Release

by Brenda Rothert

  “I was waitressing in Arizona and he was a customer. We went out a few times and he seemed like a good guy. He said he loved me.” I closed my eyes, the memories like a wound being reopened. “He was the first person who ever said that to me. So when he started getting angry all the time and hitting me, I told myself it didn’t matter because he loved me.”

  Orion’s face twisted into an expression of sorrow. I decided to give him the whole story because then, at least one person in the world besides me and Matt would know the truth.

  “He would shove me into a corner with his hand around my throat when I did something he didn’t like. He’d hold me there and scream in my face. There were times I thought he was going to choke me.” My voice shook as I remembered the feel of his powerful hand pressed against my windpipe.

  Orion looked up at the ceiling, tears glistening in his eyes.

  “He got off on it,” I continued. “When he was done screaming he’d shove me to the floor and fuck me with his hand still on my throat. I was too scared to even move.”

  “That’s not fucking – it’s rape,” Orion said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

  “Yeah, well – there you go,” I said. “Now you know why I’m so screwed up.”

  “You are not screwed up.” He met my eyes and I saw the trail of a tear down one of his cheeks. It made a fresh cut in my already shredded emotions.

  “I would’ve gone back,” I said softly. “Even after he stabbed me. If he hadn’t been arrested at the hospital, I would’ve gone back. That’s screwed up.”

  “Would you go back now?”

  I recoiled. “God, no. I’ll do whatever it takes to never see him again. I can’t do it.”

  “You’ve found some healing and strength,” he said, stepping closer to me. “That took a hell of a lot of guts.”

  “It took a year of therapy when I moved back here to see why I did what I did and how I can avoid ever doing it again. But even when I tried for a healthy relationship with you—” My voice broke and I paused to regain myself.

  “What do you mean ‘tried’?” he asked with an edge. “I’m still here. Aren’t you?”

  “I want to be. More than you even know. But … the scars—”

  Orion’s tone was heated as he cut me off. “Tell me you don’t think I’m that superficial. I’ve got scars, too. Fights and skate blades have left plenty of marks on me.”

  “It’s not the scars themselves,” I said, crying so hard I let out a sob. “It’s what they represent. My weakness. I might as well have stabbed myself. Going back into that hell with him over and over again and letting it get so bad is … shameful. I’m ashamed.”

  He cupped my cheeks in his hands and brushed my tears away with his thumbs.

  “I thought you went to therapy,” he said gently. “But you still don’t seem to realize you were desperate for love and you sought it in the wrong way. That’s not something to be ashamed of.”

  “I know how I ended up that way.” I held on to his wrists, still wondering how it was possible for anyone to be so good. “In my head, I know how not to do it again. But it’s still so hard for my heart to feel worthy of you.”

  He let out a soft sigh and rested his forehead against mine. “Samara. You’re the best person I’ve ever known. I was already falling hard and fast and now there’s no going back. You’re strong and resilient and beautiful. I want you to know what love’s supposed to feel like.”

  “I want that, too,” I whispered, unable to find my voice.

  “You would’ve left,” he said. “If I hadn’t gotten here when I did, you’d be gone right now. Do you know what that would’ve done to me?”

  “I was so scared.”

  “I know. But I’m here. I can keep you safe if you’ll just let me.”

  “Yes,” I said, nodding and pressing my lips to his in a soft kiss. “I want that. I need that.”

  “I need you,” he said. “Like I’ve never needed anything before.”

  His words infused me with comfort. I’d put it all out on the table – my darkest truth and my deepest worry, and he was still here. He still wanted me.

  Leaning his forehead against mine, he rubbed my back reassuringly. He’d said he wanted me to know what love what supposed to feel like. It was this. I felt worthy in his arms. Important. Protected.

  I brushed my lips against his and he reached up to cup my cheeks as he kissed me. His tongue caressed mine and a deep, sudden craving to be closer to him took over.

  I took his hand and led him into my bedroom. We stood together at the foot of my bed and I looked up at him, telling him with my eyes what I wanted.

  He wrapped his hands around my waist and kissed me again. When he pulled back and slid his hands under the sides of my shirt, a familiar flutter of anxiety beat in my chest. I reassured myself silently as Orion pulled my shirt up and gently worked it over my head.

  My gray cotton bra was worn and frayed, but it seemed to escape his notice. His gaze swam over my chest. His hungry expression was for me. My body. My imperfect, inexperienced body. He reached his fingertips out to touch me but I stepped back, unbuttoning my jeans.

  I wanted him to see. When I wriggled out of my pants and stepped out of them, my black bikini-cut panties sat below the tip of the pink scar beneath my belly button. It went down in a jagged line that ended above my bikini line.

  My chest rose and fell as he looked at it for just a second before his fingertips grazed over the surface of the slightly raised line. Though I was relieved he knew my dark secret, I felt overly exposed in this instant. No one but the doctors who’d treated me had seen my body since Matt attacked me.

  Nothing could have prepared me for Orion to drop to his knees and press his lips to the scar on my lower belly. He kissed it softly, running his hands up the backs of my thighs.

  I looked at the ceiling, its texture blurred by my tears. My hands found his hair and I stroked my fingertips through it. Relief made me weak, but just a second later a spark of arousal brought the tension back into my joints.

  He hooked his fingertips around the sides of my panties and eased them down. When I looked down, his eyes locked onto mine. The dark blue depths I saw made my breath hitch.

  My panties dropped to the floor and he leaned forward, kissing the bare skin of my thighs. His hands ran up the backs of my thighs again and a shiver of desire coursed through me when he reached my ass and squeezed it gently.

  His mouth roamed higher – kissing, coaxing and igniting me. If I took my hands out of his hair, I was sure I’d float away. I ran my fingers through it in a rhythm. When the tip of his tongue ran the length of my opening, my hands instinctively buried themselves all the way down to his scalp.

  “Orion,” I said in a rush. “I don’t know if I can take this. It feels so amazing. So intense.”

  He stood, giving me the lopsided grin that made my heart sing.

  “Lay down,” he said, pulling his t-shirt off over his head.

  I sat on the end of the bed, drawing my legs together as I scooted back. I couldn’t look away from him looking at me. He wasn’t the only one falling in love.

  He put a knee on the bed and placed his hands on my knees, parting my thighs wide and staring between them. Instinct made me try to close my legs, but he held them in place.

  “Don’t you like me looking?” he asked in a low tone.

  “Yes. I just feel self-conscious.”

  “Don’t.” He lowered his lips to my inner thigh and kissed it. “You’re beautiful.”

  His warm, soft mouth slowly climbed up my thigh, making me into a shuddering, shivering mess of exploding nerve endings. He trailed a fingertip over the line of my opening and I panted with longing and nervousness.

  I wasn’t prepared for the sensation that overtook me when he parted my lips gently and blew a warm, gentle breath over my exposed, sensitive insides.

  This, I couldn’t take. It was too much.

  “Oh, God,” I said, sliding away. “I can’
t. I’m sorry. No one’s ever done this.”

  A smile tugged at his lips as he wrapped his hands around my hips and pulled me back into place. “Do you like it?”

  “Yes,” I admitted. “But it’s driving me out of my mind. I’m moaning and squirming like a crazy person here.”

  His eyes darkened hungrily and a low hum of arousal sounded in his throat. “Perfect. Moan and squirm all you want. It makes me that much harder for you.”

  My head fell back against the pillow as he flicked his tongue across my clit. He was very gentle at first, but when he added pressure, my back arched off of the bed and I cried out his name.

  It didn’t take long for a powerful orgasm to seize hold of me. My hips were in the air, Orion’s hands still wrapped around them, as the waves swept through my body and I screamed every swear word I’d ever heard.

  I dropped back down to the bed, my body satisfied from head to toe. I was breathing hard as Orion leaned over me and nuzzled my neck with his soft scruff, kissing me lightly.

  “Damn.” I wrapped my arms around his back. “I’m not letting you leave. Not now that I know what you’re capable of.”

  He laughed into my neck. “I want you to stay with me on weekends. We’ll make up for lost time.”

  His cock was rock hard against my thigh. And though I’d just had the best orgasm of my life, I still hungered for more of him.

  “I’m not on the pill,” I said, disappointment in my tone. “But I’ll get on it.”

  “You don’t have to get on it unless you want to. We can use condoms. And we don’t have to have sex yet if you’re not ready.”

  “Oh, I’m ready. I’m ready right now. Maybe we can run to the drugstore?”

  He lifted his head from my neck and smiled, brows arched. “I have one in my wallet.”

  My lips parted in a surprised grin. “What are you waiting for?”

  He pulled his wallet from his back pocket. “I just need to make sure it’s not expired.”

  My heart swelled with love for him. In a world full of men looking for a quick lay, I’d found a gem who treasured the intimacy of sex.

  “We’re good,” he said, grinning and tossing it to the bed. My body hummed its approval.

  “Why does it have an ‘x’ on it?” I asked, lifting my head for a better look.

  Orion shook his head, still grinning. “Niko. He did that at Christmas time so he could check and see if I’d been with anyone and tease the fuck out of me over it.”

  “You’re the sweetest, sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” I said. “Come here.”

  Our make out session was so much more this time. Feeling his warm skin against mine was pure bliss. And the revelation of my secret had changed things between us. His acceptance of me had opened a door in my heart that had been closed for a very long time.

  He lavished attention on my bare body until I didn’t think I could stand it anymore. He kissed, stroked and sucked until I was on the verge of coming again. I moaned my approval when he finally tore open the condom and rolled it on.

  “Okay?” he asked, leaning over me.

  “Yes,” I said softly. Orion’s strength didn’t intimidate me. It made me feel protected.

  His eyes slid closed for just a second when he entered me in one long, full thrust. I sucked in a breath, lost in the sensation of being filled by him. The discomfort was outweighed by the heady rush I felt when his eyes met mine. This was what it was supposed to be like. I wasn’t a virgin, but this was most definitely a first for me.

  My body relaxed as he moved in and out of me, and soon I was pushing my hips up into his eagerly. His body was made for this – it was all long, lean muscle that he moved with expert precision.

  We came together in an overwhelming rush of sweaty skin and groans. My final cry of pleasure floated into Orion’s open mouth a second after he’d kissed me. With one final thrust, he let out a powerful groan that I felt against my chest.

  My worries about Matt were forgotten as we both drifted off to sleep in a haze. I couldn’t even bear to think about him leaving. For today, there was just this. Just us breaking down the final wall that had stood between us.

  I hadn’t meant to fall in love with Orion Caldwell. But there was no going back now. I knew in my heart that for the rest of my life, it was him or no one for me.

  Chapter 10

  Orion

  I added weight to the bar I was about to use at the gym, wanting a little more strain than usual. I was wound tight with tension and anger this morning.

  Images of Samara being abused played in my mind on repeat. I couldn’t stop imagining the terror on her face when that asshole had her pressed against the wall or the agony she must’ve felt when he’d raped her.

  She was already wounded from her childhood. And that sick fuck had used her pain to manipulate her further.

  Last night I’d only thought of her. She was scared and upset, and even though finding out about her past had been like a knife to the heart, she needed me to be there for her. The sex had been more emotional and raw than I’d ever experienced. Nothing but us existed in those hours.

  But when she drifted off to sleep, I stared up into the dark nothingness and fantasized about getting my hands on Matt. It was different than the burst of adrenaline and testosterone that hit when I was fighting in a game. This was a slow, deep anger that burned in my gut. He deserved to feel the fear she’d felt. Not empty fear, either. The kind with a follow-through that would make him realize he hadn’t even been as scared as he should’ve been.

  In two short months, Samara had become my girl. I wanted her to know she was safe with me. And I wanted Matt to be physically incapable of ever hurting her again.

  My muscles burned as I forced the bar up. Sweat was pouring off me. As soon as I finished this workout – before I even showered – I was planning to call someone I knew would help me make this happen.

  “Wassup, fuckstick?” Niko said in greeting.

  “Maybe I just miss you,” I said, wiping a towel over my face.

  “Doubt it. You only call when you want something.”

  “Bullshit.” I sat down on a locker room bench and took a swig of my water. “We’ll see enough of each other soon anyway.”

  “Yeah,” he muttered. “Looking forward to sharing a hotel room with you on the road instead of sleeping with my wife.”

  I shook my head with disbelief. “I still can’t believe you’re married, douchebag. That’s gonna take some getting used to.”

  “Yeah, I know. It’s good though.”

  “You let her fuck you in the ass yet?” I asked.

  “Fuck you, motherfucker.” His pissed off tone told me I’d hit a nerve. Niko was so easy. Any joke about his asshole being violated got to him.

  “I do need something,” I said.

  “Yeah, I know. But first I have to say congratulations on using the condom, man.”

  I narrowed my eyes in confusion. I hadn’t said a word about me and Samara sleeping together to anyone. “What do you mean?”

  “You got laid. I can tell.”

  “How?”

  “You’re not as uptight as the last time we talked. Your sense of humor’s back. So it must be going well with … did you tell me her name yet?”

  “Samara.”

  “You gonna keep seeing her when the season starts?”

  “Yeah.”

  There was a pause before he spoke again. “Just be careful, man.”

  “Careful how?”

  “You had too much faith in Amy. You love being in love, and it makes you a little bit blind.”

  I let his words sink in. “Yeah, I did have too much faith in Amy. But Samara couldn’t be more different from her. She’s quiet and kinda shy. I’ve never been with anyone like her.”

  Niko grunted his skepticism. “When do I get to meet her?”

  “Soon, I hope.”

  “Good.”

  I paused before diving in. “It’s not really that I need anything fro
m you, I just wanted to give you a heads-up about something. I’m hiring a private detective to find a guy in Arizona, and when he does, I’m paying the guy a visit. I don’t plan on getting arrested, but just in case. If shit goes bad I’m gonna call you to bail me out. So answer your phone if you see an unknown number.”

  “What the fuck’s your beef with this guy, that you’d fly across the country to kick his ass?”

  “It’s personal.”

  “Yeah, I figured, brother. We trust each other with this stuff, right?”

  A stab of guilt hit me. I did trust Niko, but I wouldn’t share Samara’s past with anyone. It was too intimate.

  “Just trust me,” I said. “This needs to happen.”

  “Don’t show up at camp with your face fucked up,” he warned.

  “You think I’m gonna get my ass kicked?” I asked, amused. “I know what I’m doing.”

  Another grunt of amusement. “I know that. Alright, then. But hey, you sure you wanna get your hands dirty? I know some guys in New York who can put him in a body cast for airfare and a few thousand bucks.”

  “I’m sure. I want to be the one to do it.”

  “Okay, man. I’m in. So’s my brother Lyov.”

  “No, you don’t need to do that. I can handle it.”

  “I know you can, but like you said, shit goes bad sometimes. We’ll be there for backup.”

  I sighed into the phone. “Seriously. I could easily get in trouble for this.”

  Niko gave a hum of amusement. “I said I’m in. A little trouble now and then keeps things interesting anyway.”

  Samara

  Liz grinned at me from the bakery’s prep table when I walked in the side door and grabbed my apron from its hook.

  “Good Lord, girl, you look like death warmed over,” she said. “You’ve got bags under your eyes.”

  “Yeah, no makeup today,” I said shortly. “I overslept.”

  “I’d oversleep too, if Orion Caldwell was in my bed. I know those purple circles under your eyes mean you had a very good night.”

  My cheeks burned. She was right, but geez, did she really need to say it so bluntly?