by Erin Zak
She walked up to the lady who was dressed in a very classy tuxedo. She had very short gray hair messily brushed to the side. Bernadette cleared her throat and pointed at the sign. “I think you’re my ride.”
“Well, hello there, my lady. My name is Helen.” Her New York accent was thick. “I’ll be your driver this evening. I’ve been told I’m delivering you to the SNL studios at Rockefeller Plaza.” Helen smiled, showing off very white teeth, and reached for Bernadette’s roller bag. “Right this way.”
Bernadette followed closely as they made their way toward the garage where a black Lincoln Town Car was parked. She climbed inside and got comfortable in the spacious back seat. There was a small bottle of wine waiting with a glass, and as Helen climbed into the front seat, she looked back and said, “Compliments of Mr. and Mrs. Schneider, Laurie’s parents.”
“They know how to take care of a person.”
“I’m their personal driver when they’re here, and yes, they do.” Helen adjusted the rearview mirror and started the car. “Traffic is pretty bad right now, so get comfortable.”
Bernadette leaned her head back on the headrest and sighed. She needed to try to calm herself down because her nerves were off the charts. She kept trying to imagine how the reunion was going to go, but all she continued to focus on was what if Stevie wasn’t happy? What if this was a mistake? What if…what if…what if…
Chapter Twenty-five
“You nervous?”
Stevie was staring at her reflection in the mirror as the makeup artist finished applying the last bit of lipstick for the opening sketch. “What the hell do you think?” She sighed. “This is huge for me.”
Josie let out a laugh. She was standing behind Stevie’s chair, and she rested her hands on Stevie’s shoulders. “Settle down. It’s not worth freaking out.”
“I haven’t had a single good rehearsal in a week. I’m going to bomb.”
“Look,” Josie said as she moved around the chair and makeup artist and leaned against the vanity. She folded her arms across her chest and got Stevie’s attention. “Have you forgotten one of the best lessons improv actors learn?”
Stevie rolled her eyes. “If you say Yes, and I’m going to punch you in the face.”
“No, although it’s not a bad thing to remember.” Josie waited a beat before she continued. “You are not the star. Especially here. You never will be.” Josie shrugged as if she felt bad for being so blunt. “You’re part of a team. So a word of advice.”
Stevie nodded. “Okay.” She felt as if she was being scolded by a parent. She was holding back tears because she knew if she let them loose, Sonja, the makeup lady, would murder her.
“Stop fucking acting like this is all about you. Because it isn’t. SNL is bigger than one person. It’s bigger than the Tina Feys and the Amy Poehlers and the Will Ferrells.”
“You’re right,” Stevie said as she continued to hold back tears. “You’re absolutely right.”
“I know I am, kiddo.”
“I feel like such an idiot.”
“You should.” Josie laughed when Stevie’s mouth dropped open. “I’m kidding. I promise. But…” She paused. “You auditioned, you got a callback, you auditioned again, and you made it. You have what it takes. You need to get out of your head and make it work.”
“Josie, what would I do without you?”
“You’ll find out one day,” Josie said with a smile. “But for now, you learn from me. I’m going to take care of you. I promise. Us Chicago girls have to stick together.”
She smiled. “You’re amazing. Thank you.”
Josie leaned forward and placed her hand on Stevie’s cheek. “Believe me, I know.”
“And so humble.”
Josie’s laugh was a welcome sound. “See? You’re funny. Now come on. Ten minutes till showtime. Let’s go.”
* * *
The show was an absolute hit. #SNLNewYearsEveSpecial trended on Twitter for the entire hour and a half special. And Stevie’s follower count jumped from six hundred to a couple thousand in a matter of minutes. As the newest cast member and the only one to come on halfway through the season, she was highlighted in a few sketches that ended up going over really well.
“Hey, Stevie!” Stevie turned to see Josie running up to her. Her dark hair was pulled back into a bun, and she was wearing a skintight black dress. She was all legs and arms as she ran, holding her heels in her left hand. “Whoa, what’s going on?”
“Did you freaking see who showed up and is going to be at the after-party?”
“Oh God, no. Who? If you say Tina Fey, I’m gonna die.” Stevie watched Josie’s eyes widen. “No way.”
“I swear to God. I would not fucking joke around with you about this.” Josie smacked Stevie on the arm. “Go change so we can get to the party.”
Stevie rushed into the changing room and changed her clothes as quickly as possible. She had gone out the night before with Mikayla to buy a new dress, and as she pulled it on, she knew she was going to call attention to herself. The dress was short and red, and the black strappy heels she bought were perfect. She turned and looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was curled still from the show, her makeup was still flawless, and she felt good. For the first time since she got here, she felt so frickin’ good.
She picked up her phone and without even thinking twice, she pulled up her list of contacts. She clicked on the phone icon and watched as Bernadette Thompson, Calling Mobile popped up. It rang once, then twice, and on the third ring, Stevie felt the nervousness start to seep into her stomach.
Halfway through the fourth ring, she heard Bernadette say, “Hello,” on the other end.
“Hey,” Stevie said softly. “Can you hear me okay?”
“Yes, I can hear you.”
“I wanted to call you…” Stevie felt like an absolute ass. She had no idea what to even say. What was she doing?
“I see that.” Bernadette’s laugh was small. “How was the show?”
“Did you not get to see it?”
“Unfortunately, no,” Bernadette said, and Stevie’s heart sank. “But I promise you I recorded it. And I plan on watching it as soon as I get home.”
“Oh, you’re not home. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you.”
“No,” Bernadette said quickly. “You’re not bothering me. It’s, um, it’s great to hear your voice.”
Stevie felt the familiar warmth that always accompanied her feelings for Bernadette. “You sound good,” Stevie whispered.
“You do, too, Stevie.”
“I miss you,” Stevie blurted out, and she inhaled fast. “I’m sorry.”
Bernadette chuckled. “It’s okay. I promise.”
“Okay.”
“I’m glad you miss me,” Bernadette said softly. “I miss you, too.”
“You do?”
“Yes, of course I do.”
“I figured—”
“Stevie, stop.” Bernadette’s voice was firm. “I can assure you, whatever you’re going to say is wrong. Trust me. Okay?”
Stevie nodded at her reflection in the mirror. “I’m going to let you go…but I wanted to tell you…” Stevie paused and took a deep breath. I love you. I should have never thought I could do this without you. I wish you were here. I can barely breathe some days, and I want you to be here to hold me. “That I hope you have a good New Year’s Eve.” She cringed at her fear of being completely honest.
“I hope you do, too.”
Stevie pulled her phone from her ear and ended the call. It was time to move on.
* * *
“That was maybe the highlight of my entire career,” Stevie said as she leaned against the bar at Tao, the upscale restaurant and club where the after-party was being held. It was fancy and classy and littered with famous people. She was beside herself. Every time she turned around, she saw someone else whom she had always dreamed about meeting. But seconds earlier, she’d been engaged in a conversation with Tiny Fey about t
he Chicago improv scene and their shared love for the Kalamata style chicken at the Athenian Room, and Stevie knew nothing in her entire life would ever compare to those moments.
“Yeah, Tina is fucking awesome.” Josie raised her glass, but before she drank, she added, “You’ll get used to it eventually and won’t be nearly as fangirly.”
“Oh no. I was fangirly?”
“Oh yeah.” Laughter spilled from Josie’s mouth. “You were falling all over yourself. I’m sure she loved it, though. I’m telling you. You don’t get over the thrill of being admired.”
“Well, shit.” She looked over at Josie. “Can I tell you something?”
Josie nodded but smiled. “You’re not going to confess your love for me, are you? I’m not ready for that.”
Stevie shook her head. “You wish.”
“See? You’re funny.” Josie turned so she was focused on Stevie. “Okay, tell me.”
“I broke someone’s heart when I left to come here.”
“Oh, honey. That’s normal. Do you know how many of us had to do something very similar?”
Stevie sighed. “I just…I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop thinking about her.”
“So it’s a her, hmm?” Josie tilted her head.
“Yeah, she’s a her, and she’s amazing. I called her tonight for the first time since I left and…” Stevie’s thoughts made their way back to Bernadette and how happy and complete she felt in her presence. “She made me a better person. A better performer. Am I making sense?”
“No.”
Stevie smiled, then drank from her extra dirty martini. The party was getting more and more crowded as it got closer and closer to the stroke of midnight. “She made me feel invincible. Like I couldn’t fail. And I fought my entire life to never let someone in like that. So leaving her? And leaving that security?” She shrugged and looked again at Josie. “It was hard.”
Josie stretched her arm out and leaned against the bar top with her hand. “My advice is you have two choices. One…” She paused and shrugged. “You get over her. Let her go. Move on. Or two…”
“If you say leave and go after her…”
“To be quite honest,” Josie said as she stood, moved so she was in front of Stevie, and placed her hands on Stevie’s shoulders. “I was going to say turn around because I’m pretty sure that’s her standing over there with Mikayla.”
Stevie’s breath caught in her throat as she stared at Josie.
“Seriously, Stevie?” Josie whispered as she snapped her fingers in front of Stevie’s face, then pointed. “Is that her?”
Stevie couldn’t believe it. Bernadette was standing across the dance floor: a black suit jacket, black skinny slacks, black heels, hair curled and falling over her shoulders. She looked as if she belonged there, as if she was supposed to be surrounded by Stevie’s coworkers, and famous people. She swallowed the lump that formed in her throat and licked her lips. “Yes,” she finally said, and as soon as she those words left her mouth, Bernadette looked over at her from across the room. Their eyes locked, and the ache that appeared in her chest was so sharp she wondered fleetingly if she was having a heart attack.
“Come on then.” Josie started through the crowd, pulling on Stevie’s hand as they both started to squeeze through the people on the dance floor.
“Hi,” Josie said as she shoved her hand out when they approached Bernadette. “I’m Josie Bell. I believe you must belong to this gal here.” She had her arm over Stevie’s shoulders and she squeezed her. “You are one lucky lady to get a girl who never talks.”
Bernadette shrugged. “That’s not her then. The Stevie I know never shuts up.”
“Wait a second.” Stevie raised her hand in protest, and Bernadette, Mikayla, and Josie all started to laugh. “Oh. I see. Real funny, ladies.”
Josie leaned in to Bernadette and kissed her on the cheek, then reached for Mikayla. “Come with me. Let’s leave these two alone.”
As soon as Josie and Mikayla were out of earshot, Stevie turned her attention immediately to Bernadette. “What the hell are you doing—”
Bernadette raised her hand to cut Stevie off. “I tried to make it for the actual show but Mother Nature hates me.”
“But why? How?”
“I had a very interesting conversation with Harper.” Bernadette shrugged. “And Laurie. And Deondre.”
“I don’t get it.”
“They said you were miserable.”
“They weren’t lying.”
“I was, too, Stevie.” Bernadette ran her fingers through her hair. She looked so nervous, as if whatever she wanted to say wasn’t easy. “I don’t think I want to be without you.”
“Five minutes to go, party people!” came the emcee’s voice over the speakers. “Let’s usher in the new year with the cast of SNL!”
Stevie leaned in to Bernadette’s space until she was next to her ear. “You don’t think, eh?”
Bernadette let out a low chuckle Stevie only heard because of how close she was to her. “I know I don’t want to be without you.”
“You flew all the way here to tell me that?” Her voice cracked, and Bernadette nodded as she reached forward and intertwined their fingers.
“Well, a lot has happened since you left.” Bernadette slid her arm around Stevie’s waist and began to dance with her slowly as the holiday music played. “Paul and Marci are moving. And instead of collapsing into yet another pit of despair, I let him help me see the error of my ways. So we’re moving Mom into an assisted living facility.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.”
“Wait. Are you going to…” Stevie knew she was getting ready to cry. “Move here?”
“I mean, at the very least, I figured I could consider it.”
Stevie sniffled and started to laugh. “Consider it, hmm?”
“Yes. I mean, if you still want me. That is.”
The crowd started the countdown. Fifty-nine, fifty-eight…
“Dammit,” Stevie said as she wiped at her cheeks. “Of course, I still want you. My God, Bernadette, I never stopped wanting you.”
“I’m so sorry I said all those things at the airport. I don’t think you’re selfish. I have never thought that.”
Forty-two, forty-one…
“I didn’t believe you anyway.” Stevie laughed when Bernadette’s jaw dropped. “You weren’t very convincing.”
“I needed you to leave. To do this. Even if at the time I hated you for it, I knew it was going to help us both.”
Twenty-five, twenty-four…
She let Bernadette twirl her and then pull her back. Bernadette’s arms felt incredible as they wrapped around Stevie’s waist. “Me leaving helped you, too?”
“It helped me see it was time for me to live my life. For me.”
“And for me.”
“Yes, for us.” Bernadette stopped as the countdown reached ten, nine, eight, seven…“I love you so much.”
She placed her hands on either side of Bernadette’s face—six, five, four—and gently pulled her closer. “I love you, too, Bernadette.”
As the ball dropped on New Year’s Eve, Stevie kissed Bernadette in the middle of the dance floor in New York City without the fear of losing her looming in the distance. She was happy. She was complete. And even though she knew it was all by accident, she didn’t care, because everything that happened was all so very beautiful.
About the Author
Erin Zak grew up on the Western Slope of Colorado in a town with a population of 2,500, a solitary Subway, and one stoplight. She started writing at a young age and has always had a very active imagination. Erin later transplanted to Indiana where she attended college, started writing a book, and had dreams of one day actually finding the courage to try to get it published.
Erin now resides in Florida, away from the snow and cold, near the Gulf Coast with her family. She enjoys the sun, sand, writing, and spoiling her cocker spaniel, Hanna. When she’s not writing, she
’s obsessively collecting Star Wars memorabilia, planning the next trip to Disney World, or whipping up something delicious to eat in the kitchen.
Books Available from Bold Strokes Books
All She Wants by Larkin Rose. Marci Jones and Tessa Dalton get more than they bargained for when their plans for a one-night stand turn into an opportunity for love. (978-1-63555-476-2)
Beautiful Accidents by Erin Zak. Stevie Adams and Bernadette Thompson discover that sometimes the best things in life happen purely by accident. (978-1-63555-497-7)
Before Now by Joy Argento. Can Delany and Jade overcome the betrayal that spans the centuries to reignite a love that can’t be broken? (978-1-63555-525-7)
Breathe by Cari Hunter. Paramedic Jemima Pardon’s chronic bad luck seems to be improving when she meets police officer Rosie Jones. But they face a battle to survive before they can find love. (978-1-63555-523-3)
Double-Crossed by Ali Vali. Hired thief and killer Reed Gable finds something in her scope that will change her life forever when she gets a contract to end casino accountant Brinley Myers’s life. (978-1-63555-302-4)
False Horizons by CJ Birch. Jordan and Ash struggle with different views on the alien agenda and must find their way back to each other before they’re swallowed up by a centuries-old war. (978-1-63555-519-6)
Legacy by Charlotte Greene. When five women hike to a remote cabin deep inside a national park, unsettling events suggest that they should have stayed home. (978-1-63555-490-8)
Royal Street Reveillon by Greg Herren. Someone is killing the stars of a reality show, and it’s up to Scotty Bradley and the boys to find out who. (978-1-63555-545-5)
Somewhere Along the Way by Kathleen Knowles. When Maxine Cooper moves to San Francisco during the summer of 1981, she learns that wherever you run, you cannot escape yourself. (978-1-63555-383-3)
