Shoulda Been A Cowboy: Rough Riders, Book 7

by Lorelei James

  “Say something,” he insisted.

  “I’m sorry. All this time we’ve been together, I demanded something from you that I wasn’t prepared to give in return. I’ve given you my body without hesitation, but not my…” Emotion engulfed her.

  “Sweet Jesus, Domini, baby, why are you crying?”

  “Because I’m an idiot. I tried to protect my heart from you, but it’s safe with you, isn’t it?”

  “Yes, baby, it’s safe with me. I’ll always keep it safe.”

  “I love you. I think I’ve always loved you.”

  Then his mouth was on hers. Kissing her with sweetness and tenderness so rare for him. Her tears fell with each gentle glide of his lips, with each heartbeat, with each shared breath. When she broke the kiss to whisper, “You make me feel whole too,” he clutched her like he’d never let her go.

  After he’d squeezed the breath out of her, he laughed. Hard.

  “What?”

  “Did you really think I’d trade you in for a model that wasn’t missing parts?” He swept her hair behind her ear. “I’m missing parts. That hasn’t mattered to you, has it?”

  “No.”

  “Then why would you think it’d matter to me? I married you for real, for keeps, forever. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, not making babies with you.”

  “You’re too good to be true.”

  “Nah. Just crazy about my wife.” Cam kissed her again. “Besides, if we ever get a handle on how to parent the kid we’ve already got, and if we decide we want more, we can adopt. After what we’ve seen the world over…we both know—you probably better than anyone—that there are kids all over the world who need a home.”

  “You want to adopt Anton?”

  “Yes. I know you’re surprised.”

  “That’s putting it mildly.”

  “It’s taken me time to adjust. Maybe you should’ve kept me in the loop as far as what legal steps you were taking alone, with the help of Ginger Paulson, on lining up Anton’s adoption.”

  Her face flamed. “You knew?”

  “Only because I saw her bill on your desk at Dewey’s. Were you going to tell me?”

  “Maybe. Probably. I guess I wanted to see if you’d change your mind.”

  “Princess, I’m damn stubborn. Once I set my mind to something, I don’t change it. Since you’ve been sick and I’ve been hanging out with Anton I had an epiphany of sorts. I realized I really like the kid. I also understood that for the last two months I tried to get along with Anton for your sake. That’s unfair, not only to you, but to me, and most of all to Anton.

  “It’s scary shit being entrusted with the care of a child, but you’ve bucked up to the challenge so can I. Anton deserves better than my half-assed attempt at being a father figure. He needs a real father and I intend to be one to him if he’ll let me.”

  Domini closed her eyes. She was half afraid if she reopened them she’d find this was all some kind of cruel dream. One of those where everything she’d ever wanted was within her grasp and as soon as she reached for it, it’d vanish into mist and she’d wake up.

  “Domini? Say something.”

  “Am I dreaming?”

  “No baby, this is as real as it gets.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  Everything Domini said, everything that’d come out, gave Cam an unbelievable sense of relief their marriage was real—and finally on the right track. When Domini insisted on helping his mother clean up, he’d been grateful for a few moments alone. Not that it’d last long. Sure enough he heard, “Cam?”

  He glanced up at Jack Donohue’s approach. Cam tried not to scowl at the man his sister hated, who was also his brother’s best friend. “Hey, Jack. What’s up?”

  “Not much. I’m looking for…” Jack jammed his hands in his pockets and scowled at his shoes.

  Cam knew who Jack was seeking out, but no way would he point the man in Keely’s direction. But he would let the poor sucker off the hook. “You looking for Carter?”

  “No, I know where Carter and Thane are. They’re partnering up for the games. Are you joining in?”

  His mother loved games. Which meant she subjected her children to games, even as adults. “I haven’t decided. Why?”

  “I saw Anton sitting by himself on the porch swing.”

  His eyes narrowed. Did Jack’s tone sound a little judgmental?

  “Jesus. Do all you McKays practice that fiery death stare from the cradle?” Jack demanded.

  “Yep.”

  “Awesome. I’d hate to think that foul-mouthed cowgirl cornered the market on dirty looks in this family.” He sighed. “Anyway, I just thought you should know about Anton.” Jack sauntered off.

  Cam headed for the front of the house, discreetly rubbing at the top of his socket. He was sweating like crazy and the damn thing itched today.

  When he saw Anton with Gracie’s head in his lap, the dejected look on the kid’s face released a flood of emotions, none of which he knew how to handle.

  Figure it out.

  “Why so glum chum?” Cam asked from the bottom of the stairs. “Why aren’t you playing games with the rest of your—” cousins, but Cam amended it to, “—buddies?”

  Anton didn’t look up. “I don’t know how to throw a rope. How to hook something with a rope. How to tie something up with a rope. I don’t know how to do any of that ranch and cowboy stuff.”

  “That’s all they’re doin’?”

  “No. There was a foot race. I got third. Colt got first and Ky got second.”

  Cam bit back a groan. Colt’s competitive streak would never go away. “Third is damn good.”

  Anton finally looked at him. “You really think so?”

  “Sure. What other games does Grama have planned?”

  “Some pin chaps on the cowboy for the little kids and a three-legged race.”

  Cam’s stomach did a loop-de-loop. Anything but that. He managed, “Do you want to enter that one?”

  “Yeah, but Domini’s sick and she can’t do it.”

  Don’t say it. Don’t even think it. You will fall on your ass and embarrass yourself in front of your entire family.

  But Cam’s mouth opened anyway despite the warning of self-preservation. “We could partner up for it.”

  “It’s okay. I know you don’t wanna do it and you’re trying to be nice to me.”

  The kid’s dead-on assessment of his attitude stung. “Why would I offer if I didn’t mean it?”

  Anton shrugged. “All grownups say things they don’t mean.”

  The truth left shame coiling in his gut. Cam had sworn to Anton he was nothing like his father. But he acted just like Rex—he ignored the boy the same as Rex had done.

  Hellfire and damnation. Cam wished he could erase the last two months. But since he couldn’t, the best he could do was to start fresh.

  “Look, I could feed you full of crap, offering excuses on why I’ve kept my distance since you moved in with us. I could make promises about how everything will be ponies and puppies and sparkling rainbows from here on out, but you’re a smart kid. You’ve been burned by those lies before.

  “So I’ll just tell you I’m sorry. I will do better, not try to do better, but I’ll actually be part of your life. Every day, not just at family picnics or when I’ve got no other choice because Domini is working. It’ll take time to prove to you I’m in this for the long haul, but luckily for us, neither of us is going anywhere any time soon.”

  Anton ruffled his fingers through Gracie’s fur.

  “I understand if you don’t wanna partner up with me, bein’s I have a peg leg and all, but I used to whup butt all the time in races when we were kids.”

  That caught Anton’s attention. “You’re serious about being in the three-legged race with me?”

  “Yep. We’re the ringers, no one expects us to compete so I think we’ve got a shot at winning.”

  Anton smiled. Shyly. “Maybe we do.”

  “Come on. Le
t’s go.”

  The area in front of the pickups had been cleared. A section of orange rope was used as the starting line. The course curved and ended by the old outhouse. His family members had already paired off and were tying orange ropes around their “third” leg. Cord with Ky, Colby with Gib, Carter with Thane, Kade with Eliza, Buck with Hayden. Colt and Jack were helping Colby’s second son Braxton, and Carter’s second son Parker, get set up.

  “Got room for us?” Cam asked.

  Everyone stopped. All eyes zoomed to him and Anton. Anton half-ducked behind him. Damn. He knew just how the kid felt.

  “Of course we do!” Carolyn said. She walked over with Miles cocked on her hip. “There’s the rope. Help yourselves.”

  While they readied for the race, the crowd grew. His sisters-in-law, assorted cousins, aunts and uncles stood on the sidelines. But there was only one face he searched for: Domini’s.

  When she smiled, her eyes shone, her face lit up as her gaze flicked back and forth between him and Anton. She gave them both a thumbs-up.

  Once his and Anton’s legs were tied together, they took a couple practice steps. Shit. That hurt. He clamped his teeth together and rode out the pain. He’d done it before. For months. And months. He could do it for five more minutes. He forced a smile. “Ready?”

  “Yep. Are you?”

  Hell no. “Yep.” He wrapped his arm around Anton’s shoulders; Anton brought his arm around Cam’s waist.

  Keely made a big production of starting the race with a long green scarf. “On your marks. Get set. Go!”

  Cheers erupted and the race was on.

  Cord and Ky took the early lead. Cam kept his head down and focused exclusively on his footing and the terrain beneath his feet. Heel first, step kept repeating in his head. Heel first, step. Heel first, step.

  Cam and Anton built up a good rhythm. They weren’t winning, and Cam was in pain, but Anton seemed to be getting a huge kick out of it and that’s what mattered.

  Then two things happened simultaneously. Parker and Braxton veered off course, directly into their path. While Cam attempted to avoid mowing over the little boys, he wasn’t watching his footing and the toe of his prosthetic foot caught in a gopher hole.

  Panic and inevitability seized his lungs. If he landed on his nephews, he’d crush their bodies. Ditto if he hit Anton with his full weight. So he took the logical course of action and jerked to his left so he crashed on his hip and prosthetic leg.

  The familiar agonizing pain assaulted him. Too much sweat caused the rubber sleeve covering his stump to loosen and slide down. The vacuum suction popped and gave way. Then his prosthetic was flopping around inside his pant leg. He was completely helpless.

  Fuck.

  It seemed dozens of hands touched him at once. Dozens of voices spoke to him. Cam gritted his teeth and kept his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see the looks of pity and concern from his family. He wanted everyone to leave him the fuck alone.

  “Cam?”

  Her soft voice cut through the chatter, but he still flinched at the idea of his wife seeing him lying in a big goddamn pile in the middle of the fucking yard.

  “I’m here. Look at me. Just me.”

  He squinted at her even though her face was only inches away.

  “How bad is it?” she asked.

  Hurts like a motherfucking son of a bitch. “Bad enough. It detached.”

  “Okay.” She moved back and quickly unzipped the section of his pants that turned them from pants into shorts.

  “Let me see.” Keely bulled her way in beside Domini and dropped to her knees.

  “That’s not—”

  “Did you bring your crutches?” Keely demanded.

  No. He’d forgotten them.

  “Of course you didn’t. First we need to get it completely off.”

  “I know. That’s what I’m doing,” Domini said.

  “Has it been coming loose a lot lately? You need to trot your stubborn self to the VA and have it refitted. Bodies change. I think—”

  “I think I’ve got this, Keely, thanks,” Domini said tightly.

  “But do you know—”

  “Yes, I know what my husband needs, so I suggest you back off so I can give it to him. Now.”

  Silence.

  Keely’s hands went up defensively.

  Cam was stunned when Domini took it a step further. She addressed his family. “Thanks for your concern. We’d appreciate it if you all gave Cam space right now.”

  Everyone backed off. Including Keely.

  Despite the stitch in his thigh, he shifted toward Anton, sitting cross-legged beside him. Tear tracks streaked his dirty face. Alarmed, Cam said, “Anton? Did you get hurt?”

  Anton shook his head.

  “Then why are you crying, sport?”

  He whispered, “Because I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For making you do the race. You knew this would happen, huh?”

  Cam wanted to toss off something clever, but he hurt too fucking bad to try. He hated the throbbing pain in the aftermath of a fall. Guaranteed his stump would be bruised and it’d be damn painful to walk for the next week.

  “Did you get hurt?” Anton asked in a small voice.

  “Nah.” He reached over and brushed dirt off Anton’s knee. “I’m fine. Don’t worry about it, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “I wish I could send you for my crutches like last time. That was a big help.”

  “Maybe next time I could remember to put them in the truck for you when we go somewhere,” Anton offered.

  “That would be great. I can’t seem to remember shit like that.” He looked up at Domini expecting her to spear him with a dark look because he’d cursed again.

  “Wait a minute. What did you mean by last time?” Domini repeated. “What happened?”

  “Cam fell down on the back deck. I got his crutches and helped him up. Then he showed me his fake leg.”

  Her mouth dropped open. “You fell? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Cam exchanged a look with Anton. “Because it was no big deal and us guys gotta have some secrets. Plus, I was in a lot of pain and cussin’ up a storm. And I know you don’t want me swearing around him.”

  “True. So maybe you’d better give us a minute alone, young secret keeper and crutches fetcher,” Domini said to Anton.

  “Aw, I don’t think he’s gonna swear that much,” Anton said.

  “Maybe I’m going to swear at him,” Domini replied coolly.

  Cam muttered, “Shit.”

  Anton raced off.

  Smart kid.

  Domini didn’t bat an eye as she removed his stump from the socket. “Keely has a point, Cam. You’ve been having issues with the fit since before we got married.” She peeled the socks off. “You’re using five socks? Instead of two?”

  “The damn sleeve is really slippery lately. I need the extras to mop up the sweat but it doesn’t help and it still hurts like a bitch.”

  “You in pain now?”

  “Yeah.”

  “How bad?”

  “It’s been worse.”

  Domini rattled off a Russian phrase.

  Hell, she only swore in Russian when she was really pissed. He attempted to remove his stump from her hands. “Let me do this. I…you know my family ain’t ever seen me—”

  “Vulnerable?” she supplied. “The injured war hero Cameron McKay has a chip on his shoulder the size of his missing leg, when it comes to letting his family see his stump.”

  Cam’s mouth dropped open in shock.

  But his wife wasn’t finished. “I can see how you’d hate all the love, support and help they’ve offered you. That has to suck.”

  “Domini—”

  She got right in his face. “I understand that you don’t want to show your stump to the world at large. But these people—” she gestured to the group watching them very closely from afar, “—aren’t the world at large. They care about you. Th
ey always have, they always will. What don’t you get about that?”

  “You sent Keely away,” he pointed out.

  “I’m not talking about Keely. Besides, if I wouldn’t have told her to back off, you would have.”

  True.

  “Your inability to let your family see, just once, what the damn war did to you physically, makes you emotionally handicapped, and that is way worse than losing your damn leg.”

  A hot wave of shame washed over him.

  What could he say? Domini was exactly right. Yet, no one had dared say it to him before now. Ballsy, this soft-spoken woman he married.

  He turned his head, but instead of facing away, he looked toward the family members who hadn’t gone far after the directive from his suddenly bossy wife.

  In truth, his family never had gone far. They’d rallied around him from the second he’d been back on American soil. Never complained when he’d banned them from the hospital. Understood when he claimed the need for privacy. Had they resigned themselves to the fact he’d never be the man he was?

  You aren’t the man you were and maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

  Talk about a day for epiphanies.

  Domini touched his face. “You mad at me?”

  He kissed the inside of her wrist. “Yeah, I hate that you’re right. So what do I do? Lay here and let them file over and gawk at me like…” I’ve always feared they would?

  The pack of dogs chasing a squirrel brought Ky running past. He skidded to a stop. Behind Ky were the rest of his nephews. His whole body stiffened as he braced himself for their stares. And questions. And disgust.

  Ky peered at his stump without apology. “So did it hurt when they chopped it off?”

  “I don’t remember, but it hurt afterward.”

  Gib asked, “Didja cry?”

  “Yep.”

  “I prolly woulda cried too,” he said solemnly.

  Out of the mouth of babes.

  Thane edged closer to the prosthetic. “Is that a robot leg?”

  “Sort of.”

  His hazel eyes went wide. “Like in Transformers?”

  “If it was like in Transformers, Uncle Cam could turn his leg into an arm,” Ky chided.

  Before Cam answered, Gib said, “Wouldn’t it be cool if he could turn it into a machine gun?”