The Adventure of a Typical Friday Night

by Kevin L. O'Brien

the Lady Belatria Countess m'Esad."

  As usual, Sunny stated the blindingly obvious: "You wrote the letter, and had Ravaroc drop it off at the inn along with the retainer."

  She smiled. "Correct." She spoke in a liquid, languid voice. "Please, have a seat."

  Eile glanced at Sunny, who crinkled her eyes and nodded.

  She shrugged. "Yeah, sure, why not." She sat in the closest chair as her partner took the one beside her. She noted that Ravaroc took a position directly behind them.

  "Soooo," Sunny said, "what can we do for you?"

  "I would like to hire your services as adventurers."

  Eile waited for her to continue, but when m'Esad didn't she shrugged again. "We kinda figured that. What sort of adventure?"

  "I need you to get me access to a sacred site."

  Once again she failed to elaborate. Eile felt her frustration rise. "What sorta site?"

  "An ancient ruined temple, located in the south of the Six Kingdoms."

  She sighed. She got the distinct impression that m'Esad had expected they would jump at the chance without question. "What for?"

  For the first time m'Esad's expression turned displeased. "That is my business. All you need to worry about is getting me into the inner sanctum."

  She exchanged another glance with Sunny, and saw from her partner's expression that she too had realized further negotiations would be fruitless. She nodded, and Sunny retrieved a small leather bag from her belt. She tossed it onto the table as they both stood up.

  M'Esad flashed an angry look. "And just where do you two think you're going!"

  "Look, it's obvious this isn't gonna work out. Sorry we wasted yer time."

  Ravaroc placed a hand on their shoulders, as if to push them back into their seats. They both elbowed him in the abdomen so hard that he gave out with a sharp grunt and backed away as he doubled over.

  M'Esad stood up in a hasty manner. "Wait a minute! I don't understand."

  "We don't operate blind, lady. You wanna keep secrets? Fine, but not from us. You either take us inta yer confidence, or we walk."

  "What difference should it make? You're paid --"

  "We're paid ta risk our necks for others, but we'll decide when and where, and this isn't it; not under these circumstances."

  "El Dorado, Paramount Pictures, 1966, directed by Howard Hawks; starring John Wayne and Robert Mitchum."

  M'Esad did a double-take, then frowned at Sunny in a derisive manner and focused her attention on Eile. "What makes you think there's any risk involved?"

  She and Sunny barked laughs. "Yer kiddin', right? If there was no risk you wouldn't be tryin' ta hire us. Plus, yer tryin' ta keep yer purpose a secret. That registers an eight-point-oh on the suspicion scale all by itself. That most likely means that whatever yer up to, we doubt it's anything legitimate, and it probably ain't legal, either. That makes some element of risk virtually certain."

  "I assure you --"

  "Don't bother; it doesn't matter. Look, Sunny and I aren't squeamish. We don't care if it's illegal, though we draw the line at pillage, rape, and murder. But you gotta spill it all, otherwise no deal. You willin' ta do that?"

  M'Esad displayed a frustrated sneer that indicated she didn't know how to respond, but didn't want to appear weak.

  "Fine. Whatever."

  "It's probably just as well," Sunny said, "because we'll be leaving in the morning, after we finish some quick business."

  They turned to leave, but Ravaroc blocked their way.

  "I strongly suggest you change your attitudes, and your minds," m'Esad said.

  She and Sunny looked back over their shoulders. "You don't wanna threaten us, lady." Sunny's voice sounded quiet, calm, but quite firm. Eile knew that when she used that tone she had shifted from scatterbrained airhead to her alias namesake.

  They turned their attention back front. "Get out of our way," Sunny told Ravaroc.

  He looked past them at m'Esad, but he must have received a signal to comply, because he stood aside and motioned for them to proceed with yet another grand flourish. He wore a snide smile, which also seemed strangely apologetic.

  They went back to the bar. "So, wha'cha wanna do now?" Eile asked.

  "I'm hungry. Let's get something to eat, then we can go looking for someplace where we can party."

  She grinned. After adventuring, Sunny's favorite pastime was clubbing. "Sounds like a plan, partner."

  Sunny flashed a mock-indignant look. "Hey! That's my line!"

  "Heh, sorry."

  The two sides of the bar were lined with stools with low-backed seats. They found two empty ones and hopped into them. The buxom blonde barmaid appeared out of nowhere.

  "Refills?"

  "Please!" Sunny said.

  "Be right back." She picked up the steins and practically disappeared.

  "What did you make of all that?" she asked Sunny.

  She cocked a half-smile. "The same as you: she's definitely up to something, and she probably wants us to be the fall guys."

  "Yeah."

  "I'll tell you one thing, though."

  "What's that?"

  "We probably haven't seen the last of her."

  "Huh. I was afraid you were gonna say that, ya bimbo."

  The blonde buxom barmaid appeared, set the full steins down, and vanished before Eile could ask about food. Fortunately the huge scarred proprietor came out from the back to survey the crowd.

  "Hey, Edjertan!"

  He stared at her with a less than cheerful expression, and lumbered over to them.

  "Ya got anything ta eat in this rat-trap?"

  "Would stew do you?" He spoke in a sneering tone.

  "How fresh is the meat?" She felt the need to be cautious, since hygiene in the Dreamlands wasn't always as advanced as it was in the Waking World. Even so, she didn't want to know the source.

  "Killed this morning." And he flashed a wicked grin.

  Refusing to be intimidated, she nodded. "That sounds fine, with bread."

  He grunted, and his expression softened into a less insulting look.

  "How much?"

  "The crown'll cover it." And he turned away and went into the back.

  Eile sighed as she sat back in her seat.

  "What's wrong, partner?"

  "For a dive, this place is pretty dead."

  Sunny nodded. "Yeah, I know. What I wouldn't give for a nice relaxing donnybrook."

  She chuckled. Brawling was probably Sunny's third favorite activity, at least in the Dreamlands.

  The blonde barmaid with the bouncing bulging bosom brought them steaming bowls of stew and a platter of garlic bread.

  "Why's a nice girl like you working in a joint like this?" Sunny asked as she set the food in front of them.

  She paused and gave them an odd look, as if she couldn't quite make out what Sunny meant. Then she smiled and leaned her hands against the counter. "You two seem like an adorable, fun-loving couple. Sure, why not?"

  It took a moment for Eile to figure out what she probably meant, and when she did something that felt like a lump of lead settled in her gut.

  "Ummmm," Sunny said.

  "Just one condition: I don't like dumps, so where are you staying?"

  "The Lord Presgiks Inn."

  Her smile turned into a grin as she nodded. "Nice! Not the best place in the city, but still pretty elegant. I approve."

  "Look," Eile said, "I think --"

  "But we need to be careful. Edjertan would be pretty upset if he found out about this rendezvous. So I'll watch for when you leave, and then I'll slip away and join you at the inn. That'll give us most of the night, but I need to be back before dawn."

  Eile decided they were in too deep to let it go any further, but Sunny interrupted her before she could say anything.

  "Why would Edjertan care?"

  The barmaid flashed a smirking leer that mocked her ignorance. "He's my father."

  "Eeep!" Sunny squealed, while Eile went, "Urk!"

 
The bulging bouncing buxom blonde replied with a small taunting laugh, turned, and disappeared.

  "Hey! Wait -- aw, cripes!"

  "Now, how did we get ourselves into this mess?!"

  Eile shrugged. "Just our usual 'luck', I guess."

  Sunny took a piece of bread. "So, what do we do about it?"

  Eile dipped her spoon into the stew. "We'll just hafta explain it was a mix-up if she shows up at the inn. We can always pay her off if we hafta."

  Sunny swallowed a mouthful of bread. "Well, she is pretty cute, so at least it wouldn't be a hardship."

  Eile threw her a surprised glance. "Yer not saying--"

  Sunny flashed a grimacing leer. "No, of course not! Bite your tongue. I just meant that if we had to perform a menage tonight, she wouldn't be a bad choice."

  Eile wasn't sure how serious Sunny was, but she decided to let it drop. She was a kidder, but she had never joked about them sharing a lover. Then again, she had never mentioned being interested in doing so, either. Even after living with her for so long, there were things about her that Eile still didn't know, or quite understood.

  They ate in silence for some minutes as they drank in the tavern's ambiance. It wasn't the worst place they had ever visited, but it was definitely a lower class establishment. Even so, it had a rather eclectic clientele. Eile spotted some city folk, but most of the patrons appeared to be adventuring types, or merchants, or itinerant craftsmen; wanderers briefly visiting the city for personal or professional reasons before moving on. That puzzled her for a moment. The tavern didn't sit near the main gate or on the primary boulevard; in fact, it lay somewhat off the beaten path, hidden away in what Waking people would call a slum. But as she glanced at the barkeep going about his business, she realized that if Edjertan had once been an adventurer, travelers would seek out his place looking for a familiar environment in an unfamiliar location.

  She paused as she chewed on a piece of