Ace's Redemption

by A. C. Bextor

“She okay?”

  Mace smiles, looking up at me as she stands close, holding my waist at the sides. “She’s awake. She can’t talk, and the doctor hasn’t seen her yet so we don’t know everything, but she’s awake and she looks okay.”

  Pushing Mace away from me, I walk around her toward Rae’s room. It’s the longest walk and elevator ride I’ve taken in a long fuckin’ time.

  Raegan came back.

  With Mace following closely behind me, I walk into her room. She’s laying on the bed with tears streaming down her face; anxiety and fear overpowering her once bold and rebellious disposition. She looks lost among the crowd that stand around her now even smaller and gaunt form.

  She hasn’t noticed me yet as the nurse continues to check her vitals. Hem, Shame, Sadey, and Kegs hover around her bed as close as they can get to her, each touching her in a gesture of care, attempting to soothe her worried state. Honor and Gunner are no longer in the room.

  I don’t move as I take in a breath of relief that she’s awake, alive and safe, with no demons left to surround her.

  “Aren’t you going to go say hi?”

  I look down at Mace as she stands beside me. Her eyes dart from me to Rae as her head nods toward the hospital bed, asking me to go to her. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “Yes, you do. You’ve been saying it without saying it for days. Go say it to her.”

  Mace is a meddler. She and her brother spend their lives taking care of people to the point of our frustration. Mace has always had my back and I trust she’s not wrong with her advice, but it leaves me no less nervous.

  Walking toward the crowd, Raegan spots me as the nurse moves, no longer obstructing her view. A small glimpse of sadness and shame cross her features, but she utters out a raspy “Hello” in response to seeing me.

  “We’re gonna get out of here so we can give you two a minute alone.” Hem, who stands with Sadey wrapped around him, fidgets as he looks to his feet, unsure how to handle the delicate situation.

  “Cherry, we’re gonna be right outside if you need anything, all right?” Shame’s concern is heartfelt and touching, his meaning deeper than the surface of his words, but not needed. Although he doesn’t care for me, he already knows I wouldn’t intentionally hurt her.

  Raegan nods her head as Sadey breaks from Hem’s hold and moves in to kiss her on the cheek. From the other side of the bed, Shame reaches down and squeezes her ankle in support before turning and walking toward me as I still stand at the door. More tears fall from Rae’s eyes in response to the added support of our friends.

  Hem passes me, nodding briefly. Sadey files closely behind him, and she stops to squeeze my shoulder, demonstrating the knowledge she carries of what I’m about to do in talking to Raegan.

  Mace crosses in front of me, making her way to Shame as he starts to follow the others into the hallway. He doesn’t nod or lend me a supportive gesture. He speaks from experience, his words penetrating my thoughts as he says them. “You tell her how you feel and she’ll give you all she’s got left to give you right now, which may not be much considering what she’s been through. You love her the way you should, and she’ll give you the rest of her life. Be certain she’s what you want before putting her through any more heartache, Ace.”

  He stops talking, looking back at Raegan and Kegs and smiles at them as they stare at us in worry. His face comes back to mine while he leans in on a whisper. “She’s a good kid that people have made good effort of kicking around. She’s survived too much in her young life. Don’t be afraid to give her what she needs, especially if what she needs is you.”

  Before I respond, he reaches out to grab Mace around the back of her neck and pulls her to him, hugging her tightly, and then bending down to kiss the crown of her head as if giving thanks to her for being the person she is. They walk away in synchronized steps, their bodies remaining tightly wrapped together.

  Kegs is the last to pass me. I see her snarl at me as she does, and being that she’s Kegs, I’m going to get the blunt end of her attitude. I’m right in my assumption. “You’re a dick, but for whatever reason she’s in love with your sorry ass. I don’t like to hit men, but if you fuck with her I’m gonna kick your ass.” Then she walks away, carrying her attitude with her.

  I hear the faint giggle from Raegan as Kegs walks out the door. The small click of the metal door jamb causes me to gain my focus on Raegan again and forget the people that don’t matter near as much to me anymore.

  We’re finally left in the room alone. We look at each other, searching for words that aren’t being said. It’s as though we’re having an entire conversation in silence. My chest is heavy and my eyes ache. My voice is finally ready.

  “Are you okay?” I ask quietly, to avoid scaring her. She nods hesitantly. The air between us is tense. “You look good, Rae.”

  Her eyebrow cocks before she says, “Are you going to stand over there the whole time or come and sit?”

  “I’ll stand.”

  “Okay.”

  She doesn’t understand that I’m afraid to move. If I take my eyes off her, I fear she’ll be gone, making this not real.

  A few seconds pass and I watch her eyes get glassy. That’s when I start to move. Walking to her with hesitant steps, I reach the bed to grab her hand in mine. The moment she squeezes it, I’m free. Moving the bunched blanket toward the foot of the bed, leaving her only draped in a sheet, I climb on top of her. This isn’t about sex at all. This is my way of finally being close to something I’ve missed for what feels like forever.

  She accepts my movements and carefully adjusts her body under me before I give her my weight of protection. Putting my face in her neck, I feel her heart beating through her vein against my cheek, the heat of her skin reassuring me she’s here. “Where have you been, Rae? I’ve missed you.”

  Ace’s question causes me to release an uncontrolled sob of frustration and sadness. I’ve worried him. His body is laying above mine, careful not to hurt me. This is his way of guarding and protecting me. I see how this whole experience has exhausted him, and I feel the guilt rushing out of me as I release the tears.

  “I’m so sorry I left you the way I did.” My voice is still weak, my words lost to a soft whisper. “Vinnie and Marcus had me. They knew I wouldn’t risk you or anyone else I loved being hurt. I couldn’t risk it. Sarah…” A soft hiccup and sob breaks my sentence, but it’s important that Ace understands I wouldn’t have just left if I felt there were any other way. “They would’ve hurt her… Marcus would’ve taken her. My parents… Deck…” pausing briefly, I collect myself before giving him reason to anger. “You would’ve had to sit and watch all this happen. I couldn’t do anything other than what I did. I’m sorry.”

  Ace looks up from my neck, and his eyes search mine. In them, I see he’s trying to verify my statement. He’s aimlessly searching for truth after all the lies I’ve told. Clearing my throat, I offer to continue. “I didn’t trust you enough to tell you. I was afraid your reaction would be…”

  “It would’ve been exactly what you thought. I would’ve killed them for even threatening you. No one is invincible, Rae; not them, not us, no one. You should’ve told me. You always have to tell me.”

  When I shake my head intending denial, he feels it as he kisses my neck and jaw gently. He expresses his admission quietly. “I was afraid you wouldn’t make it back and that you were gone.”

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t think this would happen, but you were so angry at me and I was afraid. I needed an escape.”

  “No, Raegan. No more escapes. You never need an escape again and most certainly never from me.”

  I don’t respond. Hearing him say that, so sure and definite, makes me feel safe and loved. Pulling up from my neck again, he adjusts his arms beside my head and bends down to kiss my forehead. I feel the moisture from his tear hit and slide down into my hair.

  “I thought you were gone,” he repeats softly.

  “I came back.” After givi
ng him a few minutes to realize I’m going to be fine, I change the subject. “You called Hem?”

  “I needed help, and I didn’t know what I was walking into.”

  “You saw Sadey.” My voice breaks with disappointment and fear, forming the obvious as a statement, not a question.

  “I did.”

  “And you still…”

  “No. It’s not what you think. That’s over.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Rae, I love you. I’m in love with you.”

  “Oh.”

  “Oh,” he repeats before kissing my forehead, cheek, and then neck.

  We lay here a few minutes together and alone, each thinking of what the near tragedy could have caused us, both thankful it didn’t. Ace jerks his chest up as he hears the door to the room open, and my soul smiles as I watch my dad walk in with Decklan following closely behind him.

  “Raegan, you’re awake. Mace called me as soon as you opened your eyes.” My dad smiles with relief. My eyes find Deck’s behind him as he enters the room and walks toward me.

  Decklan looks different, almost a little lost. “Hi, Deck.” The weak sound of my voice gives him more reason for concern.

  He waves but continues to cling to my dad as my dad explains a voided absence. “Mom’s not coming.”

  I nod, my eyes filling with more tears. I’ve unintentionally given her another reason to doubt my worth as a daughter, a mother, and a human being.

  Ace stands from the bed but doesn’t let go of my hand as he grabs a chair and pulls it near me. “Come here, Decklan.”

  Decklan doesn’t move. He’s not familiar with Ace in a casual sense, but Ace’s authoritative tone coupled with my dad’s push to his back sends him cautiously walking toward the side of the bed where Ace sits.

  “I’m not going to hurt you. Come sit with me so you can see her.”

  Decklan moves with gradual speed as he makes his way into Ace’s lap. Ace releases my hand and gives it to Decklan. His five-year-old stare recognizes something as he looks at me.

  Ace prods when the silence creates tension. “Tell her, buddy.”

  I’m confused. I know I’m tired, but I’m confused as to what I’ve missed. Decklan’s little voice breaks through my confusion. “You’re my mom.”

  Not at all ready for the emotional meltdown, I wrap my hands to my mouth and shake my head as more tears fall, hitting my fingers on their way out. Closing my eyes, I gather my thoughts and regroup. Reaching for his hand that sits on the bed near my leg, I squeeze it gently. “I am your mom. Who told you that?”

  Oddly, his answer makes me laugh. “Shame did.”

  Leave it to Shame Carrick to break the truth.

  I smile, Dad laughs, and Ace just continues to look between Decklan and me.

  “Come on, Deck. Let her rest.” Looking to me, my father finishes his plan. “We’re going to grab some lunch and give you two time to catch up.” Dad stops before turning toward the door. “I’m glad you’re all right, Raegan.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  As they close the door behind them, I’m given a fraction of a second to prepare for Ace, who once again starts climbing on the bed, shielding me from the outside world. This time it’s without tears and sadness, but with appreciation and thanks.

  “I love you, Rae. I didn’t want to be here without you. It would’ve been too hard to let go.”

  “Now, you don’t have to.”

  He repeats my words quietly, assuring himself it’s true. “Now I don’t have to.”

  AFTER BEING HERE most of the day, Ace left about an hour ago and I’ve been alone since. The staff nurses and my doctor tell me I’m going to be fine. I feel better and even under the fluorescent lights in the bathroom, I don’t look as hideous as I was afraid I would.

  Ace, though, looks tired and worn from all that’s happened. He’s already asking the medical staff when I’ll be well enough to travel back to California. The doctor is requiring me to talk to a therapist so they can determine if my overdose was stemmed from an intention to commit suicide. It wasn’t. I wanted to feel numb, to escape as I frequently had in the past.

  If all goes well and the hospital staff agrees, I’ll be out of here within a few days.

  My head turns to meet Shame, whose broad body takes up the door’s frame. “Knock, knock?”

  “Hi,” I say weakly from the bed, a few feet away.

  When he walks in, I notice Hem at his heels. Shame comes to the bed and stands at the foot of it, grabbing my ankle and squeezing gently. “How are you, sweetheart?”

  I don’t hesitate to tell him what I already know won’t be necessary for him to hear, but I want to offer it anyway. “I’m doing all right. I’m glad you’re here. I owe you an apology.”

  “For what?”

  “I acted like a spoiled child when you came to see me at the club. I only used the powder because I know you hate it.” Lowering my head in disgrace, I finish the thought with humiliation. “I thought it would get you to leave.”

  Raising his eyebrows, a slow and typical-of-Shame seductive smile crosses his face. “Takes more than a little powder to get me gone, Cherry.”

  Hem interrupts my apology, leaving the rest of the sentiment unsaid. “You feelin’ better? You look good.”

  Moving my head toward him as he sits in the chair beside me, I hear Shame pull up his own and watch as he places it next to Hem’s.

  “Considering what happened, I feel really good. Where are the girls?”

  Shame groans quietly as Hem describes their absence. “Kegs insisted they go out and get a fuck-load of souvenirs to take back to Ohio. She’s insistent that Honor’s room needs an Elvis bobble head doll or some shit. I don’t fuckin’ know, and I tried not to ask too many questions when Sadey took my credit card with enthusiasm.”

  “Hem, you’re gonna need an extra suitcase when they’re done.”

  Shame’s groan of annoyance is now replaced with his words of complete frustration. “Don’t fuckin’ tell me that, Cherry. Mace brought so much shit with her we had to pay for extra weight on the way here.”

  “When do you leave?”

  Hem’s face gets serious, my simple question causing him to think about his answer. “We’re headed out tomorrow. That’s what we wanted to stop by and talk to you about.” Taking a breath, he asks quickly, “Do you want to come back with us? We can pack Decklan and maybe even your dad and you can all go to Ohio together.” He stops, glances to Shame beside him, then turns back to look at me. “Your mother stays put, though. I don’t like her.”

  Allowing a small giggle to escape, I answer while thumbing the sheet at my waist. “No, Hem. Thank you, though. I like it in California and Ace told me he’s taking me home with him.”

  “What about Decklan?”

  Thankfully, that issue has been resolved. “Dad and I talked today when he stopped in earlier. After everything that’s happened, my dad realizes that my home is wherever Ace is. He’s talking about going with us, too.”

  “Do you have help out there, other than Ace, I mean?”

  “Yes, both Bean and Sarah are excited to meet Decklan, as well. Ace talked to them briefly after you guys left earlier.”

  Hem sits still in front of me and he must be remembering Sarah. The two had gotten close while he was staying with Ace last year. “Squirt,” he says as he sits quietly recalling. “Good girl. Teenage trouble was always brewing behind those eyes, but she’s a good kid. Tell her I said hello, will you?”

  “I will.”

  “Bean’s quite the little character herself. That woman makes a mean meatloaf with buttered potatoes. If I wouldn’t have been so fuckin’ homesick at the time, I would’ve probably gained a hundred pounds livin’ there. You’ll be well cared for. Give her my best, too, will ya?”

  I nod then looking at each of them, I ask, “When will Ace be back?”

  Shame stands, now walking to the other side of my bed. I’m bracing for whatever is about to come. Grabbing m
y hand in his, he takes a quick look to Hem and once Hem nods in agreement, he tells me what he knows. “Got a text from Hood. Ace left to go visit with Marcus and Vinnie. Shit-face was told to wait for us, but he didn’t.”

  My heart rate spikes as fear paralyzes my thoughts. The machine next to us tells them both how anxious I’m feeling.

  Hem stands and gets closer to me, grabbing my other hand. “No, Cherry. He’s not alone. Hood, you remember him?”

  I nod.

  “Hood’s here. This is where he’s been since he left Ohio about the time you all did. He’s helping Ace with this. Nothing will happen to either of them. From what I hear, Marcus and Vinnie are expecting Ace’s visit and they aren’t too ecstatic about it.”

  Looking down into my lap, I close my eyes and send a silent prayer that Hem and Shame have things under control.

  Thankfully, pulling me from thought, Hem announces their departure. “We’re gonna head out. We’ll stop by this evening so the girls can all say goodbye. Get some rest.”

  Shame and Hem each kiss my cheek, one at a time, then turn around to leave. Before Shame closes the hospital room door, he turns to offer his final thought.

  “That kid of yours, Cherry? He may be young but he’s observant, smart, and strong. I don’t have to guess he gets every fuckin’ bit of that from you and not only because his father’s an idiot.”

  “Thank you, Shame.”

  “Anytime, sweetheart.”

  Once the door closes, I realize that was my goodbye to them. The girls may come by later so I can see them off, but Shame and Hem are gone for good. My heart rests with this farewell.

  “UH, SWEETHEART? YOU got a minute?” Shame’s voice behind me momentarily pulls me from my plan.

  He and Hem are standing at my back as I step on and kick around a few of the broken teeth that have fallen to the floor. The last thirty minutes have been used as a therapy session for my rage against both Marcus and Vinnie. Hood had each of them strapped to a chair in this abandoned warehouse for some time, if the piss on the floor is any indication of their time spent waiting for my arrival.