Maladiction

by Tom Morris

lifting off from the top of my tower and taking advantage of the circular air currents which blow to the East at night and return here in the morning."

  The Emperor allowed a small grin of triumph to cross his face. "Incredible," he said. "We must inspect this contraption without delay. Take us to it at once."

  "Alas and alack, O Son of Heaven," Azart replied. "On my return disaster struck. Before I had a chance to secure the balloon a great gust snatched it up into the air and it blew away."

  At this point faint, strangled, choking noises could be heard from the assembled courtiers most of whom felt that while Azart was well in front on points his winning streak was likely to be brought to a sudden end in the person of the Imperial executioner.

  The Emperor, while striving to maintain a poker face, thought furiously. At last a small smile of victory writhed across his face. "You have fulfilled our wishes with admirable promptness," he said. "We have however yet another fancy to beguile the Royal palate." The courtiers held their collective breaths and strained forward. "Tomorrow, Maladict pronounced, "Tomorrow we wish to dine on an omelette." The courtiers were in an agony of anticipation, waiting for the punch line. So was Azart who could sense impending doom like a small mouse crouched before a grinning cat.

  "An omelette made from an elephant's egg." The Emperor concluded. There was an audible gasp of astonishment from the courtiers. "I'm sure that you will be able to oblige me in this won't you Azart," the Emperor smiled.

  Azart, his bowels tying thenselves in knots, bowed low. "I'm sure that can be arranged," he replied.

  Rather wearily and quietly bemoaning his fate Azart returned to his tower. Seeing his face, Jasmine rushed to console him. "Courage," she said. "Whatever he commanded you to do, I am sure that our friend the Genie can help."

  Azart shook his head. "Not this time, what he requires is hopeless." And he explained the paradox of the task. "Egg laying elephants are an impossibility. Never have I heard of such a beast, it is beyond all belief." None the less he picked up the lamp and gave it a few desultory rubs.

  "This is not entirely unexpected," the genie said as he appeared. "It would seem that your Emperor is a rather single-minded man. What now?"

  "A hopeless situation," Azart replied and he explained what he must do.

  The genie scratched his head. "Your master would seem to be a most devious man," he chuckled. Unfortunately for him, he is not quite as clever as he thinks he is. While it is true that in this limited existence of yours eggs and elephants have no connection, in my realm a great many things are possible." He scratched his head. "I shall go and consult a great and wise 'Ifrit who has knowledge of many worlds any many dimensions."

  Azart and Jasmine waited in a fever of suspense. After what seemed hours the Genie reappeared looking very much the worse for wear, covered in dust and his cloak in tatters. With a flourish he produced an enormous egg. "I want you to know," he said, "that this has not been easy. Separating a very large and maternal elephant from its potential offspring is not something that I have any intention of doing again. I feel that it is now time that you devised some means of making an end to these ridiculous requests." And with that and looking very huffy he disappeared back into the lamp.

  Azart scratched his head. "So far so good," he said, "but what am I going to do tomorrow when his malevolence asks for an explanation as to how I managed to acquire the egg?"

  "I think that you should tell him the truth," Jasmine told him, and then explained her plan.

  Next morning, once again the court assembled, in a fever of expectation. Few bets were being placed that Azart would manage to evade Maladict's trap and the Imperial Executioner had been seen painstakingly sharpening his axe and taking practise swings to loosen up. The Emperor appeared, a smug look of satisfaction on his face as he surveyed the throng. "Where is my Vizier," he asked, beaming round. "Surely he is not late with my breakfast?" There was an appreciative snigger from the baser elements in the watching crowd.

  "Not so you Celestial Excellence," Azart exclaimed as he entered. Approaching the steps leading up to the royal, throne he produced the egg and placed it carefully before the Emperor.

  "Stuff and nonsense," bellowed the Emperor. "Do you take me for a fool? There is no such thing as an elephant's egg." In his rage he gave the offending object a kick. The egg rolled slowly to the top of the steps and then bumped down them, one at a time, until with a dull crack it landed on the marble floor. Courtiers craned forward to look. There was a great deal of unseemly shoving and pushing. The egg shivered, there was a slight movement and then it fell apart in fragments and sitting in the middle of the broken pieces of shell was a small, pink elephant. There was a stunned silence from the court, then a quick smattering of applause, hastily suppressed as the Emperor, his face taking on a distinct purple hue, gave every appearance of a volcano in the early stages of eruption. With considerable effort Maladict controlled his emotions and beckoned Azart closer. "Pray tell me," he snarled, "how you have accomplished this. Do not bother with tales of eagles consumed in the fire nor balloons snatched away by convenient winds. This time it had better be the truth unless you have a wish to observe the work of the palace torturer at extremely close range."

  Azart swallowed. "Indeed not your Magnificence. I must confess that I have practiced a deception. I have employed the services of a mighty Djinn which I have been able to summon by means of a magic lamp." There was a collective gasp of amazement from the crowd.

  The Emperor allowed a grin to creep across the imperial visage. "I see, and where is this wonder?"

  Azart produced the lamp and held it out for inspection.

  "And can will this Genie perform such miracles for anyone?" Maladict enquired.

  "Only for its owner," Azart replied.

  "In that case then I am sure you will be only too happy to give it to me as a gift," prompted the Emperor.

  "It is a family heirloom, I would be most unhappy to loose it your Majesty," Azart pleaded.

  Maladict smiled in a rather unpleasant way. "This is not really a request," he said. "There are many degrees of unhappiness, which we can pursue if you are so minded."

  Azart shrugged. "Of course Magnificence. Please accept it as my humble gift to both your Majesties, it is yours. Rub the lamp and the Djinn will appear"

  Greedily Maladict snatched the lamp and examined it closely, then gave it a brisk rub with his sleeve. There was a rush of smoke from the spout and the Genie appeared, resplendent in a red fez, purple robe, green pantaloons and pearl encrusted slippers. The courtiers were in a collective state of shock and amazement. Several Ladies of a refined susceptibility swooned, but managed to recover very quickly lest they should miss the unfolding events.

  "Again?" the genie enquired of Azart, before fully taking in his surroundings.

  "I'm afraid there has been a change in circumstances, Azart replied. The lamp is now the property of my master, His Imperial Majesty, Maladict the Magnificent and the noble lady Fatima, his Empress, who as you can see have summoned you."

  The Genie turned to Maladict. "This really is not very good timing," he said. I was just on my way to lunch."

  Maladict was first taken aback but recovered quickly. "I am your master now," he snarled. "Convenience is a matter for me to choose, not you. Your function is to do my bidding. You can start right now." The Empress, who had barely been unable to contain her glee at the turn of events, clutched at his sleeve and whispered feverishly into his ear. Maladict nodded in agreement. "We will start," he said, "with a few simple things. I command you to make for us a new Palace, constructed from the most beautiful marble and stone, clad in gold and encrusted with precious gems of all description. Further it is to be filled with fountains, bubbling with the purest spring waters and with rare plants." The Empress gave him a sharp dig in the ribs with her elbow. "For my wife," he continued, "you will provide a wardrobe of exquisite clothing made from th
e finest silks and satins and jewels fit for her station."

  The Genie was somewhat amused. "You seem to have some pretty big ideas." he said, "and some rather poor manners."

  Maladict choked. "How dare you," he shouted. "Do as I say and do it now, I command you."

  The Genie folded his arms. "I don't think you quite have got the hang of things," he said. "I'd be happy to help out with a few requests and such, but building palaces, supplying untold treasure and vast quantities of female clothing is really asking too much."

  The Emperor looked fit to explode. He jumped up off the throne and stamped his foot, frightening the baby elephant which had been curled up asleep. "You will do as you are told," he yelled. "I command you to carry out my orders without any further delay and without any more equivocation."

  The Genie smiled a big, big smile. "Oh Emperor," he said. "How little you know of the history of the Djinn. Long ago, in the Court of King Solomon, blessed is his name, the Djinn stood with the wise men and with the prophets. We were bound by Solomon as his servants. To my eternal shame I became somewhat haughty and as punishment Solomon decreed that Fandraal the Sorcerer should confine me in that lamp and I should for ever attend to the orders of whoever owned it."

  "Ha!" shouted Maladict. "Exactly – so now carry out