Flower In The Palace

by Jordan Silver

  “After I was hurt. That day I was distracted because I had a vision of sorts. When you went to the wall. I saw…I saw us on the day we first met.”

  “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you stop me from sending you to that dreadful place?”

  “I didn’t know what was real and what was not. What could I have said? I wasn’t sure myself in the beginning, whether the visions were real or just my imagination.”

  We stared at each other, neither of us saying anything as I drank her in. Her beautiful face was even more beautiful now that she’d grown into womanhood.

  No matter that she’d lived in filth and had just given birth to my son, she was still the most beautiful creature I’ve ever known.

  Her eyes, those magnificently sparkling gems that had never left my dreams, looked at me now. So open, so trusting. I didn’t deserve it.

  “Can you ever forgive me Empress? For all that you have suffered because of me, can you ever forgive me?” I felt the pain of the years we’d been apart. Suffered each time I remembered where I’d found her.

  Her life should’ve been filled with all that’s good, and instead, because of me, because of my family, she’d been made to suffer an abominable fate.

  “There’s nothing to forgive Jai.” Hearing her say my name after all these years. In that same way she always, has was the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard.

  And when she smiled at me, I felt it in my heart. I know that I would give even my throne to keep look on her face for the rest of her days. For her to never know pain again. Never suffer the way she already has.

  “Come and see your son.” She looked down at the babe in her arms and back up at me when I didn’t move. I was still finding it hard to believe.

  Now that the mad dash to get her, them, back here safely was over, it was all hitting me at once. She was really here, before me. Alive and well, and had borne me a son. How will I ever deserve this? What fete can I achieve to make me worthy of this after letting her down all those years ago?

  She held out a hand as if guessing what thoughts were going through my head, and I moved towards the bed with my heart in my lungs. The love I felt in that moment for the two of them could not be measured.

  I’d lost everything in an instant those many years ago, and now in the space of one night had been repaid tenfold. How can I ever repay her for what she have given me?

  I sat on the bed beside her and gently pulled the cloth back from my son’s face. It was like looking into a mirror. He was the spitting image of me.

  But had there been any doubt, the birthmark on his chest was proof enough for anyone who may question his birthright.

  I looked from the child to his mother. As happy as I was to have fathered a child when I thought that was a pleasure I would never know. It was the mother’s return which I held most dear.

  I held them both in my arms now, bringing them close to my heart. “Don’t ever leave me again. You must never leave me again Mia.” I held her closer as close as I could with our child between us as we both cried.

  Emperor Jai

  I wiped her tears and took my son from her arms, laying him on the other side of her on our bed so I could get closer to her. Once he settled down after a moment’ fussing I turned back to her, lifting her onto my lap.

  “That night in the forest, you had no memory of me?” She shook her head no.

  “No, but you kept calling my name, even when you were sick with fever. That’s why I thought you were just mistaking me for someone else.”

  “But then, I saw something, but it was too fleeting to grasp. And then my…Giselle came up with the plan for Des and I to return with you to keep you safe.”

  “How did you survive all those years? How did you live?”

  “I had no memory until I woke up in the cottage, so it was easy to accept the past she’d made up for me. Now that I think back, there were times when Des seemed torn about telling me something, but always he’d catch himself and let it go.”

  “So you had no memory of me, of us, until now.”

  “Yes, it all came back after I woke up. Everything about you and I and the time we spent together. But some things are still missing.”

  “Like what?” She didn’t answer right away and I felt her body tense. “Tell me!”

  “I remember waking up in the coffin…” I felt pain like a sword running through my gut.

  “You were buried alive?” I wanted to roar with anger, to hunt down the ones responsible and tear them from limb to limb. How scared she must’ve been.

  “I think the fear of waking up while I was still buried is what caused me to lose my memory, I’m not sure.” I wanted to beg her to stop, but instead I let her go on, dying a little bit more each time.

  “I’m so sorry, so sorry that I didn’t protect you. Sorry that you suffered such horror because of me. How can you forgive me so easily?” She wrapped her arms around me.

  “It wasn’t your fault Jai. I could never blame you for what others have done. My love for you won’t let me.” Her words pierced my heart, my long dead heart that was finally alive again after all this time.

  I lifted her face to mine and kissed her lips softly. “Mia, my Empress. I missed you so much. I still can’t believe you’re here. I will never let you be hurt again. I will find those responsible and make them pay.”

  I didn’t have to look too far for the guilty. Did she know? Had she realized yet that it was my own family who had done this dreadful thing to her?

  “I don’t need that Jai. I just want to live with you and our baby in peace. Whoever did this, must have a lot of power. I don’t want to make any trouble for you.”

  From her words I suspect that my smart girl might have an idea as to who was behind it all. But I didn’t pursue it now. Besides, I won’t let what I’m going to do to them touch her.

  “Don’t think about that now my heart. Just concentrate on getting better.” She burrowed into my chest and we sat in silence for the next little while. Both of us lost in the thoughts in our heads. I kept hearing her say she remembered waking up buried alive and my mind could not accept the horror she must’ve felt. And I wasn’t there to protect her.

  That night, even though she was tired from giving birth, neither of us wanted the night to end. For hours we sat, whispering quietly to each other so as not to disturb our son who slept on and off either in his mother’s arms or mine.

  I haven’t smiled that much in years, haven’t felt the lightness and ease of spirit that I now felt. Not since the day she was taken from me.

  I’d questioned her more about that hoping that it would jar her memory. And about the old lady who’d taken her in, but she didn’t remember anything about the night she was buried, other than waking up alone in a coffin.

  I’d had Des taken from the dungeons and sent home with my father in law to be looked after. I had a lot to make up for there as well. But first I needed him to tell me what he knew of her disappearance.

  It could wait for the morning or the day after. Right now my main focus was keeping my little family safe. I’d sent for my brother, who was still out and about in search of the old lady.

  I needed him here with me. Between him, her father and I, I had no doubt that we could keep her safe. But until I knew the truth behind her ‘death’ and her disappearance, I will keep her return a secret from everyone else.

  “I know you’re excited to see your mother, but I’m afraid it’ll have to wait I’m sorry. Until I know all of those who were behind the attempt on your life, I will keep you and my son here where I can protect you.”

  A look of fear entered her eyes and I rushed to reassure her. “Don’t be afraid. I was young and stupid back then, that’s why they were able to get to you. I underestimated their evil, but that will never happen again.”

  “I won’t let anything harm you two ever, trust me.” I pulled her head into my chest and wrapped my arms around both her and the child until she stopped shaking with fear.
A fear I understood only too well, because it had taken up lodging in my gut.

  I knew if I didn’t handle things carefully her life and the life of my child would remain in danger until the guilty were exposed. I’m convinced that the Grand Empress dowager was responsible, but without proof it would be hard to go forward.

  Just my knowing is not enough to bring about her complete destruction. And that’s exactly what I’m after. When I strike, I will leave no one standing. No one that could harm her or my child ever again.

  My child, I have a son. She’d given me a son. I now understood the phrase ‘my heart is full to bursting’. It’s how I feel each time I look at the two of them.

  Out there, beyond my door, there was a lot that needed to be done. But I wasn’t ready to leave them; not yet. If I had my way they’d never leave my sight again.

  But in order to protect them, to keep them safe, I’ll have to leave them at some point soon; too soon. I looked down at her face and saw the tiredness there. I’d kept her up too long.

  “You should get some rest love. You’ve had a long trying day.” I eased her down onto the pillow with my son still held in her arms. She was asleep within minutes.

  I pulled the covers up over her and kissed her cheek. I must’ve sat there just staring at her for an hour, finally letting myself believe that she was here with me.

  I left them long enough to go to the door to pass new orders. I knew Eunuch Van would carry them out without fail, and felt comfortable in going back to the bed to climb in beside them.

  We slept that night with our child between us, her hand held firmly in mine. Every so often I’d awaken just to look at her, at them, before sleep would claim me again.

  In the morning I flew awake, afraid that it was all just a dream, until I looked over and met her eyes with mine. “You’re here!” I caressed her cheek lovingly.

  She smiled at me sweetly but tiredness still shone in her eyes. I raised her hand to my lips before resting it against my cheek. Just then the baby cried out and his little arms flailed around in the air.

  She made those tut-tut noises only a mother knows how and unwrapped him, checking to see if he was wet. “Let me call someone…” She stopped me from leaving the bed.

  “I know that it’s the custom to have someone else tend to the royal baby, but can I please ask a favor Jai?”

  “Of course!” I’d give her anything, didn’t she know that?

  “Can I take care of him myself? At least for a little while? The women in the village when they gave birth all tended their children themselves. It seemed to form a bond between mother and child. It’s something I’d like to try.”

  “We’ve never followed customs before you and I, why start now?” I watched her care for the child with the things eunuch Van had been sensible enough to gather in the night.

  And then she lifted him to her breast. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. My eyes stayed on the two of them until she was done feeding my son and then I took him.

  “Like this Jai.” She showed me how to tap his little back gently until he released a most un-Princely burp, which broke both his parents out in laughter.

  “I’m sorry I have to leave you here, the two of you. But I have a lot to do today. I’ll come back as soon as I can….”

  “Don’t worry about us. Just go make it safe for us.”

  I nodded and left the bed after her back the baby. I was grateful that she understood and that she held no bitterness in her heart towards me. She called out to me when I reached the door.

  “Jai.”

  “Yes Empress.”

  “Please be careful.” I nodded, too choked up with emotion that she could still care after all that she’d been through, all that I’d put her through.

  I stood outside the door, torn between leaving and staying. “Your Majesty!” I looked towards the corner where the voice came from.

  “Des? What are you doing here? I thought I sent you home to rest?”

  “I’m fine. I hear I have a nephew. I’m needed here now more than ever.” My relief was instantaneous.

  “Thank you! Will you follow me?” I didn’t take him too far away, just to my antechamber, while eunuch Van and the rest of my trusted guard stood watch outside my chamber door where I’d left her and our child.

  “Tell me what you know. All of it.” I sat and listened in stunned silence as he relayed everything that had happened back then,

  From his vigil at her graveside, to catching the old woman digging up her grave. And all that the old woman had shared with him that night and after.

  “So it was them after all!” Having my suspicions confirmed so blatantly was still a shock to the system. I had to force myself to stay seated and not rush off to go drag the Grand Empress dowager from her palace and choke the life out of her.

  Once I calmed down enough to speak, I thanked him for doing what I hadn’t. “Thank you for protecting her. I know you didn’t do it for gain, but I will reward you to show my gratitude for all that you have done.”

  When he opened his mouth to object I stopped him. “I will arrange for you to meet with your sister and your nephew soon.” He left not long after and I sat in stone silence, gathering my thoughts.

  I went through every emotion there is in the time I sat there. Imagining her pain and suffering, the fear of waking up buried. And the years of not knowing while those responsible lived on.

  I remembered sending her to that place in anger, and my heart squeezed in my chest. I cried silent tears for my empress and the young girl she was then, when this all began. Death was too easy for them!

  I made my way back to her to make sure they were both doing okay and because I couldn’t bear to be apart from her much longer. Nothing had changed there. It’s like I needed her with me to feel the warmth of the sun.

  I found her playing with our son on the bed. The sight was so heart warming I stood and watched them for a few seconds without making a sound.

  As always she sensed my presence and looked up at me. Her smile was instant.” I’m jealous of my son!” I actually pouted.

  “What?” She sat up straight with his little legs still in her hands.

  “I just found you but he’s now the most important thing in your life. And he takes all of your time and leave none for his father.” She laughed happily and beckoned me over.

  “There’s no need to be jealous, no one can ever take your place in my heart. But isn’t he adorable? Look at that hair, just like yours.” I joined them and for the next half hour had one of the best times of my life.

  I had moments where I couldn’t believe that it was happening. That I was reclining on my bed with my wife and son beside me. That the love I’d thought lost was here and she was whole and still the same amazing girl she had always been.

  We spoke as if the time between us had not passed. While she played with his feet and laughed I looked at her and smiled. And when he fell asleep between us, it was the most natural thing in the world to reach over and turn her face to mine.

  Her eyes closed as I leaned in and kissed her. The sweet pleasure shot straight to my heart and as she opened her lips under mine I said a silent prayer of thanks that I hadn’t betrayed us after all.

  “I’m sorry about what happened in the cottage…that I...” I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Even though the fever had ruled my mind back then, I’d still taken her not knowing….

  Even my thoughts were confusing. I thought it was her that night, and yet… “Why are you laughing?” She had the widest grin on her face. One I thought to never see again.

  “You’re this torn about what happened that night, but you thought it was me so where is the harm?” “I’m pleased that you’re taking it this lightly but you can’t know how the thought that I’d betrayed you has plagued me these many months.”

  She only laughed harder until I tackled her back onto the bed being careful of my son. I pinned her beneath me with her arms above her head.

 
“Will you still laugh now?” She reached up and brushed the hair back from my brow the way she used to. I stared down at her with my heart full and all the love I’ve been holding inside since she was taken from me shining in my eyes.

  The laughter died on her lips and I lowered my head, taking her mouth once more. In the back of my mind was the thought that I couldn’t believe I got to do this.

  Couldn’t believe that fate had been so kind as to give us a second chance. The kiss grew heated, more than any we’d shared thus far and when my cock stirred I knew I had to put an end to it.

  “You just gave birth to my son so I can’t take you. Stop teasing me!” She blushed and looked shocked for a second but I should’ve known my brave girl wouldn’t stay that way for long.

  “Who’s teasing who? I was simply playing with my son when I was accosted by this beast. Besides, you’re the one who tackled me remember?”

  I gave her one last quick peck on her lips before moving away. “It’s been so long since I had you and my mind was so muddled that night I can barely remember it.”

  “If our son didn’t look like me and bear the mark of the dragon I might’ve doubted his parentage.” She smacked my chest and I yelped. “Ouch!”

  “Take that back you beast.”

  “Fine, I forgot your fiery temper.” It did my heart good to see her smile. To see that there were no lingering remnants from the years she’d suffered.

  “I have to leave you again. No don’t frown I won’t be long. Why don’t you get some rest while I’m gone?” I brushed her hair gently and kissed her forehead. It was hard to keep my hands and lips from her.

  “I’m tired of resting. Jai?” Her voice had gone soft and uncertain.

  “What is it my heart?”

  “Is Des…is my brother okay?” How could I have been so lax? Of course she’d be worried about him.

  “He’s fine. I sent him to your father’s to be looked after but he showed up to his post today all the same. I’m making arrangements to have your family brought here as soon as possible, but we have to be careful. I don’t want our enemies to realize that you’re here. Bear with me.”