A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

either—I knew I wasn’t attracted to her. It had to have been her spirit. The way she didn’t take anything from anyone, the way she stood up for herself and others, the way she didn’t favor any one person, no matter their status, over another; the way she smiled… made me feel sick to my stomach.

  “Don’t tell me you’re in love,” she joked and started moving again.

  “Gods should not love mortals.” I told her seriously.

  “Beneath you?” She glanced at me as she walked.

  “It shall drive them mad.”

  “Mad…?” She climbed up a grassy hill, which I, being so tall, could simply step up onto.

  “Yes, if a God falls in love with a mortal, or vice-versa, both their minds become tainted. They are sickened by an incurable disease. I am afraid my brother was afflicted by such a disease.”

  “By who? The queen of the Mahesha? Is that why you’re headed there?” Heidi asked.

  “Yes… he hasn’t been the same for years. He told me to go to the Mahesha.”

  “Is that why you seem so sad? You miss your brother?” She was empathetic, which was strange for her. She didn’t like anyone to play the pity card, and she rarely played it herself.

  “I am all the lonelier without his friendship.”

  “I didn’t think anyone could miss a God of Death, even his brother…” She replied thoughtfully.

  “A lot of people say that… a lot of the Gods themselves had my brother pegged as evil, or distant, or antisocial. No one knew who he really was, how far he would go to protect me, how special he was… he’s still special, and I miss him. You never realize how much you love someone until they shut you out of their life.” We climbed down the hill and Heidi slipped and nearly fell. I caught her. “Careful…” I said quietly and righted her.

  She pushed me away awkwardly “Thanks. Does he still love you…?”

  I thought about it. “No. I don’t think so.”

  “Then what’s your plan to get him to stop killing needlessly?”

  “I will talk to him.”

  “He doesn’t sound stable from what you’ve been telling me. He probably won’t listen… he may try to kill you.”

  “If he tries, I will speak his Truename.” I said.

  “Truename?”

  “It is the birthname of a God. If you speak it, you gain control over the said God. Most Gods keep their names hidden from each other, but since we grew up together, I and Death already knew each other’s names. I suppose… he never used my name beforehand because he knew he’d get in trouble with Weather…? I don’t know why he’s doing this in the first place. I know the mortal woman has tainted his mind, but I thought maybe…”

  “Weather…? Nevermind, don’t tell me. But, why don’t you just speak his name now?” Heidi asked.

  “I need to be face-to-face with him. Also, I wouldn’t do that unless it was the last choice left to me. Gods never recover from that reputation once their Truename is spoken.”

  She looked at me then, a little surprised. She realized just how much I’d given up to save her life, and she looked away guiltily.

  I thought about saying something to alleviate her guilt, but Heidi wasn’t the sort to appreciate that.

  We were walking along when the wind died and everything got very silent on flat, green ground.. I stopped in my tracks. “Heidi,” I said, “come here.”

  Nikolai snapped into existence where Heidi was standing. “Good, you got out of the village… what is that doing with you?” He pointed at Heidi.

  She crossed her arms. “What’s your problem? I’m not an object…”

  “Your brother wants you and you alone. If you bring anyone else, there will be trouble.”

  I stepped towards him. “What do you know of Death? How did you know he’s my brother?”

  “Back off three eyes…” Nikolai covered his mouth. Realizing he gave away something he shouldn’t have.

  Nikolai crouched and took out a knife. “Look, tell the girl to leave or she’ll get hurt is all I’m saying.” He changed the subject quickly. “I didn’t want to kill you, but…”

  I looked at the boy very intently. “You look familiar.”

  He ignored me and charged. He was fast, and he almost got me, but I sidestepped out of the way. Heidi moved aside, intelligent enough to know she was no fighter and could not keep up with Gods.

  Nikolai was quicker than a lightning bolt. Things got worse when he grabbed a second knife from a sheath on his belt. He kept swiping at me, and I was staying barely ahead of him. Fed up, I grabbed one of his wrists. Something invigorated in me then, and the yellow and the red eye closed. I started bending his wrist backwards. He yelped in pain. Vengeance dug his nails into Nikolai’s wrist until it bled.

  My other two eyes opened again, shocked at what they saw. Nikolai took that moment to swipe at my wrist. I’d never been hurt before, and my golden blood leaked out. I looked at it dazedly. Nikolai was about to plunge the knife into me, but he hesitated for a moment, defeated by his own conscience. Then, he shook his head and swung down—

  He fell over, and Heidi was standing behind him with a rock in her hand. She tossed it aside.

  She lent me a hand, examining my wrist as she did so. “You need a Healer.”

  “That doesn’t help Gods….” I said, losing my voice. “Gods can only use their own powers to heal themselves, and I don’t have enough right now… We need the boy.”

  She raised an eyebrow. “Why?”

  I fell to my knees again. Heidi attempted to steady me, but of course I was too big. She settled for holding my forearms as I breathed harshly. “He is part God.”

  “Part God…?”

  “Yes… I didn’t think my brother was so far gone as to…” I sucked in through my teeth again. I felt awful. Both physically and mentally. I couldn’t accept that it was impossible to get my brother back. I was losing him, and finding out he had a child was all the more devastating.

  Heidi took the knives from Nikolai and grabbed her flask. She dumped water on Nikolai’s face.

  He woke up and shook his yellow head. “Rude! You little witch… sneaking up on people is not fair.”

  “You’re the one who teleported in here unannounced,” Heidi stood in front of him as he pulled himself up and she put his own knife to his throat. “Heal my friend.”

  “Please, you’re so short and nonthreatening you give me a reason to feel superior. Oops, I mean… I’ve never been too good at insults,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Shut up and heal him!” She said, exasperated.

  He pulled his clothes down and tried to look as tall as imposing as possible. “Fine,” he turned around and faced me. He saw how much blood I was losing and looked a little shocked. “I really didn’t wish to hurt you, I’m sorry… it’s just, I wanted to impress my Mother…”

  “And—and…” I panted, “your father.”

  Nikolai looked up at me. “Well, yes, I suppose.” He said enigmatically.

  He looked down for a moment. He was wearing a big cloak as he was when we met before that covered his arms. He removed his cloak and handed it to Heidi, revealing another set of small arms. It made me sick to look at him. The Mahesha had four arms, and because he was half-God and half-Mahesha, two of his four arms were tiny and useless. It was hard to look at.

  He grabbed my wrist with his two good arms and closed his eyes. He chanted some words under his breath, and I felt the wound close. I breathed a sigh of relief.

  “Well, anyway,” Nikolai said awkwardly. “I guess I ought to be going.”

  He turned around and was about to snap his fingers when I grabbed his wrists. I got very close to his face. “You are my nephew.”

  “No… I…”

  “It’s your fault my brother has lost his sanity; the moment you were born it began slipping.”

  My yellow and green eyes closed, and only the red one was left open.

  �
�My Father made that choice!” He cried. “He-he told me what you’re capable of…. Let me go, please.” There were tears in his eyes.

  Heidi watched and shook her head. “Let him go, Joshua,” she said quietly. “He’s mostly harmless.”

  I let him go—my other two eyes opening—I had a grip again.

  Nikolai wiped his eyes and sniffled. “Bully. Life is hard enough for me as it is without you making it worse!” He snapped his fingers and disappeared.

  Heidi stared at me for a moment. Not angry or sad, just monotonously. She blinked and then looked at her feet and breathed in a sigh.

  I reached out to grab her shoulder—willingly, which was strange for me--but she kept moving. “Come on,” she said.

  When we set up camp later that night, Heidi was still non-communicative. She looked distant and forlorn. She looked for all the world like she was back under her father’s thumb, being tormented daily.

  “Heidi…” I began.

  “You could have seriously hurt that boy…” She interrupted.

  “Well, he could have hurt me, too…” I said, and then, “Are you worried for your own safety?”

  “No,” she looked into the fire. “Joshua, are you really the God of Justice?”

  “Yes. I have told you this many times.”

  “Then why…Why are you so willing to kill us? Am I really so disgusting to you?”

  “Not you. Others.”

  “Nikolai is your own nephew and you were willing to hurt him!”

  “Nikolai is a brat! It’s his fault my brother has turned into a monster.” That was The Red Eye speaking once again; my other eyes opened afterwards.

  “Your brother made his choice. He knew the