“I have never seen him so happy and so miserable,” Claire poured them two cups of steaming tea, passing one to Faith.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Faith began.
Claire waved away her protest with a delicate hand. “Good for you dear, keep him on his toes. It does him no good to think he can get a woman as easily as snapping his fingers.” She smiled at Faith to ease the girl’s discomfort. “He’s my son and I love him dearly but women have a habit of throwing themselves at him; that is until you came along.”
“Women?” Faith arched a brow; in the middle of bringing the cup to her lips.
“You have nothing to worry about, he has eyes only for you,” Claire said charmingly just as her son came back in the room.
“Was that enough time to discuss me behind my back?” he said; his voice mildly reproachful.
“Perfect timing,” Claire smiled at him, standing and heading for the kitchen. “Dinner will be ready in a few,” she told them.
He sat beside her on the sofa and started to pull her into his arms. But Faith resisted. “How many women have there been?” she asked him coolly.
“What?” he stared at her puzzled.
“Your mother said women and the last I know is that women mean more than one,” Faith hissed. “So how many women have there been? Give me a nice round figure and don’t spare my feelings.”
Josh burst out laughing; stopping abruptly at how serious her face was. “Baby, my mother was just fooling with you – and besides since I met you I have not looked at another woman.”
Faith continued to stare at him suspiciously.
“Oh my, look who’s jealous,” he said in amusement. “I thought I was the only one that can happen to.”
“I am not jealous,” Faith protested. “I am just not into games and having some woman or women approaching me –“ she threw up her arms. “Okay fine, I better not see you with another woman; you won’t like it.”
He pulled her into his arms and kissed her pouting lips. “It’s good to see I am not the only one insecure; I was starting to feel lonely.”
They went into dinner and Faith was made to feel so comfortable that she found herself laughing at some of the things his mother told her. She caught Josh staring at her several times; his expression unreadable.
Dinner was chicken casserole and sweet potato salad followed by blueberry pie with whipped cream.
“Do you cook my dear?” Claire asked as she passed the slice of pie over to her.
“I do, but it’s not something I like to do,” she confessed, tasting the pie, her eyes widening in appreciation.
“Fortunately for you, my son loves to cook,” she smiled at Josh; her eyes tender. “His dad left when he was just a little boy and I never had the inclination or desire to enter into another relationship. It has always been the two of us and now he has you and I see the way he looks at you. I am so happy to meet you my dear.”
“I am happy to meet you too,” Faith told her softly, getting up to give the woman a hug.
They left shortly after with half the pie and Claire urging her to visit soon and drag her son along.
They went home in his car; as she had left her car at the parking lot at work.
“Had a good time?” he asked her mildly as they went on their way.
“Yes,” she murmured. “Your mother is pretty special and she loves you a lot. You are her world and I kind of feel like I am invading,”
“Don’t!” he told her sharply, coming to a stop. They were almost at the office and Faith turned in her seat to stare at him. “Please don’t try to find something to railroad this relationship Faith; I won’t stand for it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I won’t have you trying your best to find reasons to back out Faith,” he told her; his hands gripping the wheel.
“Josh look at me,” she demanded. He turned and looked at her. “I would never do that,” she added softly, reaching up a hand to smooth the tension from his strong jaw. “I am in this just as much as you are.”
“Are you?” he asked her.
“I am,” she reassured him; leaning forward to kiss him on the lips. His mouth opened under hers and with a groan his tongue delved inside her mouth. He hauled her over to him; deepening the kiss; his eyes closed as he took her heady scent.
“Oh Faith,” he moaned. “I can’t get enough.” He feathered light kisses all over her face and then with a heavy sigh he released her.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” he asked her. How he wanted her to go home with him but he had to wait until she was ready and it was killing him.
“Dress rehearsal for Maureen’s wedding. You are my plus one,” she told him with a smile as she pulled open her car door. “It’s next week Saturday.”
“Can’t wait,” he told her with a grin, watching as she drove away with a wave. He stood there for a while, his expression thoughtful. She has never told him she loved him; never totally committed and he was beginning to wonder why.
Chapter 8
The wedding was small and intimate and from her position beside Maureen she saw Joshua looking at her; his eyes unreadable. Her Maid of honor dress was rose colored and it fitted her bodice like a glove, flaring out at the waist and barely skimmed her knees. She was wearing matching heels and there was a garnish of rose and white flowers in her hair that was swept up and off her face. A thin gold chain was her only accessory. Maureen looked flushed with happiness and for a minute Faith felt a twinge of envy – she wished she could feel free to tell Joshua how she really felt and she knew he was waiting for her to say the words to him but they would not come out of her mouth.
The ceremony was finished and they headed to the local hotel for the reception. She was seated at the head table with the rest of the party and did not get a chance to talk to Joshua until the dance floor opened up.
“I thought I would never get a chance to be with you,” he complained as he pulled her into his arms and they started dancing.
“You know I have certain obligations as a Maid of honor,” she rebuked him. He was very handsome in dark blue pants and a navy blue shirt opened at the neck; revealing chest hairs; he had put on a matching jacket and his hair was combed back with a curl escaping on his forehead.
“You are so beautiful,” he murmured, his eyes on her lips, shiny with rose lip gloss. He was aching for her. He had not been with her for a week because she had been caught up with her friend’s wedding and he had to squash the feeling of resentment he felt at the time she spent away from him.
“You don’t look too bad yourself,” she told him with an impish smile, her dimples peeking out as she circled the dance floor, her arms around his neck. She missed him so much and had wanted to be with him but had spent several nights at Maureen helping her to get ready for her big day. “I’ve missed you,” she told him huskily.
“Have you?” he asked her mildly, his arms tightening around her waist. He wanted to take her there and then.
“You don’t think I have?” she asked him; angling her head to look at him. The song had a poignant sound to it and she felt like resting her head on his chest and staying that way.
“I know how I feel; but I never know from one day to the next what you feel.” He told her wryly, with a small twist of his lips. “You’re my mystery woman.”
“Then you’ll have fun trying to solve the mystery,” she told him lightly; a little anxious at his tone of voice.
“Maybe,” he murmured, lifting her chin to look into her eyes; letting her go as soon as the song ended and with a kiss on her cheek, he went off to claim Maureen for the next dance.
“May I dance with the Maid of honor?” Mark’s mild voice interrupted her train of thought.
“It would be my pleasure to dance with the groom,” she smiled at him as he took her arm. He looked dashing in his three piece cream suit; his hair combed back so that no one could see the balding spot; his glasses glinting on his face. “So how does it feel
to be a married man?” she asked him with a smile.
“Ask me that a few years from now,” he grinned down at her, his arms holding her awkwardly.
“I will. I know you have made my friend very happy and for that I will always love you.” She told him soberly. “She is very happy and she is glowing with it.”
He looked over her head at his wife as she laughed at something Joshua was saying to her. “I love her so much. I want to erase what happened to her before but all I can do is show her how different it can be and is supposed to be.”
“And you have,” she told him warmly. “She is so contented.”
“How about you?” he looked at her curiously. “That man there is wearing his heart on his sleeve. What are you doing about it?”
“I am taking it slow,” she told him with a shrug.
“Don’t take too much time,” he warned with a kiss on her cheek. “We men tend to get impatient when it comes to matters of the heart.” The song ended and he patted her hand and went off to claim his bride.
Very soon it was time to cut the cake and then it was time for the bride and groom to take their leave.
“I am very grateful for your support,” Maureen told her with a hug. “It looks like we will be having another wedding very soon.” Her gaze went towards Joshua who was in conversation with Sister Matthews.
“Just concentrate on your own marriage right now please,” Faith said with a laugh, returning her hug. “I am going to miss you.” They were going on a two week cruise to the islands for their honeymoon.
“I won’t have time to miss you,” her friend told her teasingly.
With a wave, she left but not before handing her bouquet of gardenias and tulips to her. “Just making sure,” she grinned as her friend looked at her startled. She raised her head and saw Joshua staring at her and she hastily put the bouquet in a plastic bag on the table.
She had traveled with Maureen in the limousine to the church and to the reception and was planning on going with Josh who would take her home.
“Ready?” he asked, coming over to her.
“Yes,” she picked up her small rose pocket book along with her piece of cake and the flowers and followed him out. The party was still going on and she waved goodbye to a few people on her way out.
“Had a good time?” he opened the passenger side for her to get in.
“Yes,” she sighed, stretching her legs and kicking off her shoes. “Just a little tired.”
He switched on the engine and put the car in drive and they were on their way. It was a cool and balmy night and a slight breeze was stirring.
They traveled the rest of the short journey in silence and it was not until they reached her house that he broke the silence. “I have told you so many times that I love you and you haven’t said it back to me,” he began, not looking at her. “I thought I could be patient and that giving you time is the right thing to do; let her sort out whatever it is that she needs to sort out. I tell myself.”
“Josh-“ she began but he held up a hand.
“Please let me finish,” he told her softly, still not looking at her. “I love you so much that I feel as if I am going to break into little pieces and I keep trying to hold back what I feel because I don’t want to crowd you.”
“Josh please,” she whispered, fear thudding through her. He sounded as if he was saying goodbye.
“I can’t do it anymore Faith,” he turned sideways and faced her; his expression sad.
“I can’t say it!” she cried out, one hand reaching out to touch him.
“Why not?” he asked softly.
“Because everyone I really loved died,” she told him brokenly. “My mother died and I can’t get over her leaving me; I can’t say it Josh.”
There was silence for a little bit as they both tried to process what they were feeling and then he reached out and took the hand on his thigh. “When you love someone you take a risk, there is no guarantee that it will last forever or that they will not die. You are a child of God and you know it is only Him who knows what the future holds. Your friend Maureen did not cut herself off from love because she was abused before; she ventured out and found true love – all I can tell you is that I love you and I will love you for as long as I live and I will do my best never to hurt you but that’s all I can give you.”
“Please give me more time,” she begged him, her hand gripping his.
“I won’t say it again baby,” he told her huskily, his hand reaching out to lift her chin. “It will have to be you from now on.” With that he pulled her close to him and kissed her roughly and as soon as Faith reached out to hold him he broke off the kiss. “Goodnight baby,” he whispered hoarsely, moving away from her.
For a moment, Faith just sat there, willing him to turn back to her; to tell her he wanted to come inside with her but he didn’t and finally she pulled the car door and let herself out. He waited until she had gone inside before driving away leaving her standing at the window, staring after the receding light of the car.
She slowly went into the bedroom and carefully put away her shoes; filling a glass vase and putting the flowers inside; placing it on the table in the living room.
She operated automatically; it was as if she was outside her body and watching herself doing the things she was doing. She creamed off her make-up and took a shower; pulling on an old T-shirt before climbing into the bed.
It all came flooding back and then the tears came. She wanted to tell him what was inside her but the last time she had told someone she loved them was the night her mother had died. She remembered it so clearly as if it was indelibly etched on her brain.
She had gone straight to the hospital after work and had seen her mother lying there looking pale and wan.
“Hey sweet girl,” she had greeted her warmly. Faith had hurried over to prop her up against the pillow and kissed her on the cheek.
“Hi Mom, I am sorry I was so late in coming, I had to deal with something at the office,” Faith had sat on the edge of the bed, careful not to jostle her. The church members had been in and out and the room was filled with flowers of all description.
“That’s all right baby,” her mother had patted her had in assurance. “I want you to do something for me though.”
“Anything,” Faith had told her hastily, taking her painfully thin hand in hers.
“I want you to let me go,” She spoke; gripping the girl’s hand as she was about to protest. “I have lived my life and the good Lord has allowed me to see my baby all grown up and working. I have to thank Him but now I have to go and I am ready to shed this painful body of mine and go and be with the Lord.”
“Mom please,” Faith had cried out hoarsely.
“Death is only scary if you are going to the wrong place, baby girl” her mother told her firmly. “I need to go and I need you to let me go. We have shared a very good relationship as mother and daughter and for that I am grateful. I am honored to be your mother and I love you my baby girl and you are not alone, God is always with us if we let Him.”
Faith had sobbed in her mother’s arms and they had stayed that way through the night with her telling her mother that she loved her just before she died in her arms.
Faith pulled the sheet up to her neck and sobbed herself to sleep. She was aching for Josh and she did not know what to do.
*****
She woke up Sunday morning with her eyes almost swollen shut and realized she was in no condition to go to church. She had spent the night tossing and turning and woke up very late; a glance at the bedside clock told her it was a quarter to ten. She plopped back against the pillow with a groan and realized her head was throbbing. Oh she wished she could call Maureen. But her best friend was half way across the world by now on her honeymoon and she could not call Joshua as he was the cause of her misery. Falling in love sucks, she thought wryly.
She spent the day cleaning after fielding several calls from church members wondering why she was not at church. She de
alt with the refrigerator; getting rid of some food stuff that she barely recognized and it was some minutes after one when she realized she had not eaten this morning. A glance in the bathroom mirror showed her eyes were back to their normal shape after she had washed her face several times with ice cold water. She hardy looked like a woman in the throes of misery, well maybe just a little bit.
She was preparing a late breakfast in the kitchen when suddenly a conversation she had had with her mother several months before she died popped into her head. Her mother had just gone through a bout of chemotherapy and she had been very weak but she had told Faith beside her on the bed.
“I am glad your father is not here to see me like this,” she had smiled weakly, passing a shaky hand over her short hair that had fallen out during the many sessions of radiation and therapy.
“How did you deal with losing him considering you loved him so much?” Faith had asked her curiously. She had been curled up on the bed, resting her head against her mother’s pillow.
“I spent twelve years with him and I would do it again in a heartbeat,” she responded; her eyes dreamy and faraway. “Loving him filled me with warmth that even when he was gone; I still felt him everywhere I am and for that I am thankful to God. I never regretted meeting him and crying over the unfairness of losing him so quickly – I had a great love and some people never lived long enough to have one. I would rather have that for a short time than a long fifty years with someone I can barely tolerate. It’s not the quantity my dear, it’s the quality, never forget that.”
Faith spooned sugar into her mint tea thoughtfully and she stared at the Bible she had taken from the drawer as she reflected on her mother’s words. She had been so afraid of losing yet another person she loved that she had failed to see that if she let Joshua go she would have lost more than if she did not tell him how she felt and that she wanted him in her life. She loved him and no matter how many years or how few years they were going to be together, she was willing to risk that – she just wanted to be with him.
Love So Heavenly (A Clean Christian African American Romance) Page 20
