“I don’t understand why you think that’s true.”
“Because you can’t control your emotions or pull back and still be in a real relationship.”
The fact that she used air quotes for the majority of the words in that sentence can’t be a good thing.
“Real relationships are messy,” she said. “Look at any relationship between any two people and that’s probably the one thing they all have in common.”
“Why do they have to be messy? Why can’t a relationship just be two people enjoying each other’s company without drama?”
The look on her face had me questioning my own intelligence, like she was obviously doing.
“Jack, we’re going in circles here so I’m just going to lay it on the line,” she said. “If our relationship never developed beyond the surface level, I’d be okay with what you’re saying. Hell, I wouldn’t have known the difference.” She leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees, hands clasped in a white-knuckled grip as she stared at the floor. “But at some point, everything became more intimate, more real.” Her sad chuckle made my heart ache. “I once told Mrs. Button that you were a waste of handsome, but as we spent time together, I realized that just isn’t true. And at some point during all this, I fell in love with you.” She looked up and met my gaze with glistening brown eyes. “I can’t be in a half relationship with you, Jack. I’d hate myself if I agreed to that.”
The word love echoed through my head and before the joy that flooded my system at her declaration took over, I tamped it down. So many thoughts scrambled my mind, but I know if I open my mouth, I’ll say those three little words back to her. And that would only complicate this even more.
She stood and walked toward the door. With her hand on the knob, she said, “I think you should go.”
Chapter 39
Hannah
It’s day twelve post Jack and I think I might actually get through it without ugly crying. I glanced at the clock for the third time in the last half hour. If I go to sleep right at sunset, I may be able to avoid regular crying, too.
I couldn’t stop my groan at the sound of the doorbell. I love Mrs. Button, but I really just want to be alone right now. My head started pounding the minute Jack walked out the door and no matter how much Advil I take, it won’t let up. But she knows I’m in here, so I left my sanctuary on the couch and opened the door.
Only I didn’t find Mrs. Button across the threshold. It was Sabrina.
“Oh Sabrina, hi.” I opened the door wider to let her in.
“I apologize for just popping in, but I was afraid you wouldn’t see me and I really wanted to talk to you.”
I walked to the couch and picked up the blanket I’d been snuggling and tossed it across the back.
“Why would you think that?” I asked, settling into the couch and gesturing for her to do the same.
“Because technically, I’m on Team Jack.” She rolled her eyes. “But that’s only because I’m married to his best friend. If I had my choice, I’d probably hop over to your side.”
“While I appreciate the support, there’s no reason to choose sides.” I offered her a small smile. “But out of curiosity, what tipped the scale in my direction?”
“The fact that men are idiots.”
I shrugged. “Can’t argue with that.”
I fought the urge to look away from her as she looked at me with eyes that seemed to see way too much. I know how awful I look. I’m not a pretty crier and after nearly two weeks of nonstop tears, I’m an absolute mess. My glasses can mask the occasional eye bag or dark circle, but what I have going on right now is more than they can fix.
“I’m not going to ask how you’re doing because I have eyes,” she said. “I just wanted to come by and talk, let you know I’m here if you need me.”
I blinked furiously but a few tears managed to escape anyway. Wiping them away, I said, “Please don’t be nice to me. I’m hoping to get through the night with dry eyes.”
“He looks just as bad, you know.”
“Not helping,” I said around a sad chuckle.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “If you don’t want to talk about him, I’ll respect that, but it might help.”
My first instinct is to shut this conversation down, but I can’t help being curious.
“Do you know what happened?” I asked.
“Jack said you broke up with him because he wanted to get his shit together.”
“That’s the gist of it, I guess.”
She shifted on the couch, tucking her ankle under her leg.
“I haven’t known Jack all that long, but we’ve gotten pretty close in a short time. I mean, he’s Dan’s best friend and Lexi thinks he hung the moon. I couldn’t be the odd man out.” She smiled. “And besides that, he’s just a really good guy. I wasn’t sure what to think when I first met him. But the way he’s lived his life isn’t who he is. Not really.”
I leaned forward and pulled a tissue from the box I placed on the coffee table earlier. Guess it’s not going to be a dry-eyed night after all.
“When we first got involved, I swore to myself I’d enjoy it for what it was and move on when it was over.” I dabbed at my eyes with the soggy tissue. “But somewhere along the line, things changed. Instead of being him and me, we became us.”
“And then he got his head stuck up his ass.”
I burst out laughing at her words. Partly because she delivered the line perfectly, but mostly to ward off the tears.
“The question is...if he got it unstuck, would you give him another chance?”
Jack
“You look sad, Uncle Jack.”
I smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring way. “Why?”
Lexi shrugged. “You just do.”
“I’m hanging with my favorite girl. What’s there to be sad about?”
She’d just executed a perfect flip into the pool...a skill her mother had taught her...and was now swimming circles around me. Her parents sat in lounge chairs in the shade deep in conversation. From the looks they keep throwing my way, I’d bet anything they’re talking about me.
Instead of obsessing about that, I grabbed Lexi around the waist as she passed me and tossed her toward the deep end. Her head bobbed above the surface and she giggled and swam back toward me.
“Can I dive off your shoulders?”
“Sure.”
She stepped behind me and I reached back so she could grab my hands and climb up to my shoulders. Her fingers dug into my scalp and I held her ankles as she found her balance. I felt her stand and a second later she jumped off, diving into the water a few feet in front of me.
We did that a few more times before Sabrina walked toward the edge of the pool and told Lexi it was time to get out so she could get ready for a sleepover.
“Okay, mom,” she said then swam up next to me. “I can stay here if you want, Uncle Jack.”
Shit, I must look really pathetic.
“You go have a good time,” I said. “I’ll see you next week.”
She wrapped her arms around my waist and squeezed.
“I love you, Uncle Jack.”
“Love you too, Lex.” I kissed the top of her head. “Have fun tonight.”
She climbed out of the pool and dried off, then wrapped a purple towel around her shoulders and ran into the house. I wasn’t far behind her, but instead of running into the house, I wrapped a towel around my waist and settled onto the lounge chair next to Dan’s.
“That girl is something else,” I said.
He chuckled. “I’m aware.”
“What did you tell her about Hannah?”
“Why do you think we told her anything?
“Because this is the first time in months she didn’t ask about her.”
“We just told her not to bring her up. Surprisingly, she didn’t ask questions.” He gave me a pointed look. “What do you want me to tell her if she does ask?”
I rested my head against the lounge chair a
nd closed my eyes.
“I don’t know,” I said. “I’m still not sure what to tell myself.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
“You sure?” he asked. “You listened to me talk about Sabrina enough through the years. Consider it payback.”
I took in a deep breath and slowly let it out then looked over at him.
“I don’t know what to say,” I said, then quickly added. “I shouldn’t have anything to say. I should be happy it ended so smoothly considering.”
Dan chuckled. “Looking at you, I’d never guess it ended smoothly.”
“What’s that mean?”
“Jack, you look like shit,” he said. “And Hannah isn’t much better. Are you sure this isn’t something you two can work out?”
“You’re asking the wrong person since she’s technically the one who ended it.” I realized how whiny that sounded as soon as the words left my mouth. “Besides, I was trying to pull back a little anyway.”
“You mentioned that. I just don’t understand why.”
“That shit in Detroit made me realize that I need to get it together,” I said. “This next contract will probably be my last. I have to focus on the game and keep everything else under control. There are enough variables without me adding to them because I’m caught up in some relationship drama.”
Dan sat forward in his lounge chair and looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “What?”
“Do you realize that you didn’t have any relationship drama until you decided to change things up to avoid drama?”
“It’s not that cut and dried,” I said.
“Okay, then explain something to me,” he said. “You wanted your life back to what you consider normal...drama free with you in total control.” I nodded. “Now that you have that again, what’s the problem?”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re a half a step behind at short and your bat speed is down,” he said. “You’re drawn tighter than a guitar string, and as I already mentioned, you look like shit.”
“Jesus Dan, don’t worry about sugarcoating it.”
“I can sugarcoat things or I can be a good friend. Right now, I think you need the truth more than you need to be stroked.”
“And what do you think the truth is?”
“You love Hannah and are miserable without her. And until you face that and do something about it, you’ll never be in control.
Chapter 40
Jack
I glanced at the clock and groaned. The sun will be up soon and I haven’t slept a wink. My brain wouldn’t shut down long enough to allow me to drift off.
Dan’s words kept running through my head. He really didn’t say anything I haven’t thought myself more times than I can count through the past few weeks. But hearing it from him made it harder to shake off.
My logic had seemed sound. I thought that opening myself up to Hannah had left me vulnerable in other areas and that if I shut those feelings down, the other gaps would close as well. Apparently that’s bullshit because we’ve been apart for weeks now and I’m a mess.
For years I’ve channeled all my feelings into baseball and that worked for a long time. Getting involved with Hannah did change that, but only because the rage that fueled me since my mother died had lessened while I was with her. I felt relaxed and truly happy for the first time in years.
Visiting my father had brought all that old shit back and instead of dealing with it like a normal adult, I panicked and fell back into old habits.
What a dumbass.
I’ve been in love with Hannah for months, but was too much of a pussy to admit it. And now that I have, I need to figure out what to do to get her back.
For the first time in weeks, I’m happy with my performance on the field. I made a couple great plays and went three for four, with a two-run homer in the first inning to put us on the board.
The tightness in my shoulders has loosened and the headache I’ve been living with for weeks is mostly gone.
As much as I wanted to get showered and up to Hannah’s office, duty calls. I gave a handful of interviews, discussing and dissecting both my play and that of the entire team. Every minute of delay seemed like an eternity and when I finally answered my last question, I decided I needed to see Hannah immediately.
Cal and Dan stood at their lockers as I crossed the room to get to my own. I toed off my spikes and replaced them with turf shoes. My friends sat back in their chairs watching me with interest.
“You look like you’re in a hurry,” Dan said.
“I need to talk to Hannah.” I wedged my finger between my heel and the back of my shoe and wiggled my foot into place. “Now.”
They looked at each other and smiled.
“Good luck,” Cal said.
“You know what you’re gonna say?” Dan asked.
“I think so.” I chuckled. “Hopefully I’ll remember it all when I’m in the same room as her.”
“You’ll be fine,” Cal said. “Just be honest and tell her how you feel.”
“Thanks guys.” I smiled. “If you don’t hear from me, consider it good news.”
Dan patted me on the back and I out of the locker room to the staircase. I don’t want to waste my time waiting for the elevator. I burst through the doors on Hannah’s floor and ran to her office. Standing outside her door, I took a few deep breaths to slow down my breathing and knocked.
Nothing.
I knocked again.
Nothing.
I opened the door and peeked inside.
Where the hell is she?
Hannah normally starts and ends the day in her office, but she’s definitely not here now.
I closed the door and started back down the hall. One of Hannah’s co-workers walked toward me.
“Have you seen Hannah?” I asked.
“She left for the airport a few minutes ago.”
“The airport?”
She nodded. “Yeah, she’s going to visit her father.”
Obviously Hannah hadn’t told people about our split because this girl looked confused.
“I have no idea how I forgot that was today,” I said. “Thanks.”
Running down the hall, I took the stairs again and ran to my car as fast as humanly possible.
Chapter 41
Hannah
I tried to immerse myself in my book, but wasn’t being very successful. What on earth made me think bringing a romance novel along was a good idea?
Tossing the book back into my purse, I shifted in my seat to get more comfortable. My flight doesn’t leave for another hour.
I’ve been dying to get out to California to meet my new baby brother and managed to work a small break into my schedule. This is going to be another quick trip to the coast but it’ll be worth it to see the little guy before the end of the season.
If I’m being honest with myself, I need a break. The past few weeks have really taken a toll on me. It’s taken a lot of energy to avoid seeing Jack. But even though I haven’t seen him in person, he still surrounds me. The Waves are his team. Pictures of him line the hallways and walkways, and flash on the multitude of TV screens scattered throughout the stadium.
I’m hoping this time away, even though it’s only a couple days, will help pull me out of my Jack-induced coma. Maybe the change of scenery will shift my world back to the way it was before I knew that kissing Jack Reagan is better than anything I’d ever imagined.
I’m not a teenager who thinks six months is an eternity. In the grand scheme of things, logically I know that my time spent with Jack should just be a blip on my radar. Once I convince my heart of that fact, I’ll be able to get my life back under control.
Control.
That’s what Jack said he wanted. Hopefully he’s gotten it.
“Are you okay?”
I looked up and realized that those words were meant for me.
Nodding at the woman sitting across from me, I said, “I’
m fine.”
“You’re crying,” she said. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I dragged my fingers along my damp cheeks. I hadn’t realized.
“I’m sure,” I said. “But thank you for asking.”
She studied me a moment longer then went back to her knitting. I reached into my purse and dug around for a tissue. The pack I found at the bottom only had one left, but hopefully that’s all I’ll need. I dabbed at my eyes then blew my nose and tucked the tissue in my pocket.
Picking up my phone I turned the camera on selfie mode and lifted my glasses. My eyes look a little red and puffy, but I managed to keep the concealer I’d applied to the dark circles intact.
I was about to turn off the phone when something behind me caught my eye. Holding up the phone, I watched what appeared to be Jack jogging through the terminal. I whipped my head around so fast, my neck cracked.
I’m not hallucinating, it is Jack. And he’s pretty easy to pick out because he’s still wearing his uniform. In my peripheral vision, I saw no less than a dozen cell phones trained on him.
And then he turned and looked directly at me and everything else faded out of sight.
Jack
“Hannah!” I yelled and ran in her direction, dodging my way through all the people. I’m sure I look like a manic and every cell phone turned in my direction is capturing it. But I can’t worry about that right now.
I finally made it to the gate and ran the short distance to her. She hadn’t left her seat but her eyes remained glued to my face. Kneeling down in front of her, I fought to catch my breath.
“Thank God I found you.”
“What are you doing here, Jack?”
Looking at her, everything I’d planned to say disappeared from my brain. All the flowery words and explanations were gone, and only one thing remained.
“I love you, Hannah,” I said. “I love you so much and being without you physically hurts.”
Her eyes widened then shifted from side to side. I looked around and realized a lot of eyes...and cell phones...were watching us. But at this moment, none of that matters. All I care about is making things right with the woman in front of me.
Waste of Handsome (Carolina Waves #2) Page 32
