The Accidental Mother

by Rowan Coleman

  This of all things Bella had to do at her own pace, and if she felt anything like Sophie did at that moment, she felt as if she had just stepped off a tall building and was watching the world come rushing up to meet her. Sophie couldn’t help but think that everything was happening too fast, that after what seemed like a lifetime of wanting this to happen, now it was too soon. She wasn’t ready.

  “She looks like me, doesn’t she?” Louis said to Tess.

  Vain and a megalomaniac, Sophie thought as she retreated into the kitchen to make real cups of tea.

  “They both look like you,” Tess said pleasantly. “Of course, I never had the pleasure of meeting Carrie, but I’ve seen photos of her. She was always laughing. It’s easy to see where the girls get their spirit from. But as for their good looks, definitely you.” Tess actually giggled, which Sophie considered most unseemly at her age and for her professional role.

  She emerged from the kitchen and handed Louis a mug of a tea.

  “Oh right, thanks,” he said. He set the tea carefully down on a coaster on the coffee table, ironic considering the coaster was positioned directly above one of Izzy’s permanent marker pen masterpieces. There was a moment of silence.

  “Is Bella here?” Louis said. “I mean, will I see her today too?”

  Before Sophie could say anything, Izzy flew back into the living room and threw a plastic teacup into Louis’s lap. “There you go!” she shouted, out of breath and excited. “Drink it, drink it up!”

  Louis retrieved the cup from between his legs and took a long, noisy sip. “Ahhh,” he said, before handing the cup back to Izzy. “Deee-licious. But mind the real hot drinks, won’t you? You don’t want to get burned.”

  “Okay,” Izzy said. “Would you like more tea?” Louis nodded, and Izzy edged her way carefully past the coffee table on her way out, beaming at Louis as she went.

  Typical, Sophie thought. If I’d have told her that, it would have been third-degree burns all round by now. She glanced at the doorway. Bella was standing on the threshold. Sophie caught Louis’s eye and nodded at the door. He turned around and saw his older daughter.

  “Bellarina!” he said, holding out his arms. For a second Bella did not move, and then she walked around the sofa and stood beside Sophie.

  Louis dropped his arms, but his smile remained steady. “It’s so good to see you,” he said, shaking his head as he took in the sight of her. “You’ve grown into a big, grown-up girl.” The natural ease with which he had engaged Izzy seemed to vanish. For a moment Sophie could not understand why, and then she realized. He had never met Izzy before. They had no history, their relationship started with a clean slate. But he had been a father—a wonderful father, according to Carrie—to Bella for three years. Seeing her again must have been much harder, because with Bella there were so many loose ends.

  A few weeks ago Sophie would not have believed that Bella would still carry around the memories and feelings of her three-year-old self, but then, until a couple of weeks ago, she supposed that if she had thought about it at all, which she didn’t, she would have thought that children didn’t really feel or think anything at the ages of three or six and a half. She would have thought that their emotional sensitivity and intellect didn’t really kick in until they were at least thirteen and properly human. But now Sophie knew Izzy and Bella. And now she knew different, and she knew absolutely that the three-year-old girl Louis had left behind along with his wife was still there, still part of Bella, still furious, frustrated, hurt, and confused.

  Louis leaned forward and looked at Bella, who looked at her toes. “I’m so sorry, Bella, about Mummy, I really am. I really wish that I had known about it sooner so that I could have come and been with you. When I found out, I came as quickly as I could and—” Louis studied Bella’s face for a moment. “You’re angry with me. It’s okay, you should be. I have a lot to explain to you. A lot of things to say I should have said before. But please believe me when I say I really have missed you. I really have thought about you every single day.”

  Sophie sensed the tense lines of Bella’s body and noticed her hands clenched into fists at her side.

  “I came to see what you looked like,” Bella said. “You look the same.” She glanced up at Sophie. “I am very tired. I think I’ll have a nap.”

  Sophie nodded.

  “I don’t have to talk to you,” Bella told Louis. “Aunty Sophie said.”

  Louis pressed his lips together. “No,” he said. “You don’t—”

  “I know,” Bella said. “Good-bye.”

  “Good-bye, darling.”

  Bella walked out of the room without looking back.

  “Are you okay?” Tess asked Louis gently.

  “Shouldn’t you be asking Bella that?” Sophie said scathingly, as if Louis weren’t present.

  “I will,” Tess said. “But as my job is about reuniting the family as a whole, I have to consider the feelings of all parties. The girls have got you fighting in their corner. Louis has no one.”

  Sophie was about to voice her protest when, ignoring her completely, Tess turned to Louis and asked him again, “Are you okay?”

  “I suppose I should have expected that,” he replied, glancing warily at Sophie, as if she might pounce on him the moment he opened his mouth. “But to be honest, I’ve been thinking about seeing her for so long that I didn’t think about what would happen when I actually did.”

  Sophie sat down in Artemis’s chair and crossed her legs. Why, she wondered, wasn’t the social worker grilling him like she was supposed to? She stared meaningfully at Tess.

  “These times are always difficult, dear,” Tess told Louis. “There are many adjustments to be made, many hurdles to overcome. Think of what the girls have been through recently, losing their mother at such a young age, when they needed her the most. Moved around from one place to another. Their little lives have been a real roller coaster for the last seven months. There’s been no security or stability. That’s why it was such a godsend when we found Sophie. They’ve blossomed here.”

  Sophie’s head snapped up at that comment. Had they? she wondered.

  “They are different children, and that’s why for the foreseeable future we don’t want to give them any more upheaval than is necessary, do we? That’s why it would be better for them to stay with Sophie while you are all getting to know each other.”

  Louis looked up sharply. “But they’re my girls,” he said stubbornly. “I’m their dad. I can take them now if I want to—you can’t stop me.”

  Tess shook her head. “I think Sophie already explained that I can stop you. Look, Louis, we didn’t know if you were coming back until a few days ago. We have yet to make any further decisions on the next step for the girls. We certainly won’t be changing their current situation until a few things have been clarified.”

  Finally, Sophie thought, she’s playing hard ball. She felt relieved by Tess’s statement, relieved to know that the girls wouldn’t suddenly just be gone.

  Louis looked dumbstruck. “What sorts of things?” he asked Tess, who smiled at him reassuringly.

  “Well, why don’t you come to my office and see me this afternoon and we can talk over the details?” she said, reaching out and patting his knee. “It’s nothing to worry about, but I’m sure you would want us to check and double-check anyone who the girls might live with one day. Even you.” She went on before he could respond, “Now how about two—can you make that?”

  Louis’s shoulders dropped, but he did not argue. “I suppose so,” he said, taking the card that Tess held out to him.

  “Excellent.” Tess jangled as she rose to her feet. “Well, I’ll be off now, but can I suggest that we agree on a visiting strategy? First of all, it’s very important that you agree to a time and stick to it, so that the girls know they can rely on you. Second, I suggest you extend each visit a little bit. Don’t try to rush it. These things take time. I’ll see you later.” She grinned at Sophie. “Don’t worry, I’l
l see myself out.”

  But Sophie followed Tess out and down the stairs anyway. “Um, excuse me,” she said. “But you can’t just leave him here with me. What if he goes berserk, ties me up, and runs off with the girls? What if he’s a loony psycho killer?”

  Tess smiled. “When you’ve been in my job as long as I have, you just know whether someone is the loony psycho killer type or not. There are a lot of things we have to find out about our Mr. Gregory. But I’m fairly sure that is not one of them.”

  Sophie rolled her eyes. “Yeah, well, that’s what they said about Ted Bundy,” she replied scathingly. “Anyway, let’s not forget that it was you who was fairly sure it would be okay to leave two small children in my care, shall we?” Sophie frowned, confused by how she had managed to insult herself when Tess had been her target.

  “Exactly.” Tess reached out and caught Sophie’s hand. “You’re really good at this, you know. Much better than I thought you’d be.”

  “Right,” Sophie said crossly. She didn’t know whether to be touched by the compliment or to give in to an urge to hit Tess over the head with the nearest blunt instrument for manipulating her so successfully. Still, she supposed that probably made her the nearest thing to a loony psycho killer in the place right now.

  Sophie paused as she closed the flat door behind her. She looked at the entrance to the living room and at the back of Louis’s head, which was bowed slightly. Neither girl seemed to be in the living room, so Sophie took a detour via her bedroom and stuck her head around the door. Bella was lying on the bed playing with Artemis and what once had been a pair of Sophie’s control-top satin sheer tights.

  “Okay?” Sophie said. She had long ago given up wasting energy mourning the gradual demise of her wardrobe.

  Bella nodded.

  “Where’s Izzy?” Sophie frowned—she couldn’t see the three-year-old.

  “Baking,” Bella said, pointing downward. “At least she was, but it all went a bit quiet a few minutes ago.”

  Sophie walked around the bed, where sure enough, Izzy’s lower half was protruding from underneath. Sophie crouched down and peered at Izzy’s top half. The excitement of the morning must have overcome her—she was fast asleep. Carefully, Sophie fished her out from under the bed and laid her on top of it, as far away from Artemis as possible.

  “Do you think she’s got narcolepsy?” Sophie asked Bella.

  “No,” Bella said, as if she had the first clue what narcolepsy was. “I think she’s three.”

  “Of course,” Sophie said with a smile. “Silly me. Well, look, I think Louis will be off soon. Do you want to say good-bye.”

  “He never said good-bye to me,” Bella said bluntly. She laid her head down on the pillow and ran her palm along Artemis’s back. “Besides, I’m having a nap anyway.”

  Sophie nodded and closed the door quietly behind her.

  “They’re both asleep,” she told Louis. “Izzy’s funny like that. One minute she’s all go, and the next she’s snoring.”

  Louis smiled. “Bella used to be the same way.”

  He and Sophie looked at each other for a moment, neither one knowing exactly what to say next.

  “Right,” Louis said, standing up suddenly. “I’ll be off. What time do you want me tomorrow?”

  Sophie felt herself blush inexplicably and cursed her unpredictable complexion. “Well, early’s good. They get up at six. So, eight?”

  “Okay, eight it is.” And Louis was gone as suddenly as he’d arrived, leaving her small flat feeling positively palatial.

  Sophie sat down in the unusually quiet living room and rubbed her eyes as she thought about Louis. He didn’t seem like an ogre; he didn’t seem like a thoughtless womanizer with a string of kids stretching around the world. He did seem like he was truly delighted to see Izzy and Bella again and anxious that they like him. But none of those things fitted with the picture she had built up from the bits and pieces of information she had gleaned about him. If he had just callously run out on Carrie, why would she have kept his absence a virtual secret from Sophie? If he was so concerned about his children, why did he go as far away from them as he possibly could? If he was such a good father, the kind of father who had a cute pet name for his elder daughter, and if he was such a good person, this selfless charity worker, then why did Mrs. Stiles hate him with a passion? And why was Bella still angry with him?

  Somewhere in all this lay the truth about Louis Gregory. And Sophie knew that it was up to her to find it.

  She was still trying to puzzle it out when Jake phoned.

  “I called you at the office. I was sure you’d be there enjoying your success,” he told her. “You should have about a hundred people calling today, all wanting the same party!”

  Sophie grimaced and tapped her forehead with the heel of her palm. She had really been looking forward to going in today, to taking all the glory and capitalizing on her success. But the moment Louis turned up, she had completely forgotten about it. She hadn’t even called Gillian, which meant that she had let slip a crucial moment to consolidate her position. She swore silently.

  “Louis was here when I got back last night,” she told Jake by way of explanation.

  “Ah, the prodigal father,” he said. “How’d that go?”

  “Hard to tell really. I don’t know how to be with him. Whether I should be angry and cross and protect the girls from him. Or whether I should be nice and helpful and try to get them to like him. I mean, he got Carrie pregnant and ditched her. Maybe he’s not the sort of man who’d make a decent dad.”

  “Oh, I don’t know,” Jake said reasonably. “You don’t know what happened between him and Carrie. Maybe you shouldn’t cast him as the bad guy until you know the facts.”

  “That’s just it,” Sophie said. “I don’t know. I wish I knew.”

  “Then ask him,” Jake told her, as if it were obvious.

  “I can’t ask him!” Sophie said, sounding horrified.

  “Why not?” It was good question.

  “I hardly know him,” she replied, knowing her answer was inadequate.

  “But you’ve been caring for his kids,” Jake pointed out. “You were once close to his wife.”

  “I just…I can’t ask him outright,” Sophie said.

  Jake laughed. “Then be nice to him, let him trust you. Soon enough he’ll relax and tell you what you want to know.”

  Sophie nodded. “That is a good idea,” she said hesitantly. “I know I should try to do that, but when I think about what he’s done, I just want to punch him.”

  “Don’t do that,” Jake said. “Play the long game, it works every time. Or at least I hope it does.”

  Sophie smiled. “I’d better call the office,” she said. “Check that everything’s okay. At least Gillian will be glad to know Louis’s back, although I’ll have to take a few days off completely until the girls get used to him, if they ever do.”

  “I wouldn’t worry about Gillian,” Jake told her, a smile in his voice. “I spoke to her this morning. I told her that I was thrilled with the job you had done and that I would be signing a long-term contract with McCarthy Hughes based largely on you.”

  Sophie took a moment to absorb that piece of information.

  “Jake…,” she began uncertainly. She supposed she ought to be pleased. After all, the seal of approval from her biggest client could only help show Gillian how well she had dealt with work under the circumstances—that in fact she had excelled herself even when the going was tough. But somehow Jake’s having talked directly to Gillian made her feel uncomfortable. After all, they hadn’t exactly been discreet last night. Anybody could have seen them kissing. And what would Gillian think if she heard about that?

  “Jake, thank you. But I don’t want people to think that you’re putting a word in for me because of…‘us,’” she said uneasily.

  Jake laughed, but she could tell she had somehow wounded him.

  “Sophie.” His voice hardened. “You might remember t
hat before I started mooning around you like a lovesick schoolboy I ran the U.K. operation of the Madison Corporation, the world’s third largest private asset management corporation. I know my business, and I promise you, no matter how much I want you, I would never compromise my position just to impress a woman.”

  “Of course you wouldn’t,” Sophie said hurriedly. “I know that. Oh, Jake, I’m sorry—”

  “You are good at your job, Sophie,” Jake interrupted her. “And I’ll be sticking with McCarthy Hughes for our event management because of that and that alone—whether or not anything happens between us.”

  “I’m sorry, Jake. I’m just a bit tired, and there’s so much going on—”

  “You know what?” he said, clearly not wanting to hear Sophie say that line again. “You need to take some time off from work completely, and perhaps you should take some time off from me. Try to figure out what you want and call me when you do, okay?”

  “I will call you,” Sophie said, feeling anxious that he was withdrawing from her so abruptly. “Jake, you’ve been great these last few weeks. Thank you.”

  “It’s no big deal,” he said, his voice melting a little.

  “And I’m so sorry about last night,” she said.

  “Oh, baby,” Jake said warmly. “Not as sorry as me.”

  Seventeen

  By the next morning Sophie had formulated a plan which she considered to be a work of Machiavellian genius that would rival any of Eve’s concoctions.

  She was going to take Jake’s advice and be nice to Louis. It was a simple plan but one that invariably worked when she was hooking a difficult client. She would be really encouraging. She’d be perfectly pleasant and nonconfrontational, and gradually he’d let his guard down. When he was relaxed with her and trusted her, then she’d find out exactly what he was up to and exactly who he was. And when the time was right, she’d be able finally to ask him—what did happen between him and Carrie?

  Sophie had thought she actually didn’t know very much about Carrie’s relationship with Louis or her feelings for him, other than the brief descriptions of general contentment that Carrie had given in passing during their rare conversations over the years—even, it seemed, after he had left. But the more Sophie thought about it, the more she realized that she did know. There were tiny clues slotted inside memories that Sophie had rarely, if ever, accessed until now. And now another puzzle piece had come back to her.