The Other Side of Paradise: A Memoir

by Chin, Staceyann

  Finally, I spot a big blue house with a huge veranda. I hope it is the right house. I walk into the yard and knock on the front door. A woman with a black tie-head answers the door.

  “Good afternoon.”

  “Good afternoon, ma’am. My name is Staceyann Chin. I am Delano’s sister. Is this where he lives?”

  “Oh! Of course! Come inside, man. Come inside. Me cooking, so me cannot stay long with you. I am Miss Winsome. Richard mother. I work with Mr. Charles.”

  I sit in the living room. The house is very big, but there is almost no furniture in it. And there are all sorts of things that do not belong in a living room. There is a big bag of cement and pipes and some tiles. Under the window, a big church bench leans upright against the wall. There are no curtains on some of the windows. I watch the cars passing.

  “You want to watch TV?”

  Miss Winsome’s arms are covered in flour.

  “No, ma’am.”

  “Okay, him soon come home. Him don’t really stay too long after school.”

  “Okay.”

  Delano pushes the door open and sees me sitting on the couch. He motions that he will soon be back before he disappears into his room. I hear water running. When he comes back he is wearing a pair of Levi’s jeans that Mummy had brought for him from Canada. I am surprised that he can still fit into clothes that he’d got so many years ago. The things she brought for me are all too short or too tight.

  “So how things?” His voice is casual.

  “Okay.” I work to make mine casual too.

  “Them treating you good up at Miss John house?”

  “Yeah, man. How things with you?” I don’t know why I am lying to him. I really want to tell him everything, but he seems so different from the Delano I knew in Westmoreland. He doesn’t look at me when he is talking and he doesn’t seem excited to see me.

  “Okay. I’m okay.”

  “Your father treat you good?”

  He hesitates. Then he nods. “Yeah, man. Everything good. Perfect.”

  “Okay. I passed the Common Entrance.”

  He laughs. “Me can see that. You wearing a Mount Alvernia uniform.”

  I laugh too. “Yeah! And you not blind. And you must have seen my name in the newspaper, right?” I don’t know why, but I laugh again. I am not quite sure what to say to him. He isn’t really interested in anything I say. I ask if I can use the bathroom.

  “Yeah, man. It’s just right through there, on the right-hand side.”

  The bathroom is as bare as the living room. There are no toothbrushes in sight, no rugs on the floor, no creams or soaps or anything on the side of the sink or bath or on top of the toilet. It looks like a bathroom at school, except there is a bath. When I get back, Delano is sitting on the couch playing with a Rubik’s Cube. He hands it to me and tells me to do the yellow face while he times me. I finish in ten minutes.

  “That is not bad. You almost as good as me!”

  “How long does it take you?”

  “Under six minutes. And that is when the colors are really mixed up.”

  “Okay.”

  The front door swings open and Delano jumps. A short stocky Chinese man enters. His adjusts his thick glasses as he covers the ground between us.

  “Hello! Hello! Everything all right?”

  Delano does not answer. I don’t know if I should.

  “Eh, man! I ask you if everything all right. And who is this, your girlfriend?”

  Delano’s voice is even, resigned. “Yes, Daddy, everything is fine. And this is me sister, Stacey. She live up at Paradise. She just come to check me.”

  “Oh, okay. She look like a nice little girl. Everything all right? Is Junior Chin is your father, right? When you reach home, tell him hello for me. You hungry? You want something to eat?” I nod yes.

  “Miss Winsome! Miss Winsome!”

  The floured hands quietly appear. “Yes, Mr. Charles?”

  “This here is Junior Chin daughter. She want something to eat. What you cooking?”

  “Corned beef and boiled dumplings.”

  “Well, make sure she get some when it done.”

  “All right, Mr. Charles.” She leaves as silently as she had come in.

  Mr. Charles reaches out and slaps Delano on the back. “How was school today, Delano? You learn a lot of things? School too expensive! Make sure you make use of it!”

  Delano nods his head and says nothing. His father then turns to me. “What about you? You do good in school?”

  “Yes, Mr. Charles, sir. I just pass my Common Entrance for Mount Alvernia. This is my first year there.”

  “What? That is good, man. That means you bright. Here is some money. Take it and buy something for school. And remember to tell your father that me say hello.”

  “Yes, Mr. Charles.”

  “No, man—I am your Uncle Charlie. All the little schoolchildren call me that. Me is your Uncle Charlie, you hear?”

  “Yes, Uncle Charlie.”

  “Good, good, then. And make sure you get that food.”

  He goes to his room and slams the door. Delano turns the Rubik’s Cube over and over without saying anything. I sit quietly until Miss Winsome calls me to come and get a plate. Delano says he is not ready to eat yet. I cut and bite and chew the food in silence. Uncle Charlie comes out of the bedroom and waves good-bye. I wave back with my mouth full. When there is nothing left on the plate, I take it back to the kitchen.

  “Thanks, Miss Winsome.”

  “Is nothing, man. There is enough food. Richard eat nuff, but Delano don’t eat too much.”

  “Who is Richard?”

  “Me tell you that already, man. Richard is me son. Him is Charles youngest. Delano little brother.”

  “I thought you worked for Uncle Charlie.”

  “Yes, man, I work for him, but I also have a son for him.”

  “Okay. So do you live here too?”

  “No, dahling. I tell you I only work here.”

  “Okay.” I still don’t understand, but I decide not to ask any other questions about that. I lean against the wall and watch her rinse the dishes. Standing there makes me think of Grandma. I wonder if Delano has been to Kingston to see her.

  “So how is your mother?”

  “I don’t know, ma’am.”

  “How you mean, you don’t know? When last you talk to her?”

  “Almost three years now.”

  “Three years! How you mean? She don’t call you?”

  “No, ma’am. We don’t have a phone where I live.”

  “My goodness! Delano call her sometimes from here. You should make him call her so you can talk to her. Is a good God shame when a little girl have to say she don’t talk to her mother in almost three years.”

  In the living room, Delano turns the Rubik’s Cube. He has solved the red face. I want to grab him and shake him, but I sit there beside him and wait until he has solved the green face before I take a deep breath and ask, “Delano, Miss Winsome says that you call Mummy from here. Is true?”

  He slowly puts the cube into his pocket. “Yes, I call her. But I call collect. Is not all the time that she accept the call. So don’t think me call her every night and talk to her.”

  “So you do have a phone number for her?”

  “Yes, Stacey, but is not for calling her for stupidness!”

  “Delano, what you mean by stupidness? You know I have not talked to her from she leave me at Auntie’s house. Not one word. And she tell them she was coming back for me in two weeks. And you talk to her? What does she say about me?”

  “We don’t really talk about you.”

  I don’t say anything, but my eyes fill with tears.

  “Stacey, man. Don’t bother with that! Is not like you think! She just talk to me about her garden and the weather and her flowers. And as soon as she get on the phone she say that she have to go. Long-distance phone calls are very, very expensive.”

  Even though I do not want to cry, the tears rol
l down my cheeks and onto my white uniform. I use my tie to wipe my face. I fold my arms and press my back into the arm of the couch. Delano is turning the Rubik’s Cube again.

  “All right, Stacey, you want me to call her now?”

  I nod yes. He gets up from the couch and goes into his bedroom. He lifts the phone and dials the operator. He tells her he would like to make a collect call to Canada. Then he gives her a number that begins with a 514 area code. He waits. Then he hangs up.

  “What happened? Delano, what happened? She’s not there?”

  “Stacey, me tell you already that is not like how you think. She is there, but she pick up the phone and say that she cannot accept the charges. Sometimes she accept, and sometimes she doesn’t.”

  “Well, give me the number so me can try on me own, then.”

  “But you don’t have no phone up at Paradise.”

  “No, but me can call collect from the phone booth on Church Street.”

  “Okay, me going to give you, but make sure you don’t tell her that is me give it to you. She tell me not to give her phone number to any and anybody who ask for it.”

  I am not any and anybody, but I remain silent. I’m afraid if I say anything he will change his mind. He writes the number down on a loose folder leaf. I fold it eight times and put it in my knapsack. It is almost five thirty. I tell him I have to go.

  “Okay, then.” He tucks both hands into his jeans pockets. “Well, Daddy like you, so you can come anytime.”

  “You sure? You don’t have to ask Uncle Charlie?”

  “No, man. As long as you doing good in school, him will give you money. Him love when other children do well.”

  “Okay. Take care of yourself.”

  “Don’t worry ’bout me, man. Everything cool.”

  “Okay.”

  On the way home I read and reread the ten digits over and over again. By the time I get to the bustle of downtown, I have committed the unfamiliar sequence to memory. And I am in Paradise when I realize I can say the number backward and out loud while thinking of something else. Now, no matter what happens to the piece of paper, my mother’s phone number will always be in my head.

  As a Bear Lying in Wait

  The more lies I tell at school, the more I have to do to cover my tracks. I begin to preempt the follow-up questions to my stories and prepare my answers beforehand. I learn to pause as if I am thinking hard about the question and give answers that leave room for reinvention later.

  One Friday, I decide that I am riding to Paradise with the Grawleys after school. When the final bell rings, Uncle Hartley is already parked at the gate. I am both nervous and excited as we make our way to the white pickup truck. If Auntie finds out that I am riding with people she does not know, she will kill me. The truck can only fit two adult passengers, but Natalia says three children fit easily. Her father is a tall white man with a full graying beard. He looks very stern in the face, but as soon as he sees me, he smiles.

  “You must be Stacey. I hear you hitching a ride on the night train to Georgia. Welcome aboard!”

  “Thank you, Mr. Grawley.”

  “No! No! No! We have no misters on this train. If you ride in my vehicle you are doomed to become family. I am Uncle Hartley to you and all of Natalia’s friends. Ask Natalia. Everybody at Mount Alvernia Prep knows me as Uncle Hartley. Now, Toni-Ann, jump in so Miss Chin can squeeze in between the two of you.”

  As Natalia shuts the door, the strangest sensation washes over me. Packed in between the two girls in their father’s truck, I feel like Staceyann Grawley. Uncle Hartley makes funny jokes all the way. “You sure you not making the car too heavy, Stacey? I feel like we are a little heavier than usual. You sure you didn’t eat a rock for lunch today?”

  A police car with the sirens wailing whizzes by. “Stacey, you didn’t tell me you were on the run! But don’t worry! I won’t let them get you. Just duck, and I will floor the gas!”

  Natalia and Toni-Ann are beside themselves with laughter. I don’t know what to do with my red face. I sober up a little bit when we pass by my father’s house. The long stairway doesn’t look so long from inside the truck.

  When we pass Blood Lane, I try not to look at the women standing in the road in their slips and brassieres. One of them is stark naked and bathing under the public standing pipe right there in the middle of the square. Children in dirty clothes wipe their runny noses on their bare arms. My face is hot and red. Uncle Hartley turns to me. “Which direction do we take to drop you off at your palace, Princess Stacey?”

  I do not tell him that his truck could not drive the rocky path to my palace. “Just go up a little more, Uncle Hartley. Go way up, past Blood Lane, and leave me at that big house at the corner. I will get in trouble if my auntie sees me in this truck. I am not supposed to accept rides from people. I will walk the rest of the way, Uncle Hartley. Thanks for the ride home.”

  “That is very sensible advice from your aunt, man. I should just come and say hello to her. Maybe she would feel better if she saw my handsome countenance. Then it would be okay for you to ride with the girls in the evening, because she would know who we are.”

  A woman clears her throat and spits in the street.

  “No, Uncle Hartley! I—I am just afraid that she will beat me. She doesn’t like when people come to the house without me telling her before.”

  “Okay, Lady Chin, I will leave you to give her some warning. Maybe tomorrow evening, then?”

  “Okay, maybe tomorrow.”

  The next day when he asks, I tell him to drop me by my father’s gate. As I jump out of the van, I want to ask Uncle Hartley to wait for me, but I don’t. I need Natalia to think I spend the whole evening visiting with my father, so I just open the door and say, “Thanks, Uncle Hartley. See you tomorrow, Natalia.”

  At the top of the steps I tap on the grille. From the top of the stairway, I can hear April squealing with laughter. I wish I were Uncle Desmond’s child. Then I wouldn’t be out here waiting on the steps like a stray dog. Finally, Miss P. appears with an envelope. I wish I could go in and spend time inside the house like his real children. I sign in the right column, thank her, and promise myself that one day I am going to ask to use the bathroom or say I am thirsty—anything just so I can be inside the house. More than a month’s worth of lunch money and taxi fare in hand, I walk to the bottom of the hill, where I flag down a taxi that takes me home to Paradise.

  Everybody in the seventh grade wants to be Natalia’s friend. The girls who have been to her house after school say she has the nicest things: a waterbed, a personal computer, wall-to-wall carpeting to match the peach on her walls. Parents encourage their daughters to cultivate a friendship with Natalia. I like to think my mother would also want me to have a friend like Natalia. But Auntie is so backward she can’t even see how it could benefit me to develop a friendship with someone who is pretty and rich and popular.

  It is getting harder and harder to refuse when Natalia asks me over to watch a movie or to swim or to do homework. At night I have dreams about living with her family. In the dreams we do everything together. And because I am no longer living in the squalor of Auntie’s house, my pimples go away and I develop a beautiful figure too. Natalia and I look like twins and everyone tells us how beautiful we look walking downtown, holding hands, and smiling.

  At home, every time I mention my friends at school, Auntie tells me that the only good company is the company of the Lord. I know that she will never give me permission. So one Friday morning, as I am going through the door, I tell Auntie that the debate team is meeting after school and I am thinking of joining. When she asks what time the meeting ends, I say I don’t exactly know, but since the school has offered to pay part of the school fees of the students who make the team, I think it is a good idea to go. She grunts and tells me to make sure I am home before the sundown.

  I know that Auntie would beat me to death if she found out that I told her such a baldfaced lie. But I am too excited to worry
about that. That evening I climb into the truck and announce that my aunt has finally given me permission to go home with them. Uncle Hartley looks at me like he does not believe me. I look him dead in the eyes and ask if it is still okay for me to come along.

  He smiles and says, “Hmm, I really don’t know if that house can stand to have any more pretty girls in it, you know. Natalia and Toni-Ann blinding everybody as it is.”

  “Uncle Hartley! Is it okay or not?”

  “It is fine, as long as your aunt really knows where you are.”

  “I asked her before I went to bed last night and then I reminded her this morning. She says she don’t mind if I go, as long as I don’t stay out too long.”

  “Okay, ma’am. I really would love to talk to your aunt. But if she is not up to that, then…”

  Their driveway is longer and much more beautiful than my father’s driveway. Trees line the pathway and there are plants everywhere. We enter through the side entrance. There is a separate room for doing laundry. The helper, Marcia, is dressed in a blue uniform. She smiles and waves at us as she stirs a pot. They have a very large living room that has peach carpet all over the floor. There are big comfortable couches and a big TV. Then there is a second living room with very expensive furniture in it. Outside, I can see a big satellite dish and their very own swimming pool.

  Uncle Hartley says all hands have to be washed before we can have any dinner. Natalia and Toni-Ann have their own bathroom. The shower curtain is clear plastic with little yellow ducks all over it. Their brother, Mark, has his own bathroom too. And Natalia tells me that there is another bathroom in her parents’ room, and another in the den.

  “Natalia, what is a den?”

  “Well, everybody in the family has their own bedroom, and then there is an extra bedroom, which guests sleep in, or a room where we can just relax and chill—that is what we call a den.”

  “Oh, okay.”

  Uncle Hartley has a satellite dish, so we can watch American TV. Dinner is served on dinner trays and we watch Love Connection while we eat. I wonder if I will ever have a Love Connection. As it is, I don’t even have one person who I can say loves me, except maybe Grandma. But she is so far away.