by Erin Zak
“Oh, honey.” She wanted to wrap the kid up in a hug. Her concern melted Bernadette’s heart. “She won’t get sick of you. She loves you so much.” She watched Harper’s focus shift from the straw wrapper to the rim of the cup. “I don’t think it’s my place to talk about Stevie’s sexual orientation, though.” She smiled. “But yes, I’m a lesbian.”
Harper’s wide-eyed stare focused on Bernadette. “You are?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“For how long? Is it weird? Like, what do you do differently? Does it hurt? I don’t know if I get what it is exactly…”
Bernadette suppressed a laugh. “Well, um, instead of falling in love with a boy, you fall in love with a girl.” Harper didn’t react, which made her feel a little better, but she still felt bad about being the person Harper was asking these questions of. It should have been her mom or Stevie. But of course, Stevie had to leave. She left Harper. And she left Bernadette. “And the only time it hurts is when you get your heart broken. But that’s normal with any relationship, lesbian or otherwise.”
“Ah, okay.” Harper smiled a toothy grin. “So, you’re in love with Stevie?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you are, aren’t you?” Harper looked so excited. It was difficult for Bernadette to remain stoic. “Stevie and Bernadette, sittin’ in a tree…”
She raised her eyebrows at the giggling mess in front of her. “Are you finished?” Harper nodded, her lips pursed but clearly holding back laughter. “Why are you asking all this anyway?” As those words were out of her mouth, a person slid into the booth next to Bernadette. “Laurie? What? What are you doing here?”
“And Deondre. He’s peeing.” Laurie nudged her with her shoulder. “Ashley said she couldn’t make it, but”—she tapped on her phone—“my notepad app is filled with all her ammo.”
Bernadette let out a puff of air. “What do you mean? How did you—?” And that’s when it hit her. She turned her attention to Harper. “You texted Laurie, didn’t you?” Harper nodded as she shrunk into the booth, and she sighed. “What’s going on?”
“Harper said it was an emergency.” Laurie nodded at Deondre as he plopped down on the booth seat and said his hellos.
Deondre put his arm around Harper and squeezed her. “Yeah, Harper baby, what’s happenin’?”
“Stevie,” Harper said softly. “She’s not the same. I can tell. She’s so sad.”
Bernadette’s heart sprang to life after days of feeling as if Stevie had taken it with her, leaving her chest vacant. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out.
Thankfully, Laurie sprang to action. “Wait a second. You mean you talked to her recently? What did she say?”
Harper shrugged. “She wasn’t happy. I could tell.”
“Harper, my love, listen.” Bernadette leaned forward and reached across the table so she could touch Harper’s arm. “It’s hard when someone leaves. She’s probably homesick.”
“Yeah, I mean, it’s different there,” Laurie said, but her voice was too soft, with no conviction. She was obviously holding something back.
“And she has a lot of stress on her because she’s the newest cast member,” Deondre added. “And dude, it’s freaking Saturday Night Live. It’s crazy intense.”
“Hold that thought, Deondre,” Bernadette said as she raised her hand. “I think Laurie isn’t telling us something.”
Laurie’s eyes widened. “Fine.” Laurie groaned and looked up at the ceiling before she finally said, “Stevie is miserable. She hates it there. She’s not doing well at rehearsals. She’s flailing. And she wants to come home. She might not even do the New Year’s special.”
“What the hell?” Bernadette asked.
“I don’t know.”
“See?” Harper’s small voice broke through the confusion.
Laurie continued, “I told her she couldn’t come home. I told her she had to stay. There was no way I would ever talk to her again if she ruined this chance.”
“Laurie!” Bernadette was shocked.
“Well? Come on. I would murder someone for what she has. So, yeah, if she comes home, I’m done. I won’t do improv with her anymore. I’ll find a new troupe. Shit’s fucked up.” Laurie slapped her hand to her mouth. “Sorry, Harper.”
“It’s okay,” Harper said softly. “My dad says those words all the time.”
“What are we supposed to do with this information?” Deondre’s deep voice was so calming. “What do we do? You’re right, Laurie. She cannot come home.”
“I think…” Laurie looked at Bernadette. “I think you should go see her.”
“I can’t.”
“What? Why? You have nothing going on. Go. Surprise her.”
“How do you know I have nothing going on?”
“Come on.” Laurie pointed to Harper. “You’re having dinner with an eleven-year-old the day before New Year’s Eve. No offense, Harper.”
“None taken,” Harper chimed in.
Bernadette rolled her eyes. “Look, Stevie made it very clear that once she left, once she made it big, she was not going to want a relationship. Period. I let her go based on those words. Even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done in my entire life—”
“Does that mean you are lesbians together?” Harper’s question cut Bernadette’s speech in half, and all three adults started to laugh. Harper looked at each one of them, her eyes wide. “What?”
“Oh, honey,” Deondre said through his laughter. “You are such a good kid.”
Harper beamed and sat a little straighter in the booth. She looked as if the compliment aged her enough that she was indeed an adult hanging with her adult friends.
“So what do I do?”
“You go,” Laurie said. “I already looked up flights. Southwest has a flight to LaGuardia, and it’s only four hundred if you leave tomorrow.” Laurie quickly tapped away on her phone before she flashed the screen at Bernadette. Her finger was hovering over the purchase button. “You only live once, Bernadette.”
“But my mom,” she argued. “I can’t leave her. Not right now. We’re packing her up to move.”
Laurie rolled her eyes. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“Um, no, I’m not kidding you.” She was seconds away from getting very angry in the middle of Pequod’s.
“Do you love Stevie?”
“Not the poi—”
“Do. You. Love. Her. It’s a simple fucking question.” Laurie looked at Harper. “Sorry again.”
Her anger started to dissipate. “Yes.”
“Then go. You can come back and move your mom. But go save Stevie because if she fu—” Laurie caught herself and smiled. “Screws this up, she’ll regret losing both of the things that ever meant anything to her.”
Deondre slid his hand across the table and lightly wrapped his fingers around Bernadette’s hand. “You’re one of those things, y’know, in case you weren’t sure.”
Bernadette smiled through the tears that started to flow without any warning. “Okay.”
“What?” Laurie shouted, and most of the people in the restaurant turned toward their table. “You’re serious? You’re gonna do it?”
“Yes. Buy it.” Bernadette handed her wallet over, and Laurie ripped into it, pulling out a credit card as if she was born to be a travel agent. She glanced over at Harper. “Okay?”
Harper grinned and nodded. “Okay.”
* * *
Bernadette walked into the kitchen and looked around at the couple of boxes that were going with her mother to the assisted living facility. The teakettle was going, of course, as well as a service for four Paul bought her for Christmas. He was as psyched as their mother was. Up until a couple of hours ago, Bernadette was the only one who wasn’t excited. Everything changed, though, when she heard Stevie was flailing.
“Bernie, honey, when did you get home?”
Bernadette turned to see her mother standing in the doorway. She was fully dressed in navy
blue slacks and a cream sweater. She looked adorable. “About ten minutes ago.”
“How was Pequod’s?”
She motioned toward a take-home box. “You want a piece?”
“Oh, please. Of course I want a piece.” She chuckled as she went to get a plate from the cupboard, but Bernadette raised a hand
“I’ll get it.”
Normally, she would fight Bernadette, but this time she sat at the table and smiled. “Service with a smile.”
She smiled to herself as she took out a piece of the deep-dish pizza and plated it. She popped it into the microwave for thirty seconds, then set the plate with a knife and fork in front of her mother. She sat at the table and watched as she dug in to the pizza. The anxiety about leaving her was rising in her throat, bubbling like seltzer water. She placed her hand on her mother’s arm after she shoveled a forkful of pizza into her mouth. “I’m leaving for a few days,” she signed. “I’m going to go see Stevie.”
Her mom chewed and swallowed, then set her silverware on her plate and stood. She took the few steps that separated the two of them and wrapped her arms around Bernadette. “I am so glad.”
To say she was shocked was an understatement. She pulled back from the hug and looked up at her mother, and apparently her quizzical look was all her mother needed to see to know she should explain.
“You haven’t been the same since the two of you had your falling out. I don’t know why everyone assumes because I can’t hear, I also can’t see.”
“Mom—”
“No, Bernie. You need to go.” She placed her hands on either side of Bernadette’s face, and stared into her eyes. “You need to find your own happiness. I almost hope you don’t come back.”
She laughed. “You want me to leave for good?”
“I want you to stop worrying about me. I want you to worry about yourself for once.” She leaned down and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Your father didn’t want you to stop living just so I could.”
The emotion that normally formed whenever her mother spoke about Dad didn’t appear. It was the first time since he passed, so she took it as a sign and nodded before she stood and hugged her mother.
Chapter Twenty-four
When Bernadette woke up to a text message from Southwest Airlines that all flights out of Chicago’s Midway airport were canceled, she was absolutely crushed. What the hell was she going to do now? The plan to surprise Stevie wouldn’t work unless she made that flight. She rolled onto her back and groaned.
Her phone started to vibrate, and she knew it was Laurie without even glancing at the caller ID. “What am I going to do?” Bernadette asked after she accepted the call.
“United,” Laurie answered. “I looked it up. They haven’t canceled a thing. Fucking Midway. A light breeze happens, and the goddamn airport cancels everything. It’s not like snow is a new occurrence in Chicago.”
Bernadette sat up and looked at her bedside clock. “What time is the United flight, and how the hell much is it?”
“Good news or bad news first?”
“Bad. Always bad first.”
“It’s six hundred dollars.”
“Jesus…”
“But wait. My dad works for United, so I can get you on standby. But—”
“I might not get on the flight.”
“No.”
“Fuck.”
“Yeah.”
“Good news?”
“My parents paid for your flight.”
Bernadette’s sharp intake of breath made her start to cough. “What are you talking about?” she asked through her coughing fit.
“They love Stevie. They’d do anything for her.”
“They don’t know me, though.”
Laurie laughed. “I know. It’s crazy. I don’t even think they’d buy me a plane ticket.”
“I can pay them back,” Bernadette said as she moved to the side of her bed, swung her legs around, and slid her feet into her slippers.
“Oh, please. They’re rich. My dad is a freaking pilot, and my mom is a gynecologist. Don’t worry about paying them back.”
Bernadette smiled as she ran her free hand through her hair and pushed it behind her ear. “I don’t even know what to say right now.”
“Get your shit together and get to O’Hare by five. The flight is at seven this evening, but you’ll get there by ten.”
“When is the snow supposed to stop?” Bernadette heard Laurie take a deep breath. “Oh God, don’t tell me it’s like the blizzard of the century.” She got out of bed and walked over to the window in her bedroom. As she pulled the curtains back, she could barely see out the window. “Are you kidding me?”
“I know,” Laurie said softly. “But I keep checking the weather, and it should be stopped by five.”
“What if it’s not?”
“Well, you could rent a car. Be like Planes, Trains and Automobiles and get caught up with a shower curtain ring salesman.”
Bernadette laughed. “John Candy would be about the only person I’d trust to get me there.”
“Right? Even in Home Alone, he saved the day. Too bad he’s not with us any longer. God rest his soul.”
“You’re crazy.”
“I know, but listen to me. You are going to get there. Don’t let this minor kink in the plan ruin anything. Okay?”
Bernadette sighed as she pressed her forehead against the cold glass. “I hope you’re right.”
“I’m rarely wrong. Oh my God, and I forgot the best part.”
“There’s more?”
“You’re flying first class. Warm nuts, baby.”
“What the hell? Your parents are ridiculous.”
“Yes, they are. Now, go tell your mom the new plan. Get your shit together. I’ll pick you up and get you to the airport.”
Bernadette turned from the window. “You want to drive me on the snow-covered roads in a Prius?”
“You’d be surprised by how she handles in the snow. Go. I’ll see you at four,” Laurie said quickly right before she hung up.
Bernadette looked back out the window at the whiteout conditions. Her heart sank a little more after her phone buzzed with an update from The Weather Channel.
Chicagoland area under blizzard warning until seven o’clock this evening.
“Great.”
* * *
Laurie’s driving wasn’t nearly as bad as Bernadette feared. Shockingly, the Prius pushed through the snow like a four-by-four. When Laurie set Bernadette’s suitcase in front of her, she looked up at her and smiled. “You know this is what she needs. We both know it.”
“I know, honey.” She put her hand on Laurie’s arm and squeezed. “Thank you for all of this.”
“Of course. Anything for Stevie.” Laurie pulled her into a hug. “Tell her I love her, okay?”
“I will.”
“You’re gonna make it on the flight. I know it.” She pulled away from the hug and looked behind where they were standing in the drop-off zone at O’Hare. “The snow has almost stopped.”
“Don’t jinx it.” She laughed as she pulled the handle up on her suitcase. “I’ll text you.”
“Good.”
Bernadette turned and made her way through the crowded entryway at the airport. The memory of leaving Stevie only a week earlier was so vivid. As she rolled her suitcase past the area where they’d said their tear-filled good-bye, Bernadette felt her hands start to ache.
She was doing the right thing. She had to keep thinking that because the moment she let fear and doubt sneak into her mind, she started to wonder. Stevie hadn’t tried to contact her at all. Not even a simple text message. So maybe she didn’t want to hear from her. Maybe Stevie wasn’t as sad about the end of their relationship as she was.
Bernadette rolled up to the security line, ticket in hand, fear seeping into her heart. The line of people waiting to get through wrapped around the roped-off paths for what seemed like a mile or more. She was never going to make it through security in
time. And hearing the random travelers’ worries about the weather was only making her more and more discouraged.
* * *
After a slight deicing delay, Bernadette was safely on the plane. And the flight was packed. She had never flown first class before, though, and the two free glasses of sauvignon blanc helped to calm her nerves. And she couldn’t help but chuckle when the flight attendant passed her a container of warmed nuts.
Touchdown at La Guardia was one of the smoothest landings she’d ever experienced, as well. Aside from the crippling fear the flight wasn’t going to take off at all, the entire experience was wonderful. When she exited the plane, she made sure to thank the flight attendants and pilot. There was an older pilot with more-salt-than-pepper hair waiting on the Jetway. He had kind eyes and bushy eyebrows, and his smile was wonderful…and vaguely familiar. He held his hand out as Bernadette approached, so she stopped. Did she know him?
“Bernadette, right?”
“Oh, my goodness, are you Laurie’s dad?”
He nodded while still smiling. “Guilty,” he said with his very deep voice. “I wanted to tell you good luck. I hope it all goes well.”
“Oh, sir, thank you so much. I can’t even tell you how much this all means to me.”
“Stevie means the world to my wife and me, as well as Laurie, so it’s the least we could do.” He placed his hand on Bernadette’s arm, right above her elbow. “Good luck. There should be a driver waiting for you.”
“You didn’t.”
He smiled. “Go. Tell Stevie we love her.”
Bernadette hugged Laurie’s dad. “Thank you so much,” she said and pulled away, rolling her suitcase behind her as she speed-walked down the Jetway. She maneuvered through the crowded airport, dodging travelers and roller bags left and right. She followed the signs to get to the pickup area, and as she came down the escalator, she saw an older lady holding a sign with her name across it.
