by Jennie Jones
‘I made a mistake, Nick.’
‘Driving? What do you mean?’
‘Us.’
Nick couldn’t form any words even though a hundred were ready on his tongue, most of them hopeful if not confident.
‘I need to talk to you, Nick.’
‘Any time, darling.’ Shit. He hadn’t meant to call her darling. ‘Lily, Dan told me you’d gone for the kids. I was worried.’ About why, about the damned car, about whether or not he ought to drive out and find her.
‘Nick — will you let me tell you how I feel, when I get back?’
‘Christ, Lily—’ Would he let her? ‘Of course.’
‘I need to apologise for being so stubborn. And rude. And downright stupid.’
‘Wait a second.’ Nick leaned a hand on the walkway rail. ‘Does this mean you and I can see each other?’
‘Yes.’
Thank God. He slapped the rail. ‘My night just turned to day.’
‘You still want me?’
‘Lily. Are you mad? It’s been hell without you.’
‘Mum and Ray think I’m mad.’
‘You told them about us?’
‘They’re not mad about us, they’re thrilled — they’re concerned that I drove all the way to Sydney and now I’m driving all the way back.’
So was Nick, but he was careful not to say so. This woman he loved so much was totally mad. And stunningly beautiful. An adventurous wonder.
‘I love you, Nick.’
Christ. He covered his eyes with his hand. ‘You’re crippling me here, Lily.’ She was a couple of hundred kilometres away speaking the words he’d longed to hear. ‘I’m supposed to crush you in my arms when I hear you say that.’
‘I hope you will. When I say it to you face to face.’
‘Don’t doubt it.’
‘I have to tell the children. I have to ask them how they’d feel about us being together — but I’ll be telling them, Nick, not begging them to understand.’ Even her voice sounded faded from the kilometres keeping her out of his embrace. But the sense of her, the willow-strength of her kept him from losing it, hanging up the phone, getting into his ute and driving to wherever she was to get her and the children. ‘Where are you, darling?’
‘Goulburn. We’re half-way home. The children were asleep so I stopped at a roadhouse to call you. You understand, don’t you, Nick? I have to talk to the children first, so they know what’s happening.’
‘I know. Do it soon, would you? I don’t mind how long I have to wait for you, Lily. I can take it.’ He wasn’t talking about the three-hour journey still ahead of her. He meant that he’d wait a lifetime if necessary. If she felt the kids couldn’t handle their mother getting married. ‘I have so much to explain to you, Lily.’
‘It’s all right. I understand why you wanted to help me. I understand why you did it.’
‘Not that.’ He turned on the walkway, the night air suddenly warmer, more accepting. ‘Look — I’m loath to talk about the past when I’m talking to my future, but I need to get this off my chest. Now.’
‘Okay. I’m listening.’
Her soft voice had him imagining her huddled in the kiosk, sheltering from the cool night air and the bright lights of the petrol station. He took a breath and envisioned her sitting close to him instead. In the ute, maybe. His arm around her, his eyes finding hers.
‘I did it wrong, Lily. I married before because I was infatuated. I loved a pretty face.’
She didn’t speak but he heard her breathing. It calmed him more, and the words came easily.
‘I sort of paid her as an apology for not loving her when I found out there was nothing more to her than that pretty face. I let her have use of my bank account and credit card, thinking I was doing the right thing. I will never do that with you, because I love you more than I love life. So you need to accept my apology — to you, the woman I’ll always love. I will never let you think I’m doubting your ability again. Never.’
Silence. Then a choked intake of breath. ‘Lily?’
‘You’re part of my everything, Nick. You can doubt me any time you like, and I promise to listen when you have anything to say. I’ll learn from you.’
‘Not half as much I’ll learn from you. Or the children.’
‘My money’s running out, Nick. I have to go.’ A small pause. ‘I’ll talk to Andy and Janie-Louise.’
‘I’m prepared to weather whatever their concerns might be. And I’m prepared to wait for you.’
‘I’ll call you when I get home.’
‘Whatever time. I’ll be awake.’ God. He wanted to go get her. ‘Drive safe, darling.’
‘I will. I’ve got every reason to. I—’
Nick gasped as the call cut out. What had she been going to say? Now all he had to do was wait until she called him to say she was safely home. Then he’d have to wait until she spoke to the children. Then he’d have to wait to discover what their reaction was. He’d have to wait — until Lily told him it was okay for them to love each other.
***
When Lily reached her car, the children were awake and the internal light was on.
‘Got you a hot chocolate,’ Andy said, pointing at the takeaway cup sitting on the glove box between the front seats as Lily eased into the driver’s seat and closed the door, keeping the warmth inside the car.
Janie-Louise yawned, her hand around her takeaway cup. ‘Who’d you call, Mum?’
Lily turned in her seat and hooked an arm over the back. ‘I called Nick.’
‘What for?’ Janie-Louise asked.
‘I wanted him to know where we were.’
‘Why?’
‘Guys,’ Lily said, courage abounding. ‘Tomorrow, when we’re home and you’ve both had some proper sleep, I want to talk to you about Nick.’
‘Jillian Tillman said he’s a dreamboat,’ Janie-Louise said. ‘Like in — she fancies him.’
Lily smothered a smile. ‘He is kind of…attractive.’
‘I think he likes you,’ Andy said, his tone not quite sullen, more reserved.
‘I like him too, Andy.’
‘I love him,’ Janie-Louise said. ‘He fixes things. Can’t beat that.’
‘Hey, kids.’ Lily shuffled on the seat and put her takeaway cup into a tray holder on the dashboard. ‘I know this is kind of an odd time to bring this up.’ She swallowed hard, focussed, and went forth into the opportunity before her. ‘But is there anything you need to know or want to ask — about Dad.’
‘Dad who?’ Andy said.
‘I mean…’ Here we go. ‘I was wondering if perhaps you’d like me to get in touch with him. Maybe you’d like to see him. Or maybe you need to see him.’
‘What for?’ Andy again.
Lily looked her son in the eye. ‘Whatever you need, I’m here for you and I’ll do my best to get it for you.’ She paused. ‘If it’s right for you.’
Janie-Louise snickered. ‘You’re such a grown-up, Mum.’
‘We haven’t missed much,’ Andy said. ‘Why would we want to see him now?’
‘You don’t have to, I’m simply bringing it up so everything’s in the open and you see, the thing is…there are a few things I’d like for myself.’
‘Not just the shop?’ Janie-Louise asked. ‘I never thought you’d get it, actually. It’s cool that you have.’
‘I had some help.’ With more than the shop — with understanding.
‘Who from?’
‘From someone I care about, Andy. Not the same way I care about you two, but our lives will change because of what I feel for this man.’
‘Oh crap. A relationship!’
Lily bit down on the ‘don’t swear’ response. Her son had every right to find his feet as an up-and-coming adult. Whether that meant being adolescent ornery or deciding which swear words worked well for him.
‘Yeah,’ she said. ‘That crap.’
Andy spluttered, almost choking on the hot chocolate he’d just sipped.
Lily didn’t know what else to say at this time. She hadn’t meant to make any mention of Nick or of a change in their futures while sitting in a petrol station, tired and weary, beneath bright and intrusive lights.
‘You mean Nick, right?’
Lily nodded at her son. She had 200 kilometres still to go before they reached Swallow’s Fall and about eight hours before she could face Nick and tell him again how much she loved him.
‘I don’t want to know him,’ Andy said, his tone blunt. ‘Dad, I mean. And neither does Janie-Louise.’
‘Nah,’ her daughter responded, flipping the lid on her hot chocolate and fishing out the marshmallows with her fingers. ‘I’d rather have Nick. If that’s the way things are heading.’
Lily turned in her seat and gripped the steering wheel. Okay. So this was definitely the ways things were heading. She had a lot to learn about not hoping for things, but taking them — if they were her due and if they were offered — and about being just as important and worthy of the good things in life as her children were, but pride in her first accomplishment filled her heart anyway. Not a bad start, Lily. Not bad at all.
***
Lily had called Nick at 2 a.m. to say they were home, and that the kids were fine. He hadn’t understood exactly what she meant by the kids being fine — but something in her tone had sounded elated. Buried beneath exhaustion, but there. He tried to drown hope. Since he couldn’t rock up at her place until she called him again, he’d spent the first hours of Sunday morning in the workshop.
He’d been thinking about how the kids would take the news that Nick was dating their mother and had worked through a number of scenarios in his mind until he came to the surprising conclusion that he knew more about those children than he’d first thought. They’d got under his skin. And he felt that pocketful of pride for them. With both his and Lily’s support, they’d come round, should either of them have concerns. More likely it would just be a shock having change in their lives.
‘What are you working on?’
Nick turned, startled by the sound of Andy’s voice. ‘Hi.’
Andy stepped through the door, a backpack slung on his shoulder. Nick wondered — briefly — if he was running away from home. ‘What are you doing here?’ he asked.
‘We came home early.’
‘I know.’
Andy nodded, but didn’t look Nick in the eye. ‘What’s that?’ he asked.
Nick turned to workbench. The shop sign was an intriguing shape under an old sheet. ‘A surprise. A secret. For your mum. I was going to ask you and your sister to give me a hand with it.’ Lily had told him that Andy wanted to visit him but he’d presumed that visit might be cancelled once Lily spoke to her kids.
‘Are you getting it together with my mum?’
Shit. Okay, blatant questioning hadn’t been among the many scenarios in his head. ‘Yes. I love your mum.’
‘So you’re — like — going to ask her to marry you?’
Nick attempted calm, but his eyebrows rose in surprise. ‘I am.’ Not what he’d expected. Still, it was the kind of thing he was used to: the guys he knew didn’t mess around too much. Usually got to the point.
Andy didn’t answer. He looked away, around the workshop, then nodded at the shape under the sheet. ‘So what is it?’
Nick pushed the sheet off the sign. ‘It’s for the shop.’
Andy stepped walked closer to the bench, dragging his feet a little.
‘So how do you feel about this marrying thing?’ Nick asked, pulling a drawer toolbox towards him and replacing the metal files he’d been using.
Andy cast a wary look at Nick. ‘What about me and my sister?’
Nick put the last file in its slot, then leaned on the workbench. ‘Way I see it, it’s a package deal.’
‘Would you… I mean, if you ever…’
‘Go ahead. Say it.’
‘If you hurt Mum I’ll kill you.’
‘Do you think I’m likely to hurt her?’
‘No. But I had to say it.’
‘Of course you did. I admire the way you watch out for her. I’ve seen you — checking to see who’s talking about her.’
Andy shrugged it off. ‘It’s not much.’
‘It’s everything. It shows your strength.’ He closed the drawer on the toolbox and rested his hand on the metal top. ‘That’s why I want the package deal.’
‘What about Janie-Louise?’
‘She’s growing up into a beautiful young girl. She’ll need someone to keep an eye on her.’
‘How do you mean?’
‘Boys, Andrew. They’re going to be after her like bees after nectar.’
Andy swallowed. ‘I’ve already seen her get a few looks. Don’t think she’s noticed yet.’
Nick nodded. ‘She needs backup.’
‘Protection?’
‘Yeah. Brother and father protection.’
‘My dad wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t even know what was going on.’
‘But I would.’
‘Why would you want to? Why would you want us?’
Nick looked into the boy’s eyes. Same colour as his mother’s. Lily had told him once that Andy looked like his father, but Nick could only see Lily in his features. ‘Ever had the sense that something’s crept up on you? Taken the wind out of your sails while you weren’t looking? And the thought of not having it anymore leaves you empty.’
‘You’re talking about Mum?’
‘No, Andrew. I’m talking about you and Janie-Louise.’
‘You mean you love us?’
‘Yes.’
‘How can you? We’re not your family.’
‘I’d like you to be.’
Andy seemed to be figuring this out. Deciding what it meant to him. ‘Janie-Louise likes you.’
‘And you?’
Another shrug. ‘I don’t mind you.’ He pulled a package out of his backpack and put it onto the bench. ‘I found this in Sydney. It’s the type of bell Mum wants to hang above the door of the shop but it’s broken.’
Nick looked down at the package, and picked it up, unwrapping the brown paper around it. ‘Reckon you can fix it?’ he asked.
‘I was kind of hoping you’d take a look.’
Nick studied the bell and its housing, then handed it to Andy. ‘What do you see?’
‘I think it’s the pin holding the iron coil. It’s rusted, might snap if there’s too much pressure on it.’
Nick smiled. ‘So let’s take it apart and see if we can fix it.’
‘It might need soldering.’
‘We can do that.’
Twenty minutes later, the atmosphere calm between them as they tinkered with the bell and its housing, Andy reached over for a polishing rag and broke the silence. ‘So what do you want me and my sister to do for your big secret?’
Chapter 14
‘Keep your eyes closed tight,’ Janie-Louise said.
Lily had an aching need to open her eyes, but the children didn’t want her to so she struggled to keep them shut.
The air on Main Street smelled of roses and backyard leaves. Autumn would forever remain the best time of year. The season she’d opened her heart. If the colours of autumn had smells, she’d be inhaling auburn, chestnut and burgundy, with red and gold thrown in for good measure.
‘I hope you’re not going to take me down the stairs,’ she said to her children as they led her along the walkway. She hadn’t been allowed to peek from the moment they’d come running into Kookaburra’s to tell her the surprise was ready.
Each child held her by an elbow. Each child’s body so close either side of her as they guided her down the walkway that she indulged in remembering the baby in each of them. Downy heads, talcum powder bottoms. Little fingers curling around hers.
They let her go, and Lily stopped walking.
‘You can open your eyes now, Mum,’ said Janie-Louise.
Lily opened her eyes expecting to see the surprise, whatever it might be. I
nstead all she saw were the beautiful faces of her children. She smiled at them.
Andy stepped forwards and hugged her, his arms around her waist.
Lily wrapped her boy in her embrace. She kissed the side of his head. Another year and she’d be leaning up to kiss him. Another year and he wouldn’t want her kisses.
He stepped back and Janie-Louise came forward.
Lily held her arms out to her smiling daughter and Janie-Louise walked into the warmth of Lily’s love.
‘This is going to be fun, Mum. This is going to make you happy.’
She meant the surprise, but Lily’s happiness was the love her children were showing her. ‘You make me happy,’ she told both of them.
Lily sensed excitement building between them. An energy. The shop wasn’t opening officially until Tuesday, but the town had been adamant that this Saturday — the day of the Easter Bunny Ball — Lily should open the shop for them. They wanted to be the first to grace her doorway and offer congratulations.
She lifted her head, reluctantly taking her eyes off her children but knowing Nick would be the next recipient of her gaze.
He stood outside the door of the shop and beneath a large wrought-iron sign hung way above the door.
Turnaround Treasures — For the Love of Second Chances
Lily covered her mouth with her hands and drank in the pleasure of the sight. ‘I love it.’ She spoke to the children but her focus was on Nick.
He smiled.
‘When you open the door,’ Andy said, ‘the bell will ring. It’s on a sprung coil. Nick and I fixed it.’
‘That’s wonderful! It’s exactly what I’d wanted.’
‘I know.’ Andy smiled. ‘I had to solder parts of it, but that’s okay.’
‘Thank you.’
‘I think this bit worked, kids,’ Nick said. ‘Wish me luck for the next part.’ As Lily had done, he spoke to the children but his focus was on Lily. ‘They know what I’m going to do next,’ he said to her, as though anticipating any worries she might have.
‘You have to do the next bit on your own,’ Janie-Louise said. ‘We’re not coming with you.’
‘Yeah,’ said Andy. ‘I’m definitely not going inside for the next bit.’
‘Lily,’ Nick said, holding his hand out to her. ‘Will you step inside with me?’
