Fathom

by Merrie Destefano

  “You can’t walk any souther?”

  I sighed, raised my voice a tiny bit, then really fast I told her everything, even that creepy part about those tourist chicks who drug me out into the ocean and almost drowned me. At first, I worried about scaring her, then I worried she would tell me that I was imagining all of this and I’d know that I really was losing my mind.

  But right now she was my only lifeline and I had to take it.

  “Everything’s going to be fine, Kira,” she said as soon as I finished talking. “Just relax, sweetheart, and give me a couple of minutes.”

  I waited while she dug around through all of her folklore books, then I confessed that three of her books were hidden under my bed. The rustle of pages sounded in the background, interspersed with an occasional comment like, “Mmm-hmmm,” and “No, that won’t work.”

  I think my hair grew two inches longer while I waited.

  “Okay,” she said at last. “I’ve got it. Are you ready?”

  “Yeah.” But part of me wondered if she really knew what to do. Sure, she made little charms out of salt and sand, and she grew strange herbs in the garden. But then she also hung around with a group of old ladies who thought you could catch moonlight in a jar. Maybe Gram only knew bits and pieces of Irish folklore. Maybe there wasn’t a magic incantation to solve my problems.

  Then she cleared her voice and started reading a passage out loud.

  As soon as she spoke those words, my skin started to heat up.

  “Repeat what I say, right after me,” she said.

  By now I was scared. What if her cure was worse than what I already had? It took me several times to get all the words right, but by the time I did, I had her incantation memorized. Backwards and forwards and sideways.

  “Open the door and look at yourself in the mirror,” she said.

  I stood up, listened to make sure I was only one in the room. Then I cracked the stall door quietly. It took all of my courage to lift my head and look at my reflection. I expected to see glowing eyes and glittering scales. But I saw myself, my normal self, in the mirror and every muscle in my body relaxed at once and I almost fell to my knees.

  I’d never been so glad to see my pale skin in all my life.

  “Thank God,” I said as I pulled the door closed again. “Thank you so much, Gram, really! I was so scared and I didn’t know who to talk to.” I rambled on and on until both Gram and I started laughing.

  Then a quiet came over both of us, a realization of the bond we shared.

  “I love you,” I told her.

  Her voice changed timber, it both softened and deepened when she answered me.

  “I love you too, Kira,” she said. “I always will.”

  •

  The stall door swung shut and I told Gram goodbye. An unexpected peace flowed through me. Whatever had happened to me was real, awful but real. It hadn’t been in my head. Whole nightmarish kingdoms collapsed around me, fears that had been built brick by brick over the years as I had worried about my future, hoping and praying that I would never do anything like what my mother had done.

  Then I remembered lashing out at Lucy the other day, how sudden it had been, how out of control.

  One step at a time. That’s what I told myself.

  I’d been hiding in this stall for nearly an hour. It was time to get back to the real world. I knew that I’d missed the rest of my French class. In fact, I’d almost missed lunch and I’d promised Sean I would meet him.

  I really needed to talk to him.

  Throughout my conversation with Gram I’d been dimly aware of the influx of other students as they scrambled in and out between classes. Another girl came in while I was hanging up my phone. She slammed a nearby stall door shut, then I heard her shove her fingers down her throat and she threw up.

  I flushed the toilet in my stall, walked out and started washing my hands.

  I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when I saw who came out of the stall a minute later. Lucy MacElroy. The girl I almost knuckle-punched in the mouth a few days ago and my own personal nemesis. She pulled a Coach rolling tote behind her, pretended not to see me while she washed her hands and face. Then with a sigh, she opened her matching purse and started touching up her makeup. In between lip gloss and mascara, she glanced at me in the mirror.

  I looked at our reflections, remembering a time long ago when we went roller skating together and how we snuck into the bathroom with her older sister’s purse. There we had tried on her sister’s lipstick and blush, laughing.

  “I thought you got suspended,” I said.

  Her nostrils flared as she lacquered on a fresh layer of midnight black eyeliner. “My dad talked to the guidance counselor this morning. They’re old friends.”

  Old friends. Just like us.

  I wondered if her dad knew she was bulimic or if he was still too busy with his plastic surgery practice to notice her.

  “This is probably going to sound lame, but I shouldn’t have tried to hit you the other day,” I said.

  She gave me a puzzled look. “Did your dad tell you to say that?”

  “No.”

  “Liar. You’re such a loser, Callahan.”

  For years I’d believed her. Not today.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I’m the loser who’s gonna smoke you on our chemistry final.”

  “That’ll be the day.” But she looked at me in the mirror again and saw the half-smile on my face. Her expression softened for a split second. She almost grinned back.

  Almost.

  Still it was a lot better than our last conversation.

  Chapter 34

  Kira:

  I left the bathroom, hoping I could get to the cafeteria before lunch ended, so I could catch up with Sean. I careened out the restroom door, walking too fast, and I accidentally collided with a spidery-tall Goth wannabe. Wearing a ripped black T-shirt, black jeans and a chrome spiked belt, he grinned down at me. It was like looking at my alter-ego in junior high.

  “Sorry,” I mumbled, then I tried to dodge past him.

  Black-rimmed eyes like a fawn blinked at me. “Kira, um, you left so fast and you didn’t take your—um—”

  I glanced at him again, realized he was in my French class, the one I had just dashed out of because of my Great-Disappearing-Girl act. He was also carrying my knapsack and my books in his arms. All the stuff I had left behind.

  “And I wrote down our, you know, our—”

  “Our assignment for tomorrow?” I asked. I could see it on the piece of paper that he dangled in my face. Otherwise I never would have guessed.

  He nodded. Like a bobble head.

  “That’s my knapsack and my books, right?” I asked. We were both walking down the hallway toward the cafeteria, but not as fast as I wanted, and he still hadn’t offered to hand my stuff over.

  “Yeah.” His eyebrows creased upward and he sighed. “But I can, uh, carry them. If you want?”

  “That’s okay. I’ll take them,” I told him. “And thanks.”

  He started to hand them over, but it seemed like they were stuck to his hand. The strap to my knapsack clung to his fingers, even though I tried to pry it away. It turned into a bizarre tug of war.

  “I can take it, seriously. What’s your name again?” Maybe if I distracted him, he would loosen his grip. We continued down the hall, past the library and the principal’s office. A couple of Lucy’s friends stood in a stairwell. They stopped gossiping long enough to give me the evil eye, but at least they didn’t start whispering about me.

  “William. I mean, Will.” He slipped into another simpering smile. He was actually pretty cute when he smiled, almost like a lost puppy.

  “Look, you really want to carry my stuff?”

  He nodded. All bobble, like his neck was broken.

  “Well, I need to get to the cafeteria, like yesterday. Just make sure that you give me my junk when we get there. I’m meeting some people.” At least, I hoped I was meeting somebody. I
didn’t want to get stuck with this stalker for a whole lunch period.

  I started jogging now, hoping we were far enough away from the office to not get in trouble. Will tried to keep pace with me, but his legs were too long. His feet got tangled in mine and I almost tripped. We both slid to an awkward stop, and he grabbed me by the arm to keep me from falling. He stood really close to me now, one arm wrapped around me.

  “You smell—uh—really good.”

  He flashed me another toothy grin.

  I pulled away from him, saw the cafeteria looming up ahead of us. I could smell it before I could see it. It was either Mystery Meat Monday or Last Week’s Loser Leftovers. Either way, I fought a gag reflex as we swung through the open doorway.

  “Okay, hand it over,” I said, my arms outstretched.

  “You sure?” Goth-guy Will asked. “I mean, you can get your food and I can carry your—carry your—”

  It was like listening to a bad remix.

  “I can handle it from here. Thanks.” I gave him a big smile, tried not to wince when he leaned over me again and drew in a deep breath before he gingerly gave me my stuff.

  Right then I flashed on Riley, standing beside me on Brianna’s balcony, that cotton-candy sweet fragrance that had wafted from her when she got too close, and then Caleb, that musky scent like a garden at dusk when he came into the store yesterday, the way I could hardly resist him every time I ran into him.

  I smelled like they did. And apparently it was driving all the boys nutty.

  Every one but Sean. He must be immune.

  Just my luck. The one boy I was really interested in didn’t even notice that I had turned into some sort of Selkie femme-fatal overnight.

  •

  I left Will behind and slogged solo through the lunch line to buy a bottle of water, then paused at the edge of the room. It had taken too long to get here. Sean was probably gone already. Most of the tables were cluttered with discarded trays and surrounded by empty, half-pulled out chairs. With a sigh of defeat, I began weaving my way through the tangles left behind by the first lunch period. The entire time, I kept looking for Sean or Brianna.

  No sign of them anywhere.

  I listened for Brianna’s high pitched squeal of excitement and Sean’s deep, contagious laugh. Still nothing. If either of them were here, they had to be outside. I squeezed through yet another blockade of chairs, almost made it to the door when some guy—I think he’s in my English class—stood up in front of me.

  “You want to sit with us?” he asked.

  I peered around him, saw Sean and Brianna together on the far side of the quad.

  I frowned. Tried to get past him. “No, thanks.”

  The guy looked broken-hearted. His friends all snickered and he blushed. I glanced at his table, noticed it was filled with all the popular guys, the ones who lived in expensive beach homes and drove things like Porsches and BMWs.

  “Maybe tomorrow?” he asked.

  I pretended like I didn’t hear him and pushed my way past their table, through the door to the quad. Meanwhile, all his friends made catcalls and whooping noises, which in turn, made everyone in the cafeteria stop what they were doing and stare at us. Normally I would have frozen like a teenage deer in headlights, but right now I had other things on my mind.

  I needed to talk to Sean.

  And Brianna. I hadn’t seen her all day.

  My heart thrummed and skipped as I angled through clusters of kids sitting cross-legged on the grass. Sean sat with his back to me, and he and Brianna were in some deep discussion as I approached. Neither one of them noticed me until I sat down beside Sean. I caught them in mid-conversation.

  “I still can’t believe it,” she said.

  “I know, me either—” Sean said.

  They both grew quiet as soon as they saw me. Sean glanced at me, then back down at his lunch. None of it had been eaten.

  “What’s up?” I asked. I cracked open my bottle of water and took a long slug. My throat was raw from throwing up and my skin itched from my recent transformation and I really needed to talk to somebody about all the bizarre stuff going on. But neither one of them would look me in the eyes and it started to make me feel like I’d done something wrong. Or worse. Like maybe they had a secret they didn’t want me to know about.

  Brianna rested her hand on top of Sean’s, and unlike what had happened at his locker today, he didn’t take his hand away.

  “It’s going to work out,” she said. “Don’t worry.”

  What was going to work out?

  Right then I figured it out. She knew all the secret stuff that he wasn’t telling me.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  Sean gathered his uneaten sandwich and apple and chips, then stood up. “I have to go.”

  “Are you mad at me?”

  He gave me a perplexed look and shook his head. “You know, Kira, sometimes it’s not all about you. I gotta go. I have a meeting.”

  Brianna loaded up her tray with an empty soda can and a half-eaten salad and her laptop. “Me too. I need to finish my Algebra homework before next period.”

  I wrapped my fingers around her wrist. I didn’t say anything; I merely waited until Sean wandered off. Brianna didn’t try to get away. She just stood there, grinding her teeth together.

  “You can’t leave,” I said.

  “I know it,” she answered.

  “Yeah, you know it and I know it. What I don’t know is, why.”

  She didn’t say anything.

  “Sit down.”

  She did.

  “What the heck is going on?” I asked, although my list of questions kept growing longer by the minute. “I just turned into a living, breathing, fish-out-of-water during French class.” Her jaw dropped open, so at least I knew that she believed me this time. “And now every guy and his best friend thinks I’m wearing Love Potion Number Nine. Every guy except Sean, that is. And he won’t even tell me what’s wrong. Spill, Brianna, or I’m going to make you get on that table and start singing Mama Mia.”

  “You wouldn’t!”

  I grinned. “Wouldn’t I?” I laughed. “I’ll even make you dance.”

  “Fine. Whatever. What do you want to know?”

  I let go of her wrist. “First of all, what’s wrong with Sean?”

  She took a deep breath, all the while rubbing her wrist as if I’d burned her. “He got kicked off the football team. The coach heard about what happened at my party—there’s a lot of stuff I haven’t told you—and anyway, a bunch of guys from the team got in a fight and they all got kicked off the team.”

  “But he was hoping to get a scholarship—”

  “I know. That’s why he’s so upset. He’s going to meet with the coach again.”

  We stared at each other.

  “Why did you lie to me yesterday at church?” I asked.

  She squirmed in her seat. “I didn’t lie, not exactly. I just accidentally told you too much.”

  “How come you have to do what I say all of a sudden?”

  She looked away, stared off in the distance, maybe looking for the right words, maybe looking for a story that I would believe. “Because you’re a Selkie now. You turned.”

  “But not everybody does what I tell them. Just you.”

  “Me and Sean.”

  I paused. “Sean does not do what I tell him.”

  She gave me a long, hard, I’m-your-best-friend-and-I-know-better look.

  “Okay, so he does what I tell him. Most of the time.” I never realized it before, but she was right. “So, why?”

  “Because we’re familiars.”

  “You’re what?”

  Now she looked at me like I was five-years-old. And stupid. “I’m a familiar,” she said, enunciating each syllable, like that was why I was confused. “My job is to help Selkies when they’re on land. Get them what they need, help them fit in, provide them with clothes or food or shelter, whatever they need. And keep their secrets. It’s like a s
ymbiotic relationship. I can’t really explain it.” She paused. “But I’m not your familiar. That’s why I can’t tell you everything. If she found out that I accidentally told you all that stuff yesterday—”

  “She? Who?”

  Brianna gave me a pained look. She’d already told me without saying anything.

  “You’re kidding me! You’re Riley’s familiar?”

  Brianna nodded.

  “That sucks.”

  “Tell me about it,” she said. “There’s no rule that says you’re going to get a Selkie that you like. I mean, I’d much rather be your familiar. But I was already attached when I met you. And so were you.”

  “Attached? Who am I attached to?” But as soon as I said those words, I somehow knew the answer. “You mean Sean and I are—does he even know?”

  She shook her head. “Not yet. That’s your job. He can refuse, but I don’t think he will. I mean, he’s been watching over you since the two of you were kids.”

  “So, that means Caleb isn’t really your cousin, is he?”

  “No.”

  I sighed, took another swig of water.

  “Kira, I really have to go,” she said. “I need to get my homework done or Miss T is going to have a cow.”

  “Whatever.” My empathy was on a low note right now.

  “We can talk about this more later, I promise. And you need to tell Sean. It’s time. Your pheromones are strong right now, you’re going to need him, or maybe your dad, to help you.”

  “Help me what?”

  But she was already standing up and looking like a dog, straining to break away from its leash.

  “Oh, go ahead.”

  As soon as I said that, she dashed away. Then I was sitting all alone, wondering if my world was ever going to be the same. I pulled my lunch out of my knapsack and started munching on some carrot sticks when I realized that a tall shadow was now blocking out the sun.

  It was that kid from my French class. Goth-Guy-Will. He gave me a timid smile.

  “Can I sit with you?” he asked.

  “Sure, why not,” I said in my best flippant tone. “Nobody else wants to.”