Uncovering Desire

by Kacey Shea

  “That’s great news, Kate!” He comes around the bar to wrap me in a hug. “I’m so damn proud of you.” He pulls away and turns to finish dinner. As soon as he releases me from his embrace I miss the warmth. It’s probably the excitement of the day but I wish I could pull him back in for a hug. I watch him toss the veggies in the dish and move them around with the spatula.

  “So, I only have a few tickets for the event. It’s black tie formal, which I think is silly because, hello, it’s fucking summer in Arizona, but I was sort of hoping you would want to go.” Jon sets the utensil down and turns the heat off the stove before he lifts his chin to gaze my way. “You want me to go?” His voice is full of question and surprise.

  “Well, yeah. I mean, you’re the reason I even felt the need to pull my porn stash out during work hours.” His surprise stretches into a grin and he dishes out plates. “And you can bring a date. It’ll be fun!” I giggle but his expression turns sour.

  He doesn’t meet my eyes and studies the food. “Oh, okay. Yeah, I’ll go.” He slides our plates to where I sit and walks around to join me.

  “I take it you have a date, then?”

  “Yeah, I’m going to ask Trent. But Evie and Tate are going too, so you’ll know them. And everyone from work.” I pick up my fork and take a few bites. I feel as though a gray cloud has settled over our comfortable conversation but I don’t know exactly what’s changed. Jon eats, staring forward between bites, not meeting my eyes, his brooding expression back. I don’t know what to say as I pick at my food, and relief floods when he breaks the silence.

  “I’ve been meaning to ask you something about your photography. Just something I’ve been wondering since last week.”

  “Ask away.”

  “So the subjects, your models, they’re guys you find, right?”

  “Yeah. Is that your question?” I force a laugh. He’s being weird.

  “So, then, have you slept with every guy you photograph?”

  “Jon, I’ve photographed at least eighty different guys.” I attempt to keep my smile in place, but I feel it wavering.

  “Yeah, I know. That’s why I’m asking.” Oh, my god. He’s serious. He’s seriously asking me this question. If I’ve casually fucked eighty men. Is this how he sees me? After everything we’ve been through this weekend. After me wishing he wouldn’t stop holding me not five minutes ago. I lose my mind. All I see is red.

  “A little advice? The next time you feel the need to call me a slut, maybe you don’t say it to my face?” Crashing my fork onto the plate, I stand.

  “Kate, I—”

  “No. Save it. I don’t need to hear anything else. You’ve made your thoughts perfectly clear.” I stomp down the hall.

  “If you don’t want me to go to the gala, I won’t.” I hear him mutter from where he still sits. I turn to glare in his direction.

  “No. You’re an asshole, but you’re the reason my work’s being showcased in the first place. You should come. Bring a date who’s not such a whore. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve suddenly lost my appetite.”

  I can’t get to my mat quickly enough. Slamming my door and twisting the lock, I peel off my work ensemble and toss it to the corner. I roll out the spongy foam and ground my sitz bones. Breathe. Anger and disappointment spool inside. Breathe. I’ll sit on this mat all night if that’s what it takes to calm the storm of emotions. Fuck him!

  I may be here a while.

  “NO, NOPE! I WANT THE belly dancers over there! Keep the private jet clear.”

  Things you’ll only hear on the set of a music video. The energy in this hanger is palpable, full of nerves, excitement, all aware we’re on the edge of something huge. Steph’s gone into drill sergeant mode, shouting orders and keeping this spectacle under control.

  Teagan follows Steph a half-step behind, clipboard and cell in hand. She’s Steph’s extra pair of hands, ears, eyes, and mouth and taking her responsibility seriously for a girl who’s only twenty.

  I check my watch, an oversize costume piece that’s sure to come in handy today. Jason should be here by now. We’re slated to start filming at eight, before it gets too hot. I tap my pumps in a quick rhythm to the beat of my pulse. My nerves on high alert, I busy my hands, smoothing the black and white skirt I’ve paired with a turquoise tank, then straighten my thick black belt.

  Having sent the band for wardrobe change and makeup thirty minutes ago, I anticipate them back sooner rather than later. Those musicians are more excited than little boys on Christmas morning. This is their first official music video and so far they’re being perfect students. Far from the divas we’ve worked with in the past.

  Marc’s partner Nicholas is a pilot and hooked us up big time for this shoot. We have this hangar in Scottsdale Airpark for the next six hours. Steph’s directing, having hired a few trusted colleagues to work behind the cameras.

  Marc’s doing what he does best, dining and wining the band’s agent and entourage in the bar one building over. I’m thankful for that. They’ve had something to say about every-fucking-thing all week and I just want to get this video underway so we can wrap things up. Don’t get me wrong, I like the guys, but I’m tired of playing activity director. I’ll be happy when things go back to normal in the office next week.

  “Kate!” Steph barks. “Where are the models?”

  “Jason’s bringing them.”

  “Seriously? Ugh. Why didn’t Marc assign that to you? We’ll be waiting all morning for Sunshine to roll in.”

  “It’s okay. I talked to Jason an hour ago, they were all meeting at his place before heading over.” Steph rolls her eyes. “I know, I know, but I called the housekeeper and they really should be here any moment. Besides, you don’t want me in charge of models, that’s Jase’s crowd, he knows everyone pretty.”

  “That’s ’cause he’s one too. Teagan, back the fuck up. You’re in my bubble.”

  “Sorry, Steph.”

  “God, I could use a smoke right now.” She groans.

  “Go. Sneak one right now. It’ll level you out before the shoot.” I wink. “Just do it, Steph, you know once Jason’s here you won’t get a chance. I’ll hold down the fort. Just don’t abandon me.”

  “You’re the best.” She lays a kiss on my cheek and jogs out the door.

  “Why do you get to be in the bubble but I don’t?” Teagan pouts at her clipboard.

  I laugh before I offer a reassuring pat. “Head up, Rookie. Just gotta put in your time.”

  “Kate! Check us out! Sexy beasts, are we not?” Twisting on the balls of my feet I blink, then blink some more. Holy fuck! Sending a thank you basket to wardrobe. Trent’s wearing a shit eating grin, ripped denim jeans, and combat boots. Shirtless, I can admire the long lean muscles of his abs and the faint trail of hair that disappears into his pants. Sign me up for hiking. I’ll play explorer. I shake my head, a feeble attempt at clearing my mind.

  The entire band is wearing matching outfits… if you can even call them that. The only difference being the shade of denim and the body art and piercings that cover their skin. Austin talks a mile a minute, confident with his six-pack and defined biceps, no piercings and the least amount of ink of the group.

  Derek listens, a lazy grin on his face. Almost as tall as Trent, he’s the leanest of the group, with tattoos covering one arm, his chest, and half of the other arm. A dragon snakes down his left ribcage and disappears into the front of his pants, while another peaks out his waistband on the right. Good god. He sticks his tongue at me and his silver stud catches my attention. I wonder where else that boy’s pierced.

  Sean’s notably the most uncomfortable. A frown creases his brow and his tattooed fingers tap against his thighs. He’s not as lean as the rest of the band but sexy just the same. Flames cover his left chest, a burning heart at the center. Licking my chapped lips I croak a directive to Teagan who gapes open-mouthed and wide-eyed.

  “Water. Teagan.” I clear my throat. “Can you please get me a water, dear?” An
d maybe a hose so I can spray my heated skin?

  “I’d say wardrobe made my day. Week. Month. Year.” I nod my appreciation. “You guys sure clean up like rock gods. Panties are sure to drop, worldwide.”

  “The only panties I’m concerned with are yours.” Trent smirks.

  “Whatever. I just want to make music.” Sean grumbles. “Where’s my guitar?” He stalks off to the temporary stage our crew erected in front of a sleek, jet-looking plane.

  “Don’t mind him. Once a fat kid always a fat kid.” Trent taps his temple.

  “What are you talking about? Sean has a great body.” I shake my head, brows knit.

  “You hear that, buddy? Kate says she wants you for your bod!” Austin shouts. Sean doesn’t turn, still on a search for his instrument but he flips the bird over his shoulder, giving rise to shouts and laughter from the rest of the band.

  “Oh, hell yeah. Now that’s why I learned to play drums.” Our heads follow Derek’s smirk. The models have arrived. Thank God. I strut over to Jason and Steph, who point directions to the dream team of silicone. Jason did good. Every ethnicity, shape, hair color, and height is represented in the dozen bikini clad twentysomethings.

  “You’re on time! Did hell freeze over?” I hug Jason and he kisses my cheek before he releases me.

  “Don’t hate. I always come through for my girls.” Jason bumps Steph’s hip with his own and she rolls her eyes.

  “Okay, lover boy, let’s get to work. Teagan!” Steph shouts. Teagan’s a few steps behind and jolts at her name.

  “Right here, Steph.”

  “Get the crew on set and ready to shoot in ten.” Teagan scampers off to the audio and visual guys who are sipping coffee at the craft table.

  “Okay, this is the kind of day that separates the men from the boys. Let’s do this.” Steph and I glare at Jason, brows raised and hands on hips. “Or women from girls… You know I’m an equal opportunity employer.”

  Steph chuckles and slaps him on the back. “Oh, we know. You don’t discriminate. Is that supposed to be private knowledge?” A smile plays at his lips.

  “Fair. Let’s make this shoot our bitch, ladies.”

  Oh, Jason. The things he gets away with. I follow Steph over to the crew, ready and excited to get this day underway. We may be small potatoes, but right now we’ve got rock star royalty to produce. I’m ecstatic to be a part of history in the making.

  “Someone needs to get those girls under control. Especially Nikki Minaj.” Teagan whispers, eyes bulging as bootylicious feigns dropping an earring and bends, directly in front of Austin and Sean, to pick it up. She jiggles her ass cheeks several times before standing. The boys are entranced. Hence the nicknames we’ve bestowed.

  “Not my monkey, not my circus.” I sing. A headache pulses behind my eyes. This shoot was taking forever. With time almost up we needed to get a few final shots before we wrapped for the day. However, the band and our models had developed a severe case of ADHD once the newness of being on set wore off.

  “Jase!” I call, and pull him from a heated discussion with Steph. “Control your whores.”

  “Kate. Play nice, kitty cat.” He releases a frustrated breath and stomps over to Big Booty. Patience thin, I’m over today. Glancing at my wrist, I pray we’re almost done.

  “How much longer, Steph? We only have another thirty minutes booked.”

  “We’re moving as fast as we can. Get your boys in line. They’re stalling our time between takes.”

  “Tell me when and what and I’ll get it done, Steph, but I can’t read minds here.”

  “Get pretty boy back on his mic. We’re ready to run another take. And where’s the drummer?”

  My eyes flick to Trent. He’s leaning against a large cargo packing crate, arms wrapped around two of our bikini girls. The girl in pink rests a hand over his crotch, stroking her fingers while she whispers something in his ear. The other pulls his head down mere inches from her double Ds, playing with his longish locks. Jealousy flares. It’s an unfamiliar feeling.

  Strutting over to the threesome, I stop a few feet away. I’ve caught Trent’s eye. One brow lifts. “Can I help you?” he asks.

  “You can start by acting like a fucking grown up and get back on set. They’re ready for another take and you’re more concerned with…” I wave my hand, “Socializing.” My words lace with disgust despite my attempt to remain indifferent.

  “Oh fuck! Where’s your man card, Trent?” Austin laughs from behind. I glance over my shoulder. Didn’t realize I’d gained an audience. Placing my hands on my hips, I meet Trent’s glare. I refuse to back down.

  “I think Kate’s got it. Didn’t take you for being whipped.” Sean laughs and I can hear them high five. Trent’s blazing eyes don’t leave mine. Thing one and thing two haven’t left his side, ignoring my presence and still exploring his body with their manicured fingers.

  “Kate, will you whip me next? I love kinky shit.” Austin chuckles. I roll my eyes. I’m too old to play babysitter.

  “And where the fuck is Derek?” I practically shout.

  “You rang?” Seemingly out of nowhere Derek rejoins our little soiree, tucking his phone into his back pocket with a grin.

  “Enough jacking around, you guys need to get back to work.” A chorus of laughs and oohhhs sound from the band. They think this is funny and I’m providing them with entertainment. Shoot me now.

  “Now. I mean it.” I grind.

  “Watch out. She means it, guys.” Austin mouths off in a voice that supposedly resembles mine.

  “Oh, looks like someone pissed off Queen Bee. I miss all the fun.” Derek jokes.

  Channeling my best elementary school teacher, I try once more. “Get your rock and roll asses on set. Now.” Realizing they’ve pushed me too far Derek, Austin, and Sean cease their laughter. Trent brushes off the talons and steps away from the girls.

  “What a bitch.” One of them speaks loud enough that we can all hear.

  “Let’s go, guys. Enough fun for now, we’ve got a video to make.” Austin steers everyone back to the set like it’s his idea. Ass. Trent lingers before approaching.

  “Kate… Babe…”

  “No. Don’t babe me. I’m not yours,” I warn, but he steps closer and wraps his hand around one of my arms.

  “But maybe you want to be?” He smirks and I shrug off his touch. I’m not sure I do. He steps even closer, invading my space. Even in my heels he’s taller so I straighten my spine and look over his shoulder.

  “Because I’m telling you, these fake bitches mean nothing.” He lifts my chin with his finger, eyes blazing with heat. “They only want to fuck me ’cause I might be famous. But you. You’re a wild one, not easily caught or tamed.” His fingers drop, barely skimming the skin of my neck before grazing across my breasts. My nipples harden in response. His lips drop to my ear. “Now, you. You’re what I want.”

  He takes two steps back, a cocky smile at his lips. “Saturday night, babe.” He winks before he turns and jogs back to the set. Unease settles in my gut. Two more nights until the gala and I invited that man to be my date. I close my eyes and settle my breathing.

  “Kate! We need you!” Steph barks.

  Snapping my eyes open, I push my feelings to the side. No use worrying over that right now. I’ll deal later. Head held high, I make my way back to the madness. Just two more days. I can do this.

  SHE’S AVOIDING ME. SHE MUST be.

  I know I’m an ass. Something I can’t seem to control in her presence. It’s just that we spent all weekend together and she was amazing. Put her life on hold. For me. Expected nothing in return. It was humbling, but it was also an honor, because Kate doesn’t do that for many people.

  My thoughts drift to last weekend as I pull the pan from the oven, placing it on a rack to cool. Kate kept me from slipping into a dark place. Dangling that glimpse of hope after the storm. I started to hope that maybe… Then fucking Trent rock boy squashed that hope.

  Peeling open
the foil fresh lock lining, I fish a knife from the drawer and slather sugary goodness over the still warm pastry. Damn. I should’ve let this cool better. The vanilla frosting melts on contact and slowly rolls from the center of the pan. I can’t believe she wants to take that asshole to the gala as her date. Does she not see his self-absorbed pretty-boy attitude?

  This is stupid, but I’m trying anyway. I stick the cake in the fridge to cool before adding the final touch. I head back to my room to change clothes.

  I lashed out. I need to apologize. I want to. But she’s never home. Maybe to sleep, but even then I’m not sure. There’s no car when I get back from surveillance and none in the morning when I leave for my run. I know she’s okay, though, because she sends Evie texts every day.

  “Oh, wow. Kate is my BFF but sometimes I hate her.” My heart rate picks up at the mention of Kate. Evie sighs from her desk. I twirl my chair to catch the playful grin that plays on her face. Cell in hand she’s texting furiously.

  “What’s that?” I school my features with a look of boredom.

  “Hmm.” Evie laughs before pulling her eyes from the screen to meet mine. “Oh. Kate’s working with Three Ugly Guys. I’m sure she’s told you about it.” My jaw clenches and I bite back a smart reply.

  “Yeah. I’ve heard.”

  “Well, just look at this!” She shoves the cell in my hands and I’m greeted by a photo of Kate slathering a shirtless Trent in baby oil. A wide smile plays on her lips. The caption, “My job doesn’t suck” is written below. I can feel my face twist into a scowl, yet I don’t try to hide it.

  “I think I threw up a little.” I stare at the screen as three more photos come through, captions with each. Evie slides her chair closer and claps her hands as she squeals with laughter.

  “Little drummer boy.” Now she’s oiling the chest of Derek. He’s using his hands to make the rock sign, pinkie and index fingers extended while the others remain in a fist. His studded tongue extends from his mouth. Classy.

  “Boom” Now it’s Sean’s turn, he wears an intense glare as Kate oils with one hand, making a silly duck face with her lips.