself.”
“I will.” For one brief moment she felt a twinkling of hope that they might find a way to be friends.
He paused as he started to get into the car. “God, Kelly, I feel so sorry for you. Someday you’re going to look back on this and know it was the biggest mistake you ever made. What I offered might not have lasted, but it was the best chance you’re going to get. Ask your girlfriends. There aren’t a whole lot of men like me out there.”
“Thanks, Ray. You will never know how much it means to me to hear you say that.”
He nodded, missing the point entirely.
She watched him drive away, noting that he waited until he reached the end of the road to stop and open the box of chocolates.
She was free. No guilt, no regrets, no sorrow. Maybe a little numb, but nothing that wouldn’t be gone by morning.
6
KELLY LEFT AN HOUR EARLY FOR HER FIRST class. She’d been warned that parking was at a premium on the University of California Santa Cruz campus and that walking a half mile or more to class was the norm rather than the exception.
Located on two thousand acres, the university’s eight colleges were patterned after the Cambridge system. Each was a self-contained and independent unit that shared library and laboratory facilities. Incorporated into a densely forested hillside with spectacular ocean views, the university’s buildings were architectural masterpieces blended into the landscape.
The student body was noted for its freethinking and acceptance of alternate lifestyles. Vegan and vegetarian meals were the standards in the cafeterias and local politics as important as national to the students.
The path leading from the parking lot where Kelly finally found an empty space to the classroom where Matt was lecturing had a posted warning to be on the lookout for mountain lions. She took the warning seriously and chanced being late by taking the road to class instead of the shorter route through the trees.
She found a seat on the top row just as Matt entered the room and crossed the stage to the blackboard. He wrote his name and the title of the class in bold block letters.
“Good morning,” he said, dusting his hands as he walked to the podium. Low murmurs of response rolled toward the front of the room. Matt’s gaze skimmed the crowd and when he reached Kelly he hesitated just long enough to let her know he’d found her.
Dressed in jeans and a collared knit shirt, he looked slim and hard and incredibly sexy. Kelly’s heart quickened at seeing him again. Unbidden, memories of her response to his kiss surfaced, and she felt her heart quicken.
“How many of you have seen a passenger pigeon?” Matt began. As anticipated, no one raised their hand. “None, of course. A species of bird that once numbered in the billions–” He paused. “Yes, I said billions.” He paused again, giving the number emphasis with his silence. “A bird that made up forty percent of all birds on this continent, a bird that flew sixty miles an hour in flocks that took three days to pass–this personally witnessed by James Audubon and noted in his journal–is gone. Every last one of them. The last official sighting in the wild, a lone female, was shot for stealing corn. Another female lived out her life in a zoo, which made it possible, for those who care about such things, to achieve the dubious distinction of knowing the exact day the species became extinct.”
He walked to the edge of the stage and focused on a young man sitting in the front row. “Now, I’d like you to tell me how this has affected you personally? Is your life different somehow? Have you suffered an economic loss? Physical? Mental?” The target of Matt’s intense questioning appeared upset, but shook his head and shrugged in response to the questions. Matt shifted his focus to a girl on the second row. “On a larger scale, has it changed the world in any way?” She, too, shook her head.
“I’ll go along with that,” Matt said, moving to the opposite side of the room and looking at a woman with braids hanging over her shoulders. “So why should you care?” His gaze traveled up several rows, stopping to make eye contact with many of the now uncomfortable students. “Why should any of us care?
“This country is spending enormous time, effort, and money to save species that a mere generation or two before us were considered vermin.
In some cases, these efforts are directed toward animals our government once paid bounties to eradicate.
“Other than a sometimes obnoxious and vocal fraction of the population who have chosen to champion the black-footed ferret, the wolf, the prairie dog, the spotted owl–” He stopped for dramatic effect. “–who the hell cares?” Slowly, he moved from one side of the stage to the other. “Certainly not the inner-city kids whose daily routine includes hiding under their beds to dodge bullets. Or the homeless mother who is forced to stand outside a shelter every night hoping there will be room for her and her children.”
She recognized his brilliant use of reverse psychology; that alone should have made her immune to its effects. But not this time. Intellectually, she could remain aloof, emotionally she found herself being drawn into the issue–on the wrong side. He’d surprised her and made her care that a billion birds, an entire species, had been wiped off the face of the earth in less than a half century. More important was the subtext–nothing had changed. It could happen again. It was happening again.
Did she care? In the grand scheme of things, did it matter? The world would go on without frogs and whales and elephants. It had gone on without dinosaurs. For that matter, it could go on without humans.
As it stood now, the powerful few were deciding these things for the voiceless many. It wasn’t right. And she did care.
She’d read about defining moments in people’s lives, moments that changed them forever. Until then she’d considered herself too ordinary to have something like that happen to her. And yet there she was, experiencing her own revelation, not quite sure how she’d gotten there, a little scared, a lot excited, not knowing where she would go from where she was, only knowing her life would never be the same.
“I mentioned the spotted owl,” Matt said. “Depending on your political leanings, either the most beloved or hated symbol of the last decade.” He meandered back to the center of the stage. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to go over that welltrod territory again, except to say that 90 percent of the old growth forest in California, forest where the spotted owl and a long list of other endangered species and plants live, has already been cut. When we talk about preserving a home for the owl and the other plants and animals on the list, we’re talking about setting aside a percentage of a percentage.”
Kelly felt as if he’d been speaking directly to her. She was just as sure everyone else in the room felt the same way. Matt Landry was mesmerizing, his beliefs compelling, his integrity unquestioned. She understood the power he would bring to a courtroom and the fear he engendered in opposing counsel. And she understood her father’s insistence that she come here to discover for herself what she would be up against when she faced Matt as a witness.
Matt’s voice softened. “But even with 90 percent of the old growth forest gone, there’s no denying we’re all still here. So what’s the big deal?”
People began to shift uncomfortably in their seats. This was not what they’d come to hear.
“What has the activism of the twentieth century gained us? Government regulations forced through Congress by left-wing environmentalists have sent businesses fleeing the United States to set up shop in friendlier countries. Thousands of people with generations-old skills are without jobs.
“People without jobs can’t afford the products that are now produced elsewhere. A company that can’t sell what it makes can’t stay in business. Eventually, inevitably, the marketplace will collapse and a global depression will hit that will make the last depression look like good times.”
Kelly held her breath in anticipation of what would come next. A fire burned in her mind fueled by hope and possibilities. She had a cause, something to believe in. And something she was smart enough to realize would break her heart as often as it would feed her soul.
Matt looked into her eyes, and, for an electric instant, they connected. It was as if he knew what had just happened to her, as if he’d been waiting for it–as if he’d been waiting for her. And as if she’d come all this way to find him.
Was this how it had happened with her mother and father? Were they drawn to each other with intellectual as well as physical passion? Was that what it was like to find a soul mate?
The thought left her reeling. She’d spent one day with Matt Landry. No one fell in love in a day. No one. She was attracted to him. Easily understood. He was handsome and had a smile that made it impossible not to smile back. His kiss had been like a promissory note that she couldn’t get out of her mind. And on top of everything else, he smelled good, like the air after a summer rain.
And he challenged her. He made her think, and question, and believe in new things. It was hardly a mystery why she was drawn to him. But love?
Matt took several seconds to let what he’d said sink in. “There are people who sincerely believe what I just told you and there are people who don’t, but who are very good at using it to persuade others. I’m not here to point fingers or to dwell on what has been destroyed in the past, and I hope you aren’t either. If you take anything away from this class, I want it to be the belief that cooperative, mutually beneficial change is still possible between big business and environmental interests. Let’s not be the engineers sitting in a lifeboat watching the Titanic go under saying we knew it was impossible to build a ship that wouldn’t sink.
“Those of us on the environmental side have tried scare headlines. We’ve learned that no matter how dramatic or terrifying, they don’t work. Confrontation may succeed on the open seas between a whaler and a lifeboat, but it doesn’t work in Congress or in a courtroom. We’ve learned the hard way that nothing is accomplished when people face each other shouting words that neither hear.
“When two sides to an issue become adversaries, cooperation is lost. The result is gridlock. Time and effort and energy are consumed that are desperately needed elsewhere.
“We have to find a way to break these patterns.” He stopped to look at the row of students directly in front of him, taking time to make eye contact with each of them. “That’s why I’m here. And that’s what we’re going to be talking about for the next four weeks. You are the hope and the promise for change. Without you, not only can’t we accomplish what needs to be done, we will lose everything we have gained.”
As she watched and listened to Matt, a thought hovered just outside Kelly’s reach, caught like a piece of paper in a breeze, dancing away without direction or reason when she tried to grab hold. There was something about her father sending her there that had bothered her from the beginning. No matter how he presented the idea, there were holes in the reasoning. She’d gone along because the new direction he’d envisioned for her in the firm seemed so important to him.
Almost too important.
Almost too well thought out–with too much subtext.
Damn. He’d done it again. He’d manipulated her. Realizing that made all the loose ends come together, answered all the questions. Well, not all of them. What she didn’t know was why.
Vacillating between anger and curiosity, Kelly glanced at the clock. Twenty minutes before the scheduled fifteen-minute break. Settling in for the wait, she focused on Matt, looking past the idealist to the man. Had he figured in her father’s equation? And, if so, how?
Could her father, without ever meeting him, have known she would find it impossible not to be drawn to Matt intellectually? Had he guessed how compelling she would find his arguments and commitment and drive?
KELLY SLIPPED OUT OF CLASS AT THE BREAK and found a public phone. Turning to the airline page of the directory, she found a carrier flying out of San Jose that could get her to San Diego that afternoon.
Four hours later she was sitting in her father’s office waiting for him to return from the courthouse. She paced and sat and got up to pace again. Stopping to stare out the window at the expanse of ocean visible from her father’s corner office, she thought how only a week ago her driving goal had been to one day have a corner office, too.
She heard the door open and turned to see her father looking at her, a mixture of concern and delig
ht on his face. Before he said anything, he opened his arms for a hug. Kelly stepped into his embrace. She loved her father, but there were times he made it almost impossible for her to like him.
“Sheila told me you were here.” He leaned back to look at her. “What happened? I thought your class started today.”
“We have to talk.”
“Sounds serious.”
“It is.”
He took her hand and led her to one of the leather chairs beside the desk. Before joining her he buzzed Sheila to tell her to hold his calls. He looked at Kelly. “Do you want anything? Coffee? Coke? A drink?”
She shook her head.
“That’s it, Sheila,” he said. He sat opposite Kelly. “I’m all yours.”
She pulled in a deep breath. “I want to know why you sent me to Santa Cruz. The real reason.”
“I tried the direct approach to get you to look at who you are and what you really want to do with your life, Kelly. It didn’t work. You left me no choice but to put you in the path of change.”
“You manipulated me–again. Why?”
He leaned forward and took her hand. “All your life you have been so hell-bent on pleasing me, you’ve talked yourself into doing things you really didn’t want to do–like working in this office. I knew I was right when I offered to let you head the new division, and you accepted. That’s not who you are, Kelly. Why would you even consider taking on a job like that if it weren’t to please me?”
She thought about all the work he’d put in arranging to send her to Santa Cruz, how he’d found the beach house and even registered her in the class. “You obviously had something in mind when you sent me off on this voyage of self-discovery. What was it?”
“I know what you’re thinking, but never once did it occur to me that by sending you up there it would mean the end of your relationship with Ray.”
“Or, I suppose, you would have done it a long time ago.”
“That’s not fair.”
Another Summer Page 11
