Now all I have to do is get out of the car and walk into the restaurant— if only it was that easy.
4
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
~Unknown
Raven
I agreed to meet her here at six in the evening. It’s ten minutes past and I haven’t seen her walk into the restaurant yet. I’ve been sitting in the truck for twenty already. Part of me thinks she could already be inside, but I know how likely that is.
I take in a deep breath, remove my hands from the steering wheel, grab the keys from the ignition, and open my door. Locking the truck, I pull my purse over my shoulder and walk towards the country-esque diner she chose to meet me at. Momma isn’t from here, so she doesn’t have any leverage. It must sound bad I’m already thinking like this . . . but I know not to expect anything good from her.
I try to focus on the surroundings, to stare at the old, worn brick that covers the buildings along the street. I attempt to smell the fresh country air that blankets Montana, anything to bring me out of my own head. Thoughts from the past plague my mind, memories resurfacing only to cause me heartache and grief.
I don’t want to think about all the times she let me down as a kid. Or about how I was so angry with her for being selfish after Dad left. Instead of being the strong one, she folded into herself, falling into the deepest depression. No matter what Matthew or I did, it wasn’t enough. She found solace in the pills and after that, it seemed like she didn’t give a damn about either of us.
Back when I was in college I had a friend named Riley who wanted to go into social services and be a therapist. I ended up confiding in her, telling her things I never even confessed to those closest to me growing up. I couldn’t talk to my brother because he ended up turning into a miniature version of our Momma. His falling into the same pit she did makes my need to stay away from pills of any kind stronger. I don’t even like to take a Tylenol. Fuck it. I’d rather feel the pain.
I’ve seen first-hand how pills can tear apart someone’s reality and make their family suffer in the worst of ways.
I try my hardest to bury every negative feeling I’ve felt towards her over the years and put my hand on the door to the restaurant, pulling it toward me. Upon entering, I’m hit with the scents of peppermint and mocha. It causes me to smile, reminding me why I love Billings so much. Whenever the seasons roll around, everyone in town celebrates the soonest they can. I may only be smelling the scents of the holidays, but it calms me.
“Hi. How are you doing today, miss?” the hostess asks me as I venture forward.
I smile lightly. “I’m okay, thank you. I’m actually here to meet someone. I had waited outside for her but didn’t see her come in.”
“Okay. What’s her name?”
“Sharon,” I reply, glancing around the area to see if I can spot her myself.
“There was a woman who came in earlier by herself. She told me she was waiting for her daughter. Would that be you?”
“Probably, but what did she look like?”
“She had dark chocolate brown hair, hazel-colored eyes. She’s very thin.”
I nod the moment the hostess says she’s thin. “Yeah, it’s probably her. Where did you seat her?”
“I’ll take you down to her right now. Follow me, okay, sweetie?”
The hostess steps behind the booth and leads me to the back of the restaurant. I come up behind her so she doesn’t see me approaching. She’s wearing an army green jacket and while her hair is the dark chocolate brown it’s always been, she has streaks of something else toward the ends. To be honest, it looks washed out and frizzy.
“Your daughter is here,” the hostess tells her, and I step across to the other side of the booth, standing in the aisle for a moment.
It’s hard to believe only a few years have passed. She looks so much older like she should be well into her late sixties. She’s at least fifteen years younger than that. Hell, she shouldn’t be older than forty-five or forty-six.
“Hey, kid,” she smiles widely like we just saw each other last week. I take in a deep breath and sit down as the hostess makes her way back down the aisle and toward her booth. Honestly, I’m having a hard time taking her in right now. She looks like a skeleton. Her skin is sagging and clammy-looking. Her hair looks thin, even worse from the front.
“Why did you call me out of the blue?” I get straight to the point, afraid I already know where she’s trying to go. Part of me wants to give her a chance, but the other part of me knows how people are these days. They’re selfish bastards and will do whatever they want.
She opens her mouth for a second and then smiles. Shit, she hasn’t changed a bit. She’d do the exact same thing when I was in high school right before she’d lie. “It’s been a while and I wanted to see how my baby girl’s been doing. You and I haven’t seen each other in a minute and I missed you.”
I scoff, “A minute? It’s been over five fucking years.” I can’t help but correct her. She’s trying to play me like a violin, but I’m not a naïve little girl anymore. I see shit for what it is these days.
“Uh, I’ll come back for your drink order in a bit.” I didn’t even notice a waitress had approached us, but I watch as she scurries down the aisle and heads toward the hostess. I’m betting she’s gonna tell her what she just overheard.
I try to keep my anger buried inside me, to not let it out, but I’m pissed. Fuck that, I’m more than pissed. I’m furious at her audacity. She’s only come here for one thing. She’s gotten herself into trouble and needs my help or my money.
Momma narrows her eyes and looks at me firmly. “Watch your tongue, young lady. We haven’t seen each other in a while and you’re going to speak to me like this? I’m your Momma. Show some respect.”
“I don’t know if I have any left,” I admit. “You haven’t shown me any. You didn’t even have the decency to tell me you moved. I came home for Christmas and found out you didn’t live there anymore. Your phone number didn’t work and neither did Matthew’s. It’s like you two vanished. You didn’t even bother to tell me. I went off to college to further my education and create a better life for myself and I lost the family I had.”
Even though I felt like they were holding me back, they were still my family. At the forefront of my mind, I knew they were bad for me, but I wanted them to both be better. After losing Dad, I needed them to be better. He walked out of our lives, meanwhile, my Momma and brother decided to . . . swallow their pain.
“I’m sorry, baby. Everything was so hard back then. Mattie and I were working to get our shit straight.”
“And have you?” I question, but from the way she looks, I already have an answer.
“We’re working really hard to get it straight. We’ve just run into a speed bump and need a little help from you.”
I fuckin’ knew it. I knew she needed something from me.
“What do you need?” I ask, curious as hell.
“Mattie and I got into some trouble with an old friend from Warren. He wants us to pay him.”
“You mean to say you owe him money?”
“I – no. It’s not like that, sweetie, I swear.” She extends her hand across the table and reaches for me but I pull my arm away.
“It’s always like that. I’m not a little girl anymore, Momma. I’m not going to help you out of the hole you dug yourself. You only came here because you needed money. You didn’t call because you wanted to see me, or missed me. You just needed someone else to get rid of your problems. Well, listen up, Momma. I’m not your ticket out.” I slide to the end of the booth and stand up, quickly walking down the aisle and heading out the door. I leave, hearing her call my legal name.
Fuck Chelsea. She was a weak bitch. Raven is what I go by now, and is a complete representation of how I had to learn to fly on my own.
5
If it means something to you, fight for it.
~ The Better Man Project
&
nbsp; Hawk
“Okay, you’re gonna have to explain all this to me again,” Ivy says, trying to understand the breakdown of the club.
I chuckle lightly. “It’s no problem. It’ll take you a minute to get it all down. Booger is the one over there with the neck tattoo. His girl is Camila.”
“The one on his lap?” she questions and I nod, but I see the way she contorts her face into disgust.
“What’re you thinkin’?”
“How the fuck he got a road name like Booger. So gross.”
I laugh, a little louder than I intend to. “It’s a joke. Boog’ always knows how to pick ‘em. We did it as a way to fuck with him when he was prospecting and the name stuck. He’s a really good guy. Funny as shit too. His girl Camila is as sweet as pie. A firecracker, but very kind.”
“Okay, and Cobra was with Brotherhood?”
“Yeah, he’s over there flirting with Onyx. Chaz is the one standing next to her on the other side. He was with Brotherhood too. Now, we’re all one big happy, fucked-up family. Oh, and the pretty boy in the corner is Mouser. He’s our latest prospect.”
Ivy smirks. “She seems like she’s trouble.”
My gaze shifted over to the trio and I look back at Ivy. “Who?” I question.
“Onyx. She has it written all over her face. All my time with the Bears . . . I feel like I can sense shit. Men and women, they all have the same determined look when causing chaos. She’s . . . something.”
“Onyx is just a whore. Don’t give her more credit,” I mutter.
“You’re not giving her enough. I’m gonna be keepin’ my eye on her. Something doesn’t rub me the right way. What’s her story?”
“She’s a madame or pimp, whatever you wanna call her. When the Demons of Hell were down here, she’d supply girls to the club for the members to fuck. They’d have club girls and then girls on the street workin’. The Demons would get a cut as long as they provided protection.”
“By work, you mean prostitution.”
“Yeah, I sure do. I’m bettin’ the deal Onyx struck with Damon is far better than whatever she had with Rage. At least the women aren’t getting black and blue and bloody on our watch.”
“Did they with him?”
I nod once. “Yeah, one of her girls told me he didn’t care if the Johns would rough them up a little. Not as long as he got his cash.”
“Wow. That’s sad. At least they’re in a better situation now . . . I think.” The shift in Ivy’s tone causes me to think more about Onyx. I’ve never given her much credit. She’s always been a whore to me, but maybe there’s more to her than I’m realizing. One thing’s for sure— until Ivy brought it up I didn’t think anything of Onyx. I’ll be keepin’ my guard up from now on, though. “Okay, so Amara is the VP and she was with Widow but isn’t anymore? Now, he’s with one of the Jackals . . . who are a vigilante group thing?”
“Yeah, you’re catchin’ up. Widow also has a daughter with a woman who isn’t involved in the club. I’ll give you the gossip here and now. The woman he has a daughter with was Amara’s best friend, but she ran off because she caught them fucking, had the baby in secret, and he only found out after he was down here.”
“You’re making my life seem a lot less dramatic with all this.”
“You’ve got everyone beat with your step-father situation, but you’ll fit in fine. Don’t you worry about a damn thing. I can tell you’re still nervous.” I offer her a soft smile, trying to ease her worries. She’s the fresh blood, chum in the water, so to speak, but everyone here will give her their respect or they’ll have not only Kade to deal with but me too. This woman has been through it. She doesn’t need any more shit to go bad.
“Okay, I’m not getting worried about it. Promise. Now, Kat is with Damon, who is the Prez, and Damon is Amara’s brother?”
“Yes,” I confirm.
“And Dixon isn’t tied down to anyone?”
“Nope, he isn’t.”
“And you?” Ivy asks, but I see the glimmer in her eyes. The girl is fishing for information.
“Hopin’ you’ll trade some information with me since I’ve helped you out and given you the low down while Kade’s been busy with Damon this evening.”
She cocks her brows, looking around the clubhouse and leans in. “What kind of information?”
“You’re friends with Raven, so I’m hopin’ you’ll hook a man up with her phone number. You know, since I’ve been so helpful and shit.” I plaster a shit eatin’ grin at the end of my sentence.
Ivy cackles, opens her cell phone, and taps away. We already exchanged numbers earlier and I see her name pop up on my phone. I grab my cell off the table and open it, seeing a Montana area code. “You didn’t even put up a fight,” I say, a bit surprised.
“Why would I? She likes you. It’s obvious you like her. Stop flappin’ your jaws with me. Get outta here and give her a call,” Ivy orders.
I chuckle, stand with my phone in hand, and leave the clubhouse, heading toward the trailer I share with Dixon. The second I’m free from the prying ears of eavesdroppers, I tap the number on the screen and put my phone against my ear.
“Hello?” The voice on the other end sounds defeated, emotionally drained.
“Raven?” I say, making sure I don’t have the wrong number.
“Who’s calling?” she asks, sounding a little irritated.
“It’s Hawk, Baby Bird. What’s goin’ on? You sound upset.”
She sucks in a sharp breath. “I . . . uh, how’d you get my number?”
“Ivy gave it to me. I wanted to give you a call and check-in. By the way you sound, I have good timing.”
“I’m feeling good. My shoulder is healing up a bit. I’m sure most people go through physical therapy and shit, but I don’t exactly have the resources to go through all that.”
I can sense her bullshit through the phone. “I’m glad your shoulder is healin’, but Baby Bird, I can tell somethin’ happened. You sound a bit off. You wanna talk about it or you want me to fuck off?”
“I’m sure you don’t want to hear about my day, Hawk.”
I walk up the three steps to my trailer, open the door and go towards the couch. “If I didn’t wanna know, I wouldn’t have asked. Damn, woman. Just tell me.”
“I don’t even know you. We’ve met each other once. You really don’t have to try and be nice or act like you’re interested in hearing about my day when we both know what you really want.”
“And what’s that?”
“You just want me for sex.” The way she says it tells me it’s what she believes.
“I wanna wrap my hand around the back of your neck and kiss the ever fuckin’ daylights outta you, girl. But I don’t just want that juicy cunt of yours. I wanna get to know you. I’ve thought about you since that first day at the bar. Now, I know this must be shockin’ to ya, so I’ll give you a call again tomorrow and we can talk. But if you need me, Baby Bird, you call. Okay?”
“A-Alright,” she stutters out and I end the call. There’s no way she knows what she’s getting herself into.
6
“You know a moment is important when it is making your mind go numb with beauty.”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Hawk
Shit has been eerily quiet for far too long. Back in Montana, shit hit the fan in every sense of the word, but the group of us over here have gotten pretty fuckin’ bored over the last few weeks. Lately, the most rambunctious thing that happens is when one of Onyx’s girls gets in a tiff with another.
It’s a little past one in the morning and for the life of me, I can’t sleep. I’ve turned the TV on in my room and now I’ve got some documentary about a sanctuary for wildlife in South Africa playing for background noise as I play a race car game on my phone.
Not really sure why I haven’t been sleeping. It could be as simple as not doing much over the last few weeks. Things have been quiet since the Jackals helped us knock out that fuckin’ Vibora gang. I’
m not complainin’ or anything . . . but I’m used to a bit more action. Especially ‘cause of my time up in Montana. Grizzly always had us on edge. Hell, even when he and Fist had a truce, I never put my guard down. It’s almost like my body and mind are just waiting for the next thing to happen. While our problem with the Vibora’s is gone, it just means something else will be headed our way soon enough. It’s how it always works out.
The Vibora’s were the last bit of people who supported Rafael Ramirez as the cartel boss. It’s been a while since he was butchered and the Lopez family were named the new leaders. Shit, I thought it would be awkward considering Rafael was Damon and Amara’s uncle, but they don’t have the best relationship with their family. Damon was fully supportive in incinerating anyone affiliated with his uncle and his ways, as was Amara.
We don’t have many allies down here. The closest ones are the Raiders in Los Angeles. We’re six hours from the Mexican border, however, everyone knows that the cartel is well across the state lines, which only means their business is as well. Since we were so helpful to the Jackals, who are obvious supporters of the Lopez family, I’m wondering when we’ll be getting some outsourced work. It’s only a matter of time. Hell, the shit would keep us busy too. If I had to guess the only other thing that could potentially cause shit to stir up is if Ivy’s crazy step-father brought his wrath down here. He’s been in the wind, though.
The screen on my phone flashes from a Porsche to the name Baby Bird. Well, damn. I didn’t expect her to call me this quickly. I tap the green button on the screen and accept her call, bringing the phone to my ear. “You okay?”
Instead of an answer, I get slow, calculated breathing. It almost makes me think she woke up from a horrible dream. “I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have called.”
“No, you did what I asked you to do. It’s okay. You wanna tell me what’s the matter?” I ask, keeping my tone soft. She sounds agitated, almost like she’s upset. I just can’t put my finger on it.
Hawk: Reapers MC Book #6 Page 3
