by Lolah Lace
I looked over at my wife and I could see her emotions starting to get the better of her. I took her hand in mine.
“So are you guys going to have kids now or are you going to wait?”
Why the hell hadn’t I anticipated that question? I was off my game. I looked at Kari because I was stumped. Was I supposed to say something or keep silent?
“Karen, I’m pregnant.” My wife blurted out what I believed we were going to keep to ourselves.
“You’re pregnant?” Karen glared over at me for confirmation.
“Yeah, we’re pregnant.” I gave her confirmation.
“Shit, did you get pregnant on your wedding night?”
“Probably.” Kari answered. “I’m still very early so we’re not telling anyone until I’m in my second trimester. I just want to be cautious.”
“Of course I understand. I won’t say a word. Congratulations, Christ brother you work fast.”
“Well we got to have kids when we still have a little energy left in us.”
“Kari, you better be careful. I believe my brother wants to start his own band.”
“Funny sis.”
There was laughter and conversation. This night was good. It was really good for Kari and me. There was a distance between us that was created by that bastard Jack but tonight it had vanished. I had almost forgot that my wife was possibly carrying another man’s baby. We were in a good place at this moment and if I could bottle this moment up and preserve it forever I would do just that. The reality is that tomorrow life will certainly go back to the way it was, a controlled mess.
After dinner my wife and I went home. We made love. I was gentle and passionate. I was patient and I treated her like my black princess. Kari fell asleep in my arms. I slept sound for a change, not the usual tossing and turning I had grown accustomed to. For this one night I had let go of all the things I was feeling about this fucked up situation. This is how I could fall into a deep sleep.
CHAPTER 6
MASON
Last night I had crossed one person off my list, Karen. But I had a long ass list. Today I was Ben Stiller and I was going to meet the parents. Trey was at his Uncle Mark’s house. We were going to pick up my stepson and I was going to meet my brother-in-law.
Then we were going to go by Kari’s mother’s house. This is going to prove to be an exciting day for me.
I had never officially met Kari’s brother but I had seen him at the Annerino ballpark a few times. We had exchanged head nods and hellos. Mark made me feel uneasy back at the ballpark. It wasn’t his fault or anything he had done. I was sleeping with Kari and befriending her brother seemed like the wrong thing to do.
I respected Kari’s brother because he showed up to more than a few of Trey’s baseball games even though he had an infant child of his own. Trey is a good kid so I could see his Uncle was trying to fill in where Trey’s deadbeat dad failed. Lamar is just another of Kari’s exes that I despise. I would love to punch Lamar in the mouth.
Kari and I made it to her brother’s place. I was greeted at the door with a firm handshake. Kari was quick with her introductions after she hugged her brother and his wife. I recognized the wife from the ballpark. Her hair was a little shorter than before. Mark’s wife was a dark chocolate color and extremely attractive black woman so it was hard not to notice her. She was just as beautiful as my Kari but in a completely opposite way.
The living room was neat clean and mostly brown and tan in color. The laminate flooring was a light color that was only upstaged by the white walls. There were family pictures everywhere. Most of the pictures were of their one-year old son Kari’s nephew Carter. Maybe he’s two now.
After the introductions the ladies vanished to the kitchen. Now I was left alone with Kari’s brother. Mark was shorter than I remember but he was a buff dude like me. He hit the weights but he wasn’t ridiculous with it. I remember that he was the NAGA fighting champion a year ago, I think. In order to fight in any MMA style match you can’t be too bulky. You have to remain agile and too much muscle will slow you down.
“Let’s go downstairs.” He said and I followed him down the hall to the door that lead to the basement. Is he taking me down here to beat the crap out of me? Why do I always think such dumb shit?
We took the stairs down to what can be best described as a man cave. The entire room was decorated in all things Chicago Sports team related. There were framed posters of Michael Jordan and Walter Payton. I instantly feel in love with this guy. Once again I hit the lottery. I got the best brother-in-law ever. There was no way in hell we wouldn’t get along.
The huge flat screen television was tuned into a Mixed Martial Arts fight. Mark took a seat on the couch and that was my cue to sit. I sat on the loveseat that was in front of a huge green Chicago Bears astro-tuff rug. When I sat my feet landed right on the thirty-yard line.
Mark’s wife entered the cave with two bottled beers. She handed mine over first and then took the other over to her husband. She dashed up the stairs quickly and without a word.
Mark was focused on the TV. He looked across the room at me. “You don’t look like Jack. Last time I checked my sister was marrying a guy named Jack.” Kari’s brother Mark looked serious but something told me he was fucking with me.
“Change of plans.” I shrugged and took a sip from my beer.
“That’s an understatement.”
“I was married. I got a divorce. I love Kari. I wanted to be with your sister so I made that happen.” I make shit happen.
“Yeah I can see that?” He concluded.
“I’m an ambitious guy when it comes to getting what I want.” That was a fucking dumb thing to say.
“I’m not sure how you made that happen within two weeks of her wedding date to Jack.”
“We have a history.”
“Yeah I know.”
“Kari was too valuable to me. I couldn’t stand by and let her marry him. I was never traded. I was injured. When I healed I got back in the game.”
Mark chuckled but it sounded more like a snicker. Laughter, was that a good thing or a bad thing?
“I can respect that. So do I have to give you that same speech I gave the other blonde dude?”
I shrugged. “If it’s a speech about me treating your sister right, treating her with respect and not hurting her, then no I don’t need that speech.”
“You sure. You cheated on your wife with my sister.”
“I left my wife for your sister.”
“Right, you did leave her. What stops you from leaving my sister.”
“This is it for me and Kari. This is my last marriage.”
“How can you speak for my sister?”
“Kari will never leave me. I would never give her a reason too.”
“So what about Trey?”
“He’s my son now. I’m trying to get Kari to bring him home with us.”
“So you are going to raise this little black boy as your stepson?”
“Of course I am. I’m not going to call him my stepson. His real father is a piece of shit. I want him to call me dad. I’m sure one day he will.”
“So what happens when you have kids with my sister?”
“Whatever Kari wants is what happens. You saw me out there as the Coach. I never made a difference in any of the kids. As far as I’m concerned all the kids are mine. I’m not going to lie to you. I want Lamar to disappear. Trey is a good kid. I want to be his only father.”
“Lamar hasn’t been a good father to Trey. I think he still has a thing for my sister.”
“His thing will be over soon. I’m not Jack. That’s not going to fly with me. If he gets out of line I will handle him.”
“I hear Jack is still at Kari’s house.” Mark asked.
“He will be leaving soon.”
“Is she going to have to evict him?”
“I doubt that will be necessary. Have you talked with him? I know you guys were cool.” I was fishing for information. I wanted to know
what kind of friendship Mark had developed with Jack.
“We were cool because of my sister. I am loyal to my sister. Jack means nothing to me. Kari wants me to cut ties and so I will respect my sisters wishes.”
“I appreciate that. I haven’t forced Jack out because Kari and I have a lot going on right now. Jack is on borrowed time. I’m not going to let him hang around much longer.”
“Just so you know. Jack hates you. He hated you before you stole his fiancée and I’m sure I hates you more now.”
“I appreciate the heads up but the feeling is mutual.”
The rest of my visit was spent talking sports, investments and the cable TV series Game of Thrones. Mark was cool. I could see us hanging out. He extended an invitation to me for a Chicago Bulls game next week. I was happy to go. My brother Mikey was never into sports the way that I was and RJ was just too young to give a damn. Mark and I had a lot of things in common. He was sort of like a male version of his sister.
Trey eventually came down to the basement. He recognized me and was happy to see me. He explained to Mark who I was. He high-fived me and acted like it was no big deal that I had married his mother. I explained to Trey that I had a house and his things were already moved into his new room. I showed him some pictures of his new room from my phone. He was super excited and I was too. Trey had the body of an athlete. He was the most promising kid I had in little league. With my tutelage Trey could be a star athlete. That was something Mark and I discussed before Trey came downstairs.
I left Mark’s place feeling good. Maybe I was gaining a brother. I needed one. My brother Mikey was just blood and nothing more. There is a disconnect between us that started when he married that bitch on wheels Melissa. I was his boss and he was my employee. I wish our relationship was deeper but I had given up hope that it would ever be more than what it is.
The formal introduction to Kari’s brother wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. After three more beers and two more hours of yelling at the TV Kari drug me out the basement. It was in everybody’s best interest that she drove home. I wasn’t plastered but I was toasty. Trey finally came home with us. We were well on our way to becoming one big happy family.
Since I had a few too many beers, going to Kari’s mother’s house was out of the question. I was cool with that. I needed time to regroup. Kari’s mother knew me from the ballpark and she had never seen me tipsy and she never will.
***
The next day I picked my kids up from school. I dropped Matt and Tim at the house with Tess. I had a very important person to talk to. I had to tell my oldest about the changes that were made in my life. I took Hannah to Lemington Lakes Park. It was getting cold out but it wasn’t freezing out yet so we could go to the park and not shiver under the chill in the air.
Talking to your kids about important things gets harder and harder as they grow older. There comes a time when they are able to understand you. They know exactly what your words mean and the significant weight they carry. Being a father is a tough job and being a father to a young girl is even tougher. I know what evil lurks out in the streets. Men like Uncle Jimmy plague my mind sometimes when I see the innocence that inhabits my ladybug. If I could shield her from this harsh sadistic world I would but I know that I can’t. I know that I am not the only father that feels this way.
Hannah is going to be upset with me. She’s a daddy’s girl but after today I’m not so sure anymore.
I sat on the swing right next to her.
“Ladybug, I have to tell you something.”
Hannah started slowly kicking her legs out to make the swing move. “Yes dad.” She smiled. I was going to wipe that smile off her face and I hated myself for it.
“Awhile back, a few months ago, me and your mom got a divorce.”
Hannah stopped swinging her legs. She glided her sneaker heels against the gravel. She waited until her swing came to a complete stop. “You’re divorced?”
“Yes, do you know what that means?”
“I’m not stupid. I know what divorce means. Why?” Her why was red with intensity and rancor.
“I—” She didn’t give me a chance to come up with a suitable answer.
“You don’t love mom?”
“No, I love mom. I will always love mom but we decided it would be better if we lived apart, in different houses.”
“That’s stupid.”
Okay, stupid is pretty harsh. “Ladybug.”
“I don’t want you to get a divorce.”
“Hannah, honey we already are divorced. It’s already happened.”
Hannah hung her head in silence. She rested her temple on the iron chains of the swing. When she looked up at me I could see the tears forming in her red eyes.
“What did you do?”
“Hannah.”
“Is it because Mom is no fun and always sleeping?”
“No it’s not that.”
“She can try to be more fun if you would just talk to her.” She pleaded and I felt the pain in her voice.
“Mom is happier when I live somewhere else. I am happier too. Don’t you want us to be happy?” A clever ploy on my part but I didn’t like the twist and turns this conversation was headed.
“Mom cries. Mom is not happy.”
“Mom cries more when I’m around Hannah.”
“Bullshit!” She yelled and her words slapped me hard, fast and without remorse. Now I was the one at a complete loss for words. I was the one that didn’t have a proper rebuttal in my arsenal of clever quick words.
Suddenly something came to me. “This is the language you use to talk to your father?” I asked the question and waited for a response. I didn’t get one. I got tears upon more tears. “Ladybug I know that you are upset but you can’t talk to me like that. I’m your father.”
“I’m sorry!” She yelled as if I wasn’t seated next to her.
A husky little boy ran over and took a seat in the vacant swing next to Hannah. I looked around the park for the little boys parents. I couldn’t find anyone that matched up with the boy. It took him a few seconds to realize the emotional stress that hovered next to him. After exchanging a frightened look at me the boy eased away from us.
“Hannah why are you crying?”
“You divorced mommy.”
“Hannah your mom and I have talked about this. She likes the divorce.” A lie but I felt cornered. “I like the divorce. Mom and I are still friends.”
After my declaration all I did was talk. Hannah has completely checked out of the conversation. She was distraught. The idea that I would be able to calm her down was just stupid. I took Hannah home and told my boys as much as they could understand, which wasn’t much.
This hadn’t actually turned out the way I hoped. But what did I expect?
CHAPTER 7
JACK
The New Year rang in and I hadn’t completely left Kari’s house. Kari had to at least be three or four months pregnant at this point. I expected to be served with papers to vacate her property but the papers never came. Things like this made me hold out some perverse form of hope.
I couldn’t believe I was here at this stage of my life. All the professional success I achieved and I am still a weak boy who always falls for the wrong girl. Losing Kari has been severely painful for me, more painful then my divorce from Diana.
I married Diana because that’s what I was supposed to do. I proposed to Kari because that’s what I wanted to do.
I am man enough to admit that I was just attracted to her at first. I wanted to try a black girl, like a wanted to try an Asian girl. I crossed the Asian girl off the list. Then there was Kari and she was so hot. I couldn’t help myself.
I’m not sure if I would remove Kari from my life just to squash this nagging overbearing pain. I don’t know why it hurts so badly. I don’t know why I’m so disoriented. Why are my feelings for her so deadly, so deep, so deafening?
Mason’s stamp of approval only fueled my desire for her that day at
the little league ballpark. He had peaked my curiosity even further. I fantasied about the taste of Kari’s cunt. I become somewhat obsessed with having a piece. I should have just taken a piece and not the whole enchilada.
I was focused on tasting her, palming her round ass and shooting my cum down her throat. I was fixated on fucking my first black girl and she was that girl. But like an idiot I fell in love with her. I don’t even know how it happened.
Everything between us just moved so fast at this rapid pace. She never said no to me and I liked that about her. I enjoyed that she let me be in control. Control was what my marriage to Diana lacked. There was no sense of balance. She was always running the show. Diana was bossy and overbearing. I hated that about her and I hated our one-sided relationship.
Kari just became this perfect woman in my eyes. She appeared as if she cared about my work, my life, my thoughts and me. Being with her was easy and calming after the drama that was that bitch on wheels Diana.
Kari let me be me. I didn’t have to apologize for my extravagance, my arrogance or my eccentricities. She was never in competition with me. She was my best cheerleader. Kari impressed me with her personality not her collection of shoes and designer handbags. Her style was her own and she never apologized for being who and how she was.
Kari wasn’t plastic or self-absorbed. She didn’t get up in the morning and rush to put make-up on. Kari didn’t sleep in make-up like some of the women I dated after Diana and I separated. As hard as I tried I couldn’t find anything wrong with her…at first.
Then there was Mason. I’m still questioning whether or not I truly believed they were done. I’m not an idiot. I had to know that there was still something between them.
I honestly thought that I was a better man, a better catch, and an all around better human being. I didn’t take that dirtball construction worker as real competition. What woman picks him over me?
The truth is I really miss Kari. I still love this woman. I feel like I may never get over her. She has hurt me in a way I never thought was possible. I thought I was the one in control when she was really controlling me, my feelings, my heart.
