Down With the King of the South

by Diamond Johnson

  “Is there supposed to be a time limit on how long I’m supposed to mourn the death of my son? Because I still wake up every morning crying for him, and because it’s been a month since he passed, does that mean I’m overdoing it for still being overly emotional? I don’t think I’ll ever get over it, Mahogany. I still see that look of fear in his eyes when he was on the court telling me that he couldn’t breathe. I’ve never seen that look in his eyes before, and I can’t get it out of my head,” she cried.

  I got up from where I was sitting and walked over to her, taking a seat right next to her on the floor. I pulled her into me, allowing her to lay her head on my chest, and I kissed the top of her head.

  “That was your one and only son. There’s no such thing as a time limit on how long you’re supposed to mourn him. Fuck anybody who thinks that you’re doing too much. You can’t worry about what other people got to say about you, Shae. You gotta live life for your damn self,” I assured her.

  I knew that I was getting through to her because she was nodding her head. For ten minutes, neither of us said anything.

  “I’m hungry, like literally starving,” she let out.

  “Shit, I am too. What do you have a taste for?” I asked, standing up from that cold ass floor.

  “Five Guys. I want a burger. I haven’t eaten much of anything these days. I had soup and crackers last night, but I barely ate that,” she said, standing up too.

  “Your ass needs to eat at least three burgers. You see yourself? You better not ever in your life call me skinny again,” I said, and she gave me the finger.

  After I changed clothes and Jashae threw on some clothes, we headed in the direction of Five Guys. I drove, while she sat in the passenger seat staring off into space. The music was playing in the car, but it was really low. The Five Guys wasn’t that far from her house, so I pulled into a parking spot within another ten minutes.

  “I’ll go inside and get it. What you want?” I asked.

  After she let me know what she wanted, I locked the doors and headed inside the restaurant. For it to be so late at night, the restaurant was somewhat packed. A good four people were standing in front of me before I reached the cashier and placed my order. The whole time that I was ordering, I could feel a pair of eyes on me. You know that feeling you get when someone is staring at you? That’s how it felt. Like someone was sitting in a corner with their eyes glued to me.

  I scanned the small restaurant with my eyes, and when I saw who was looking back at me, all I could do was shake my head and roll my eyes at this clown. Oh, and he wasn’t alone. I wasn’t sure if he was on a date with this bitch, but the two of them looked real cozy sitting on the same bench together. It wouldn’t be right if I didn’t go over there and speak. After all, I’ve fucked this nigga twice, so what type of etiquette would it be if I didn’t go over there?

  With the ticket number in my hands, I made my way over to them. The closer I got to him, I could feel myself wanting to pick up the cup that was filled with whatever soda on a nearby table and launching it at his ass. I don’t know if I was madder about the fact that he was out with a bitch or because he was out with a bitch and didn’t reply to my message.

  “How do I get lucky enough to get you to take me out to Five Guys, Bari?” I sarcastically asked him the second I got to the table.

  As mad as I was with this silly nigga, I couldn’t deny how damn good he looked tonight. I had no idea where he was going after this, or even where he was coming from for that matter, but he was dressed nicely. He was in a long-sleeved denim shirt, with the first three buttons undone so I could see the tattoos that were on his chest. White jeans are what he paired the shirt with, and simple, tan boat shoes were on his feet. He wore an iced-out Rolex on his left wrist, and a small Cuban link was around his neck.

  I wore black tights with a black tank top, and my curly hair was pulled up into a bun. He didn’t even try to hide the fact that he was openly staring at my camel toe that was showing through my tights. He boldly licked his lips right in front of his company, and I heard her suck her teeth.

  For the first time since I’d been over there, I actually paid her some attention. She had beautiful chocolate skin just like Jashae, a thick ass, curvaceous body, some beautiful lips that were filled with lip gloss, and just like him, I didn’t know if she was coming from somewhere or on her way somewhere. The too little dress that she wore with the strappy heels that came all the way up to her knees were a little bit too much for Five Guys. She was cute, though.

  “Why you trying to come over here starting shit, Mahogany?” he coolly asked me.

  This nigga had no worry in the fuckin’ world. How dare he fuck me like that, eat me like that, and make me cum like that, and have the nerve to get caught in the streets with another bitch?

  “I’m not starting nothing. I’m simply asking a question. You didn’t offer to take me to Five Guys yet, so what a bitch gotta do to get lucky?” I sarcastically asked again.

  “Suck his dick, then maybe you’ll get a burger,” his thick ass date threw in.

  No wonder the bitch was quiet for so long. She had some fucked-up teeth. I looked at Jabari with disappointment in my eyes and shook my head.

  “I did that already, baby doll. That’s all your head game is worth? A burger? You couldn’t get the bitch a steak, Jabari?” I asked him.

  He laughed while pulling down on his beard and shaking his head.

  “You wild, shorty.” At the same time, a dude was walking by, damn near about to break his neck to look at me. “You good, nigga? Fuck you looking at her for?” he barked at him.

  That little smirk he had was quickly wiped off his face when he saw the dude looking. He openly displayed how jealous he was to see another nigga looking at me, and I had openly displayed how jealous I was to see him with another bitch. My number was called out in the restaurant, letting me know that my food was ready. I could tell his little date wasn’t too fond of him checking another nigga for looking at me because she sucked her teeth so loud and rolled her eyes so hard, that I’m honestly surprised they didn’t get stuck.

  “Enjoy your date, Jabari,” and like that, I turned on my heels and left.

  I could have given the situation more attention, but I had Jashae in the car waiting, and I’m sure she was probably wondering what the hell was going on. I was mad as I walked to the front, grabbed the food, and left out. I couldn’t help but wonder if Jabari was going to fuck that bitch tonight. I wondered if he would do the same things to her body tonight that he just did to me the other day.

  When they were finished, would they sit up and talk with each other like he and I did? Would he make her cook for him? When it was time for them to call it a night, would he spoon her while holding her from behind and breathing deeply into the nape of her neck? Those were all answers that I wanted to know.

  When I made it back into the car, I handed Jashae the food and slammed the door behind me. I roughly pulled the seat belt over and put it on me.

  “What the hell is wrong with you? And what took you so long? You told them to make my cheeseburger plain, right?” she asked.

  I ignored her. My eyes were on the door of the restaurant as I watched Jabari and his date walk out together. She followed my eyes, and when she saw what I was looking at, I could feel her smirk without my eyes even being on her.

  “I know the big, bad, love police isn’t catching feelings? Bitch, are you jealous?” Jashae asked as she stuffed fries into her mouth.

  “You think he’s about to fuck her?” I asked, watching them as they got into his car. I hadn’t even been in his car yet.

  “Ummm, do you see that ass on her? He’s definitely not about to go and read the bible with her. Hell yeah, he’s going to fuck her. If you had told him how you feel about him, then you wouldn’t have to worry about him entertaining the next bitch,” she said, this time drinking from her smoothie that she made me get for her as well.

  I was so annoyed with her eating in my ca
r, but at least her ass was eating because she hadn’t been eating much of anything lately, which was the only reason I was letting it slide.

  “And how exactly do I feel about him?” I asked, cocking my head to the side and looking over at her.

  “You probably want to drive this car into that bitch, huh? Those are your feelings, Mahogany. That’s your jealous side. You, my best friend, are feeling the side of effects of getting dope dick. That shit will have you ready to knock a bitch head off their shoulders. You can’t fight over no dick that’s not yours, though. You don’t like Jabari in that way, remember? Isn’t that what you told me?” she asked.

  I didn’t bother answering her. I just pulled the car out of the parking lot, and we headed back to her house.

  Taylor Owens

  I parked my car in front of her house, somewhat nervous about getting out. I didn’t want her to read my soul. I didn’t want her to be able to look at me and see that I’d done something wrong. Everything was telling me to turn around, but I couldn’t. I wanted to speak to her. Hell, I needed to speak with her. It was Vonte’s birthday today. I hadn’t been to sleep since two nights ago because I knew that this day was going to come soon.

  My stomach was growing more and more, and I knew that she knew about the pregnancy. The day she found out about it, Vonte had called and told me. That was probably one of the last conversations he and I had. He died believing that this was his baby because I gave him every reason to think that way. His mom was inside, more than likely believing that she had a grandchild on the way, but she didn’t. I had no plans to tell her that this wasn’t Vonte’s baby because I didn’t know how it would make her feel.

  I honestly didn’t know what I was going to do because Reggie wasn’t going to play along with it and string this lie out with me. I knew he would physically harm me if he even knew that I was going around saying that this was Vonte’s baby. I’ve been so stressed that at times I hoped for a miscarriage. This was too big of a lie for me to continue to drag out like this. Vonte’s mother deserved to know that this wasn’t his baby along with everyone else in his family, but I just wasn’t ready to put on my big girl panties yet and fess up.

  If Vonte’s mother cared anything about me or this baby, she would want to start going to doctor’s appointments with me, she would want to know the gender, help plan for the baby shower, and be inside the room with me when it was time for me to have the baby. I had no clue what the plan was going to be, but in the meantime, I stepped out of my mom’s car, that she’d been letting me use lately, and I walked up the circular driveway.

  Once I was standing outside the door, I knocked. I knew she was home because her car was in the driveway. The longer she took to come to the door, the more the voices were inside my head, telling me to just turn back around. Just when I’d turned on my heels, I felt her coming to the door. The doorknob turned, and there she was. I was expecting her to be a total wreck since it was Vonte’s birthday and he wasn’t here to celebrate it, but she wasn’t. I mean, her eyes were a little red, she had big bags up underneath them, but she looked fine considering the circumstances.

  “Hey,” she called out.

  I’ll admit that it was a little awkward because the two of us had never been around each other unless Vonte was in the room with us.

  “Hi. Ummm, I hope I’m not interrupting anything. I just wanted to come over and have a conversation with you,” I told her, and the whole time I spoke, I could feel her eyes lingering on my stomach. I had a little pudge now, and anyone could see that I was pregnant.

  “Come in. A conversation between the two of us is long overdue,” she said.

  I walked inside the house and could smell whatever cleaning products that she had been using to clean the house. Vonte would always say whenever she was mad, even sad, she would clean this house from top to bottom. With it being her son’s birthday today, I would bet my last dollar that she was cleaning because she was sad. In the middle of me trying to put my keys inside my purse, they fell on the floor. I tried to bend and pick them up, but she stopped me.

  “Don’t bend. I got it,” she said and bent down to pick the keys up for me.

  She handed them to me, I thanked her, and we walked into the kitchen area. I took a seat at the dining room table, while she went over to the fridge and grabbed two bottles of water. She handed me one, and she took one then sat down next to me.

  I swear I could feel Vonte’s presence in this room. Not just because there were pictures of him hanging up throughout the house or because I could see his report cards that were hanging up on the fridge. It was just really a feeling like he was there, sitting down at the table with us.

  “I should have been reached out to you. Every day, I’m always convincing myself that I’ll do it the next day when I feel a little better, but it seems like that day where I feel a little better hasn’t come yet. I’ll be the first to tell you that when I found out that Vonte had a baby on the way, I was pissed. Probably the maddest that I’ve ever been with him in his entire life. Having babies at a young age was something that he and I started talking about when I saw the first strand of hair under his chin. He wasn’t ready to be a daddy, and I wasn’t ready to be a grandmother. I believe in God; therefore, I believe that everything happens for a reason.

  My son is no longer here, but you being pregnant with his child leaves me with a piece of him, and I can’t say that I’m upset with that. Throughout this entire thing, knowing that I have a grandbaby on the way, that seems to be the only thing that brings me peace. I’ll never get my son back, but at least I’ll have something that’s a representation of him,” she spoke to me.

  Hearing her say that had me crying. It had me crying because I felt like I was heartless in this situation. I was leading this woman, this mourning woman to believe that this was her grandchild, when it really wasn’t. She reached over and placed her hand on my shoulders in an attempt to calm me down.

  “When I was pregnant with Vonte, I want to say that I cried about 80% of my pregnancy. It’s by the grace of God that I didn’t lose him. My grandma used to tell me that Vonte would feel everything that I feel, so keep that in mind. I know it’s hard, we all miss him, but you have to be strong for the baby,” she said, in a sweet, motherly way.

  I could now see why Vonte loved her so much. She just seemed so genuine. One of the things that Vonte would always say about her was the fact that she was so selfless, and I was getting that from her today. How could she even console someone else when she was the one who needed all of the consolation? She was way stronger than I would ever be.

  “You mind if I go into his bedroom? I just want to look around,” I asked.

  “Go ahead. It’s upstairs, the first door on the right,” she said.

  I’d never been inside Vonte’s room because the way he described the way that his mom would beat my ass and his ass if he were to ever get caught sneaking me in, it was just a risk that wasn’t worth taking to me. We Facetimed all the time, so I would see his room from that, but that was pretty much it. I took the stairs up, and then I walked inside his bedroom.

  I found myself smiling as I stood in the middle of his bedroom looking at everything that he had hanging up on the walls. His JV jersey was stapled to the wall along with other pictures, plaques, and just about everything that involved basketball was hanging up on the wall. I walked over to his dresser, where he had pictures in frames. I smiled as I saw the picture of him and I. It was a picture that was taken last year after one of the games. We were at our happiest back then.

  I found myself smiling even bigger when I saw that he had framed the ultrasound picture that I’d given to him. The picture that he and his mom had taken together at homecoming was hung up on the frame as well. They both looked happy. I could only wish for my child to love me in that same way that Vonte loved his mother. I walked away from the dresser and took a seat on his bed.

  “You would have been eighteen today, Vonte. I wish you were here so that we would
be able to share our birthday together, just how we did it last year. I miss you so much. I just hope that when it’s all said and done, you will find a way to forgive me,” I spoke out loud.

  With all the craziness going on, I woke up this morning, not even remembering that today was my birthday too. That was how I knew that Vonte and I were meant to be together. Out of all the days in the world, he and I had managed to share the same birthday. If it weren’t for my mom coming into my room this morning holding a small cake in her hands with the numbers 1 and 8 on the cake, I would have totally forgotten that today even had anything to do with me.

  I stayed inside Vonte’s room for another ten minutes or so, and then I walked out. I made sure to close the door behind me before I made my way back down the stairs. Vonte’s mom was still in the kitchen, but she was no longer sitting at the table. In fact, she was wiping down the counter. I wasn’t a psychologist, but I think she had OCD. The counter was literally spotless when I’d walked in.

  “Later today, me and a couple of Vonte’s family members were going over to the grave just to sing happy birthday and release some balloons. You’re welcome to join us if you’d like,” she said.

  I shifted my weight from one leg to the other. Truthfully, I had plans tonight with Reggie. He was taking me out for my birthday. We were spending the weekend in West Palm Beach.

  “I’m not ready to face that yet. I feel like that’s too much for me right now, you know?” I asked, and she nodded.

  “I understand. Here, I wrote my number down on this paper, and you can feel free to call and text me whenever you please. I want to be involved in my grandchild’s life. If there’s room for me to attend some of the doctor’s appointments, I would love to be there. My son isn’t here to attend, so I don’t mind stepping up and filling in where I can. Vonte’s father went to prison when Vonte was only seven. Since then, I’ve been a single mother, and trust me, with a newborn baby, you’re going to need all the help that you can get. Just keep that in mind,” she said and handed me the paper that she’d written her number on.