She swallowed. “Goodbye.” Her knees were shaking, her whole body was shaking, but she rose as gracefully as she could and fled the restaurant. She waited until she was alone in the back of the dark limo before she let the tears fall.
Chapter Eight
Paolo watched Julianne walk away, and it was as if his heart had been ripped out of his chest. Mere moments ago it had been filled with a love he’d only just acknowledged. A love for the woman Julianne was, not for an idealized submissive wife he thought he wanted. Now he felt numb, emotionless, as he sipped his wine and pretended he was not affected by the woman he’d sent away. His mind was clouded by all the words she’d thrown at him, the accusations he’d heard before.
After he dropped Julianne off at her apartment building, Jack picked up Paolo and took him to Scandals. “Whiskey,” he told Ben as he sank down on the stool at the end of the bar.
“Fuck,” Ben said. “What happened?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Just pour me a drink.”
“You could have gone home if you only wanted a drink,” Ben said, but he poured him some whiskey straight up and set the glass in front of Paolo. Then he stood there, arms folded, until Paolo spoke.
“She’s nothing like Holly, but she ended up saying all the same things.”
“Julianne?”
“Holly talked to her somewhere today. Got her all worked up.” His chest burned, his throat was raw. “Julianne left me, Ben.”
“Shit, man, I’m sorry. You guys looked so happy the other night.”
“We were.” His short bark of a laugh sounded more like a sob. “I thought we were.” This past week together had given him a taste of what life with Julianne could be like. It had been—she had been—everything he’d ever wanted. It wasn’t exactly the life he’d planned, it was even better. With Julianne, it hadn’t felt like a compromise, it had felt right.
“Hey, handsome, what’s up?” Piper hopped up on the stool next to Paolo, took one look at his face and the glass of whiskey in front of him and frowned. “What happened?”
“Julianne left him,” Ben said.
“What did you do?”
Paolo glared at her. “I didn’t do anything. We said we loved each other tonight. One minute she agreed to move in with me, the next she told me I was a steamroller and walked out.”
“Okay, so there has to be a story there in the middle,” Piper said. “What are you leaving out?”
“Paolo’s ex-wife talked to Julianne today,” Ben said.
“That happened in between her saying she’d move in with you and walking out on you?”
Paolo frowned. “No. Earlier.”
“I’m trying to figure this out. Your ex-wife talked to Julianne. She still went out to dinner with you afterward, still told you she loved you, that she would move in with you? So what does your ex-wife have to do with Julianne getting pissed at you and leaving?”
“She told me Holly was right. She said I was a steamroller.”
Ben moved down the bar to take care of some new customers, but Piper stayed put. “What exactly did you say or do for her to call you that? I assume something specific got her mad?”
“I arranged to move her business to a space in the Warehouse. So she could be close to home. So she would have more space. So she would be safe.”
“I still don’t see the problem.”
“Exactly! If she had stopped and thought about it for one minute she would have known how much sense it made. She was going to be moving in with me. Why would she not want her office close by? Why would she want to keep traveling across town to go to work?”
“Okay, but this is her business we’re talking about, right?” She turned to look for Ben, called him back over. “What would you say if I wanted to move Scandals someplace else?”
His friend frowned. “Why would you want to do that?”
She waved away his question. “What if I decided to make changes to Scandals, on my own, hired Julianne to redecorate like we talked about the other night?”
He leaned over to give her a quick kiss. “Babe, I love you, but I’d tell you to keep your fingers out of my place. Not without talking it over with me first. Not without my okay.”
Piper whirled around on her stool to stare at Paolo. “See?”
“I was taking care of the details. Taking care of her.”
“See, that’s the thing about us women. We like to take care of ourselves.”
“I promised her I wouldn’t interfere with her business.” A cold sweat washed over him with the realization of what he’d done. “But I swear I never thought of it as interfering. I was helping her.”
“Hon, moving her office to a new location without clearing it with her first? Planning it before she’d even agreed to move in with you? That’s more than helping out. That’s taking over.”
“Steamrolling?”
“Yeah.” Piper leaned over and kissed his cheek. “Are you okay right now? I have a room full of thirsty customers.”
Paolo smiled for the first time since Julianne left. Since he’d coldly sent her away. “Yes. Thank you.” He looked up at Ben. “You know, Julianne told me more than once that she did not know how to be a sub and a girlfriend at the same time. I guess I have failed at being a Dom and a boyfriend.”
“Nah, man. You’ll work it out.”
“I don’t know. She said I do not listen to her. How can I prove to her that I do?”
“Do you?”
“What kind of question is that?”
Ben shrugged. Poured him another whiskey. “So what did she say to you?”
“Tonight?” So many things. Good things. Bad things. “She said that she loved me. That I made her happy. That she wanted to move in with me. That she didn’t want to move her business. That I do what I want no matter what she says. That what we had together was a fantasy and not real life. That she cannot live with someone like me.”
“Wow. That’s a lot.”
“Yes.” Paolo tossed back the whiskey.
“It sounds to me like you listen to her,” his friend said.
“Of course I do.”
“So what do you hear from what she said?”
“That she does not like what I do. That she does not want to be with me.”
“Are you crazy? I didn’t hear that at all. I’m no expert with women, but I’ve learned a little from living with Piper. What I hear is that Julianne loves you and wants to be with you, but you did something that was a deal breaker.”
“I screwed up when I made plans to move her business.” But the part about what they had together being a fantasy still bothered him. Was that really what she thought?
“So how do you fix that?” Ben asked.
“I cancel the moving company.”
“That’s the first step,” Piper said, taking the stool beside him again.
“First step? What’s the next step?”
Piper just stared at him, forcing him to figure it out for himself. “Begging for forgiveness?” he guessed.
Piper smiled. “That’s a great next step.” She kissed his cheek. “It’ll be okay. Remember, she loves you.”
“I didn’t know who else to call,” Julianne said. Stacey wouldn’t understand, would probably never understand. Julianne didn’t know Piper well enough to dump all this on her. But Ingrid? She’d be able to offer some advice.
Julianne’s throat was raw from sobbing. After she finished crying, the numbness wouldn’t go away. She began to second guess herself and her reactions. She missed Paolo already and knew that she shouldn’t. She poured out the whole conversation at the restaurant to Ingrid.
“I’m glad you called,” Ingrid said, her soft voice soothing. “I was afraid after the confrontation with Holly that something like this would happen.”
“I love him. How could I have told him I couldn’t live with him?”
“You were hurt. You were afraid.”
“Yes.” She took a deep breath and tried to relax. �
��The funny thing is, it used to be the submitting part that scared me. I used to think that to submit was to be weak.”
“But you don’t now?” Ingrid asked.
“No. I found myself sitting at his feet last night and letting him stroke my hair. I did that all on my own.”
“It’s a wonderful feeling, isn’t it?” Ingrid asked softly. “Comforting. Intimate.”
“Yes. But I don’t want him trying to control the rest of my life. Especially not my business.”
“Dominant men are programmed to…”
“Control us?” Julianne completed.
“I was going to say cherish,” Ingrid said softly. “They want to take care of us. They need to. I’m certain Paolo didn’t think he was doing anything wrong. He thought he was helping you.”
Julianne sighed. “I know. How do you run a business without Richard interfering?”
“Ours is a different situation. We’re married. He’s bankrolling the business, I’m running it. So he has every right to a say in the way things are run. You and Paolo, if you want to work things out, are going to have to figure out your own way to make it work.” Ingrid paused, then asked, “Do you want to work it out?”
“Of course I do. But what if he keeps wanting to interfere? What if he keeps wanting to take control?”
“Julianne. If you get involved with a Dom, he’s going to take control. It’s who he is. But maybe it would help if you didn’t think of it as interfering. That’s not what it is. It’s cherishing. It’s loving. It means you matter to him. It means he’ll take care of you.” She paused. “As you will take care of him.”
That cool sense of calm spread through Julianne at Ingrid’s words. In the few days that she’d been staying with Paolo, she’d automatically taken care of him. Cooking. Cleaning. Serving him. Sitting at his feet. While a few months ago, she would have been horrified to think of herself doing those things for a man, it felt right to her now. It didn’t mean she wasn’t still an intelligent woman. It didn’t mean she wasn’t an interior designer. It meant she was more than that. Paolo had helped her become more than who she was before.
“You’re right. I do take care of him too.”
“Of course you do. You love him. Forgive him for overstepping the boundaries this one time. He’s learning as he goes too, remember.”
Julianne hadn’t thought of that. Maybe this was new territory for Paolo too.
“I need to find him. Now. Thanks, Ingrid.” Julianne disconnected and ran down the long, narrow stairs. She tripped on her heels and nearly fell the last few steps. Why had she been so determined to stay in this old place? Why had she defended this lousy staircase?
Somehow she wasn’t surprised to see the limo parked at the curb, Jack leaned up against the side. He looked up from the electronic tablet he’d been concentrating on and smiled at her. “Good evening, Miss Barnes.”
“Hey, Jack.” She peeked at the screen. “Tetris? So this is how you keep yourself occupied when your boss keeps you waiting.”
He shrugged. “It passes the time. I’m not doing so well tonight though. Too many pretty girls in short skirts walking by.”
She laughed. “Distractions, huh?”
“Afraid so.” Jack opened the door for her. “Where would you like to go?”
“Take me to Paolo, please.”
“It will be my pleasure.”
Julianne leaned back against the soft leather seat and did her best to ignore the nerves twisting in her stomach. It was a good sign that Paolo had sent Jack to look out for her. But he’d sent her away so coldly. Had he been keeping tabs on her?
Jack pulled the car up in front of Scandals. She’d find out soon enough.
The bar was busy tonight. Piper saw her walk through the door, gave her a smile and pointed her to the bar. Paolo sat at the far end. Julianne rounded the bar slowly, still unsure what her reception would be.
Now that she could see him more clearly, she saw Paolo staring into the rocks glass cupped in his hands. She glanced over and caught Ben’s eye.
He nodded, waited until she was almost at Paolo’s stool to say, “Hey, Julianne.”
Paolo’s head jerked up. When his dark gaze locked on her, she could see he looked as miserable as she felt. She slid onto the stool next to him. “Hey.”
“Julianne.” He lifted his hand slowly, cupped her face carefully.
His hand was cool from the glass. She leaned into his touch. “I’m sorry.”
“No. It is I who am sorry. I should never have made any plans concerning your business. I told you I would not, yet I did.”
She covered his hand with hers. “You thought you were helping me.”
“I did, cara.”
“I know. I was afraid. Afraid of how much I felt for you. Afraid I was going back on that promise I made to myself.”
“To never let a man have control over you.”
“Yes.”
“But, cara, surely you know that you have just as much power over me. You have a hold on my heart and I hope you will never let go.”
“I won’t.” She picked up his glass, tossed back the rest of the golden liquid, felt the burn of the whiskey. “Why didn’t you tell me about Holly?”
He took a long, deep breath before he spoke. “I would have eventually told you that I had been married at one time,” he told her. “I was very young. I was learning how to be a Dom and she seemed like the perfect sub. We were both too young. And she craved drama too much. She would have rather been at a club, being flogged and fucked in front of the crowd, than submitting to me at home. She was not happy and she blamed me.”
“Ingrid said she heard Holly wanted you back.” She wasn’t used to feeling jealous.
“No. She wanted to stir up trouble. And that was why I did not say anything to you about it. I did not want you to get drawn into all her drama.”
“You still should have told me. I was blindsided today when she came in, telling me all this stuff about you. About you and her. If I’d known I might have been able to handle it better. I probably wouldn’t have freaked out as much when we talked at the restaurant. You should have told me.”
“You are right. Another mistake I made tonight. I hope you will forgive me.”
“Of course I will. And I was wrong to tell you I couldn’t live with you. Or to say what we had together wasn’t real.” She took his hands in hers, met his gaze. “It was too real. As real as the rest of my life. I was wrong to try to keep things separate. I can’t live without it now. I can’t live without you.”
Paolo threw some bills on the bar. “Jack is outside?”
“Yes.”
Ben called out a goodbye as they slid off the bar stools. Paolo wrapped his arm around her waist and escorted her from the bar. He waited until they were in the car and the privacy glass raised to drag her into his arms. His lips claimed hers. She wrapped her arms around his neck and opened to his searching tongue.
The arousal that swept through her body was fueled by the awareness of this second chance, as much as it was from his hot lips and roaming hands. She pressed up against him and moaned into his mouth.
Paolo broke off the kiss and brushed his lips along her ear. “Hands behind your back,” he whispered.
Her sex clenched. “Yes, sir.” She lifted her arms from around his neck and settled them into the small of her back.
He slid his hands beneath her full skirt, his hands hot on her bare thighs. “I am so pleased you dress with my access to your body in mind.” He cupped her ass. “No panties, cara? How delightful.”
She realized she rarely thought about it anymore. She automatically chose clothing that was easy to remove or had easy access for his eager hands and mouth. She laughed lightly, shifted on his lap to settle more fully on his erection.
He slapped her ass lightly. “No squirming.”
She froze. “No, sir.”
Delicate snaps ran up the bodice of her dress. Paolo grabbed the neckline with both hands and pulled the sn
aps open in one long hard tug. He brushed his hands over her breasts, skimming his knuckles over their fullness before giving her nipples his complete attention. His fingers were rough as they twisted the sensitive nubs, the perfect contrast to the previous gentle strokes. She moaned and arched into his touch. “Ah, cara, I am so lucky.”
She risked leaning in for a quick kiss. “I’m the lucky one, sir.”
He cupped her face, held her close and deepened the kiss. “Take off my belt,” he ordered when the kiss ended.
A quick shiver danced over her skin as she unbuckled the belt and tugged it through the loops. She handed it to him and waited. Instead of tying her wrists together as she’d expected, he stretched her face down over his lap. He pushed her skirt up to her waist, baring her bottom completely.
“Yes. I like you this way,” he murmured. “Rest your head on your hands.”
She did as he directed. She turned her head to the side so she could see a little of what he was doing. When he swatted her ass with the leather, it stung like hell.
“You like a warm bottom, don’t you?” he asked slyly after she’d lost track of the strikes.
“Yes, sir,” she managed through her quick pants. Her ass burned but her clit throbbed and she knew it wouldn’t take much to push her over the edge.
“I do as well. You can sit up now.”
He helped her up and she couldn’t stop a long hiss from escaping as she put pressure on her sore bottom. He kissed the tips of her fingers. “Hands behind your back again.”
She nodded and tucked them into the small of her back. He produced a condom, unzipped his trousers and covered his erection. Paolo rose onto one knee on the seat and pulled her down so that she fell back across the long seat, her arms now beneath her.
“This is my body, yes?” he growled.
“Yes,” she murmured.
He grabbed her hips and plunged into her. “This is where I belong, yes?”
Playing for Real: Paolo's Playhouse, Book 5 Page 13
