5,331 Miles

by Aster, Willow

  “I better go. Can I see you tomorrow?”

  “Will things really be the same between us tomorrow? I’m afraid if you leave, it’ll all go back to the way it was,” I admitted.

  He took both of my hands in his. “Things can’t go backward. Okay? We won’t let anyone or anything come between us, including you or me.” He kissed both of my hands. “Deal?”

  “Deal.”

  * * *

  The school was abuzz on Monday when Jaxson and I walked from the parking lot into the school, hand in hand. We’d spent the weekend in my room, kissing and watching movies, or kissing at the beach, or kissing in his room. It was my new favorite thing to do: kissing Jaxson.

  I didn’t see Heather, but her rhyming name posse covered the glares on her behalf. Giselle stared so hard I never saw her blink. Danielle’s eyes were going to get stuck if she rolled them back any further. Raquel huffed and turned away like the sight of us was too disgusting for words…and then I saw Miles and the hurt in his eyes, and I felt terrible.

  “I need to talk to Miles,” I told Jaxson.

  He squeezed my hand and let it go, nodding at Miles as he went to his locker.

  “Hey,” I said.

  “Hey.” Miles shut his locker and looked at me out of the corner of his eye.

  “We…worked things out. He explained what happened and…it’s good between us,” I fumbled around with my words but eventually got it out.

  He shifted his books around and spoke to them more than me. “I’m glad you got what you wanted.”

  “Thanks, Miles. I-I’m sorry.”

  “Please don’t be sorry for being happy. If you’re ever not happy, then you can think of me with regret.” He grinned then and I knew we’d be okay.

  * * *

  When I got home from school, Mum was home early and looked like she had a secret she was dying to spill.

  “So…how are things going?” she said, kissing my cheek.

  “Really good…” I looked at her suspiciously. “Oh! I forgot to tell you—that interview happened…a reporter came over and asked all about Tyra’s Closet. They’re doing an article for the paper and mentioning it on CBS or something…” I grinned. “So that’s cool, right?”

  “Wonderful. So…cool,” she said. She looked at me and made a face. “Ugh, out with it already. What’s going on with you and Jaxson? You’ve been floating around here for days, making googly eyes at one another, and haven’t given me any details.”

  I smiled and ducked my head, looking at her under lowered lids.

  “Oh my,” she said. “Out with it.”

  “It’s going really well,” I said. “He told me he loves me!” I fell into the chair at the table, feeling faint just thinking about him saying it.

  “And you’re just now telling me this?” she yelled. She sat across from me. “Tell me everything and then we’re going to the clinic.”

  “What? Why?” I frowned.

  “To get you on the pill, dear girl. I love you and Jaxson, but I do not need grandbabies yet.”

  I flushed and got up, avoiding looking at her while I got water for us. “We’re not having sex!”

  “Not yet, but if he’s telling you he loves you already, that’s not far behind.” She looked at me sternly. “Don’t let him rush you.”

  I groaned but agreed to get on the pill, mainly to get her to stop talking. And then I told her everything—well, almost everything—leaving out the parts about Heather, and how he snuck into my window…so the bare minimum/best parts.

  32

  Past

  Christmastime 2014

  If you had eyes, you’d think I look different, Dear D. I’m sure of it. I’m in a constant swoony state. It would be embarrassing if I weren’t so HAPPY.

  I’d never been more grateful for my mum’s pushiness. I’d been on the pill for nearly a month and things had been steadily heating up between Jaxson and me. Understatement. I burned for him. We were together every day after his basketball practice and he snuck through my window almost every night. Our parents were usually home by six and that left a window of time when we had the house to ourselves.

  Today we were at his house and to his credit, he had gone excruciatingly slow with me…I was ready for him to speed things up already…

  We were on his bed and he leaned over me, the lower half of his body safely on the bed instead of where I wanted him. His head fell between my breasts and he inhaled, as if intoxicated. He kissed the narrow valley, his tongue flicking the edge of my breasts and I groaned, arching into his mouth.

  “You’re killing every ounce of willpower I have left,” he whispered, and the air on the places he’d licked chilled.

  “I’m tired of willpower,” I said, pulling him by the belt loops until he settled on top of me. My head fell back, eyes closed, as I enjoyed how delicious his weight felt on me. My hips lifted of their own will to find friction and I was momentarily satisfied when his breath caught and he pressed into me.

  “Mira,” he warned.

  “More,” I whispered.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m positive.”

  His hand reached out to rub my nipple over my shirt and I licked my lips, opening my eyes so I didn’t miss anything. My V-neck was low but not quite low enough. He moved my shirt to the side and bit his lip when he saw the bra I was wearing. A sheer lace demi bra with an underwire that propped me up to my best advantage—I’d bought it recently, in hopes that he’d see it.

  “Mira,” he sighed reverently. “Is it okay to say out loud that your breasts are the most spectacular pieces of art I’ve ever seen?”

  I giggled.

  “Seriously though. God, Bells.” He leaned down and kissed each one and then shifted the material of my bra to the side, his gaze questioning to see if it was okay. When he saw what he wanted, he leaned down and sucked on one side and then the other until I was squirming beneath him.

  I loved the feel of his skin on mine and wished our clothes were gone so I could feel the rest of him. Just when I thought I’d go crazy if I didn’t get more, he shifted slightly and lined up in the perfect spot on top of me.

  “Mmm,” I moaned.

  His arms were tense as he stayed still for a moment.

  When he thrust into me, I didn’t care anymore that we were still fully clothed. My mouth fell open and I chased the feel of him until we were both panting hard.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he said.

  “You’re not.” I felt crazed. I would’ve done anything and everything right then, but he was determined to take his time.

  He pulled away and unbuttoned the top of my jeans. Just enough to get his hand between my jeans and underwear. When his finger started circling over me, rubbing faster and faster in a spot that made me lose my mind—how did he do that?—my eyes rolled back in my head and I whimpered, my insides convulsing to his touch.

  “Jaxson,” I whispered, my head rolling side to side.

  “Does that feel good?”

  “So…good,” I shuddered. “So good.”

  He leaned down and kissed my eyelids and then my mouth, claiming my lips as his fingers stilled over me.

  I felt like I was in a stupor, but I pulled away when he seemed to be slowing down. “I want to make you feel good,” I told him, reaching up to unbutton his pants.

  “You do. I loved that,” he said. He put his hand on top of mine, stopping me.

  “I’m on the pill, you know.”

  His pupils dilated and he exhaled a ragged breath. “No, I didn’t, but good to know.” He grinned. “I thought I had semi-decent self-control. Watching you just now, I barely managed to keep it together,” he said, laughing. “But damn, you’re determined to kill me.” He kissed me, three pecks; his full lips like velvety pillows. He nestled back on top of me and I was immediately back in a frenzy. “I’ve only ever used a condom and Coach has us get tested regularly for a variety of things, not just ST—…well, anyway, I’m clean,” he said.
“But there’s no need to rush…I’m not going anywhere.”

  He closed his eyes, trying to stay still, but I felt every inch of him, hard and pulsing between us. I giggled and his eyes flew open. “Sorry. I just remembered overhearing your mum talk about how well-endowed you were as a baby. You were the talk of the hospital apparently.”

  He groaned but then burrowed his head in my neck and we laughed our heads off.

  “Well, what do you think? You believe her?” he asked, trying to catch his breath.

  “I’ll have to see it to be sure,” I said, wiping my eyes.

  “Hello?” Anne called.

  The sound of her walking up the stairs launched us into fast forward; Jaxson jumped off of me, and I flew across the room, heart in overdrive. I picked up my backpack and grabbed a notebook.

  “Hey! In here,” Jaxson said weakly, turning around in a circle and then reaching for a pillow to hide behind. He put a book on top of the pillow to look like he was studying.

  I cackled in the corner and he glared at me just as his mother opened the door. She smiled at Jaxson and then saw me. She beamed and then her eyes narrowed on me and then back on Jaxson.

  “Well…” she said, clearing her throat. “Good to see you both. Getting any homework done?” She bit the inside of her lip and looked like she was trying not to laugh.

  “Oh…we’re coming along,” Jaxson said. He lifted his head and rolled his eyes. “I mean, you know…almost done. Getting there.”

  “Very well,” she said. “Maybe you should work at the dining room table where you can spread everything out.” She gave a pointed look to Jaxson and he nodded.

  “Sure.”

  When she closed the door behind her, I leaned over, clutching my stomach. “You are so obvious! Coming along?” When I looked up at him, I started laughing again. He looked mortified.

  “Me?” He pointed at me. “Take a look in the mirror.”

  “What?” I stood up and made my way to the mirror. “No,” I said in horror.

  He snorted and came to stand behind me, his arms circling around my waist. “Oh yes. Yes, yes, yes,” he mimicked the way I had sounded not even ten minutes ago and my cheeks heated.

  I tried to smooth my hair down, but for not actually having had sex, I had the most perfect sex hair ever.

  On Christmas Eve, or maybe actually the wee hours of Christmas, Jaxson sneaked into my bedroom and crawled into bed with me, as he did most nights. We’d been steadily skating around the boundaries he seemed to have set. We’d done a lot in my inexperienced opinion, but to my growing agitation, we were always clothed from the waist down. He still made me feel so good every time he touched me and I thought I made him feel good too, but I was losing my mind. Being with him was all I thought about. And the suspense of there still being more…I was ready. More than ready.

  I hadn’t pushed it, but this time when he crawled into bed with me, I had a surprise for him. I was completely naked.

  He stiffened when he wrapped his arms around me. My laugh tinkled in the room, sounding loud in the stillness.

  “What is this?” He nestled his nose in my neck, and I felt his smile on my skin.

  “Merry Christmas,” I whispered, turning to face him.

  “Best Christmas present I’ve ever been given,” he whispered, his fingers sliding down my chest and getting distracted there.

  “Thank you for giving me time,” I put my hands in his hair and kissed him, “but I don’t want to wait anymore.”

  “Are you sure? I promise you I’m happy—”

  I put my fingers to his lips and nodded. The night-light in my room was there for his sake so he could find his way to me in the dark each night. I was glad of the light now—there was just enough glow to see his smile and the contours of his body as he pulled the back of his shirt over his head. My hands roamed across his chest as he took his pants off and then pulled the covers back, letting the light shine across my body.

  The way his eyes appraised my body emboldened me. He drank me in and I felt heated from the inside.

  “If this is a dream, don’t wake me up,” he said. “You’re so beautiful…so perfect in every way.”

  His eyes scanned me up and down one more time before he reached out and touched my bare skin; that alone made me lightheaded. I pulled his briefs down and finally put my hands on his velvety skin.

  “Your mother was right.”

  I heard his quick intake of breath and smiled.

  “I don’t want to talk about my mother. Never. Just no. Not another word about her tonight.”

  I giggled.

  “I wish we didn’t have to be so quiet,” he whispered. “I want to hear every little sound you make…” He leaned down and kissed a trail down my stomach. “I want to make you scream my name…”

  My entire body flushed with his words. He went lower and lower with his kisses, doing things with his tongue and his fingers that I’d never imagined, and I lit up like a never-ending sparkler.

  By the time he lifted his head and crawled up my body, I was limp with pleasure. Sated. Nothing could be better than what he’d just given me. But he settled his body on top of mine and when I felt him between my legs, I woke up, every part of me coming back to life.

  “I’m nervous,” he whispered.

  “I’m not,” I told him. And it was the truth. I trusted him. I loved him. How many could say that about their first time?

  He entered me slowly and I was still so wet from before that it felt tight, but a good kind of tight. When it got a little uncomfortable, he stayed still and whispered, “Kiss me.” He kissed me like he’d never kissed me before. I couldn’t stand to stay still another second. He kissed me until I thought our bodies melded into one and I could feel every thought and desire he had. The deeper our kiss went, the deeper he delved inside…until he was all the way in and this was really happening.

  When he pulled back and dipped back in, sliding more easily in and out of me, he put his hands on my cheeks and looked into my eyes.

  “I love you,” he whispered.

  “I love you.”

  Something changed with our words; a sudden urgency. He slipped his fingers between us, touching me, and I sank into bliss. He swallowed my sounds with his kiss and I did the same for him when he lost control seconds later. It was the most complete I’d ever felt.

  33

  Present

  December 2019

  I think maybe I need to go live with the nuns and only eat small portions of meat and potatoes…maybe a Popsicle every now and then.

  Somewhere shaded and quiet and drama/risk-free.

  Sincerely, Sister Hart

  With the wedding planning taking every spare moment between school and work, I’ve hardly seen Jaxson. Oh, and I’ve been avoiding him. So there’s that.

  I’ve had a plan cooking in my mind for over a month now, and despite my mum and Dave and Liesl trying to talk me out of it, they’ve settled into supporting my decision. For now, anyway. The wedding has been the perfect distraction.

  The week of the wedding, I’m off for winter break and just getting home from running an errand for Mum. I’m not even out of the car yet, when the hair on the back of my neck rises. Jaxson. I sigh. Will I always be this connected to him? It has to go away eventually, right?

  I’ve felt his hurt emanating from every text and every phone call, but he’s accepted all the excuses I’ve fed him. He looks pissed now though. I shut my car door and lift a hand to wave.

  “How much longer can you avoid me?” he says, stalking toward me.

  “I’ve been busy,” I tell him.

  “I could be helping you with wedding shit…or with Winston…why are you cutting me off?”

  I walk toward the house and he follows me, opening the door and holding it for me while I set the bags down. Winston comes flying down the stairs to greet me and growls when he sees Jaxson.

  “Yeah, I don’t really like you very much right now either,” Jaxson tells him.
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  I open the back door for Winston to go out, and Jaxson and I stand on the deck watching him run around the yard.

  “Give me thirty minutes? There’s this new pie place I’ve been wanting to try,” Jaxson says, his brows relaxing as he tries to smile.

  I feel guilty about the way I’ve avoided him, so I nod. “Okay.”

  “Really?” He perks up. “Okay.”

  Ten minutes later, we’re in Jaxson’s car. It’s a short drive, so he’s parking before our silence becomes too awkward.

  The pies look delicious and the restaurant is bustling with customers. We sit in a corner booth and study the menu.

  “I haven’t had peanut butter in a while,” I tell him. “And only in very small doses…like one night months and months ago.”

  “Who are you?” he asks.

  “I know. I have to fit into a goddess dress for this wedding, so I can’t believe I agreed to this. Look at this pie.” I point to a chocolate peanut butter pie and hum. “Yep, that’s what I’m getting.”

  He orders a slice of Dutch apple pie and we wait, looking shyly at one another.

  “Thanks for coming with me. You’ll be fine in the dress, I promise.”

  I lift my eyebrows. “To God’s ears, as your nana would say.”

  He smiles. “To God’s ears.”

  Our pie comes and they’re both works of art. I’m tempted to take a picture but don’t want to be that girl. Not when Jaxson is watching me so intently.

  We both take bites of our pie and sound orgasmic as we inhale them. He tries a bite of mine and I try a bite of his.

  “Oh, yeah, you always order better than I do,” he says. “And I’m scared to even say it, but…finally, we can sort of check it off of our list…I mean, if we eat it every day starting today.” He grins. He points at what’s left of mine. “That’s going to be my new craving.”