by Joy Redmond
“That means Mama Jane was pregnant with me when this picture was taken,” she whispered. The return address was from a small town about 100 miles away. “How many Clifford Johnsons can there be in Evanston?” she wondered aloud. “It may not be the right address after all these years, but if he’s still in Evanston, I’ll find him!”
Looking over her shoulder, Ali saw that Aunt July was sound asleep. “Damn you, Aunt July!” Ali grumbled under her breath. “You and Grandma and Grandpa stopped Mama Jane from going to him and Mama Jane always believed that Clifford hadn’t loved her enough to wait. Well, you’re not going to stop me! I’m going to go find my daddy!”
As Ali started to get up, her knee hit an end table, almost knocking it over. She grabbed it before it crashed to the floor and as she did, she saw an envelope taped to the bottom. She pulled it free, opened it, and couldn’t believe her eyes as she counted five, one-hundred dollar bills. She knew Aunt July didn’t trust banks, but she had no idea that money was hidden in the house.
“Well, fart flames and save the matches,” she mumbled as she stroked Mr. Puss, “I guess duct tape is good for something after all. And I bet this isn’t all of it.” She picked up Mr. Puss and headed out of the bedroom.
Smiling, she began her search. The first place she looked was in the old pie safe in the kitchen which Aunt July always said was just a conversation piece. She quickly unlatched the double doors and pushed several pieces of old china aside.
Her eyes brightened as she lifted a canister set. She set it on the table and lifted the lids. “Oh, Mr. Puss, we’re rich!” she said as she began counting one bill at a time. Mr. Puss seemed to be shifting his eyes as if he were counting the money too. She found what turned out to be $10,000 in bills of various denominations! “This must be the money from the sale of Grandma and Grandpa’s house and farm.”
Ali hurried into her bedroom and grabbed a toot bag from the floor of her closet. She rushed back into the kitchen and stuffed all the money inside.
Just as she finished stuffing the last bill, she heard Aunt July call, “Ali, dear.”
“Coming!” Ali said. She hurried to her room and shoved the toot bag under her bed. “You stay in here and guard the cash, Mr. Puss,” she whispered and stroked his fun. Mr. Puss purred and curled up on the throw rug by the bed. Then Ali walked calmly into Aunt July’s bedroom and asked sweetly, “What can I do for you?”
“I just wanted to know where you were, dear,” Aunt July replied feebly. “Do I have any pain pills left? I’m hurting real bad. I want a pill and some of that stuff I drink. I can’t take much more.”
“One pain pill, coming right up,” said Ali, turning to head for the kitchen. “I’ll get you a glass of fresh water.” She returned with the water, and then she put the pill in her aunt’s mouth and held the glass to her lips. Aunt July managed to swallow the pill, and then Ali held the bottle of Laudanum to her lips. Aunt July took a large gulp.
“Thank you, dear,” Aunt July said, wiping her mouth. “I know tomorrow’s Saturday and you like to spend the day with Toots, so Sister Bea and Sister Bertha will come over and look after me.” She scooted down in the bed and said, “I think I need to sleep now. You should head for bed yourself.”
Ali said softly, “I’ll be here tomorrow. Toots and I haven’t been seeing each other on Saturdays for a while now, and the sisters seem to be tired. I’m the one who takes care of you now. Just me.”
Aunt July’s head fell sideways on the pillows and she began to snore.
Ali went to her bedroom, undressed and crawled into bed, and Mr. Puss curled beside her. She stroked his fur, closed her eyes, and whispered into the darkness, “Dear Mr. God, I know one of your commandments is thou shall not steal, but here’s the way I see it. Aunt July robbed me of my entire childhood, a normal teen life—but that’s not the worst of it. She also robbed me of all my self-esteem by turning me into a freak during the years that should have been the happiest of my life. Therefore, I’m just taking back a tiny part of what she took from me. If I’m wrong, I hope you can forgive me. Yours truly, Ali Monroe.”
Chapter Twenty
The next morning Ali awoke and glanced at the clock on her bedside table. It was 9am. She blinked and looked again. “No way. I haven’t slept passed seven in the morning since I came to live with Aunt July.” She reached over to pick up Mr. Puss, but he wasn’t in the bed. She quickly grabbed her robe and ran out of her room, down the hall and into Aunt July’s bedroom.
Aunt July was sound asleep but Mr. Puss wasn’t with her. Ali hurried into the kitchen. Mr. Puss was sitting by his bowl. “My goodness, big boy. You gave me a scare. I know I overslept and you’re used to an early breakfast. You should have woke me up. I’ll get a can of Friskies for you.”
She opened the kitchen cabinet and noticed there was only one can. “Darn, I’ve got to get Toots over here and make a grocery list. We’re about out of everything. So much for the church sisters taking care of us, huh? They come, pray, and then they’re on their way. Well, they know Aunt July doesn’t eat and since they don’t approve of us, I guess they don’t care if we starve.” Then Ali remembered a small grocery store that delivered food to the elderly. “Well, I think Aunt July will qualify. I’ll give them a call.”
Ali made a list and called the grocery. They said they would have the food over within an hour. “Good enough, Mr. Puss. And I do believe we have enough money to pay for it,” she said with a slight giggle.
An hour later, the delivery boy brought over three sacks full of food. Ali had ordered some bologna, which she hadn’t had since Mama Jane died. She remembered the fried bologna sandwiches from her childhood and she had a longing for another one. So it contained pork. So what? She was in control of her diet and she was going to eat whatever she wanted.
Ali loved the familiar smell of frying bologna and it brought back memories of Mama Jane. She fried extra for Mr. Puss, remembering the times when it was all he had. She hoped he remembered it and enjoyed it as much as she did. Mr. Puss gobbled it down. “Just like the old days, huh? And I ordered us some potato chips, but I don’t think you need them. I sure have missed them too.”
After they had eaten, Ali checked in on her aunt. She eased herself by the bedside and she noticed that her aunt was still breathing, but her breaths were more labored than usual. Ali tiptoed out of the room.
She went into her bedroom and picked up the picture of Clifford and Mama Jane. “I sure hope you’re my daddy. I hope you’re still alive and I hope I can find you.” She rubbed the picture with her palm and placed it back on her bedside table. “I think that’s why I slept so soundly and for so long. My heart was at peace with my parents beside me.”
She went into the bathroom, filled the tub and stepped in the warm water. As she lay back in the water glistening with bath oil, she dreamed of meeting her daddy in person. He’d hug her, tell her he loved her, and they would be happily united after eighteen years. Then a horrifying thought ran through her mind. What if he wanted nothing to do with her? What if he had another family and told her that he didn’t even know a Jane Monroe? Maybe she should just let things be. But her heart wouldn’t let her give up. She had to find him and take her chances…. if he was still alive.
She got out of the tub, dressed and looked into her aunt’s bedroom. Aunt July was still asleep. She went into the living room and paced the floor. Mr. Puss paced with her. “I’ve got to know the truth. The people who could have told me anything about him are dead now, and Aunt July swears that she knows nothing. It’s up to me to find him.”
She sat down in the recliner. She glanced at the phone. Her hands trembled as she lifted the receiver. She could barely dial 411. Her throat was as dry as a cotton ball when the operator said, “What city please.”
Ali managed to choke, “Evanston.” Then she got the usual, ‘Just a moment, please.’
Evanston information came on the line and Ali asked for the number of Clifford Johnson. A moment later the operator s
aid there was no listing for a Clifford Johnson.
Ali dropped the phone. “I guess Mama Jane was telling the truth. My daddy is dead. I might as well accept it. I hit a dead end, Mr. Puss. Now what?”
Mr. Puss meowed three times as if he were trying to tell Ali something. “What, big boy? I don’t know what else to do.” Mr. Puss meowed again. “Right! Maybe he just doesn’t have a phone. Alright, I’ve got to think about this a little while. I’ve got to figure out my next move.”
Mr. Puss meowed softly in agreement.
“Ali, dear,” Aunt July called.
“Coming,” Ali called as she headed to her aunt’s bedroom. Aunt July was propped up in bed, her glasses sitting on the end of her nose, reading her Bible.
“Gee, for somebody who was barely breathing this morning, you sure look chipper. And you’re reading. That’s good, because I have something to show you and I want some answers. Hang on just one minute.”
“I’ll be right here,” Aunt July said in a joking tone.
Ali came back into the bedroom and defiantly shoved the picture of Clifford and Mama Jane under Aunt July’s nose. This is my daddy, isn’t it? You always told me that the truth would reveal itself. Well, today is truth time. Why did you hide the letter? Mama Jane loved that man, yet you, Grandma, and Grandpa kept them apart by locking her in a closet and then hiding her mail. Why?”
Aunt July took a long hard look at the picture. “Where did you get this? I’ve never seen it. I didn’t hide any letter and I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“I found it in the bottom dresser drawer. It hadn’t been opened but you knew it was from my daddy by the return address on it! And you swore that you knew nothing about him. You lied to me!”
“Child, I never saw a letter. If you found it in the bottom dresser drawer it was in with the stuff that I scooped up and brought home when I cleaned out Ma and Pa’s house. I never went through it. But if Ma and Pa hid a letter they had a good reason for doing so. And now that I see this picture, I have to agree with them.”
“Agree with them!? Why? None of you had the right to keep them apart. Why?” Ali yelled.
Aunt July’s strength seemed to return as she spat, “Because he’s black, and they weren’t about to let her marry him and ruin our good name. The Bible says that we aren’t supposed to marry out of our own race—and black is the worst! They did it for her own good.”
“You make me sick!” Ali shouted, pulling the picture away from Aunt July’s hands. “I don’t care if he’s purple with green spots! He’s my daddy and I’m going to find him—and don’t you dare try to stop me, you holier-than-thou hypocrite!”
Ali snatched the Bible from Aunt July’s hands and growled, “This Bible says whatever you want it to say—but that doesn’t mean you’re right! I’ve read the Bible, too, but I never read anything that told me it was wrong to marry a person of another race. It told me that we’re all God’s children—and if we love someone, regardless of color, we can marry them if we want! And I’m going to find him. That, you can bet on!”
With labored breath, Aunt July said feebly, “Don’t do it, child. Nobody knows that you have a single drop of black blood in you. If you let the world know, it’ll ruin your life. Keep passing yourself off as pure white. It’s the only way the world will accept you. For the love of God, don’t contact that man!”
Ali laughed and said, “For the love of God? How about the love of a daughter for her daddy? How about the love Mama Jane lost?” Her rage building, she added, “How about you choke on your prejudiced tongue!”
Aunt July’s rage seemed to give her renewed strength as she shouted, “If you find that man, I’ll cut you off without a penny. I doubt if your black daddy will even claim you, you ungrateful black bastard!” Aunt July’s temples pulsated so hard, she reminded Ali of an underwater sea creature.
Ali glared. “Oh, you didn’t say that again. This time your expectations have exceeded your medications. It’s not the feel-good pills or your bottle of joy juice that’s talking. It’s your mean spirit. I don’t want a dang thing from you, old woman. You’ve already given me plenty—plenty of misery! And the way I see it, God doesn’t care how many scriptures you memorize. He cares about how we treat people.”
“And how do you think we learn how to treat people if we don’t read the scripture?”
“I know how to treat people by listening to my heart. I knew that long before you started cramming scripture down my throat. You, Grandpa and Grandma read scripture, but I can tell you, you sure didn’t know how to treat many people, especially Mama Jane. You treated her worse than a leper.”
Aunt July fell back into the pillows, exhausted. Then she held out a withered hand and pleaded in a trembling voice, “There’s a lot of truth to what you say, I admit. And I didn’t mean to call you names. I just kind of lost my head there for a minute. I don’t have much time left, and I want to leave this world at peace. I tried to raise you to be decent, and I did it out of love. If I made you miserable, please forgive me.” Tears rolled down her face.
Ali’s heart softened as she listened to this pitiful, dying old woman. She took her aunt’s hand, wiped her own tears, and replied, “I know you raised me the way you did because of your own upbringing—and I do forgive you. I also love you for loving me in the only way you knew how.”
Aunt July smiled weakly. She closed her eyes and in one deep, rumbling sigh, was gone. Ali felt Aunt July’s grip loosen. She gently placed her aunt’s bony hand across her emaciated chest. “Say hello to Mama Jane for me,” Ali said softly. “She had her bad habits, or as she used to say, ‘I got a flaw in my slaw, but I’m a good person.’ It was you and her parents who drove her to drink, and she made a living the only way she knew how. May God forgive you all.”
Mr. Puss meowed, “Amen.”
Ali slowly walked out of the bedroom and went into the living room, feeling as if she had just taken a new breath of life as her aunt had taken her last. She sat on the couch, buried her face in her hands, and cried. “I shouldn’t have lost my temper with her the way I did, but she called me a bastard one too many times. And she had no right to demand that I never reveal that I have black blood in me, as if that, too, makes me evil. She sure had an evil streak in her.”
She wiped her tears, blew her nose on a tissue that she grabbed from the box on the coffee table, and said, “At least I told her I forgave her and that I loved her before she took her last breath. And we’re finally free, Mr. Puss. We’re out of Monroe Prison!”
Mr. Puss ran into Aunt July’s bedroom.
Ali ran after him. “No, big boy. Come back.”
Mr. Puss jumped upon Aunt July’s bed and licked her face.
Ali gently picked him up. “I guess that was you’re way of saying goodbye. She did love you and she stood up to Grandpa so you could stay in the house. I know you loved her too. That was sweet of you to kiss her bye.”
Ali took Mr. Puss back into the living room and dialed Toots’ number. Nancy answered the phone. “Nancy, my aunt just passed away. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do. Could—”
Before Ali had finished her sentence, Nancy said, “You just sit still. Toots and I are on our way. We’ll get you through this.”
Ali picked up Mr. Puss and went out to the front porch. The night air felt wonderful and the sky was bright with stars. She looked upward. “Mama Jane, I hope you and Aunt July will be able to make your peace with each other. She did love you and I know you loved her. It was Grandpa and Grandma who kept a wedge driven between you.”
Just as she stopped talking, Nancy pulled her car to the curb. Toots jumped out of the car and ran to Ali. “I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to be alone when she passed. Mama and I are here with you now. So you just lean on us.”
“I’m all right. I’m just not sure what I’m supposed to do.”
Nancy put her arms around Ali. “I’ll take care of things. You and Toots stay out here and enjoy this beautiful night.”
Nancy went inside. Toots and Ali sat in the lawn chairs. Neither of them said a word. They just held hands and peered at the beautiful sky that was sparkling with stars.
Nancy came back outside. “I called the funeral home. They’ll be here to pick her up soon.”
“Thank you, Nancy,” Ali said softly.
Thirty minutes later, a hearse pulled up to the curb. Two men wearing black suits and white shirts got out and walked toward them. Ali sat frozen. It’s real. She’s really dead and they’ll take her away. Dear God, please take care of her. Ali seemed to slip into another world and everything was a blur as her aunt was taken out of the house and placed in the back of the hearse.
Toots spent the night with Ali and she told her best friend all about finding the picture, letter and the money that Clifford had sent Mama Jane. She didn’t mention the money she had found hidden in the house.
“I’m going to find him, Toots. And if I can’t, I’ll find somebody in Evanston who knows him or knew him and I’ll get all the information I can about him. I may never meet him face to face, but I won’t leave a stone unturned until I learn about the other side of my family.”
“Ali, I really wish you would let this go. I think you’re just asking for more heartache. I don’t think things are going to turn out like you hope. But you’re bound to do it, so all I can say is good luck.”
“Yep, I’m gonna do it. However it turns out, at least I’ll finally know.”
* * *
Ali gave Aunt July the kind of funeral her aunt had asked for. Her duty was over—and she never shed another tear.
As Ali, Toots and Nancy walked toward the car after the graveside service was over, Sister Bea called out. “Ali. Wait up.”
