Flower In The Palace

by Jordan Silver

  I wiped the lone tear that fell onto my cheek away and stared into the fire. How many nights could we have spent like this? Sitting by a warm fire as we read to each other?

  I rubbed the sleeping dog’s ears and felt the tear in my heart that refuse to be healed. As long as I live I don’t think it would go away. And I hated myself when just on the heels of that thought, I saw the healer’s face.

  BRYONY

  That dog, where had I seen the animal before? I’m sure that I hadn’t, today was the first time. But somehow he seemed so familiar, and he seemed to know me as well.

  I’d been caught out by a pet. Today for the first time I’d stayed closer than usual. It was almost as if I couldn’t help myself, as if I’d been drawn to him. Like a moth to a flame.

  I knew it was pointless, and maybe even dangerous, but I couldn’t help myself. When I’d heard the fit he’d thrown because of my escape, it had warmed my heart more than it should.

  But I reminded myself that he only thought of me because I reminded him of someone else. It was a sobering thought. I wasn’t the one he really saw when he looked at me.

  But someone else. Someone from his past. Someone that he loved so much he couldn’t let go not even in death. Of course I’d made some inquiries and now knew who his Mia was.

  It was a heartbreaking story of young love. Something I’ll never know. I was in turns jealous of the dead girl, and sad that a love that strong had ended so tragically.

  No wonder he finds it so hard to let go. It seems their love had barely had time to grow before it ended without warning. The story only made me feel for him more.

  But this worry about someone trying to kill him was taking precedence in my mind. The whole thing reminds me of why my godmother had stayed away from the world for so long.

  I couldn’t imagine why anyone would want to harm the Emperor. A man of such moral fortitude and high standards. All of his dealings as far as I can tell were ethical and thoughtful towards others.

  But maybe like Des says I shouldn’t get too entangled in matters of the court. Speaking of my brother, he’s been acting rather strange ever since we came here.

  Sometimes I’d catch him watching me with the oddest expression on his face, but always he says it’s nothing when I ask as to the reason for his strange behavior.

  Whatever the case, we were both being extra careful since the poison attempt. After leaving the garden the Emperor has been shut away all day.

  I think he works too hard for one so young. He seems much too young to have so much on his shoulders. And to be suffering a broken heart as well. He’s the richest and most powerful man in the land. And I wonder how many knows how much he suffers.

  Emperor Jai

  Today for some reason I felt Mia’s presence stronger than ever. She’d been in my dreams the night before, staying with me until morning. I’d awakened almost expecting to find here there, only to face the bitter disappointment once again, of waking alone.

  I headed to the training field first thing, in an effort to clear my head, but after two hours of sparring and another of archery, she was still with me.

  After freshening up, I knew what I had to do. “We’re going to the Orchid Palace.” It was the first time I’d been there in the middle of the day in a long time.

  I didn’t stop there, but kept going to the wall where we’d first met. I stood before the wall, just staring at it as if expecting her to appear before me.

  She didn’t of course, and I felt silly for expecting anything different than what I’ve found each time I’ve visited this spot in the last five and a half years.

  BRYONY

  I’d been walking with my head down as usual when we came to a stop near the wall. As always I stayed back, hidden from view of everyone. Just then a little bluebird flew close to my head causing me to look up.

  The vision flashed before my eyes so quickly I almost missed it. I watched the bird as it was now and as it had been then.

  Watched as the young girl came into view. My heart beat against my chest and my head spun as color and sounds invaded my mind. And then she turned in the sunlight and I saw her face.

  I had to hold onto the tree next to which I stood before I fell flat on my face. That girl, who is she? And why does she look like me? Nausea rose in my throat and I had to hold my breath and bend over double so that I didn’t throw up.

  Just as quickly as it came the vision was gone. But my mind refused to let it go. Something tugged at the edge of my memory and I remembered where I first saw that vision, of this place. It was that night in the cottage. The night he first held me in his arms.

  For the rest of the day I replayed the vision over and over again in my mind looking for answers. Luckily the Emperor stayed put in his study most of the day, but then as night fell he decided to go out on another one of his incognito trips to the city.

  My mind wasn’t on what I was doing and that is why I was almost too late getting in front of him when the attack came. I swiftly moved from my place in the shadows once I perceived the threat, but there was no time to call out a warning.

  I felt searing pain in my shoulder just as I brought my sword up and felled the assailant. Des was busy dealing with the other one when I fell to the ground in darkness.

  EMPEROR JAI

  I did not see my attacker until it was almost too late. My head wasn’t on my surroundings, but filled with thoughts of Mia once again. I have no idea why today of all days she refused to leave me, but she hadn’t left my side all day.

  I thought this trip into the city, gathering information would clear my mind a bit. Not that I resented thoughts of my Princess.

  But sometimes, like today, when the thoughts linger and stay on my mind with the exclusion of all else, I find it almost hard to even function.

  I drew my sword just as the shadow landed in front of me but it would’ve been too late. Had it not been for Bryan.

  He pushed me backward with his shoulder in my chest and deflected the enemy’s sword with his. It all happened so quickly that it was over before I knew it.

  I lifted him from the ground where he fell after taking the enemy’s sword to his shoulder. Des was soon there after dispatching the other assailant and he took his brother from my arms and we headed back the way we came almost at a run.

  I called for the imperial doctor even though Des tried to stop me with the excuse that he could see to the wound himself.

  “No, he must have the best care.” For a split second I thought of the healer, but put her out of my mind immediately.

  The imperial doctor came and was ushered into the room while eunuch Van fussed over me like I was the one who’d been hurt.

  I had to listen to him tell me for the one thousandth time how dangerous it was to go out at night and knew it would be some time before I enjoy the pleasure again.

  The doctor returned not long after and I made to enter the room.

  “I’m sorry Your Majesty but you may not enter this chamber.”

  “Why? He was hurt protecting me, out of my way.”

  “I don’t know how to tell you this Your Majesty, but he, is a she.”

  “What?” I felt the blood drain from my face as I brushed past him and entered the chamber.

  There on the bed was the healer, Bryony. The headgear had fallen away from her hair and though the doctor had made her decent there was no mistaking the mounds on her chest beneath the sheet.

  My knees went weak and my world dark as I stared in disbelief. I’d been played for a fool. She’d been so close. How had I let her get so close? Who’d hired them? And why hadn’t they killed me already?

  I thought back to that day in the forest. It had been real, all of it. It was no dream like I’d been told. The old lady…

  “Eunuch Van.” He came running into the room but I stopped him at the door.

  “Seize him and throw him in the dungeons.” I pointed at Des who’d been standing just outside the door. “I want men sent to the cottag
e in the forest where you found me. Bring the old woman here to me.”

  Des didn’t even object when he was dragged away by my guardsmen. There was no expression on his face to give me any idea as to what was going on.

  “When she awakens have her sent to the village of the untouchables.” I didn’t look back at her as I left the room. My heart and mind were in turmoil. And once again my guilt surpassed them all.

  I’d betrayed Mia, I’d slept with someone else. I rushed back to my palace to be sick in private. I threw up everything that was inside me until there was nothing left. But there was no getting rid of the guilt that filled my gut.

  There was a scream of rage trapped inside me that I was afraid once given voice would never end. Which of my enemies had set her in my path? Who had been so callous as to bring this upon me?

  Of all the things they could’ve done to bring me low, this was a masterpiece. But who had done it? No matter how I searched my mind, I could find no answers.

  Realistically I knew had they been sent to kill me they would’ve done so already. They’d had more than enough opportunities. And hadn’t the girl saved me more than once?

  But hadn’t they killed me all the same? My heart was dead, the betrayal too deep to ignore. I can never go back, never undo what had already been done. To assuage the guilt I fed the anger.

  My anger kept me on my feet for days to come. I did not see but was told that the girl had awakened and was immediately transported to the restricted village.

  If my anger had cooled I might have taken the time to ask her who’d sent her and what this was all about, but I never wanted to lay eyes on her again.

  Even as I thought it, I knew it was a lie. And that just made the guilt worsen. I spent the following days escalating my campaign against the enemy, starting with the ministers first.

  Those whose wealth had been gained through suspicious means saw that wealth taken away overnight. Those suspected and now proven to have taken lives to farther their gain had lost their heads.

  I used my father and grandfather’s findings and expanded on them in ways they could not or did not know how to.

  Prince Javan and Dunal Morgana oversaw things outside the palace, while from inside I tore away the fabric of evil that had plagued my kingdom for decades.

  My anger fueled me in the next few weeks, and no one, except my mother dared stand in the face of my wrath. She dared because once I shared certain things with her, things that confirmed others father had once told her, she was behind me one hundred percent.

  I had the Empress dowager under heavy watch though she did not know it. Not until I spring my trap. As for Prince Loren, he too was being watched carefully, his every move recorded.

  Three weeks after I’d sent men to the forest they returned with the news that the old woman was nowhere to be found.

  The cottage they said, was deserted. In the dungeons Des was questioned everyday and had yet to give anything up. And at night my dreams were plagued by the girl.

  My dreams were a confusing mix of reality, fantasy and fear. I woke every morning with more guilt and hate for myself. I could no longer tell them apart, my Mia and Bryony.

  I still could not figure out how the two women could look so similar in appearance. But I knew she could not be my Mia no matter how I wished it to absolve me of my guilt.

  Still, in the deep of the night, I find it harder and harder to separate the two and this was the source of my greatest guilt.

  That not only had I shared what was rightfully hers with someone else when we never got the chance to be man and wife. But that now in my mind I keep interchanging the two.

  I didn’t allow myself to think of her in that place, the hardship she must be facing. It’s no more than she deserved for what she’d done to me. At my angriest I even imagined having her whipped to within an inch of her life.

  But in the end she had put her life in danger to save mine, so I had to have at least some leniency towards her. But I wish I could go at least one day without a thought of her intruding.

  BRYONY

  It’s been weeks since I awakened from the sleep brought on by the wound in my shoulder. Upon first awakening my mind had been a muddle of confusing thoughts.

  Scenes had played out in my head, running together one after the other until my brain felt like it would split in two.

  And then it was as if some door in my mind had finally been opened and everything came rushing back all at once. As I untangled the mess of my thoughts the story begun to unfold.

  The pain in my shoulder was nothing compared to the one in my heart. I could not understand all that had happened to bring me to this point no matter how hard I tried.

  My past came back in bits and pieces with large chunks missing. I knew such fear then as I tried to blend the two halves of myself together in my mind. Until my memory returned fully, there was nothing I could do.

  My first thought had been to tell the Emperor. When I remembered him calling me by my name, the pain and longing in his voice. I wanted so much to tell him that my memory was returning. But fear of the unknown kept my tongue still.

  And then I was brought here, to this horrid place, by order of the Emperor. I understood his anger and his feeling of betrayal. How could I not? As the days went on and more and more of our past together became clear, I understood much.

  But the one thing that was missing was the who and the why. Someone had gone to great lengths to destroy what we once had. Not knowing who that enemy was, was the worst thing of all.

  My first days here I lived in constant fear. Now that my mind was open and things were coming back to me, that fear only grew. Out there somewhere I had an enemy that wanted me dead.

  It was obvious that the old woman, Giselle, was not my godmother. But who was she and what part had she played in my ‘death’? I remembered waking up in the old musty coffin, remember the fear; could still feel the remnants even now.

  Try as I might though I couldn’t remember my last day in the palace. I remembered the walks together with Jai. I remember all of his kindnesses, the sweet love notes shared between lovers, but that was it.

  Back then the only one I knew had a grievance against me, against us, was the Princess Rowena. But she was too young to have carried out such a thing. But then I remembered there was another. Her grandmother, the Grand Empress dowager…

  Emperor Jai

  The clouds rolled in at midafternoon. There was a great storm coming in and my first thoughts were of her. No matter how I try, I can’t seem to escape her. Bryony!

  I no longer feel that great hate and resentment, I tried to hold onto it, but somehow I am not able to. I remember instead the times she’d saved me, putting her own life at risk that last time.

  “Eunuch Van!” As the clouds grew darker I felt more and more restless.

  “Yes Your Majesty.”

  “Have my horse saddled, I’m going out.”

  He argued that it was about to rain but his worries fell on deaf ears. No matter how much I may not wish to, I had to go. Was almost compelled to.

  I took only him with me as I left the palace, dressed once again as I did when I was a child trying to escape the confines of the palace, in a nobleman’s robes.

  This is something I had never stopped doing over the years and don’t think I ever will. It had been little more than three weeks since I’d sent her away, but not a day went by that she didn’t play heavily on my mind.

  I reached the village almost an hour later, just as the thunder and lightning rolled in. No one dared approach me, dressed as I was in my nobleman’s garb. And I knew no one here knew who I was.

  I asked one person for her whereabouts, my heart racing out of my chest now that I was here, so close. I knew it was because no matter what excuse I gave myself, I couldn’t wait to see her again.

  Vexation and worry warred within me, but I was already here. Had barely given it a thought when I made the decision to come.

  I found her in
a dust covered little room with shelves of grain and other supplies for the village. She did not see me, and that is the way I wanted it to stay.

  I watched through a small opening in the door as she cowered in the corner with her hands over her ears as the lightning flashed and thunder clashed across the sky.

  I fought the need to go to her, but stood where I was, as if that was enough to protect her. No matter what I tell myself, I couldn’t have left her alone here today, knowing how she fears the storm. I hated that I cared.

  As I looked at her face in profile she looked so much like my beauty. In fact the more I see her, the more it’s getting harder to tell the difference between the two of them.

  There were a few changes of course, but they were all what I would’ve expected in my beauty had she lived to womanhood. Still, there were enough differences to make it impossible.

  Enough of this! I will not let my enemies get the best of me this way. They thought to use my heart against me, for that I will make them suffer.

  “Eunuch, Van.” I whispered the words as he was right by my side.

  “Yes Your Majesty.”

  “Get someone to stay with her.”

  I turned and left the way I came while he went to see to it. The place was a forgotten hole in my kingdom. It’s here that the sick and dying of the poor come to spend their last days.

  The days are long and hard, each one harder than the last. And there is no way out but death. Here only the very worse of society dwell and there are all manner of crimes and deviance committed.

  I had chosen this place in the heat of anger, but now I felt guilt for that as well. It was too late to do anything about it now though. I’d already passed the decree and could not go back on my word.