The Mirador

by Sarah Monette

  “We might pull this off after all,” I said to Corinna afterward, and she lifted her skirt to show me the saint’s medal pinned to her petticoat.

  And then I went to my dressing room, where I found Isaac Garamond practically clawing the walls.

  “Where have you been?”

  “Doing my job, Lieutenant Vulpes. Why are you here?”

  He was pacing the room in a distraught way. “I don’t know. I wanted to talk to someone, to . . . oh, I don’t know!”

  “What in the world is the matter?”

  “I hate him, you know. I can’t stand his eyes. How can people bear looking at him?”

  “Felix?”

  “Yes! I can’t stand having him look at me. I can’t stand him.”

  “Sit down,” I said. Because whatever I thought about Isaac Garamond, nobody would benefit from a wizard being discovered in strong hysterics in my dressing room. “Take a deep breath. What’s happened?”

  “Happened? Nothing’s happened, that’s the problem. Do you know what it’s like to have Louis Goliath staring at you in your dreams?”

  “I’m happy to say I don’t.”

  “You should be happy. He wants to know why I’m not getting anywhere, and I can’t tell him. I don’t know. I don’t know what’s going on behind those goddamned spook eyes of his.”

  “Pity the poor spy,” I said, and I said it scathingly.

  “You don’t understand.”

  “Nor do I want to. Is there something I can do for you, lieutenant? Or did you just come to whine?”

  “Bitch,” he said vilely and flung himself out of the room.

  “And good riddance,” I said after him, though under my breath. At that moment, I wished him and Felix much joy of each other.

  Mildmay

  Me and Felix weren’t talking to each other. I think we both figured it was safer that way. I was fine with silence, but Felix was getting more and more fidgety, and so I was glad when somebody knocked on the door.

  It was Fleur. I’d noticed the way she’d taken to standing farther away from Felix than she had, and had been wondering if it was because of me and Cornell Teverius. But the first thing she said cleared that up—and made me a sight less glad to see her. “What have you been doing to Gideon?”

  “Fleur!” Felix said. “How delightful to see you! Please, come in.”

  “Don’t play games with me.” She did come in, but not very far. “What made him leave you?”

  Felix folded his arms and glared at her. “What business is it of yours?”

  “Felix, I am your friend. I’m not going to stand by and watch while you destroy yourself.” It was a pretty thing to say, and I knew she meant it—she was all flushed and wide-eyed and earnest—but, powers and saints, she didn’t have a clue.

  Felix just kind of sneered at her. “Are you attempting to bring me to an understanding of my wicked ways? I know what I am. So does Gideon. That’s why he left. Your crusade is useless.”

  “What’s wrong with you? You used not to be like this.”

  That made Felix laugh, but not in no nice way. “I’ve always been like this. I just used to be better at hiding it. Good night, Fleur.”

  She stood her ground. “Are you trying to make enemies of everyone in the Mirador?”

  “No. I’m trying to tell you that I don’t want to talk about it. If you really want to be my friend, leave me alone.”

  Her look was pleading, but Felix wasn’t budging an inch. “Very well,” she said, “but, Felix, you know if you want to talk to someone—”

  “Yes, yes, I can come to you. I’m touched, really. Good night, Fleur.” He all but shoved her out the door, and he slammed it behind her. I sat there and tried to look like I hadn’t understood a word they’d said.

  He stared at me, daring me to say something. I was nowhere near stupid enough for that. Finally, he said, “I’m going out.”

  “Okay,” I said. I wanted to ask him where he was going, but I’d been wanting to ask that for months.

  “You must be solid rock from ear to ear,” he snarled and slammed out of the room.

  I knew he’d said it only to hurt me—not because he believed it or anything—but it was a long time before I was able to make my hands unclench.

  But I figured since he wouldn’t be back for a while, I might as well make the most of it, and went over to the Altanueva and St. Holofernes, where Septimus was getting better at looking like he was waiting for a girl. Fidgety instead of bored half to sleep.

  I told him about getting Jenny out of the Kennel and the corpse’s name and how I didn’t know yet what Mrs. Fenris wanted Luther Littleman for, but Jenny was going to get me a meet. “Unless Kolkhis don’t need to know,” I said, not real hopefully, but there was always the outside chance—not that she didn’t want to know, but that she didn’t want me to know.

  Septimus said, “Um,” and looked down at where his fingers were rubbing over a chipped spot on St. Holofernes’s toes.

  “Yeah?”

  “I, um. I ain’t told Keeper.”

  “Ain’t told her what?”

  “Well, anything. Since you said the resurrectionists didn’t know anything. I told her about that.”

  I knew I was staring at him like he’d sprouted wings and started barking, but I couldn’t fucking help it. “Why the fuck not?”

  “Um,” said Septimus and got even more interested in St. Holofernes’s feet.

  “Look, I remember what she does when she catches you holding out on her, so what the fuck?”

  He looked up at me, real quick, and then away. “I, um . . . oh shit. I don’t know what to do.”

  “You could start by answering my question,” I said, and only realized after it got out of my mouth that it was exactly what Felix would’ve said. I sighed. "C’mon. Let’s sit down.”

  I sort of slid down the wall, hoping like fuck I’d be able to get up again. But it was worth it, because after a moment, Septimus sat down next to me, and a moment after that, he said, “She really fucked you over, didn’t she?”

  I didn’t need to ask who he meant. “She’s pretty pissed at me.”

  “I don’t mean that. I mean . . . I dunno. But she really fucked you over. I remember when you left.”

  Oh powers and saints. “You got a point here?” I said and hoped like fuck that he was avoiding eye contact hard enough he wouldn’t see I was turning red.

  “She said you failed her, but you didn’t, did you?”

  “No,” I said, because I hadn’t. Not once.

  “Did you ever, you know, do something for her you wish you hadn’t?”

  “Yeah,” I said and kind of laughed, because that was such a nice fucking way of putting it. Weren’t hardly any teeth in it at all.

  And he shot me this look, sideways but meaning it, and said, “How d’you know?”

  “Sorry?”

  “How d’you know? How d’you know you’re gonna wish you hadn’t done something before you fucking do it?”

  “Um,” I said, but he wasn’t stopping for answers.

  “I been staying away from her so she can’t ask and I won’t have to answer, but I can’t keep that up forever, you know? I mean, it’s okay for now, ’cause she thinks it means you ain’t got no place and I don’t want to tell her, and she’s got other shit to do. But sooner or later, she’s gonna want to know and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to handle it.”

  Oh, kid, there was your first mistake right there, thinking anybody could “handle” Keeper.

  I said, “What is it she’s wanting you to do?”

  He really wasn’t looking at me now, staring down at the floor like he was welded in place. But his voice was still steady. “I’m new—she was training Kelso until he got his stupid self offed last Thermidor. So she ain’t telling me everything yet. But she’s got something big, something with backers, and I think . . .” He ran down for a moment, but he got the clockwork going again. “I think she’s after the Lord Protect
or.”

  “Motherfuck,” I said.

  “Yeah,” Septimus said, unhappy like a cat in a rain barrel. “And I don’t wanna do nothing like that. I don’t wanna do nothing that big. I don’t wanna be like you.” And then he seemed to hear himself and said quickly, “No offense.”

  “Nah, it’s true. You don’t wanna be like me. I mean, look at where it gets you.” I waved a hand at myself. Nothing but scars, one way or another.

  “That ain’t what I meant. You’re a legend, and I don’t want to be one. Not like that.”

  I didn’t ask him why he’d let Kolkhis train him in the first place, along of knowing the answer, down in my bones. I didn’t want to be a legend either.

  “Well, anyway, I can promise you you don’t want to go after Lord Stephen. You won’t be a legend, you’ll just be dead.”

  He was going to get offended, but I said, “Lord Stephen’s got more protection on him than Cerberus Cresset did. And Miriam’s gone.”

  “Miriam?”

  “The hocus who made it so I could kill Cerberus Cresset and not be dead before I touched him.” She’d died the winter after I killed Cresset, and she hadn’t taught no other hocuses how to work that spell.

  “Oh.”

  “Kolkhis didn’t mention that part, huh?”

  “I told you, she ain’t giving me all the details yet. I ain’t even sure Lord Stephen’s the hit.”

  Except I was willing to bet he was sure. Because he was a smart kid, and Kolkhis might not ever tell you much, but she purely did love to hint. I said, “What d’you want to do?”

  He gave me a sort of wild-eyed look. That ain’t a question kept-thieves get asked much.

  "C’mon,” I said. “You can’t just hide from her forever.”

  “Yeah. I know. But.” He chewed on his lip, still giving me that wild-eyed look. “I think maybe this Jenny thing has something to do with the other thing.”

  “How d’you figure that?”

  “I dunno. It just . . . well, it’s the only major thing Keeper’s got right now, and I mean, why else would she care?”

  “About Jenny?”

  “Yeah, and the corpse. It ain’t like Keeper’s into necromancy or anything.”

  Or like she gave a rat’s ass about Jenny. “So you think Jenny’s stiff has something to do with offing Lord Stephen?”

  “I think it might. And I don’t want to tell Keeper anything without knowing.”

  “You know I got reasons for wanting Kolkhis to get her answers. ”

  “Yeah. And I mean . . . I just want to wait, that’s all. I hate trying to make decisions without enough information, you know?”

  I didn’t say it, but that all by itself was a sign he should take himself away from Keeper, and do it soon. Anybody who talked about making decisions that way . . . him and Keeper were just a war waiting to happen. And I was kind of surprised they hadn’t gotten into it already.

  I said, “Yeah. I waited this long. I can go see Jenny’s necromancer and see if she’ll tell me anything. But you can’t put it off forever, right?”

  “Yeah.” He heaved a sigh sounded like it came all the way up from his boots, and got up. “Thanks.”

  “It’s okay.” And before I’d decided whether I was enough of a sissy to ask for some help, he reached down a hand, like it wasn’t no big deal. He didn’t say nothing about it, and I didn’t, neither.

  He opened the secret door, then turned back all of a sudden and said, “Look, if you get something about, you know, about that, and you need to reach me, I got a message drop in Pennycup. The gaslights on Furnival that don’t work no more. Third from the corner of Antimony, river side of the street, the lily on the south side of the base is loose. Anything you put in there, I’ll get it quick. And Keeper don’t know a thing.”

  “Yeah, that’s great. Soon as you tell me how I’m gonna get to Furnival Street without getting fucking lynched, I’m all over it.”

  “Kethe’s cock, I’m trying to do you a favor here!” He sounded kind of raw, like it actually bothered him I was being a prick. Like he cared what I thought.

  “Shit, I’m sorry.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. “Thanks. I’ll remember.”

  “Okay.” And then he went back through the secret door and I went back to the suite. Where Felix wasn’t. And I thought about trying to get to bed, but there was just no fucking point, so I was still sitting up, playing Hermit’s Pleasure, when he came back around the ninth hour of the night. His waistcoat was unbuttoned, and his cravat was in the pocket of his coat.

  “What are you doing up?”

  “You didn’t say I had to go to bed.”

  He gave me a look that was pure poison. He wasn’t drunk, and if he’d been doing phoenix, I couldn’t tell.

  “Now I am telling you. Go to bed.”

  He didn’t hit the obligation d’âme, but I knew he meant it.

  At the door of my room, I stopped and looked at him. I didn’t want to ask, but I couldn’t think of no other way to show him I cared about him. “Where were you?”

  It didn’t make him angry. He just said sadly, “Nowhere you want to know about,” and walked into his bedroom. He locked the door behind him, and there was nothing more me or anybody else could do. He’d put himself out of reach.

  Tickets for Edith Pelpheria came before court.

  “Two tickets,” Felix said, taking them out of their envelope. He was himself again, like last night hadn’t happened or something. “How kind of Mehitabel.”

  “I don’t much want to go,” I said.

  “Nonsense. It’s a great play, and you would be stupid to miss it.”

  “Really, I—”

  “Besides, committee meetings are one thing, but I can’t show myself to the adoring masses without you. And I want to see it.”

  “Powers, Felix, I don’t—”

  “Your absence would be remarkable and conspicuous—as mine would be, for that matter. We are noted patrons of the Empyrean. No one will eat you, Mildmay.”

  “Oh, okay,” I said, because he would get what he wanted anyway. He always did.

  “Excellent,” he said and tucked the tickets in his waistcoat pocket.

  He must have decided, sometime when I wasn’t looking, that it was time for things to get back to normal. Today, he didn’t lose track of me after court, and so I had to go off to the Lesser Coricopat and another fucking Curia meeting. Everybody got so quiet when I walked in behind him that you’d’ve thought they’d fallen down a well. Fuck me sideways ’til I cry, I thought, but I put myself behind Felix’s chair and I stood there like I was a statue or something and pretended I couldn’t see the way Lady Agnes Bellarmyn and her cronies were looking at me. I didn’t watch the hocuses to either side of Felix sliding their chairs away sideways either.

  And then Lord Giancarlo came in and gave me a nasty look under his bushy gray eyebrows same way he always did, and Felix leaned back and tilted his head toward me. I bent down, and he said, just loud enough for me to hear, “Don’t waste your time caring what these twits think about you.” Then he straightened up again, all attention and innocence for Lord Giancarlo, and I straightened up, too, and felt like every bone in my body was only half as heavy as it had been a minute ago. No matter how much I tried to keep myself from caring what Felix thought, and no matter what I might say to him about trusting him—and no matter how true that was—I couldn’t keep from feeling right now like the only thing that mattered was that Felix didn’t hate me, that he was on my side against the whole fucking Curia. If he’d asked me to fly around the room right then, I would’ve tried.

  I didn’t pay no attention to the Curia meeting after that, except for noticing that Felix was on his best behavior, and even Lady Agnes couldn’t draw him. I saw Lord Giancarlo’s eyebrows noticing that, too, and I knew he was wondering what horrible thing that meant Felix had in store for him. But if Felix was plotting anything nasty for the Curia, he didn’t spring it on them before the end of the meeting, and he fu
rthermore got us out of there before Lady Agnes could catch him.

  We spent a while in the Archive of Thistles, and I was still feeling so happy I didn’t even mind being bored, and then we went back to the suite, and Vincent Demabrien was waiting for us—I mean, for Felix. The look he gave me said he’d’ve been happier if I’d been off drowning myself in the Sim or something.

  “Vincent!” Felix said. “Good afternoon—well, evening I guess,” with a look at his pocket watch. “What can I do for you?”