Snapdragon Way (Firefly Hollow Book 8)
Page 8
As he made the follow-up appointment, he gave an internal sigh. He had less than forty-eight hours to get over the ridiculous stomach-churning he felt each time Haley smiled. He chalked it up to the fact that he’d had a long deployment and not one smidgen of R and R in recent months.
He glanced down at his injured leg and cringed. Might be a while before you get any R and R again, he thought. The idea of finding someone locally to pass the time with held no appeal, and, in fact, turned his stomach. Not because there weren’t good women in Hazard, but because of that damned vanity that rose up inside him again.
The appointment making finished, he headed for the front door. Molly had left when he came out to pull the car around.
“You have more things to worry about right now than getting laid. Like the fact that you’re talking to yourself for starters.” Thankful he was the only person in the lobby at the moment, he gave a little groan as a wave of fatigue washed over him. “Yeah, definitely bigger things to consider right now.”
Like getting home and taking a nap, something he’d not done for a long time. Not since he’d had a bad case of the flu a couple of years ago, anyhow.
Everything else, including his therapist’s pretty smile? Would just have to wait.
Chapter Thirteen
With absolutely nothing planned for the day on Tuesday, Eli slept until noon. It wasn’t that he needed the rest necessarily, but more that he had no interest in dragging himself out of bed. But when noon came and he turned over for the fourth time in an hour, unable to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep, he decided to give in and get up.
Resigned to the ordeal of getting out of bed, he threw the covers back and swung his legs over the side, scooting carefully to the edge of the mattress. It had been a month, and he still wasn’t used to the idea or the sight or the sensation or the reality of being an amputee.
Moving carefully, he used the crutches and stood, then made his way to the en suite bathroom. His parents, despite his protests, had insisted on giving him their bedroom at the house until he was healed more.
“It’s on the first floor. You’re going to need that for a while,” Zanny had told him on his first day home. “It won’t kill us to go upstairs. Besides, it’s not forever. You’ll be walking again before you know it.”
Everyone kept saying that. Eli wished he was half as optimistic as they were.
His foot lockers from his on-base apartment in North Carolina, as well as the one from overseas, had caught up to him yesterday afternoon. So at least he had all his belongings, meager though they were.
Close to an hour later, he was finally sitting down on the couch with a huge bowl of warmed, leftover spaghetti, flipping through the channels trying to find something to watch that wasn’t too annoying. He settled on a show about ancient astronauts hosted by a guy with outrageously styled hair. He’d reached a really interesting part when he heard a car door slam, and a moment later, his cousin Sydney was knocking on the door.
“Come on in,” he hollered.
“What’s shakin’, bacon?” she asked as she stepped inside.
Eli patted the couch beside him. “Not much. I just got up. What are you doing in this neck of the woods? Don’t you have a job?”
With a very self-satisfied smile, she shrugged. “I do, but since I’m sleeping with the boss, I have some leeway.”
“I don’t know if want to hear that,” he told her with a not-quite-fake grimace. Sydney was like a little sister to him. She’d become engaged last week to a long-time friend of the family, Sawyer Evans, who happened to be her boss. As happy as Eli was that she’d finally found someone to love who loved her in return, he didn’t need to know any of the details.
Sydney laughed at his discomfort. “So what are you into today? Anything fun?”
“Absolutely nothing,” he said as he spun his fork, picking up the last of the spaghetti. “You hungry?”
“No, I ate before I came over. It’s so good to see you,” she said softly, studying him. “When Daddy called and told us what had happened, I thought for sure you were gone. We all did.”
“So did I. Especially when I saw Noah there.” He set the bowl on the table beside him and picked up his soda. “Mom told me what happened on his end. It had to terrify them.”
Sydney laid her hand on his and squeezed. “Have you talked to him about it yet?”
He shook his head. “We’re still… feeling our way.” Thinking about Noah’s experience that day disturbed him. “She said he was fine, cutting up and laughing with Dad about something one second, and on his knees the next, pale as a ghost. Nothing they did to reach him worked, and he was out for several minutes. Dad was dialing nine-one-one when he finally gasped out my name and they figured it out.”
Sydney leaned into him. “What did you see?”
“He was there beside me, screaming down at me. Cursing me for all he was worth, and so worried. Scared. I’ve never seen Noah scared like that. Sure as hell I never thought he’d be so scared for me.” He took a sip of the soda to swallow down the tightness in his throat.
“He loves you very much. Why wouldn’t he be scared for you?”
Eli leveled a look on her. “Sydney, you’re not that naïve.” She knew very well about everything that had happened between him and Noah.
“And you know you’re oversimplifying things. Or did I imagine that whole scene where you guys had worked some things out a few years ago? At least that you got to a point where you don’t hate each other now. Right?”
He sighed. “Yeah, we did. Sorry, Syd. I’m out of sorts right now.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
She let her head fall back on the couch, her eyes closing. Behind her glasses, Eli could see that she looked tired.
“Guess you’ve had a rough few weeks, haven’t you?” he asked.
On top of dealing with the news of his injury, Sydney had met two half-brothers she’d only known about—her biological father’s legitimate children from his marriage. She’d fallen in love with Sawyer, who was more than twenty years her senior and had sworn never to marry again, and then one of her friends from school had dumped her baby on them for a few days with no warning. As if all that wasn’t bad enough, she and Sawyer had argued, and before they’d had a chance to reconcile, he’d received word that his father had died.
Given that Sydney’s picture was beside the word “persistent” in the dictionary, it came as no surprise that she’d ignored their conflict and gone with him to Pennsylvania for the funeral. By the time they’d come home, they’d resolved the issues that had come between them and gotten engaged to boot. So even though everything had worked out for the best, Sawyer’s loss of his father aside, Sydney had endured several challenging weeks.
“This has been an eventful summer thus far, yes,” she conceded with a rueful laugh. “How’s PT going? I keep imagining your therapist as Attila the Hun, only with cankles and a gruff voice and moles on her chin that sprout hair.”
Eli laughed so fast he snorted. “Where in the world did you get that idea?”
She shrugged. “Active imagination? So she isn’t an Attila?”
He thought about Haley’s slender strength and captivating smile. “No, she’s definitely not an Attila, at least not physically. From what a couple of the other patients said, though, I think she’s tough. But she has to be. God, Sydney, I don’t want to do it.”
“The therapy?”
“Yeah.”
She turned so that she was facing him and braced an elbow on the back of the couch, propping her head on her hand. “Why not?”
Eli didn’t even know where to start. “Because I’m angry. I don’t want this to be real. I hate that this choice has been made for me. And I feel so damned guilty saying that… I know I got lucky. I know how much worse it could
be. I could have had a TBI—traumatic brain injury,” he clarified when she sent him a questioning look. “I could be paralyzed. Instead of a damned dog, it could have been an IED and my team could have been hurt. But all I can focus on is that if I’d been thrown eighteen inches farther, I’d probably have walked away or nearly. A few weeks of recuperation and I’d be back in my life.”
He ran his hands over his head, then scrubbed his face and leaned forward to plant his elbows on his knees. “I can’t even get up and pace off this stress. I’d kill to be able to walk to the bathroom without the damned crutches. And to be able to go for a run again?” He closed his eyes, perilously close to tears. “It’s too much, Syd.”
Sydney didn’t say anything, just scooted over and hugged him tight.
After a few minutes, he let out a long, rough sigh. “Sorry.”
“Shut up, you idiot. You think you aren’t entitled to grieve about this?” she asked quietly. “Think again. You’ve lost something precious. Yeah, if you want to work your ass off, you’re going to be able to get some of those things you listed back. The pacing, the running. I know you can. But it won’t ever be the same. And you shouldn’t feel guilty for grieving for that loss.”
He was grieving, he realized. This wasn’t the first time he’d endured a surprising, devastating loss, but he hadn’t recognized his feelings for what they were. When Erica had died four years earlier, his emotions had been similar though there’d been a good amount of guilt-inducing relief mixed in with his anger and denial.
“Have you made plans for the burial for the foot yet?” she asked. She was still hugging him, her head resting on his shoulder.
Eli laid his cheek on her head. “No. I’ve been ignoring that.”
“Maybe you need to consider it.” With one last squeeze, she straightened away from him and wiped her eyes. “It might give you some closure.”
“Maybe. I hate to ask Grandma if I can put it in the family cemetery, though. That’s going to be a weird conversation.” He made a face.
Sydney chuckled. “Possibly the weirdest question she’s ever been asked. Want me to help with that? It was good seeing you at the farm Sunday, by the way.”
Eli picked up his crutches and stood. “I need to walk around. Do you mind getting the bowl?”
“Of course not.”
“Thanks. And it was good to be at the farm again. I didn’t think I ever would be,” he said as they headed for the kitchen.
Though his grandparents had been at his parents’ house when he, Noah, and Molly had gotten into town Thursday afternoon, he hadn’t felt like he’d truly come home until Sunday dinner rolled around and he’d walked in the door at his grandparents’ farmhouse.
“Did you and Grandpa get things straightened out between you?” she asked as she put the bowl in the dishwasher. “He was so happy to have you there, you know.”
Eli nodded as he propped himself up against the sink. “I know. And yeah, I think we have a good start. He still doesn’t know how to take me, though. I could tell. Neither does Noah.”
“Do you hold that against them?”
“I want to.”
Sydney quirked an eyebrow. “That’s not an answer.”
He picked at a tiny crack in the countertop beside his hip and shrugged. “I guess not. I understand now as an adult that what I did, that several of the things I did as a teenager… I understand how much of a betrayal those things were,” he admitted quietly, “and I’m ashamed that they happened. I started coming around after my marriage fell apart, even before she died and the truth came out about everything. But they don’t know that. I have to keep that in mind.”
“They’ve not been around you much since you left here when you were eighteen and full of piss and vinegar,” Sydney told him bluntly, her arms crossed over her middle as she leaned against the island opposite him. “Just like when I came home a few months ago and had the challenge of showing Sawyer that I’m not that stupid kid who kissed him when I was nineteen in the parking lot at the state police post. They’re pretty sure you’re not the same Eli, but you’re gonna have to work at earning that trust back.”
Eli’s lips slowly widened into a wicked grin as he ignored the more serious portion of her response in favor of teasing her. After all, she was as close as a sister to him, maybe even closer than Molly as he and Sydney were only a couple of years apart in age. “You did what when you were nineteen? Seriously? You kissed Sawyer?”
She narrowed her eyes. “Yes, I did. And it was stupid. Stop laughing at me!” She smacked his arm none-too-gently as he cackled.
“Ow!” He rubbed at the spot, snickering the whole time. “Did anyone see you? What did he do?”
“No, no one saw us, thank God. And he was mortified. So was I. I hid for a week, then went to college and met Adam and lost my mind for real.” She raised her hands to her flushed cheeks. “Adam was at the funeral, by the way. He and his parents are business associates of Sawyer’s family. Sawyer punched him.”
Eli had to hold on to the counter while he laughed. “Holy shit. At the funeral? And go, Sawyer. I always did like him.”
“No, he hit him at the house after. There was an audience, too, all the people his parents know. He didn’t hit him hard, but I’d say it left a bruise. Adam’s remarried, and his wife is pregnant.”
The haunted look that crossed her face stopped his laughter. “Damn, Syd, I’m sorry.” He knew some of the details of her failed marriage, including the fact that the douchebag she’d been married to had lied to her about wanting children, going so far as to have a vasectomy before they even met but not telling Sydney. “Is it wrong of me to say I hope it isn’t his?”
She snorted. “No. I had the same thought. And honestly, now that Sawyer and I… I know I shouldn’t let it bother me that Adam and his wife are expecting. But Sawyer can’t have kids. That’s something we both knew going in, and I love him regardless. But it’s not fair, damn it. Any more than what happened to you. We should be the ones having babies, not him.”
Eli stretched his hand out, and she took it. “What are you two planning?”
“I don’t know yet. We’ll figure it out as we go along. Maybe adoption. Maybe a sperm donor. Danny maybe. We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. The most important thing is we’re together. The rest will come in time.” She straightened. “Now, how about you take a ride with me? We’ll go see Grandma and Grandpa, ask them about the cemetery.”
“I hoped you’d forgotten that.”
She smiled. “I have a mind like a steel trap, remember? Come on. Let’s do this. Get it over with. Unless you want to go back to watching the show with the dude with the weird hair. He’s pretty cool, I admit.”
But there was a stubborn glint in her eyes, and Eli knew he could go now or she’d bring it up every time their paths crossed until he gave in.
“Sure. Why not?”
“Good. Do you need any special accommodations in the car?”
“Nope. But let me visit the restroom first and get my stuff.”
As he got his wallet, he steeled himself for the visit to the farm. He knew Sydney was right, that he needed to deal with the burial. He simply didn’t want to have to do it.
“Might as well get it over with now.” After all, he didn’t have anything better to do.
Chapter Fourteen
Molly provided him with a ride to therapy on Wednesday. Having spent a miserable night tossing and turning, he was feeling particularly guilty about needing the help as they pulled up to the curb outside the facility. But before he could say a word, she held up a hand.
“I’m going shopping while you get beat up on, so save your arguments about me not needing to stick around, okay? As a matter of fact, you might have to call me when you get out. I won’t be too far away, though. Hazard isn’t that big.”
“I always am. Good luck!” she called as he stood and closed the door.
He didn’t have long to wait inside before Haley called him back. She greeted him with a smile, the punch of which was only slightly less powerful today than it had been Monday, and only because he’d braced himself for its impact.
“How are you?” she asked as she led him back to the same room they’d started in the last time. “Have you been doing the exercises I showed you?”
“Yes, ma’am.” He sat down and carefully leaned the crutches against the wall. “I was able to double the number of repetitions, and I only have a little soreness as a result.”
“Good. You have to be careful not to overdo, but that’s good. Let’s start with the wound inspection, please. Have you been doing the massages?”
Eli couldn’t prevent a grimace. “Reluctantly.”
Haley pursed her lips. “Why the face?”
He felt ridiculous, and not wanting to answer, he shrugged. “It’s nothing. I just have to get used to it.” The truth was the blunted end of his leg where the foot had once been kind of freaked him out a bit.
“Okay. I know it has to be a bit overwhelming. This looks great, by the way. I can hardly believe you’ve healed so much, so fast. You must have some really strong genes.”
“You could say that, yeah.”
As she put him through the exercises that would help preserve his range of motion, stretching the shortened muscles in his lower leg so that they didn’t become contracted, they chatted.
“How’re things at home?” she asked.
“Okay. Living with my parents again after having been independent for ten years is weird, but it’s okay. I’m starting to get really antsy to have something to do other than watch TV or surf the Internet all day, though.”