Meet Clara Andrews: A totally vacuous girl with a hangover...

by Lacey London

  I arrive at the seventh floor and paste a smile on my face before going in. Lianna is at her desk, tapping away on the keyboard at the speed of Road Runner.

  ‘Hello.’ I put the bag down on her desk, the whiff of bacon immediately gaining her attention.

  ‘Who is all this for?’ She routes through the bag and digs out a bacon roll, squeezing three sachets of ketchup onto the bread.

  Not wanting to go into the sorry story now, I kick out the chair next to her and sit myself down.

  ‘Good deed for the day?’ I shrug my shoulders and Lianna looks at my suspiciously.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Putting down her roll, she looks at me with concern.

  ‘Nothing, are you free later?’ Hoping she takes the hint and drops it, I fiddle with the ends of my hair.

  ‘I did have plans with Dan, but it’s not important. Want me to come to yours after work?’ She smiles and returns to her sandwich.

  I nod and smile back. What would I do without Lianna? She unpacks the bag and proceeds to hand them out around the office. Coming back to her seat, she picks a piece of fluff off my jumper.

  ‘Is this a bottle of red and Doritos kind of problem?’

  ‘Actually, it’s more a case of red and entire Dominoes menu kind of problem.’

  ‘Want me to bring Marc?’

  I nod again pathetically. I think it is safe to say I need as many friends as I can get right now.

  Chapter 37

  I have never been more relieved to get out of work. Today has been like a gerbil’s funeral. Sad, strange and you don’t really want to be there. After the cross exchange this morning, Oliver didn’t say more than two words to me all day. I have never felt more alienated around another person in all my life. Thank god Marc and Lianna are coming over shortly, I really need to vent my anger on the whole situation. They are dropping their cars off at home and getting taxis here so they can have a drink. I stopped off at Sainsbury’s on the way home and filled the boot with as much wine as possible, fully intending to drown my sorrows in a sea of Rioja.

  No sooner had I filled the wine rack, there’s a knock at the door. Peeping through the spy hole, I watch Marc and Li huddle under an umbrella, fighting for shelter from the rain. Flipping down the latch and opening the door, they push their way in.

  ‘It’s freezing! I hope you have got the heating on?’ Marc grumbles as he balances three giant pizza boxes.

  Lianna automatically goes into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of red and three glasses, whilst Marc opens up pizza boxes on the coffee table. Once we are snuggled around the table with a glass of wine and a slice of pizza, Li plucks up the courage to ask what is wrong.

  ‘So, are you going to spill the beans then, Andrews?’ She cocks her head to one side and squeezes sweet chilli sauce over a deep pan cheese and tomato.

  ‘I’m glad you have already got a drink because you are going to need it.’ I sigh before taking a gulp of my own wine.

  I recap The Valentina and our amazing train journey, feeling depressed at recalling the memory. I watch Marc’s jaw drop at the sex and romantic declaration and I almost enjoy seeing their reaction to George being Oliver’s old buddy. By the time I have finished with this morning’s heated escapades, they are both staring at me in deathly silence.

  ‘So, what do you think? I haven’t done anything wrong, right?’ I look from Marc to Lianna, waiting for the verdict. Marc speaks up first.

  ‘Well to be honest, you kind of have.’ He says the words carefully, as though talking to a psychopathic three year old. I am too shocked to say anything, so I just stare at him, waiting for the elaboration. He glances at Lianna who is frowning at him furiously.

  ‘All I am saying, is that you did date two men at once. How would you feel knowing he was dating someone else at the same time as you?’

  ‘I would be totally fine with it.’ I lie blatantly in retaliation.

  ‘No you would not.’ Marc rolls his eyes and shakes his head.

  Lianna wipes her greasy paws on a piece of kitchen roll and butts into the conversation.

  ‘I disagree. Clara was young free and single. She went on a couple of dates with two different guys, when things got serious with one of them, she decided to break things off with the other. It’s just unfortunate that they turned out to know each other. Anyway, I have known you date ten women at once so you can’t say anything!’ She digs him in the ribs with a bony finger.

  ‘Not any more. There’s only one woman for me.’

  I wait for him to laugh but he seems deadly serious. Lianna shoots me a questioning look and puts her hand on his forehead.

  ‘Are you feeling OK?’ I can tell that she is only half joking.

  ‘I have never felt better.’ He dips a pizza crust in a dollop of garlic mayo and reaches for his drink.

  ‘There is something I’ve been meaning to tell you both. I don’t want it going any further than this room for now, but I wanted to share it with you.’

  Lianna and I exchange concerned glances. What on earth is he going to say? Is he leaving Suave? Is he coming out of the closet?

  ‘Gina’s pregnant.’

  I feel my jaw drop and automatically look at Li for her reaction. She claps her hands over her mouth, eyes like a startled blowfish.

  ‘Well?’ He looks between us, waiting for the first one to speak. Thankfully, Lianna breaks first.

  ‘Just so we are on the same page, that’s a good thing, right?’

  ‘It’s an amazing thing! I’ve never really thought about children before, but I couldn’t be happier. We both couldn’t.’ Marc smiles and takes off his glasses to rub his eyes. Is he crying?

  ‘Are you crying?’ I exclaim, genuinely touched at finally seeing an emotional side to the usual sarcastic Marc.

  ‘No! It’s just this pizza has so many onions.’ He quickly pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose.

  ‘Well, I think congratulations are in order!’ I jump to my feet and grab a bottle of pink Moet from the fridge.

  ‘I had been saving this for a special occasion and I don’t think it gets more special or surprising than this.’

  I grab a chair to reach the champagne flutes that are hiding at the back of the cupboard. Filling the glasses with pink, fuzzy suds, I watch from the kitchen as Lianna throws herself at Marc like the Honey Monster. Seeing my two friends full of joy and good news makes me temporarily forget about my own sorry problems. Marc having a baby with Gina has to be the most bizarre, funny yet weirdly adorable thing I have ever had the fortune of hearing. It shows goes to show, you never know what is around the corner.

  Chapter 38

  By the time it goes dark on Saturday evening, I must have texted Oliver a dozen times and not heard anything back. Finally giving up, I dig my beautiful purple sandals out of their box and slip them onto my freshly polished feet. I used to think a pretty pair of shoes fixed all problems, if only that was true. Finally happy with my outfit, I totter down the stairs to wait for the cab. We decided last night that we would go into town tonight. Lianna has managed to tear herself away from Dan for the night and Marc, well Marc has used his get out of jail free card to nurse Gina through morning sickness, which ironically comes in the evening. Cute, I suppose.

  After the initial excitement of the Immaculate Conception died down, we returned to the subject of my messed up love life. In the end, we all agreed that Oliver would come round eventually and if he didn’t, it was his loss anyway. The last part wasn’t something I was convinced of. Checking my phone for the trillionth time, I frown at the empty message folder and check the signal. Yep, still connected.

  Hearing a horn blast outside, I pull my black, crochet poncho over my head and make for the door. I tip toe down the path, trying my hardest to avoid the muddy puddles and dive into the car.

  ‘Hello! Wow, that dress is pretty!’

  As per usual, Lianna looks stunning. Her scoop neck, grey dress is gathered down one side, falling into a beautiful asymmetric hem. Ev
erything about her screams Grecian goddess. Bitch.

  ‘So, the plan tonight is to have as many cosmopolitans as it takes to put a smile on that miserable face of yours.’ She pinches my nose jokingly and slips her arm through mine.

  I manage a smile and change the subject. The single glass of red I had whilst getting ready is nowhere near enough to talk about Oliver gate.

  ‘Can you believe Marc and Gina are having a baby?’

  ‘I actually can’t! I wonder if they will get married.’ Lianna’s eyes light up.

  She has always been in love with weddings. I have even spotted her buying bridal magazines in the past, although she would never admit it.

  ‘I doubt it. I don’t really see Gina as the traditional type.’

  ‘True, but did you see Marc as the baby daddy type?’

  I think for a moment, but I can honestly say not in a million years would I have put Marc with a baby.

  ‘Good point. Oh, we’re here.’ I push a scrawled on note through the Perspex window to the driver and we head into the restaurant. With the amount of alcohol I plan on consuming tonight, it is only wise to put down some solid foundations. And by solid foundations, I mean Indian food. And lots of it.

  ‘Li, I swear I had no intention of meeting with George for any other reason other than to end things with him.’ I scoop up some lime pickle into my chapatti and devour it in one.

  ‘I know, but Oliver doesn’t know that.’ She waves her glass around to emphasise her point.

  ‘But I told him! He just refuses to believe me! Instead he believes George who has told him I slept with him!’ Feeling my blood begin to boil, I fold my arms angrily.

  ‘Right, tonight is about making you forget Mr. American, not mope over him. Drink your cocktail.’ Lianna pushes my glass towards me and dives back in for the mango sauce.

  ‘You’re right. That’s the last time I will mention him.’ We clink glasses as our main courses arrive at the table.

  Filling my plate with sugar, spice and all things nice, I munch away hungrily as Lianna tells me all about the wonderful Dan. I must admit, I am very surprised at how much he seems to have matured.

  ‘So, do you think it is for keeps this time?’ I ask, stuffing peshwari naan into my cake hole.

  ‘I really do. He has been amazing!’ Her eyes mist over and I roll my eyes.

  ‘Well, I am very glad that you are happy, but enough of the soppy stuff. If I can’t talk about my love life, I’m not spending my night listening to yours!’

  ‘Fine.’ She sticks her tongue out and picks up the drinks menu.

  We go back to our food and I secretly take a peek at my phone. Still nothing! Refusing to give in to the temptation of texting him again, I turn my phone off and kick my bag under the table. There’s only one thing for it.

  ‘More cocktails?’

  ‘Most definitely.’

  Completely stuffed and slightly intoxicated, we walk arm in arm down to Velvet, following the growing clusters of party people. The air is cold, but the high levels of alcohol in my system make it barely noticeable. The queue is longer than normal, but seems to fizzle down in no time at all. Once inside, I go and grab the last available booth whilst Lianna heads off to the bar. As I wait for her to return, my eyes scan the room, taking in all the loved up couples and groups of giggling girls. Velvet is known as being a local celeb hotspot and I am not ashamed to admit to keeping an eye out for Jude Law. To this day, the closest I have come is an ex Eastenders actor who was more sleazebag than heart throb.

  I am about to go and see what the holdup is when I spot a familiar face out of the corner of my eye. Spinning around so fast that I almost snap my neck, I blink twice trying to get my eyes to focus. I could have sworn that was George. Squinting in the dim light, I watch the figure head out of the door and down the street. Convincing myself that my eyes are playing tricks on me, I smile as Lianna plonks a bottle of red down on the table. My beer goggles must be working overtime tonight.

  Chapter 39

  Laughing hysterically at the strange, ginger man with a Mohawk, trying desperately to talk Lianna into going home with him, I grab my bag and run to the bar. Over the past few hours, we have guzzled our way through two bottles of red and moved from Velvet to Noir Bar. The music is so loud. I can feel it pulsating throughout my entire body. The copious amounts of alcohol swimming around inside me make it easy to let go on the dance floor. I must have consumed a week’s worth of calories in wine alone, not including the three course meal I had earlier. Too drunk to care, I strategically pull down the neckline on my dress to attract the attention of the busy barman. I order another bottle and laugh at how effective an inch of cleavage can be.

  ‘This is definitely the last one.’ I crash the bottle down on the table and twist off the screw top.

  Mr Ginger Mohawk has taken the hint and finally given up on Lianna. I spot him gyrating on the dance floor next to a mortified, petite, blonde woman who bats him away with her handbag. What a catch.

  Tonight has been really good. Lianna had definitely succeeded in her plan to cheer me up. Don’t get me wrong, I have continued to check my phone every thirty minutes, but the disappointment in realising Oliver hasn’t called has eased massively. Sipping my drink, I glance down at my watch. It is just after midnight and the club is filling up rapidly. From our booth, I have been watching the swarms of people buzzing through the door. One in one out, like a conveyor belt of hungry ants.

  Lianna has been chewing my ear off about her nightmare neighbour and I am still pretending to listen when a tiny arm waves manically at us from the dance floor. I squint through the clouds of smoke and realise that the teeny arm belongs to Rebecca. Can I pretend I haven’t seen her? She begins walking in our direction, dragging a tall, dark haired man along with her.

  ‘Lianna?’ I interrupt her mid flow and she shoots me daggers.

  ‘How many times! It’s rude to butt in!’

  ‘Sorry. It’s just that I have just spotted Rebecca on the dance floor and by the looks of it, she is coming our way.’

  Lianna rolls her eyes and frowns with disdain. I have never understood Li’s problem with Rebecca. Yes, she can be ditsy and a tad annoying but she doesn’t mean any harm. I refill her glass and hope the extra grape juice will release some happy endorphins.

  ‘Hi guys!’ Rebecca plants a massive red kiss on both of my cheeks and leans in to hug Lianna who frostily pats her on the back. Totally unaware of the ice maiden reception, she plonks herself down between us.

  ‘Have you been in here all night?’ I ask, sipping my drink.

  ‘We actually just got here. The queue was so long to get in!’ She sighs dramatically and I get a strong whiff of Jack Daniels. Who would have put Rebecca as a bourbon drinker?

  ‘Who are you here with?’ Lianna chirps in, peeling the label off the wine bottle.

  ‘I’m actually on a date! He just went to get more drinks!’ She squeals excitedly and looks over to the bar.

  ‘Don’t you think you should go and give him a hand? It looks pretty busy over there?’ Lianna smiles at her sweetly, but I know this is just a way of getting rid of her.

  ‘Yes, I think you’re right.’ Rebecca slips under the table and straightens out her dress. ‘Do you guys want anything?’

  ‘We’re both fine, thanks.’ I gesture to the practically full wine bottle.

  ‘OK. I’ll go and help with the drinks. We will be right back!’ She runs her fingers through her massive hair and skips over to the bar.

  I wave her off and bite my lip, not daring to look at Lianna.

  ‘Do we have to sit with her?’ Lianna folds her arms and leans back in her seat like an overtired toddler.

  ‘Come on, don’t be mean. Just give it ten minutes and then we can escape.’

  She pulls a petulant face and picks up her glass moodily.

  ‘Don’t be a bitch.’ Accidentally on purpose, I kick her under the table and hold up my hands in apology.

  ‘I need to pee
anyway.’ She drains her glass and swings her bag over her shoulder before waltzing off across the dance floor.

  Shaking my head, I look over to the bar for Rebecca. This place is so dark that all I can see are silhouettes of different shapes and sizes lining the shiny counter top. The music suddenly gets louder, making it hard to hear myself think. Not that there’s much to think about when you have Calvin Harris piercing your eardrums and a barrel load of wine inside you. I tap my fingernails on the glass in time to the music and giggle as I watch a paralytic girl try and fail to take a seductive selfie.

  I am still laughing when I see Lianna squeezing her way through a group of cackling middle aged women, just as Rebecca arrives back at the table.

  ‘I know you said not to get you anything, but G got us all some sambucca shots!’

  G? I feel my blood freeze. The odds on him being Oliver’s friend were near impossible, let alone Rebecca’s date too! No, it is not possible. A tanned, masculine hand places a shot glass in front of me and my eyes trace up his arm in disbelief. As our eye’s lock, I feel sick. And then I feel mad, really, really mad. Snatching the sambucca out of his hand, I down the sticky, aniseed liquid and wince at the burn. I never did like Sambucca.

  Chapter 40

  ‘G, this is my colleague, Clara Andrews.’ Rebecca slips her arm through George’s and smiles blissfully.

  ‘It’s lovely to meet you, Clara.’ He holds out his hand and I stare at it horrified. Is he really going to pretend that he doesn’t know me? This just gets weirder. It’s like I have slipped into a parallel universe.

  ‘The queue was insane! Why does it take some women so long to pee?’ Lianna slides into the booth beside me and immediately picks up a sambucca shot.