A Wayward God

by Natasha Weber

now? Had I felt bad for long enough? What did I accomplish, by being unhappy?

  “Joshua… it’s really late. You should go to bed.” Heidi said, sitting next to me, hugging her knees. “What happened? You look a little upset…”

  I said nothing for a moment. “I wish to go home.” I finally said.

  She frowned. “You’re always saying that… Are you sure you wouldn’t rather stay down here? You might do us better if you stayed among us.”

  I looked up at the sky for a moment. “Heidi, long ago, I went among mortals. They were selfish. I gave them everything, and they still asked for more. They were never happy. To try and teach them a lesson, I left them and decided to live in The Above with the other Gods, and I stopped giving them everything. They lost faith in me, just because I wouldn’t take care of their every need. They were disgusting, entitled, childish… and I washed my hands of them. I loved them, and they couldn’t care less about me unless I was babying them.”

  Heidi looked at me thoughtfully. “I thought you didn’t care at all… it’s nice to know you do. Or at least you once did. I wish you’d stay… I’d enjoy your company, for as long as the time I have left.”

  I lifted an arm, almost touching her without thinking. She wasn’t looking my way. And I felt miserable as I clenched my fist and lay it back down next to me. I closed my eyes with a miserable frown. “You can go back to bed.”

  She shrugged and said, “Joshua, if your brother is killing humans at an unusual rate, why don’t the other Gods stop him?”

  “The other Gods do not look upon humans very often. They will not notice them dying at an unusual rate.”

  She seemed a little shocked. “You’re the only one who…? Why?”

  “There is no reason for most of them to. Their jobs are much different from mine.”

  “Why don’t the Gods not want to look upon their own creations? Why don’t they care at all about us?” She demanded to know.

  “We did not make you Heidi. We have simply been your silent guardians. There… was a time when all we Gods were involved in your lives. We wanted to ensure your happiness, but we grew apart. We discovered that us being so involved in your lives is bad. You grew dependent upon us; you demanded from us, you were greedy children. We wanted you to grow… and I think in a lot of ways you have. It was hard to become detached from you, but it was for the best.”

  “You didn’t make us? Then why does everyone worship you? What have you ever done for us?” She snapped.

  “We gave you culture and morals. That’s what Weather says, anyway.” I shrugged.

  She shook her head. “How can you turn your backs on us for so long? All the wars, suffering, prejudice, you simply ignore our suffering… how cruel can you be to be able to do that?”

  I became silent and thoughtful for a moment. I wanted to make her understand. I wanted her affection. I asked her, “Heidi, if you were in my position, would you constantly be looking down on me, solving my problems and rescuing me wherever you could?”

  “I-I… I’m not in your position, so I can’t answer.” She said nervously, but then she shook her head determinedly. “But I know for sure I would rescue the people who have been suffering for years for no good reason.”

  I looked down at my shoes, and then straight at Heidi. “I know I’ve failed you, and I’m sorry Heidi, but you must understand why there must be a rift between us,”

  She was silent. And then she said, “I don’t want there to be a rift between us,” she leaned on my shoulder and wrapped an arm about me. I cringed, but after a moment, feeling cold and sad, I leaned my head upon hers.

  I always expected so much of humans. I expected them to have grown past their primal urges, their need for killing one another, sacrificing one another, and simply not caring for anyone but themselves. It hurt the most to want someone to succeed and then see them fail you.

  But I was the same as well. If it weren’t for the other Gods, I would still be interfering in mortals’ lives, not for their own good, but because I wanted to feel good about myself—feel like I was in control and bettering something—but I couldn’t expect them to be better if I wasn’t.

  The butterfly seemed to be spinning out of control. It no longer knew where it was going, or perhaps it knew, but it also knew where it wanted to go was not possible. It was leading me in circles over and over again… I stilled chased it, and as I did, it kept plummeting closer and closer to the ground.

  “Joshuaaaa…” A voice murmured from the darkness around me and the butterfly. I looked about. Vengeance was standing behind me, and I was overcome with fear. I covered my eyes and trembled.

  Vengeance’s cold green eyes came very close to mine. “You know these mortals are not worth your time. They will only fail you again and again. I will help you detach from them again when you awaken. I will kill the boy you saved, and then you will see how fast they turn on you. Even though mortals need to die, they will hate you for it. They are shallow, small-minded creatures, unable to see the bigger picture.”

  “Leave me alone.” I protested-- my voice barely above a whisper. I felt like a child.

  “Why did you save her? Do you wish to have love when a God should have no need of it? That’s always been your problem, hasn’t it? You can’t escape your need for acceptance. Your craving for deeper connections outside of a life that must be muted and balanced.”

  Justice appeared next to him then. “He is correct. A God should have no need of love. It is bad for all those involved. Joshua needs to learn his lesson, and therefore, we should teach it to him. I should expose the truth about mortals to him. That they do not really and truly appreciate anything he does for them—that the only reason they praise him, is so that he will save them from their problems without asking anything in return. And once everyone stops worshipping him, even the winged child… well, he is familiar with what will happen.”

  “Shut up Justice. The lesson will only stick if we kill someone he loves. First the boy he just rescued, and then Heidi. You cannot let that girl walk about. She is no longer meant to be here. And that Katharos brat is the worst of all. So high-and-mighty. I’ve been dying to kill him since Joshua first laid eyes on him.”

  “I can’t listen to this!” I screamed, clapping my hands over my ears and falling to my knees. “Why? Why won’t you help me? Stand up for me?”

  I was speaking to the boy with the red eye. “Please… I can’t take it anymore…”

 

  When I awoke the next morning, I sneezed which was a new sensation, and I realized I’d slept outside. Someone had put a blanket on me, however, and I realized it must have been Heidi. But I was startled and I backed up when I found all of the Elysians were staring at me. They bowed low to me.

  “Justice…” they murmured in unison.

  Katharos was watching, and was the only one who was not bowing. But he was smiling. I felt so imbued with power that I raised my arms and let it flow throughout my body. I got to my feet and felt a certain renewed love and devotion for mortals.

  The woman must have told them about how I rescued her son. And I was proud of myself… for the first time in a long time. “Thank you…” I said quietly.

  I heard them murmuring among themselves. “So humble!” I heard one say, “so glorious!” said another.

  I was brushing my hands against many of them lovingly, walking through the crowd towards Katharos, when I had a memory of the night before.

  My red and yellow eyes closed. The green eye of Vengeance focused on Katharos. Katharos looked confused for a moment, but he knew something was wrong. Something told him to turn and run. A thunderbolt struck right where Katharos had been, and Vengeance was running so fast that he left the mind of Joshua behind. I nearly blacked out, and I heard someone saying, “Has Katharos done something wrong…?”

  Vengeance caught up to Katharos in moments. He was going so fast that Katharos was knocked back and fell down. Vengeance caught
Katharos by the scruff of his shirt, and was going to touch his forehead with his forefinger and pinky; how Gods took life. Vengeance’s fingers got closer and closer, and just as I was about to steal his life, a strong arm grabbed mine.

  It was Asher. He had a look on his face like he knew this would happen. He was strong. Really strong. He started bending Vengeance’s arm backwards. Katharos got to his feet and ran into the woods.

  Vengeance had no quarrel with Asher. He used his powers to heat up his arms until he burned Asher. Asher grunted and let go. Vengeance was going to run past, but then he remembered something. Asher was on Justice’s to kill list. Justice had finally recognized Asher as a man who had killed many others. Mostly Maheshans.

  The yellow eye opened, and all others closed. Justice wanted him dead. He seized Asher’s wrist and pulled him towards him; socking him in the stomach. He crumpled to the ground, but before Justice could touch his forehead, Asher kicked Justice in the shin while clutching his side. Justice reeled back in pain, but now he was twice as angry.

  Before Asher could get to his feet, Justice kicked him again. This time he would!—Justice stopped in his tracks--

  Heidi appeared behind Asher. She looked a little shocked, but not so much that she didn’t expect something like this to happen. She wasn’t scared of me, nor was she angry, she just looked completely disappointed. And it was that look that