“You look so happy,” I said. “I feel like I’d be a mess after giving birth, but you’re camera ready.”
“I don’t know about that last statement, but I am happy.” She settled further into the pillows and her eyes looked into mine. “How about you? Are things still good with Jack?”
“Things are still good.” I shrugged. “But there’s definitely something different.”
“Bad different?”
“I’m not sure.” I saw my frown in the little window on the screen and relaxed my face. “On the surface, things are great. Jack is as sweet and attentive as ever, but he just seems off sometimes.”
“Have you talked to him about it?”
“About what?” I asked. “There’s really nothing specific to ask about.”
“Well, when you were at our wedding, I thought something was going to spontaneously combust with all the heat between you two.”
That had been a hot trip for sure.
“Things didn’t feel off then.”
“Do you think he’s upset because the news came out that you’re Aaran’s daughter?”
“I know he blames himself since the leak came from the charter company he used,” I said. “But no, things were okay after that. I didn’t feel a difference until after our trip to Boston.”
“Did something happen there?”
“Not really. We attended the events then visited his father.”
“You didn’t tell me you met his father,” she screeched. “Tell me all about him. Does Jack look like him?”
Jack’s story is his to tell, but I can answer her questions without giving it all away.
“They do look alike. I saw a picture of Jack and his mother and I can see some of her features in him too, but he and his dad share a strong resemblance,” I said. “He’s very sweet. It’s obvious he still misses Jack’s mother, but some people never get over the death of a loved one.”
“Are he and Jack close?”
I shrugged and gave a non-answer. “As close as they can be considering Jack doesn’t live near him.”
She shook her head dramatically. “Okay, now that I’m semi filled in on the father situation, let’s get back to Jack,” she said. “Is the sex still good? I mean, we haven’t discussed details, but I’m assuming it’s good.”
“And we will never discuss details,” I said. “Besides the fact that you know I don’t kiss and tell, I definitely don’t want to hear any of your details.”
Her laugh echoed through my living room.
“Understood.” She wrinkled her nose. “That would definitely be icky,” she admitted. “And I don’t need details, just an answer.”
I thought about the times we’ve been together since Boston.
“It’s still good,” I said. “If anything, it’s the only time things don’t feel off. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t have that feeling all the time. He’ll be normal and then it’s like something shifts. Like there’s a glass divider between us.” I rolled my eyes. “It sounds ridiculous. Maybe I’m being crazy. The schedule hasn’t had many breaks since Boston. He could just be tired.”
“Could be. It’s a busy schedule for sure. Is he home now?”
“No, he’s in Texas for the next three days then Detroit for another three. But then he’ll be home for a ten-day stretch.”
“You’ll have to let me know how it goes.”
I nodded. “You should get some rest while the baby is sleeping.” She didn’t argue, so she must be exhausted. “Call or text anytime. I’ll be out to visit soon.”
She yawned and turned onto her side.
“Love you,” she said.
“Love you, too.”
Jack
After striking out my first at bat, I managed to sneak one between short and third. Detroit’s first baseman practically leaned against me as he held me to the bag and I shifted away from him, looking for some space. He wasn’t having it.
The guy is a hothead who still holds a grudge from our Minor League days. On one drunken night, I made him look like an ass in front of a girl he was trying to score with and he still messes with me anytime I play against him. After all these years, you’d think he would have either gotten over it or realized that I’m not going to rise to his bait.
After the pitcher settled onto the mound, I took a step and a half toward second.
The asshole at first made some comments questioning both my sexuality and parentage, but I focused on the pitcher instead. I don’t want to get picked off because I’m focusing on some prick with a chip on his shoulder.
Phil Riddle took two high pitches, putting him ahead in the count. I took advantage of the situation and chanced an extra step in my lead, figuring the pitcher would be concentrating on putting a strike across the plate instead of me.
Turns out, I was wrong.
He stepped off the rubber and snapped the ball toward first.
I dove back to the bag and the umpire called me safe a split second before I felt the first baseman’s mitt smack down on my forearm with just a little too much force. I glared at him as I stood and adjusted my helmet.
“Got a problem, pussy?” he asked.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?”
“Pathetic shits like you piss me off.”
I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly as I stepped back into my usual lead.
Riddle lined the ball over the third baseman’s head and I ran the ninety feet and rounded second base, but stopped there. The left fielder got the ball in pretty quickly, so I played it safe.
I glanced back at first, thankful I wouldn’t be there for another batter. I’m in no mood to deal with that asshole.
I ran out to my position in the bottom of the ninth, thankful this game is almost over. We just need three more outs and we can get the hell out of here with another win in the books.
My shoulders feel like concrete and I just want to sleep in my own bed. If Hannah is in my bed with me, that’s even better.
Shaking away that last thought, I watched our pitcher, Chris Russell aka Rusty, warm up. He looks good, so hopefully this will be a quick inning.
The umpire stepped behind the plate and the first batter got into the box. Rusty is throwing heat tonight and the guy couldn’t catch up to the first two fast balls. The next two pitches were fouled off, but Rusty finished him off with a slider.
The asshat of a first baseman stepped into the box. He’s not much of a hitter, so I had visions of a quick second out. That looked like a good possibility when Rusty threw a fastball on the outside corner for strike one. Unfortunately, he followed that with a hanging curve that went flying into right field. My vision of a one, two, three inning wasn’t totally lost though. Kasprzyk got to the ball quickly and came up throwing.
I got into position to receive the ball, my feet on either side of the bag. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the guy barreling toward me while I kept my attention on the ball flying over Oskar’s head toward my glove. Just as I was about to catch it, my legs were taken out from beneath me and the ball hit my cheekbone and bounced off.
My head banged against the hard clay as he landed on top of me with an elbow lodged against my throat. I pushed him away, but he shifted back with more pressure.
“Get the fuck off me!”
When he didn’t move, I pushed at, then punched his shoulder.
“You’re nothing but a cocky pretty boy mother fucker.”
He pushed off me and dug his spike into my calf as he stood. I started to get up but he pushed on my shoulder knocking me back down.
I jumped up and lunged toward him, but Oskar grabbed me from behind. Rage-fueled adrenaline coursed through my body and I struggled against his hold.
“Settle down, Jack.” Oskar’s voice came from directly behind me as he pulled at my arms. “He’s not worth it.”
Those words stopped me in my tracks.
I stopped struggling and focused on breathing.
“I’m good,” I said. “Y
ou can let go.”
Oskar slowly released his hold.
The whole scene had taken mere seconds. No benches were cleared, no one was ejected, and no warnings were issued. The umpire asked if I was okay and I nodded even though my head and cheekbone are both throbbing, and my calf hurts like a son of a bitch. I got back into position and forced my stormy thoughts away so I could focus on the game.
Thankfully the altercation didn’t ruin Rusty’s rhythm and he took the next two batters down with ease. I participated in the celebratory antics on the field then headed for the showers. A few minutes later, I stood under the ice cold spray, trying to figure out what just happened on the field. Hell what’s been happening since the outburst in my father’s kitchen.
I turned off the shower and wrapped a towel around my waist. As I walked by the mirrors, I spotted the cut and bruise on my swollen cheekbone. I also noticed the wild look in my eyes. I haven’t seen that in years.
For the past few months, I’ve fooled myself into thinking I could release my hold on certain feelings while keeping control of the others. Obviously that’s not the case. The question is, what am I going to do to fix it?
Chapter 38
Hannah
I heard Mrs. Button’s giggle and knew Jack must have arrived. As I opened the door, I found the man in question standing in front of my porch steps, pizza in hand. Wearing loose basketball shorts, a green T-shirt, and his favorite Sperrys, the man looks good enough to eat.
“You kids have fun,” Mrs. Button said.
“Would you like to join us?” he asked.
“I’m going out with my girls tonight, but thank you for the offer.”
“Uh oh, girls night. Don’t get too crazy, okay?” He winked at her. “And if you do, give me a call.”
“You shouldn’t say things like that to old ladies.” Mrs. Button dramatically fanned her face. “It’s not good for the blood pressure.”
“I’d never say that to an old lady,” he said, putting emphasis on the last two words.
She shook her head and smiled at me. “This one is definitely a charmer,” she said.
“That’s for sure,” I agreed.
We said good-bye to Mrs. Button and I held the door open for him. He gave me a quick kiss as he walked past and I took in a deep breath. We’ve been together for months and I’m as addicted to his scent as ever.
“You can set that on the coffee table,” I said, then closed and locked the door.
He put the pizza down then settled onto the couch, looking exhausted. The baseball season is long and by August it takes a toll on even the sturdiest players. A day off after an afternoon game like the Waves have this weekend is a welcome relief.
“Would you like a beer?” I asked.
“Sounds good.”
I went to the kitchen and pulled two beers out of the refrigerator with one hand then grabbed the cupcakes I made for dessert before I went to work this morning with the other. I looked down at the platter and smiled. Last time I made Guinness cupcakes with Irish creme frosting, I’d ended up part of Jack’s dessert. Maybe that will happen again tonight.
Setting the platter next to the pizza, I handed Jack his beer then placed a couple slices onto the plates I’d put out earlier. After giving one to Jack, I settled next to him on the couch.
“Thank you for picking this up.”
He took a big bite and chewed. “You’re welcome.” He looked at the cupcakes. “Thank you for baking. Are those what I think they are?”
“You’ll just have to taste one and find out.”
We ate our pizza and talked, and I watched him, trying to figure out what’s different. Like I told Mel, he’s as sweet and attentive...and charming, as Mrs. Button said...as always, but something is definitely off. He acts more like he did when we first got together. Not that that was awful, but it’s not the Jack I’ve come to know in our time together.
I placed my empty dish on the coffee table and scooched sideways, resting my back against the arm of the couch debating my next words. A million things went through my mind, but I finally decided to keep it simple.
“Is everything okay?” I asked.
Jack had finished his fourth slice and he leaned forward and placed his empty plate on top of mine. Looking at me out of the corner of his eye, he said, “Yeah. Why?”
I shrugged and pushed my glasses back into place.
“I don’t know, you just seem preoccupied the past few weeks,” I said, then added. “Ever since we got back from Boston I feel like something is different.”
He settled back against the cushion and shifted slightly to face me.
“Different?” he asked, his tone neutral, but his eyes were anything but. Then he blinked and whatever I saw there was gone.
My stomach twisted and I nodded, afraid the lump in my throat would make my voice sound hoarse. I remember the exact moment Jack really let me in. I knew then that I was seeing a side of him he doesn’t share with many people. Now that’s gone and in its place is a decent imitation, but nothing close to the real thing.
“Hannah?”
I cleared my throat. “You just seem different and I wanted to make sure nothing is wrong.”
His brow wrinkled and he looked away, shaking his head.
Jack has kept his relationships pretty drama free so the last thing I want to do is get hysterical, but he’s making me nervous. I took in slow, steady breaths as I waited for him to speak.
After what seemed like hours, but was probably less than a minute, he looked over at me.
“Hannah, you’re amazing.”
Oh God, nothing good ever follows those words.
“You know what my relationships have been like up to now. All surface and no substance, with a predetermined end date.” He looked into my eyes and I saw my Jack. “But you’re different. This is different. I love spending time with you and miss you like hell when I’m away.”
Leaning forward, he rested his elbows on his knees and stared at the floor.
“The problem is, I’m not sure how to do this and keep everything else together.”
“Jack, this is all new to me too, but I think we’re supposed to help each other keep it together.” My voice came out sounding strangled, ruining the light-hearted effect I’d been aiming for.
Turning his head, he met my gaze again.
“Between the book and Mr. Hanover on my back, then all the craziness when the media found out about your father…” He shook his head. “Hannah, in my entire career, I’ve never gotten into a fight. That asshole in Detroit has been taking cheap shots for years and I always managed to keep my cool. But if Marquez hadn’t held me back a couple weeks ago, I would have pounded that guy into the ground. And that’s something that I never would have even thought about last season. I was always in control before, but it’s all different now. It’s like when I loosened up and let my feelings for you grow, I lost control of everything else. I’ve been trying to figure out a way to open my heart to you and keep all the other bullshit out, but it's just not working.”
“So what, exactly, are you saying?” I asked.
“I’m trying my best to explain what’s going on. I didn’t think I was acting different, but if you noticed, I guess I am.” He shrugged. “Right now, I’m on sensory overload and I’ve been working on getting myself under control again, like I was before.”
That last word is like a knife to the heart. Before. What he means is before me.
These months with him have been some of the most amazing of my life. Jack is everything I’d ever want in a man and after my initial reserve, I jumped in with both feet. Now he’s telling me he wants his life to be the way it was before our relationship. We’re definitely on different pages here.
“So you don’t want to see each other anymore?”
Jack
Hannah’s voice cracked on the last word and she looked toward the floor, but not before I saw the tears in her eyes. I leaned toward her and took her hand in mine, strokin
g her knuckles with my thumb.
“I’m not saying that at all,” I said. “I can’t imagine not having you in my life, but I need to get my shit together and to do that, I have to pull back a little bit.”
“Pull back?” she asked. “What does that mean?”
“I need to be in control Hannah, or things just get too chaotic.”
“Control?” She narrowed her eyes then shook her head. “Like in Fifty Shade of Grey?”
“No, I’m not into BDSM,” I said. “Don’t you think I would have mentioned if I was before now?”
“Then I don’t know what you mean about being in control.” She shrugged and pulled her hand out of mine. “And I also don’t understand how letting yourself feel something for me messes everything else up.”
She stood and stacked the empty plates on top of the pizza box then picked everything up and carried it to the kitchen. I thought about following her, but figured she probably needed a break from me.
Resting my head against the back of the couch, I rubbed my eyes until I saw stars.
I’m in unfamiliar territory here. This relationship stuff isn’t easy.
I sat up straight when I heard Hannah walk back into the room. She perched on the other side of the couch and watched me with cautious eyes.
“I’m sorry I ran off like that, but I needed a minute.” She rubbed her forehead then met my gaze. “Jack, I don’t totally understand what’s going on with you, but I have a feeling that I’m right in thinking whatever it is isn’t good for us.”
“Nothing really has to change with us,” I said. “I just need to make sure I keep all my emotions in check so nothing gets out of control.”
“So you’re essentially telling me that you want our relationship to be like all the others you’ve had through the years.”
“Not exactly, no.”
“What exactly would be different?”
“Everything with you is different.”
“Everything with me may have been different so far, but from what you’re saying, that won’t be the case going forward.”
Waste of Handsome (Carolina Waves #2) Page 31
