DECEIT OF A PAGAN

by Carole Mortimer

  'Where they were made makes no difference to their meaning,' she shrugged. 'I happen to believe in the sanctity of marriage. You've just made a mockery of all that.'

  'And if I have not?'

  'But you—you have! Rachel and you, you-—-'

  'We have done nothing which I could not freely tell you about. I am not saying Rachel would not like us to, in that respect you were right about her, but I am afraid I am incapable of becoming her lover.'

  'But you just told me——'

  'I told you what you expected to hear. You aroused these passions, Templar, only you can satisfy me. You have me wound up so tight I saw everything through a red haze when I arrived at Neil's tonight. I felt murderous when I saw his arm round your shoulders.' His body slumped and he ran a tired hand through his already windswept hair. 'I could have struck out at him and not cared who witnessed my anger.'

  'I don't understand, Leon. This evening I thought

  you—Rachel acted as if '

  Leon sighed. 'Acted is the right word. She did it deliberately, and fool that I am, I let her.' He sat down on her bed with a sigh. 'You are ruining me, Templar.'

  'I haven't done anything!'

  'You do not need to. This marriage is not going to work, not as it is.'

  Templar felt her heart lurch at the look of passion in

  his eyes, and her legs felt weak. 'Leon, we can't '

  'Why can we not?' he cut in harshly. 'I cannot live like this any longer. I have been attracted to you ever since I first saw you in that tiny flat you lived in, but now it is so bad that I cannot even see other women. I want no other woman. Templar. I have to have you, do you not see that?'

  She longed to go into his arms, to let him do as he had said the night before, make love to her for hours on end until she could think of nothing but him. But she couldn't do that, it couldn't be allowed to happen.

  Greater intimacy between them could only lead to her losing Keri and consequently Leon himself. But her longing for him was made all the worse by the know­ledge that he too desired her and wanted her as she wanted him.

  'It wouldn't work, Leon.' Her voice broke.

  'Why would it not?' he asked fiercely. 'Surely it is

  only natural that as man and wife we should '

  'No!' She hadn't meant to protest so loudly, but the word came out almost as a shout. 'I—I can't. Don't you see that?'

  'You find me repulsive?'

  She couldn't meet the passionate intensity of his eyes. 'You must know I don't. Last night—'

  'Last night you responded to me. You felt the same desire I did. I should not have spoken, I should just have loved you. I tell myself that the feelings I have towards you are wrong, and I know that you feel this too, but—'

  'No, no, I don't,' she denied hotly, sitting beside him on the bed to clutch his arm to her side. 'It isn't wrong, Leon. That isn't why I can't—why I can't let you make love to me. One day I'll be able to explain my reasons.' One day, when Keri was old enough not to be hurt by what she would reveal. 'One day, Leon.'

  'One day! What good is that to me when I want you now?' He gripped her shoulders with strong fingers. 'I want you now, Templar!'

  Her protests were swallowed up by his hungry lips, the touching of his warm body against hers drugging to the senses. They lay close together on top of the bed, Templar unable to fight her longing for his kisses.

  Her hands moved up the strength of his chest, hold­ing him against her, her lips moving invitingly beneath his. He dragged his mouth away to bury his face in her neck, his tongue probing the sensitive area beneath her ear-lobe.

  Her head thrown back in submission, she hardly noticed as he moved one strong hand across her back to release the zip to her dress, slipping the shoulder-strap down one side to caress her creamy skin.

  'Let me stay tonight, Templar,' he begged. 'Let me stay here with you.'

  She wanted him to. Oh God, how she wanted him to! But how could she let it happen, was one night in his arms worth spending the rest of her life alone, with­out him or Keri to love? He was a proud man and she had no doubt that when he found out the truth about her he would throw her out without a qualm.

  So far she had managed not to lie to him, but she thought it was only a lie that would save her now. She forced herself to lie passive in his arms, not to fight him but not to respond either.

  He raised his dark head from the shadow of her breasts. 'What is it? What is the matter?'

  There could be no doubt of Leon's arousal, it was there in the firm outline of his body and the husky tone of his voice. His eyes were glazed with as yet suppressed desire for her and she knew that a simple no would not suffice to stop him this time, that she would have to be deliberately cruel if he were not to make her his right now.

  She shook her head regretfully. 'I can't do it, Leon. I can't do it to you.'

  Leon made an effort to think straight. 'What is it you

  cannot do to me? If you are shy '

  She wasn't shy, far from it, when she was in his arms. She was a wanton then, wanting only his lips and the caresses that aroused them both to the point of forgetting everything but each other.

  'It isn't that,' she denied.

  He resumed kissing her throat. 'Then what is it?' he asked between kisses.

  'I can't let you do this because I—because I would only be using you as a substitute.'

  His head snapped back, the passion slowly fading from his intense blue eyes. 'As a substitute?' he re­peated in a stunned voice. 'For whom?'

  Templar took a deep breath, making herself say the words but hating herself for lying to him. 'For Alex, of course,' she said quietly.

  For one heart-rending moment there was no re­action to her words and then Leon sprang off the bed as if she had struck him. Anger shone in his now slate grey eyes as he buttoned his shirt with jerky move­ments.

  'Leon, I-‘

  'Do not say another word!' he ground out between clenched teeth. 'So all this time I have just been a substitute for my brother? God, you are a bitch!'

  She was shaking with reaction, his anger as bad as she had thought it would be. But it had been the only way! 'You're so much like him,' she added chokingly. 'It could be no other way.'

  Leon's movements stopped and he looked at her with narrowed eyes. 'You have said this before, but we were nothing alike.'

  She could imagine they hadn't been in temperament —someone as forceful as Leon would have terrified Tiffany. She would never have been able to cope with someone like him. 'Not in temperament, perhaps. But in looks ... Every time I look at you I'm reminded of him.' She kneaded her hands together. 'So you see, if I allowed you to make love to me I would only be doing it because I could imagine you were Alex. It wouldn't be fair to you.'

  He straightened his jacket as he slipped it over his shoulders. 'I see,' he nodded his head, his look grim. 'So you really did love Alex?'

  'I—Yes! You were right about me in other ways, though. About the baby,' she explained hurriedly at his darkening look. 'I knew Alex was Keri's father.' She did now anyway. 'But when she was born she looked like any other baby. I didn't stand a chance of con­vincing Alex he was the father.'

  'Because he knew you for what you were!' he bit out angrily.

  'That's right,' she admitted. 'I'm exactly what you always said I was. But I did love Alex, that's why I kept Keri.'

  'And you cannot let me make love to you because I remind you of him?'

  'That's right,' she sighed. 'You understand?'

  'Oh yes, I understand. You think us very much alike?'

  She nodded. 'Very.'

  'Very well. I will see you tomorrow. I have no wish to be a substitute for anyone, especially my brother.' He nodded distantly, quietly leaving the room without another word.

  Breakfast was a silent affair except for Keri's murmurings. Leon wasn't so much angry as preoccupied, and Templar was far too nervous to say a word. All this time she had managed to get through without lying, and la
st night she had told so many lies she just couldn't believe she was actually hearing herself speak.

  How Leon must hate her now, how she hated herself too. He hadn't been too proud to admit his need of her and she had rebuffed him in the most painful way pos­sible, declaring her preference for his dead brother.

  But his reaction had been a little strange. He had been angry at first, and then he had gone strangely thoughtful. And this morning he wasn't deliberately ignoring her, in fact he had been very polite to her since she had come down to the breakfast table.

  He put down his newspaper now, the slight smile on his face for the baby fading as he turned to look at her. 'I have decided to return to England the day after to­morrow,' he told her abruptly.

  Templar frowned. 'It's a bit short notice, Leon. It doesn't give me much time to get our things together.'

  He bent to pick up the baby's plastic squeezy toy before answering her, dressed casually this morning in brown trousers and a fitted cream shirt. He looked lean and attractive and very self-assured, and their conversa­tion of last night might never have taken place.

  He looked at her coolly. 'I said I would be returning. The arrangements were for us to stay a couple of weeks, I see no reason for you not to stay that length of time, longer if you wish to.'

  'But I—You intend returning without us?'

  'That was my intention.' He picked up the toy again, giving Keri a mock stern look. 'I will take this away, young lady, if you do not stop throwing it about the room.'

  Keri's answer was to toss it on to the floor again, laughing happily as her 'Dadda' returned it to her. 'Ta3' she gurgled.

  Templar couldn't help smiling at the charm this child could exert over Leon, causing a softening to his normally harsh features as he too smiled at her.

  'You don't want us to come with you?' she asked him.

  He shook his dark head, 'It does not seem necessary. You may as well stay here with Keri.'

  'But you—The day after tomorrow?' she queried sharply, a sudden thought occurring to her.

  'That is correct.'

  'I see,' she said tightly.

  Leon's eyes narrowed as he looked at her. 'What do you see?'

  She gave a harsh laugh. 'I see your reason for going back to England. Oh, Leon, you're so transparent! Rachel's leaving that day too, Neil told me that. So much for your denials about the two of you. I thought you an honest man, if a harsh one.'

  'Thank you for that at least,' he replied tersely. 'And I had no idea when Rachel was leaving.'

  'I don't believe you.' ,

  'You may believe what you choose. I know for myself what is correct.'

  'Why do you have to deny it? Can't you even admit it? I don't really have the right to object, so it won't make any difference to me.'

  ‘I am sure it would not. But it is not true, and even to alleviate your own guilt I will not admit to some­thing that is not so.'

  'I don't feel guilty,' she denied hotly.

  'Then perhaps you should. Do you not realise how stupid you have been, how dangerously stupid you have been towards me? Men do not consider things logic­ally, the senses have more control over men than logic'

  'I thought you were always controlled,' she reminded him.

  'Not with you, and I am not ashamed to admit it,' he said grimly. 'And when the time comes and that control gets out of hand you will find it very hard to stop me taking what I consider to be mine.'

  'You—you wouldn't!' she gasped, realising that her lies of last night might have been in vain.

  He stood up in preparation to leave. 'But I will, Templar. So be warned.'

  She watched in dismay as he left the room, her shoulders slumping dejectedly. She had spent a restless night, her longing for Leon making it almost impossible for her to sleep. She had almost gone to his bedroom a couple of times during the night, had almost gone and offered herself to him. But in the end common sense had prevailed, making her realise that by doing that she would lose him.

  She smiled vaguely at Keri as she banged the toy on

  her high-chair to attract her attention to her. 'All right,

  poppet. I haven't forgotten you. What shall we do this

  morning? The beach, or shall we go for a walk?' She

  chatted happily, to Keri as she got her ready to go out,

  forcing her latest confrontation with Leon to the back

  of her mind.

  The morning passed in relaxing pleasure with the baby, the beach proving as alluring as usual. She tried to forget her nervousness with Leon now, her fear of his threat towards her. But excitement kept invading her thoughts too and she just wanted to forget him.

  Leon returned to the villa shortly before lunchtime, going upstairs to change in preparation for going out. He looked so self-assured and handsome, his dark skin shown to advantage against his snowy white trousers and shirt.

  He quirked an eyebrow at her sitting figure. 'You are ready to go out?',he asked coolly.

  She stood up, smoothing down the pale green skirt that matched her blouse. 'Yes, I'm ready.'

  He nodded distantly. 'Then we will go.'

  Neil Adams' villa seemed as crowded as it had yesterday, maybe even more so, several of the people there not known to Templar. Leon left her side almost as soon as they came in, crossing the room to be at Rachel's side. Templar felt rather lost for several long minutes.

  'And how are you today?' Neil was standing beside her, holding out a long cool drink of Bacardi and Coke.

  She took the drink gratefully, conscious that Leon had noted the two of them talking together, scowling deeply before turning away again. 'I'm fine,' she smiled at him.

  Neil watched her closely, gently touching the dark shadows that had started to appear under her eyes the last couple of days. 'Your beautiful face tells another story. Don't try to lie to me about your mood, Templar. Faces are my business, and I can tell just by looking at you how unhappy you are.'

  ‘I’m trying not to think about it.'

  'You can't stay with Leon just because of your child!' he said hotly. 'It will scar you in the end, and you aren't helping Keri at all. Believe me, I should know. I'm a product of one of these "we stayed to­gether for the children" marriages. My mother couldn't stand my father and he felt the same way about her, but they had two children, my sister and myself, and they believed they had to stay together to give us a stable background.' He gave a bitter laugh. 'How ironic that is! I grew up hating both of them and the rows they were always having and thought we knew nothing about. Children can sense these things. Keri will when she's older.'

  'It isn't quite the same thing -'

  He gave a derisive smile. 'People always think their case is different.'

  'But it really is. You see we—we've never been in love, so there's nothing to go bitter between us.'

  'You married because of Keri?' he guessed.

  She couldn't look at him. 'Yes. We've only been married two months,' she admitted blushingly.

  'I gather the baby was a mistake made in one of Leon's more reckless moments,' he said dryly, implying that he never realised Leon had such moments.

  'Something like that,' she evaded.

  Neil whistled between his teeth. 'What a mess!'

  'That's what I think,' she smiled wanly.

  'But he isn't having an affair with Rachel,' Neil added.

  Templar looked at him sharply. 'How do you know that?'

  'Because I asked her.'

  'You—you asked her? And she told you, just like that?' She looked astounded.

  'No, not just like that.' He looked slightly uncomfort­able. 'I—er—I told her that I was interested in starting an affair with you and that I wanted to know where Leon stood.'

  Templar gasped, 'You didn't!'

  'I did, and it worked. She told me to wait a few days, that she was still working on him, that she was even considering staying on here after Wednesday in the hope of capturing him.'

  So Leon had been telling th
e truth when he said he wasn't going back to England to be with Rachel; in that she had misjudged him. Perhaps she had mis­judged him in other things too.

  'I think we'll go in to lunch now,' Neil suggested. 'I hope you'll sit next to me?'

  'Leon won't like it.'

  'Oh, damn Leon! If you weren't married with that adorable baby I would take you away from him here and now. He doesn't deserve someone as beautiful as you.'

  As she had known it would be, Leon's face was dis­approving as she was seated next to Neil, Rachel at his other side, and Leon next to her. The meal passed with jokes and laughter all around them, a curious stillness about the four of them, despite Neil's attempts at con­versation. By the time they reached the coffee stage of the meal Leon's anger was a tangible thing. .

  Finally his cup clattered down into the saucer. 'I am flattered, Neil, that you find my wife so fascinating that you cannot take your eyes off her,' he remarked tautly. 'But I am sure you are only making Templar feel un­comfortable.'

  The whole room fell into tense silence at his barely controlled anger, everyone glancing at him uncertainly. Templar felt her gaze riveted to his harsh features as he glared challengingly at Neil.

  Neil seemed unconcerned, still looking at her. 'I find your wife not only fascinating, Leon, but beautiful,' he said casually. 'But that isn't why I was staring at her. There's something about Templar that I find strangely familiar, something about her facial shape and the way she tilts her head to one side.'

  Leon gave that mocking smile of his. 'Really?'

  Conversation seemed to be flowing again, but Tem­plar thought that most of the other diners were still half-listening to the veiled argument going on between the two men.

  'Mm,' Neil looked thoughtful. 'I think it's another model. The colouring's different, of course, but there's definitely something...'

  'You must mean Tiffany,' Rachel remarked dis­interestedly, losing interest now that the argument seemed to be fading.

  Templar looked away from Leon's searching gaze, pretending an interest in her half-cold coffee.

  'I do?' Neil looked puzzled. 'Yes, I do,' he agreed. 'You look like that model Tiffany. I remember she died a little while ago—-you took her place on that assign­ment, Rachel. How did you know I meant her?' he asked her.