A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

retorted suddenly and uncharacteristically. I slumped backwards, frustrated. I wanted to go home. I didn’t belong among mortals. They were filth.

  “If you’re a God as you claim, you’ll know that even if the Gods exist, they turned their backs on me. Why should I believe in them if they can’t spare two thoughts for me?” She asked seriously.

  “Gods weren’t meant to hold your hand through life, Heidi. You wouldn’t grow otherwise.” I stated.

  She frowned and looked away. She grabbed my hand and helped me to my feet. “You should go to sleep if you’re feeling woozy.”

  “I’m not tired,” I said, “But I do want to be by myself.”

  I walked off, going anywhere. Even though the world was covered in those poisonous blue transparent vapors, this area was stunning. So very green. When the wind blew through, I could swear the grass beneath my feet shone. I did a little spin as I went, my yellow hair whipping my eyes. Eventually, I walked so far I could hear no more mortal noises. Everything was silent but for the wind, and the rustling of the leaves in the nearby trees. There were no more houses, not even hills. And a vibrant pink butterfly flew right in front of me. It flew away just before I could seize it.

  It was the butterfly from my dreams, I knew. I would chase it forever, and now was no exception. I sped after it full speed, my hands always just an inch away from closing on it. I hoped it would lead to something. Something to lift this sad empty, depressed feeling from me, and I hoped it would lead me to something more than signing the death warrants of mortals.

  I seemed to have been transported to another realm as I chased it, where I was running forever. Things seemed to slow down and move past me at an ethereal pace.

  I stopped in my tracks. I’d almost fallen off a very steep cliff. I looked around. It was nearly night. I had no idea where I was…

  “So you’re Yeshua?” At the sound of my real name, I cringed and looked around. I saw a boy. He couldn’t have been older than Heidi, and he was very tall. He was crossing his arms and looking at me. He had black eyes that were tilted at an angle. He also had blue close cropped hair. By the look of his pointed ears and purple skin, he was a Mahesha, a people who worshipped the dead God, Destruction. He was six-feet-tall though, a bit taller than the average Mahesha—however, he struck me as very young in all of his mannerisms, and especially in personality. I had an odd, sickly feeling when I looked at him.

  Given the fact he worshipped the horrid God Destruction, I had an automatic bias to dislike him. “My name is Nikolai,” he took a few steps towards me. “You’re pretty pathetic for a God, actually caring enough about a human to rescue her…”

  “Why are you here?” I ignored his comments. These days, I was good at keeping my rage under control.

  “I’m here to give you a warning,” he began.

  “You’re a child. You couldn’t harm me.” I waved him away dismissively.

  That seemed to have struck a chord. He stamped his foot a raised his voice. “I am not a child! I’m twenty-five years old, and I demand respect! I ought to behead you and… He took a deep breath. “Look, the truth is, I’m here to warn you about something. You should leave so the people in the village don’t get hurt.”

  “I’m not doing them any harm.” I said.

  “Mr. Smalls wished me to bring you this message. He sees you’ve become close with these people, and he wishes you to suffer. He will kill whomever you take refuge with. He says he wants you to go to the Mahesha. By foot.” Nikolai said, crossing his arms.

  “How do you know Mr. Smalls? Just who are you, little Mahesha?”

  “Do not call me little. Mr. Smalls visits me often.” He explained.

  “Why should I believe someone who worships the Wicked God Destruction?”

  “Don’t be close-minded, three eyes. If bad things are destroyed as well as good things, there will be balance, which is good. And that’s Destruction’s job.”

  “You’re a mortal; you don’t know what the Gods are really like. Your view of them is skewed.”

  “Just leave the village, please. I don’t wish to see these people dead.”

  I doubted this child could kill me even if he tried, but it was possible that Mr. Smalls had an army of Maheshans. Mr. Small’s mortal lover was the Queen of the Maheshas, and she tended to do whatever he told her to. Unlike most species on the planet, the Maheshas all had the ability to perform powerful magic. If Mr. Smalls ordered it, an army of Maheshas could raze the village easily.

  Again I wondered about my brother’s change in personality. Why did he so want me to die when all I ever did was help him by signing the warrants?

  “Why does Mr. Smalls not just come here and kill me himself?”

  He looked at me, blinked, and then said, “…He says he will gain power if he defeats you in front of the Mahesha. The Maheshans are not your biggest fans. He will not transport you there himself, either. He wants you to suffer as much as possible.”

  This must have been a sort of crazed ego trip for my brother. He wanted the mortals to worship him, and he wanted them to do it fearfully by seeing him defeat another God.

  I would have to consider leaving. The lives of a few mortals shouldn’t matter much to a God and I was comfortable where I was… but when I thought about Heidi or Katharos dying, I felt my stomach tighten and my heart thudding.

  The boy, Nikolai, gave me a sarcastic grin. “Aw, someone has a heart,” and then he snapped and disappeared in a flash of light.

  I walked back to the village. I thought, maybe six more days with Heidi and Katharos wouldn’t hurt.

  Thinking back on Nikolai, I didn’t know that the Mahesha had such power.

  For a whole day, Heidi was silent. She seemed to be watching and listening to me more closely, although I had little to say. I helped her in her garden still, and I still hated the work and thought it beneath me. But, it made me feel like I earned every bit of relaxation I had. I never felt that while judging.

  It wasn’t just that she seemed to be evaluating me, she also seemed to feel lost. She would look very distant, and she would not meet my eyes.

  Katharos, on the other hand, was very talkative. He was always busy, even on vacation, talking to his councilors about things that didn’t concern me. But still, he made sure he was around me as much as possible. He really did admire the Justice side of me. I was glad he was unaware of my true self: Joshua, who was unable to make decisions as Justice and Vengeance did.

  Katharos and I sat outside and talked on Heidi’s porch often.

  “How can you stand it? It must be so rough…” he said quietly.

  “I hardly do any of it myself.” I said vaguely.

  “How do you mean…?” He was confused.

  It was time to tell him of my other personalities. Hopefully it wouldn’t skew how he thought of me. “Justice, my yellow eye, and Vengeance, my green eye, do most of it for me.” I explained.

  “Your people know and depict me as Justice, but I’m also Vengeance. I have both to protect balance,” I added when I saw his confused expression.

  He nodded, taking this new information into his pantheon. “Is it possible for people to die without you…?”

  “Yes. People will continue to live and die when I don’t have my eyes on them. But, when my eyes are on them, judging them, I can sign their death warrants to cause a premature death if Justice or Vengeance decrees it to be so.”

  I was silent for a moment, and then realized I’d left something out. “There is one exception though: people can’t die of old age without me.” I said plainly.

  “Then who’s doing your job right now?”

  I felt a pang of sadness. “My brother, Death, must be doing both the judging and killing. I think he may be the one killing your people at an unnatural rate, Katharos... I’m so sorry, it’s all my fault.”

  “Really? Your brother is purposefully… I see. He is helping Hephzibah because they worship him just as much as D
estruction…”

  I had a sudden worry for Katharos. I only had a little power left since being stripped, but it was enough, I decided, to keep him safe. “Come here.”

  He moved a little closer. I took his hand and wrote a word only I could see upon his hand in the language of the Gods, protected.

  Katharos didn’t ask what I was doing; he was too busy preparing his next question: “Does everyone have to die?”

  I blinked slowly. “Everyone must die, Katharos. Where Vengeance is the balance of Justice, Death is the balance of Life.”

  “I see. Balance must be kept. You have a harder job than they can imagine.” He empathized with me, which was incredible. Most mortals were selfish, and never considered how it might feel to be a God.

  I said nothing, however. It was enough that he understood. I put a hand on his shoulder, and smiled tiredly.

  He frowned. While it was true he had his own burdens as a ruler, his were miniscule in comparison to mine.

 

  After my conversation with Katharos, I left the porch and only came back to the house later that night. Heidi greeted me with silence. As I crawled into my bed, she asked, “Are you a God?”

  I glanced her way. She wouldn’t believe me. Why should I repeat it?

  She smiled. She knew what I was thinking. “I wish you’d quit saying you are. You’ll get yourself into trouble.”

  “I can handle myself,” I said. I didn’t need a mortal telling me what to do. After a moment, I said, “come here,”

  I sat up under my covers,