Savior (Starlight Book 4)

by D. N. Hoxa

  9

  ——————————

  I had the whole package once my brain finally woke up. The throbbing head, weakened body, heavy eyelids, shitty taste on my tongue. Absolutely unfair. I stirred my head to the side and barely opened my eyes. Arturo’s smiling face greeted me.

  “Ciao, bella,” he whispered and leaned close to my face. “Can you sit up?”

  I raised a brow when he offered his hand for support. I wasn’t a fucking old lady!

  But apparently, I couldn’t move on my own either. Reluctantly, I grabbed his hand and pulled myself up.

  “How long have I been out?” A question I would always hate to ask for obvious reasons.

  “Just a little over twenty-four hours. You had a lot of regenerating to do. Here, eat this.” Arturo put a small chocolate bar in my hand and my stomach growled. I was definitely hungry.

  “Where are the others?” I asked because he probably knew why Ella and Aaron weren’t there already.

  I had blown it. Again. God, the not-in-control-of-my-own-mind situations were seriously getting old. First when I found out about my mom, and now with Samayan…fuck, how I hated that vampire.

  “Ella has been in and out all day. Aaron was here until an hour ago. He went to take some rest in his room.” Arturo sat on my bed and took my cold hand in his again. “How are you feeling, bella?”

  “I’ve seen better days. For now, I need a shower.” I wanted to get up, but he didn’t let me.

  “Eat the chocolate bar first.” He patted my thigh, and just then, memories rushed back to me and my jaw dropped all the way to my lap.

  “Holy shit! Kai…” I didn’t even know what question to ask first. Had I really seen her? Fought her?

  I had, hadn’t I?

  I was more screwed than I thought.

  “Yes, she’s here. Locked in Horatio’s chambers, though I’m pretty sure they’re prison cells,” Arturo said, trying to lighten up the mood.

  “How could you have brought her here?” They were all supposed to have known better.

  “Relax, bella. We made sure to blindfold her and strip her before she was even close to the Base. We put a spell on her, too. It’s fine.”

  “Are you sure she can’t be tracked?” I asked again to double-check.

  “Yes, we are. Very sure.”

  Just as I was about to be relieved, my old buddy Arsenal came to mind. Double shit.

  Had I really met him?

  The room began to spin fast. I needed the shower desperately.

  I stood up, ignoring Arturo’s calls to take another few minutes. He was right, and I knew it even before I felt like puking my guts out as soon as I took a single step.

  I’d lost blood. I’d made Ella once again come to my rescue. I’d actually broken her arm. And I’d thought I’d never be able to hurt her, no matter what.

  The warm water streaming down my body didn’t wash away the awful feelings weighting down on my chest. On the contrary. I found I hated myself with a whole new energy now. I’d been right all along. I was not to be trusted.

  Almost lucky for me, there was no time to wallow in self-pity. You suck! my head screamed at me, but I tried to keep my ears shut to that voice. I couldn’t allow myself to start counting all the hairs on my head or become a psycho, power-hungry bitch again.

  By the time I got dressed and went looking for Ella, I felt stronger. I showered her with a thousand sorrys even before she opened her door. I felt like shit, and I told her so. I expected her to slam the door in my face, but instead she grinned brightly.

  “I like this saving-your-ass thing. You owe me, twice now.”

  My mouth opened and closed a few times before I could speak again. Her reaction was only making me feel worse for some reason. “Yeah, I do. I’m really sorry, Ells.”

  “It’s fine. Really. Glad I could help.” She couldn’t keep the grin off her face.

  I could only flinch at the constant reminders. “I can’t believe how easily my mind turns against me.”

  “Yeah, you’re so weak, it’s embarrassing. Seriously, don’t tell anyone you’re my sister,” Ella said. I could’ve kissed her if I wasn’t so embarrassed. “You need to go find Aaron. And Jack. You owe him a heck of an apology.”

  Ouch. “Yeah. And Kyle…” Only when her eyes widened did I realize what I said. Kyle had obviously kept his mouth shut.

  “Kyle, what?” Ella said, crossing her arms in front of her, no trace of a smile on her face now.

  “I, um…I might’ve…”

  “What? What did you do, Star?”

  “Just…you know…”

  “No, I don’t know. Tell me. Now.”

  “I might’ve threatened to…crush his balls and then cut off his, you know…” Blood rushed to my cheeks. I couldn’t even look at her now. “But I swear, that was only the power-hungry bitch in me speaking. Totally. I’d never really do that.”

  I probably would, but she didn’t need to know that.

  Ella rolled her eyes and sighed. “Go. Go on, before I bite your head off.” At least she was smiling again.

  “You think you can take me now that you’re a vamp?” I teased.

  “Absolutely! I sucked you almost completely dry yesterday, didn’t I?” She grinned proudly.

  “That’s only because I let you.” Jokes aside, I couldn’t bring myself to let it go. “I’m so sorry for your arm.

  Ella waved my words off like they were nothing. “Just go easy on the grabbing the next time I save you. The bruises didn’t go away for, like, five minutes and I’m a vampire now. Vamps don’t even bruise. It was embarrassing.”

  “I’m proud of you, Ella. Really. You handled me like a pro, and you’re barely a week old.” Other vampires that young could suck a whole neighborhood dry at only the sight of blood.

  “Trust me, that thing in you was no temptation. It felt like chewing straw. Disgusting.”

  “Well, thanks for sucking me almost completely dry, sis. You’re the best.” I put my arms around her and hugged her cold body tightly to me.

  “Hey, anytime you need to be slapped or sucked, you know where to find me.”

  I couldn’t believe how easy she made life for me. I definitely didn’t deserve her.

  The walk to Aaron’s room was shorter than I remembered, or maybe it felt like that to me. I took a few deep breaths before I knocked on the door, though he could probably feel me already.

  A second later, he stood tall in front of me, and there was not one positive emotion I saw in the darkening blue of his eyes. None.

  “Hey.” I sounded so weak, it was pathetic.

  “How are you feeling?”He leaned against the doorframe, but he didn’t invite me in.

  “Good. I’m good.”

  I nodded like that was somehow going to make him believe me. God, how I hated standing in front of him like that, guilty as hell and knowing that I needed to apologize. Hopefully, there would come a day when I wouldn’t cringe at the thought, but for now, I took a deep breath, and got right to the point.

  “I’m so sorry, Aaron. I swear, I couldn’t control it. I just…I don’t know what to say. I’m really, really sorry.” I breathed in a rush.

  Aaron didn’t look surprised. On the contrary, it almost looked like he expected more.

  “You messed things up really badly, you know,” he said, shaking his head, completely disappointed.

  “I know.” What more could I say?

  “You almost cost us the SKO. Do you remember that?”

  It wasn’t so much the SKO members—they were assholes and definitely deserving of my bad behavior—but the humans I’d brought to them. Those poor souls that potion had stripped of their powers and took away their youth.

  “Yes, but I didn’t. I mean, they all agreed to…” Give me full command of their armies—armies which I intended to use for not so noble purposes. And definitely not for the greater good. Bile rose up my throat.

  Aaron smiled as if to say he had me, and
he definitely had.

  “And Jack. He’s your friend. He saved your sister’s life. And then Audrey…do you even know how badly you beat her?”

  It didn’t look like Aaron was going to take it easy on me, so I tried to defend myself the way he liked it—by telling the truth.

  “I swear that she provoked me, Aaron. She said she was going to tell you that I beat and threatened her. I was already angry, and I just…I couldn’t hold myself.” Can’t say I regretted that particular thing, though, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell Aaron that I would’ve done the same, even if Samayan hadn’t given me that damn potion. I would never allow anyone to come and threaten me like that.

  “But you knew better. You know she couldn’t defend herself against you, Star.”

  I crossed my arms in front of my chest. “I didn’t,” I said, and in situations like that, with people like that, I never would.

  “Do you have any idea what I had to go through to keep the Elders from coming here and breaking your neck?”

  I almost laughed. Really, they gave themselves too much credit. I hadn’t forgotten Tytania’s words. And Azazel had been with her at the Cathedral. They were all aware of her plans.

  “Not to mention that you gave Marie away to a Council member,” Aaron hissed.

  I flinched. “I can’t believe I didn’t at least shake her hand, or maybe hug her, or something,” I mumbled. She had deserved that. The woman had always been kind to me.

  “Shake her hand? Really, Star?” Aaron said, incredulous. “She wasn’t yours to give. There are rules—”

  “Oh, come on! Not you, too! She belongs to whoever she wants to belong to. I don’t care what the Elders think. She’s a human, first and foremost, and she has the right to decide for herself no matter what deal she made, and she wanted to be with the man she loved. Who the hell am I, you, or the Elders to stop her?”

  Aaron pressed his lips together because there was nothing he could think to say to that, but he did have more to ask. “Tell me the truth. What plans did you have?”

  “What do you mean?” I knew exactly what he meant, but I was also trying to stall.

  “Exactly that. Tell me exactly what you wanted to do when you were powerful enough to throw me against the wall with just a push. I want to know what would have happened had Kai not found you when she did.”

  There was no way I could ask him another stalling question.

  “I think it would be better if we go inside,” I said with a sigh. I was going to tell him, but I didn’t want anyone else to hear.

  He stepped aside and closed the door once I walked into the small room that was almost an exact replica of mine. I didn’t wait for him to tell me to sit—I dropped on the bed myself. I was going to need to eat soon if I wanted to stay conscious.

  “Samayan,” I started with half a heart. “I wanted Samayan. I wanted all the armies I could get my hands on because I wanted to go after him on my own and”—I couldn’t believe I was stuttering, and this wasn’t even the worst part—“and I wanted to take his place. I wanted to force the potion on everyone out there that was strong enough to even present a small threat to me, so I could turn them all to human. Worthless. Unimportant. I wanted everything for myself.”

  As soon as all the words left my mouth, all strength left my body, too. Saying something out loud always made it much more real. No matter that I was thankful I was back to being my own self, I couldn’t forget the truth that lay behind this entire story. I couldn’t deny anyone the right to think the worst of me because I had proven that if I had just a taste of absolute power, I could forget everything and I could turn out just as—or worse than—Samayan.

  Aaron sighed as he turned his back to me and contemplated. I could understand that he didn’t want to look at my face right now. I didn’t want to look at my face right now!

  “Are Carlos and Joshua really dead?” I whispered when the memory suddenly hit me like a fucking freight train. Aaron only nodded but didn’t turn to me.

  To my horror, tears invaded my eyes. Living inside my skin was getting harder by the day.

  “Aaron, please understand that what I thought…what I planned when…I regret it. All of it. I would never do any of it if I were on my right mind.” Excuses, excuses, excuses.

  “You could have tried. You are the strongest person I know, Star, and no matter what you say now, I know you could have killed whatever part of you it was that wanted to take over. You could have if you really wanted to.”

  Was he right?

  He sure sounded like it.

  “I really am sorry.” At that point there was nothing more I could say.

  “Don’t be,” Aaron said. “Don’t be sorry. Be prepared, so that the next time this happens, you don’t let it get to you.”

  I wished it were as easy as he made it sound. “I will try. You know I will.”

  When I stood up to face him, his eyes held no compassion. He showed no remorse. He didn’t want to hear that I couldn’t.

  He trusted me much more than I could ever trust myself, and that was exactly what I was going to keep in my mind next time, if there was ever going to be such a time. And maybe, in time, it would get easier to wake up in the morning. Maybe someday thoughts of who I was would no longer have the strength to take my breath away.

  “Good,” Aaron whispered to my surprise. He seemed to believe me.

  But he could feel me now. Without Samayan’s potion, I wasn’t going to be able to put up those walls around my feelings, and truth be told, I didn’t think I wanted to. If there was one person I wanted to know me inside and out, it was him.

  “Just try not to do that to me again, will you?” he added, and he actually gave me that crooked smile of his. The relief wasn’t as comforting as I thought it would be when he put his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. There was too much guilt involved, and it was probably going to take me some time to get over it, if ever.

  He kept me there in his arms for a while but not nearly as long as I wanted or needed him to. When he let go, I did, too.

  “There are a lot of people you need to apologize to.”

  He headed for the door. A kiss was probably going to be too much to ask for, so I didn’t. Aaron might’ve been okay with my “I’m sorry,” but I knew he hadn’t forgiven me still. He wouldn’t for a while and that was okay, so I followed him out of his room in silence. “And we’ll start with Audrey.”

  Oh, shit. I didn’t want to apologize to Audrey. I would have beaten her again tomorrow if she threatened me like that. Terrified, I looked at Aaron and hoped he was joking.

  He wasn’t.

  There was no way I could say no. He stood by me when I least deserved it. Now it was my turn to sacrifice, for his sake.

  “I still can’t believe you beat her like that,” Aaron said, but he didn’t sound all that angry.

  “For what it’s worth, she really did threaten me.”

  “I know she did. I believe you. And it would’ve even been fine if it wasn’t Audrey,” he said reluctantly.

  I grinned. Well, would you look at that? He liked girls fighting over him. But when I remembered why, I no longer felt like smiling.

  “Because of her family?”

  Jack had told me about how they were killed in front of her…Jack, whom I’d seen completely naked in the shower. Kill me, now.

  “Yeah. We were fifteen when it happened.” Aaron pointed at the door on my left. We were obviously there. “You’re going in there by yourself to apologize. I don’t care how humiliating it is for you. You did wrong, and now you pay the consequences.”

  The excitement sparkling in his eyes was unmistakable.

  “Oh, God! You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” He was! He was enjoying this very much.

  “No. Of course not. Go now, go on.”

  He waved me to the door, unable to hide the smile that stretched his lips. And when he saw that I wouldn’t move and he was about to start laughing, he opened the door and pushed me
inside.

  Audrey, who had been reading a book on her twin bed, took one look at me and jumped to her feet.

  “I’ll scream,” she said, desperately looking at the now closed door behind me—the only exit.

  “No, Audrey, don’t! I’m not here to hurt you.” I said in a rush. The last thing I needed was for her to really lie this time. “I’m here to…”

  Ah, hell. I already knew this was going to suck. I bit my tongue and encouraged myself. C’mon, just say it! Just a nice little sorry and Aaron would be happy.

  “I’m here to apologize.” The word seemed foreign on my tongue, but only because I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to apologize.

  She started to laugh a dry, sickening laugh. It was amazing how my skin crawled at the sound of it, but I swallowed hard and waited.

  “This is rich,” she said between her laughs. “You think you can fool me with your empty words like you do Aaron?”

  “I’m not fooling Aaron, Audrey. I love him. You need to understand that.” My voice showed how annoyed I was much more than I wanted it to, but oh, well. Nobody’s perfect.

  “Oh, please. I know all about your games. And I’m going to tell him. All of it.”

  She smiled evilly, and I had to give it to her, it was a bit threatening.

  “Audrey, it’s you who are trying to fool Aaron, not me. Just stop, okay? It’s me he wants. Get over it and accept my apology so I can be on my way.” Like I expected, the words just set her off more.

  “He doesn’t love you! How can anyone love a murderer?” She hit right at home. “He just thinks he does because of what is going on right now. But I’m a patient woman and sooner or later, I’m going to show him who you truly are, and he’s going to believe me.”

  Amazing how quickly it came to the point where I could either walk away or beat the shit out of her again.

  Obviously, there was no talking to her. So I turned around to leave. I did want to hear her bones breaking under my hands, but I wanted to make things up with Aaron more. So, swallowing my pride, I lowered my head and opened the door.

  “Yeah, go ahead! Walk away!” she called behind me. I slammed the door shut with all my strength just to get some of the anger out.