Show Me Something

by Aubrey Bondurant

  We both stood there looking at one another. I was unsure what to say. Complication might as well be my middle name.

  The loud knock at the door and my mother’s voice made us both jump. “Juliette.”

  I opened it to find her holding out my cell phone. “Sorry to interrupt your, er, filing, but Andy called about five times in a row. I finally picked up, and he said it was urgent you return his call.”

  I didn’t even have time to be embarrassed. Instead, I dialed his number and waited for my PI to pick up. “Hi, Andy. It’s Juliette.”

  “Hi, ma’am. Sorry to call so late. Rob was involved in a bad car accident. He’s in the hospital.”

  “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure, but you’re still his emergency contact, and the hospital needs to speak with you. His parents aren’t happy about finding that out, by the way. Just to give you a head’s up.”

  I bet. “How bad is it?”

  “Bad, but they aren’t saying a lot. I’ll text you the number after we hang up.”

  “Okay.” My words were automatic, hollow. I was in shock.

  I hung up the phone and looked towards two expectant faces.

  “Rob was in an accident.”

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Hell had nothing on the next few days.

  I called the hospital immediately after hanging up the phone with my PI to learn that Rob was in critical condition and in surgery. He’d wrapped his truck around a telephone pole. His girlfriend had been a passenger and had sustained minor injuries, however he hadn’t been so lucky. Terms like: internal bleeding, ruptured spleen, and severe burns were mentioned in the doctor’s briefing to me. Apparently, the truck had caught on fire. By morning the word was simple.

  Death.

  Six days after receiving the call about the accident, I sat in the front row of chairs, graveside. The cemetery was small, situated outside of the town where Rob’s parents now lived, two hours from Charlotte. Dry eyed, I concentrated on my little boy sitting on my lap. He was fidgeting because what toddler understands funeral etiquette let alone this was for his father.

  Since I’d arrived, I’d been caught in a whirlwind, working with the funeral home, the hospital, and my attorney, who confirmed that, yes, I remained Rob’s next of kin. His burial was modest and without police honors, in light of the charges pending against him, but I’d done my best to abide by his parents’ wishes.

  The most surprising fact I learned was that his death benefits and life insurance still had me listed as the beneficiary.

  Although I had no interest in the money personally, I would take anything I received and put it towards Tristan’s college fund. Unfortunately, once Rob’s mother found out, this increased the tension.

  And she wasn’t the only one less than thrilled to have me here.

  My eyes, shielded by dark sunglasses, slid over his twenty-one-year-old girlfriend. She sat across from me, next to Rob’s parents, glaring daggers in my direction.

  After his coffin was lowered in the ground, I watched his grieving mother and father each toss in a rose. His mom swallowed hard and gave me a slight nod.

  I got up, holding Tristan on my hip, and gave him a flower to toss in as well. I might not have any tears at the loss of the man who’d made my life hell for over two years, but I wouldn’t deny my little boy the right to say goodbye to his father. That’s why, despite this being rough, I was here. For Tristan. I refused to be the mother who kept her son from attending his father’s funeral.

  There was a lot of sobbing from the girlfriend, who tossed her rose last and then glowered at me like I was the interloper once they started shoveling in dirt.

  Goodbye, Robert, I murmured to myself, feeling sadness over the sandy-haired teenage boy I’d fallen in love with long ago. If I was going to grieve, it would be for the man I used to know, not for the prescription-drug-addicted, dirty cop who’d turned into a person I didn’t recognize.

  Brian’s arm went around my shoulders, and I leaned into the strength of him. Along with Sasha, he’d insisted on being here for me today. My mother and stepfather were present, too. I was grateful to have all the support. With one last glance, we walked silently to where the car was waiting.

  As we opened the doors, I cringed as I heard Rob’s mother’s voice calling out.

  “Juliette,” she huffed. She was a larger woman and had obviously rushed over to address me.

  It was unfortunate that over these last tension-filled days they hadn’t said one kind word and had opted instead to act hostile. I’d chosen the high road, but it wasn’t easy. Especially when Rob’s mother wholeheartedly believed her son had been framed for drug use and was innocent of all charges.

  Not even the toxicology report showing he’d been using when he’d veered off the road into the pole had swayed them. But it wasn’t my business or, frankly, my job to convince them otherwise. Let them think what they wanted about their son. And about me. None of it mattered.

  I stood by the car, waiting for her to catch up while I held Tristan on my hip. He was already rubbing his eyes. It was late for nap time, and he was tired.

  “You should come by the house with Tristan. Or better yet, I could take him with us. We don’t have a car seat, but it’s not too far of a drive to the house, and we’ll drive slowly.”

  Uh, no, definitely not happening. But she’d just buried her youngest son so I felt some measure of compassion even if the woman had taken some horrible potshots at me this week.

  “I appreciate the offer, Betty, but it’s Tristan’s nap time. Besides, I wouldn’t feel comfortable going when Delilah intends to be there.” It was obvious that his parents had formed some sort of bond with Rob’s girlfriend, most likely because she’d been with him during the accident. For my part, I wouldn’t expose my son to her glares and hostility.

  Betty’s eyes flashed with a temper reminiscent of the one I’d seen often enough in her son. “Tristan is Rob’s son and all we have left of him. It would be nice of you to put aside your petty differences and let him be with his daddy’s parents on the day we had to bury our son.”

  “I’d be happy to bring him by tomorrow to visit. We’ll be staying overnight to ensure we can do that.” Although I was in a hurry to go home, I wasn’t completely heartless. I wanted them to spend some time with Tristan. Suspicious, however, that over the last week I’d been in town, today was the first time they’d stopped taking potshots at me and had simply asked for Tristan to visit. I tamped down on the thought that it might be because today they wanted people to see him there. It seemed they weren’t actually interested in spending time with their grandson but more in the show of it.

  “That’s not good enough.”

  No. It never was.

  “I’m sorry.” I was trying to be reasonable, but there was no way I was letting my baby go home with people he didn’t know and who had Rob’s druggie girlfriend staying with them.

  “You’re sorry. You should be sorry. You drove Rob to this. And then, when he needed you the most, you disappeared. His death is on you. I always knew he could do better than trailer trash—”

  Her verbal assault took me off guard. She’d been passive-aggressive—emphasis on aggressive—and resentful of my presence, but this was so much more. This was an all-out attack.

  Brian didn’t let her finish. “Enough. Juliette, why don’t you get in the car on the other side with Tristan?”

  Sasha stood like a guard dog, taking my arm and leading me around.

  I quickly slid in and put my half-asleep baby boy in his car seat, thankful he wasn’t old enough to understand the hate that his grandmother had just spewed towards me. My mom and stepdad were already in their car behind us, most likely wondering what was happening. Luckily, they weren’t witnessing the drama. I kept the door open so I could hear Brian.

  “Ms. Walker, I realize today is very upsetting, but please respect the fact that these are not easy circumstances for anyone,” Brian cajoled in his soothing voi
ce. The only evidence of his temper was the tic in his jaw.

  “They sure as hell seem more convenient for her. She doesn’t have to fight for custody, and she thinks she’s receiving Rob’s life insurance check. That’s not going to happen—”

  Yeah, because I was all about the money. Indescribable exhaustion set in and suddenly I couldn’t get out of here fast enough.

  I could hear Brian say, “Mrs. Walker, this isn’t the time or the place. If you have anything more you want to say to Juliette, then I’ll provide the name of her attorney. Good day to you.”

  Both his and Sasha’s doors opened and closed while I was happy to finally shut mine as well. Brian wasted no time putting the car in gear and pulling away, leaving a stunned Mrs. Walker behind.

  As we left the whole nightmare, I lay my head back and murmured a thanks to him. Tristan and I were both out cold by the time we hit the main road.

  ***

  I should’ve stood up for myself better. I said as much to Brian a short time later as he and Sasha bid me goodbye. My family would stay for one more night before returning to Charlotte, but Sasha and Brian needed to get back there for work.

  He shook his head. “You’re far too close to the situation. They’d just lost their son, and in their eyes, there wasn’t a thing you could’ve said correctly. So it was better for me to be the bad guy instead.”

  I hugged him again, appreciating that he’d taken on that role. One last embrace for Sasha, and we waved goodbye in the hotel parking lot. My mom took my sleeping toddler and insisted I go to my room and take a nap.

  “Honey, you go take a long bath and an even longer nap. We’ll let him sleep, then order room service later once he wakes up. You do the same.”

  I hesitated but then recognized that the very best thing for me now was to cry it all out and spend some time to myself. I kissed Tristan’s head and gave my mother a watery smile. I appreciated her allowing me this time to decompress. “Thanks, Mom.”

  After a long bath, I lay on my bed, but I was unable to sleep. My appetite wasn’t faring much better, but my growling stomach had me ordering room service anyhow. I hadn’t eaten all day.

  Loneliness crawled over me like a heavy blanket. I was sorely tempted to go pick up Tristan, but it wasn’t fair to put this flood of emotions on him. The last thing he needed was to see his mommy cry. And right now, I’d be a mess.

  Crap. The tears started falling fast and furious as my mind went through the memories, focusing on the good and casting out the bad. Prom, graduation, our first house, and our wedding all came to mind. I sobbed for the loss of the man I’d once loved. But most importantly, I made peace with the man he’d become.

  It hadn’t been my fault. My self-esteem might be at an all-time low, but I refused to take the blame for Rob’s death. We all had choices, and he’d made his. I refused to beat myself up for it. Or feel guilty because his death had, in fact, resolved my fear involving custody. Or because I’d confessed out loud that my life would be easier without Rob in it. Ugh. It wasn’t like I’d asked for this.

  Wiping my face and taking a deep breath, I greeted the server who knocked on the door. Gladly, I took the room service tray from her. She smiled in sympathy, most likely because my eyes were puffy and swollen.

  I ate my grilled cheese sandwich without tasting it. As I ate, I realized how much I’d missed Mark over this last week. He’d texted me a few times, letting me know he was thinking of me and telling me to let him know if I needed anything. But I hadn’t heard from him today. He hadn’t brought up our fight—if you could even call it that—and I had no clue where this left us. To be honest, aside from returning to the apartment to get my things, I wasn’t sure I’d be spending much more time in Connecticut. The thought of ending something which had only begun made me sadder than I could’ve imagined.

  But before making any decisions on moving, I’d have to speak with my attorney. I wasn’t sure, despite Rob’s death, if it was safe to return yet. If his parents intended to come after the life insurance, the last thing I wanted was to make it easy for them to find me. Better to let them go through the courts. The thought of having to fight over Tristan’s rightful inheritance had me setting down the sandwich, losing what little I had of an appetite.

  The knock at the door made me hopeful Tristan had woken up and wanted me, so I opened it without looking. Mark stood on the other side. I didn’t hesitate to pull him into the room and allow his arms to come around me tightly.

  He held me like that forever, not saying a word, simply allowing his strength to envelop me. As we stood there, it occurred to me how much I’d needed him to be here.

  “I couldn’t stay away,” he murmured in my ear.

  “I’m glad.” I pulled back and cupped his face. “I was thinking how much I missed you, and then you were here.” I couldn’t believe it.

  “It took everything in me not to come to the funeral and sit beside you to hold your hand. But that would’ve been inappropriate.”

  It was ironic he would be respectful that way because Rob’s girlfriend, the one he’d cheated on me with and done drugs with, had had no qualms about sitting with his parents. “It means a lot you’d want to. And that you’re here now.”

  “I hated the way we left things.”

  I sighed and then let him lead me to the bed and pull me down into his lap. “Me, too. And I’m sorry. I was the one who originally said I wanted in the dark, no strings—”

  He interrupted. “You have nothing to apologize for, except for maybe not telling me when you wanted more. Because so did I.”

  When I turned, our faces were inches from one another. “You did? But you said you didn’t know how to do this.”

  He winced. “I’m sorry. I’m still trying to figure it out, but that’s all in my head. The one thing I do know is I want to do it with you. I didn’t mean to make it seem like you were too complicated. Hell, I’m complicated, too. But the way you make me feel when we’re together—How easy it is to be with you—I don’t want to lose this thing between us. And I’m especially sorry for making you feel as though you couldn’t talk to Dr. Mac. I never should’ve suggested you don’t mention me by name. It was misplaced guilt that I hadn’t seen him in quite a while.”

  His apology meant a lot, and his reasoning made me understand his motivation better. “Apology accepted and returned for not communicating my feelings.” Swallowing hard, I leaned forward and met his lips. The kiss was soft at first and then turned deeper before he pulled away and put his forehead to mine.

  “Where’s Tristan?”

  “With my mom and stepdad down the hall. I needed some time to, uh—”

  He leaned back, studying my face. “Cry.”

  I nodded slowly. “It’s so stupid. The man I once loved has been gone for years, but today was just—it was still hard.”

  His hand caressed my face in an intimate gesture. “Sounds like your whole week was rough. I spoke with Brian. He told me about Rob’s mother’s threats and how awful they’ve been towards you.”

  “They blame me.”

  His jaw clenched. “I don’t see how on earth they could, but I hope you don’t blame yourself. You didn’t have anything to do with his choices.”

  I smiled sadly. “After a good cry, I’ve come to the same conclusion. I’ll reach out to his parents one last time tomorrow morning to see if they want to see Tristan. But if I’m being honest, I hope the answer is no. I’m well aware that makes me selfish, but I can’t help it.”

  “There’s absolutely nothing selfish about you. But maybe I’m a bit self-centered because I want to know when you’re coming back up to New Haven.”

  “Um. Probably in a couple of days. I need to meet with my attorney to deal with the life insurance stuff and figure out how I can get my house on the market. Unless, of course, I can simply take a match to it. Because at this point I wouldn’t mind watching it all go up in flames.”

  He smirked. “That’s arson.”

  I s
miled for the first time all day. “You’re so lawyerly and proper.”

  He kissed me on the nose. “Not always so proper.”

  No, he wasn’t. And I loved it. “I need to find out when I can move home.”

  He let out a heavy exhale. “We went into this knowing our time was limited, but I don’t like to think of it that way.”

  “Me, either.”

  He kissed me again, this time moving his mouth down my neck and behind my ear. “What if I’m not ready to let you go? What if I want more?”

  My wide eyes pulled back to meet his. “More?”

  “A lot more. No more boundaries. No more dark. With lots of strings.”

  My heart was beating quickly, my mouth dry over his words.

  “When you’re ready.”

  “I want to be ready. I really do.”

  He kissed me softly. “Tell me your worst fear in letting me see all of you?”

  I swallowed past the lump in my throat and admitted it out loud. “That I’ll turn you off, and that’ll be it. It seemed like overnight it happened with my ex. I know you’re not him. Believe me, I do. But I’m not sure what I’d do if I was no longer sexy to you in the light of day. I think it would break whatever fragile self-esteem I have left.”

  He cupped my face. “Do you trust me?”

  I nodded, needing his reassurance more than I’d ever admit to. Once his lips met mine, I sank into him.

  “Come on, I have an idea.” He took me by the hand and pulled me up to stand in front of the mirrored closet doors. As he stood behind me, his strong, tanned hands were quite the contrast across my pink, buttoned-up, cotton shirt.

  “Keep your gaze on me, okay?”

  My eyes burned, and my legs shook, but I did as he requested. If we were to ever move forward, I needed to get past this fear of rejection. Trusting this man to help get me there, however, was one of the hardest things I’d ever done.

  His blue eyes bored into mine in the reflection, heavy with desire. His expression made some of my self-confidence flicker to life.

  “Do you know what I see when I look at you?”