Unforgiven (Wanderers #3)

by Jessica Miller

  She laughed. “I don’t have to read your mind to always know what’s going on in there. You may believe this is the life meant for Xander, but trust me it’s not. It may take him a bit to figure it out, but when he gets there you’ll be right there ready for him,” she smiled, cupping Danni’s chin.

  “I don’t know if I can wait that long,” she admitted.

  “Sweetheart, you’ll learn that the heart will wait when it knows what it wants. And I believe you won’t have to wait long.”

  Danni smiled weakly at Bea. She didn’t quite have the same faith that Bethany did of Xander coming around. She knew she broke his heart and he had moved on. It was time she did the same. Danni helped Bethany up and into the guest room downstairs. Then she made her way upstairs suddenly remembering Cameron was staying in the other guest room. She sighed and made her way back outside to the pool house. Danni thought that would be better anyways. That way she would be away from the house and not wondering what was going on in Xander’s room.

  When she got to the pool house she automatically started to undress. She was so tired and a little drunk and just wanted to crash. Danni was surprised to find out she wasn’t alone. She hadn’t realized it until she had her shirt off. “Xander!” she shrieked, jumping back and covering herself.

  “Danni, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you,” he said, standing only two feet from her.

  “No. I’m sorry. I didn’t think anyone was here. I’ll go,” she said, turning to leave.

  “No, you don’t have to. I was just out here trying to clear my head,” he said, staring at Danni and making her blush.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.

  “Your, uh…shirt,” he pointed to the floor.

  “Oh, god.” She grabbed her shirt and hastily threw it on. He laughed at her goofiness making her blush even more. Fully clothed, she felt a little more relaxed. “So what’s going on that you feel the need to get away from it all?”

  “I didn’t say that,” he said, looking at her curiously.

  “You don’t have to say it. I know you Xander. I know that when you say you need to clear your head you feel like you need to get away from the pressure.”

  “You always did know me well,” he smiled, as if it was a long lost memory.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” Danni asked softly.

  “I don’t want to bother you,” he said, making his way to the door.

  “Xander, you’re not bothering me.”

  “I really think maybe I should talk to someone else,” he said, shuffling his feet uncomfortably.

  “Why, does this have to do with Jasa?” she asked a little hopefully. She would be lying if she didn’t secretly hope he didn’t marry her. “You can talk to me about anything you know. You don’t have to feel guilty about it. What we had was over a real long time ago. We can’t keep tiptoeing around each other afraid of hurting each other’s feelings. We’re bound to have other relationships. It’s a part of life.”

  “Why did I ever let you go?” He was right in front of her, arms reached out as if he was about to grab hers.

  “I let you go,” Danni whispered.

  His hands stopped and he closed his eyes. “That’s right. You left me.”

  “Xander I…” Danni placed both her hands on his chest and she could feel his heart start to race.

  “I never stopped loving you,” he whispered.

  Those few words made her breath catch and she couldn’t stop the tears from falling. He slid his hands up her neck and cupped her face. “Xander.” Danni shook her head, barely able to get out his name. She pulled away. Being that close to him was hard to resist the temptation and she knew she shouldn’t. She knew once she allowed herself to give in there was no going back.

  “I should go.” She took a step back.

  “No Danni, wait. What if I said I made a mistake? What if I said I don’t really want to marry Jasa?”

  “Xander, don’t do this. Don’t throw your life away over some silly doubt you think you’re having.”

  “I’m only throwing my life if I marry the wrong person. Just tell me one thing. One thing and I’ll leave here and never bother you again. I’ll marry Jasa and this will be done.” He took a step closer to her again. “Tell me you don’t love me anymore and I’ll walk away. Just tell me the truth.”

  “And then what? You’re just going to call off your engagement and we ride off in the sunset together? This isn’t some sappy Hollywood love story Xander. This is reality. You will leave here tonight and you will marry Jasa as planned. That is your future.”

  “But that’s not the future I want. Danni, when I see you, all I think about is what kind of life we could have had together.”

  “That’s exactly it Xander, could have. That was the past and this is now. It’s time you moved on…I did.” The last two words fell off her tongue before she had a chance to stop them, but it was too late. She couldn’t take it back.

  He was in her face instantly. “Then why are you still here?” he growled. “Why are you working for my parents and living in a house they bought you?”

  She shoved him away from her, angry. “Because I needed the Job Xander! It’s not like I had people lining up to offer me my dream job. I’m a high school drop out with a kid. I did what I had to for my daughter.”

  His face fell and she knew he regretted what he said. “I’m sorry Danni. I know it’s not easy for you. I just…it makes things complicated.”

  “For who? Me or you?” she snapped, still angry at his earlier attack.

  “Danni, I need you in my life. I want you. It’s always been you.”

  “Xander, you’re marrying Jasa.”

  “Not if you tell me you still love me. Tell me you love me and this will all be over. I’ll tell Jasa I can’t marry her and then it will be me and you. I’ll take you and Hadley wherever you want to go. I’ll quick my job so I can be around more and whatever else you want. It’s yours. Just tell me you still love me.”

  Danni looked into his eyes and saw the longing. She knew he was telling the truth. She knew he meant every word, but she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let him give up everything for her. She wasn’t worth it. He would only regret it in the end. Jasa was the better choice. She could give him the life he deserved. She bit her tongue and turned away. She knew she couldn’t lie to him. He could see her aura. So she would have to close herself down like he taught her. Hide her colors so he couldn’t see her true feelings because the truth was she still loved him. She always did and always would, but deep down in her heart she knew it was best if he married Jasa. No matter how much she hurt.

  Danni stood there a moment, took a deep breath, and hid her colors. Then she turned back around to face him. “I can’t,” was all she said. She couldn’t bring herself to say it out loud when it wasn’t true. With those final words she turned to leave.

  “Don’t do that. Don’t hide your feelings from me,” he snapped.

  She stopped, but then found her courage to take the next step. “Daniela! I know Hadley’s mine.”

  Everything stopped, the room grew silent. Danni stood still. Afraid if she moved she would give too much away. “Just admit that you love me and we can all be together. We can all be a family.”

  She closed her eyes. This wasn’t happening. He didn’t know. There was no way. He was baiting her, grasping at straws. Taking a guess in hopes he was right. “You’re wrong, Xander.”

  “She could be…if we were together. I would adopt her and love her like she was my own. I already do.” She felt his warm body close to hers. She spun around slowly. She was face to face with him. “Daniela,” he whispered. The sound of her name from his lips was like a crushing wave. She opened her eyes to look at him. His hazel green eyes stared back into hers, reminding her of their daughter’s. Reminding her of the love they shared and the beautiful creation of that love.

  Danni held her breath and pleaded with her eyes for him to touch her. Just o
ne touch to ease the dull ache of pain she felt inside. As if he heard her plea, he reached up, and cupped her face. That was all it took for her heart to explode. It felt like an arrow had pierced her chest causing her to gasp. She fell into his arms and laid her head on his heart, listening to the murmur in his chest. His heart beat rhythmically. Like a song that played only for her. She got hit with a swirl of emotions. So big and so powerful she lost all control and before she knew it her lips were on his. The kiss silenced all of her doubts when he pressed harder against her mouth.

  The burn she felt when their lips collided was like a fire lit up inside her. She was suddenly dizzy and confused and then Jasa flashed in her head. She pulled back abruptly. “I’m sorry,” she stammered, holding her fingers to her still burning lips.

  Xander’s eyes were still closed. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “What?” he said, finally opening his eyes to look at her.

  “I don’t know what came over me. I’m sorry I should go,” she turned to leave.

  He grabbed her arm. “Don’t go.” She knew it was wrong. She knew she should leave and never turn back, but it was just so hard to make a conscious decision when he was touching her. She knew she let her colors show and there was no turning back now. “One night, just give me this one night. That’s all I’m asking.”

  Danni knew she would lose herself if she stayed, but she always deserved that one night. That one night to say goodbye for good. Danni turned around to face him. She ran her hand over his chest and she could feel him quiver beneath her touch. She slowed her shaking hand. “It’s okay,” he whispered. Closing her eyes she let her lips do all the talking.

  Oh how she missed him. She hadn’t been with anyone since Xander. Sure there were ones that tried. She went on a few dates even, but none of them ever compared to the way she felt when she was with him. In one swift movement he lifted her off her feet and carried her to the bed. He laid her down gently before removing his shirt. Danni pulled him down on top of her running her hands up his back and across his shoulders, feeling the scars beneath his tattoo. The ones she was all too familiar with. Xander flinched slightly and she pulled away. He shook his head. “No, it’s okay,” he said, putting her hand back on his shoulder.

  His lips crashed back into hers and she nearly lost her breath. His hand slid up her side and she lifted herself slightly so he could take off her top. His lips trailed down her neck, across her collarbone, and then down to her chest. A tiny moan escaped her lips as his tongue flicked slowly down her stomach. His hand slipped up the back of her thigh making her shake. He pushed her skirt up a little further, tugging at her underwear lightly before slipping his hand back down her leg and stopping at the back of the knee. Gripping her leg tight, he pulled her on top of him. Danni ran her hands down his chest while he slowly edged his up the back of her thighs and cupped her behind.

  She let out a small giggle as his hands danced dangerously close to areas that haven’t been touched by a man in years – the gynecologist doesn’t count. Danni slipped her hands down the front of his slacks, finding pleasure in watching him squirm. He quickly sat up and smashed his lips into hers. It wasn’t long before all their clothes were off and Xander was back on top taking control. She moved her legs so he was positioned perfectly in between her. “I love you,” he whispered, looking straight into her eyes. “Tell me you love me too.” She knew he needed to hear it. He needed to know.

  She pushed back the hair that had stuck to his face from sweat, then looked into his eyes and smiled. “I love you Xander.” That’s all it took. Once the words left her lips it gave him the green light to move forward. Danni gasped from the incredible sensation that rushed her body. He kissed her as his hands roamed every inch of her skin. She arched her back allowing him to go deeper. A moan escaped his lips. Her hands ran through his hair and she wrapped her legs around his hips pulling him tighter to her. They were lost in the moment and no longer able to control themselves. She could feel him tense and try to slow his movements, but when she pushed herself into him he had a hard time controlling himself.

  Not wanting to rush, Xander grabbed her wrists with one hand and thrust them above her head and used his other hand to push down on her hips to stop her from pushing herself up. Unfortunately the move only excited her more, causing her to let out a small cry. “Danni, I can’t…we need to slow down.”

  “Don’t stop.” She broke free of his grasp and pushed him down on the bed rolling on top of him. That lasted about a minute before Xander took over and was back on top. He always had to be in control, but this was one time she didn’t mind. Her whole body was tingling. Xander shook and then collapsed on top of her and kissed her desperately before he rolled over to his side. They both lay there trying to catch their breaths. Not ready to let go just yet. Danni rolled over on her side and wrapped her arm around Xander’s waist while she laid her head on his chest. His heart was erratic. She smiled, feeling content. Xander kissed her hair and then slid his body down to wrap his arms around her. Their legs tangled together as they lied there and tried to control their breathing.

  “Tomorrow will be the start of our lives together. I promise you I will do right by you,” Xander said. Danni closed her eyes tight. She no longer felt at ease. She knew what she would have to do was hard and it was killing her. She decided to leave it be for the moment. She would tell him in the morning that it was just one night. That was all he asked for and she never promised him anything else. She would just enjoy it while she could. Bask in the glory of this last night they allowed to give themselves. Danni sighed and relaxed into Xander, falling asleep in his arms.

  Danni made sure she woke before Xander did in the morning. She quickly and quietly slipped out of his arms hoping she wouldn’t wake him. She got dressed and picked up her shoes so she could tip toe her way out without waking him. Before she left, she turned to take one last look at him. He was resting so peacefully. He looked so happy, relaxed. Her heart broke at the sight of him and she knew if she didn’t walk out she wouldn’t be able to. Oh how she wanted so badly to slip back into bed with him and lay in his arms, but she had convinced herself she was doing the right thing. Jasa was the better choice. No matter how much Danni loved him she knew he would be better off with Jasa. She hastily wiped away the tears that escaped and opened the door to the bright morning sun, slipping herself through the small crack, and then closing the door behind her. Closing the door on that chapter of her life.

  Chapter Seventeen

  *

  Ella

  As always, I woke up starving in the morning. So I went to the kitchen first thing. Grandma Bea was already there cooking breakfast. I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist. “Good morning Gran.”

  She smiled and relaxed in my arms. “Good morning bumble bee. Will you do me a favor and set the table?” I grabbed the plates from the cabinet to set the table. I caught Danni sneaking in from the outside, tiptoeing in like she was doing the walk of shame.

  “Good morning,” I said, making her jump.

  “Ella, you scared me,” she said, grabbing her chest.

  “Why so jumpy?” I asked with a slight smile on my face.

  “I’m not,” she said defensively. “I just didn’t expect anyone to be up this early.”

  “Uh-huh,” I said in a teasing tone. “Gran’s making breakfast if you’re hungry?”

  “I think I should go.”

  Xander came barreling through the door like a bat out hell. “Danni,” he said, his voice a little panicked. I looked to Danni who looked a little frightened. She caught Xander’s eye before she turned back to me. “Ella,” he coughed. “I didn’t um, see you there.”

  “Must be a glare or something,” I said, trying to hide my smile. “I was just trying to get Danni to stay for breakfast. Gran’s cooking.”

  “Yes, stay,” Xander said with a slight urgency in his voice.

  “I would be insulted if you didn’t,” Gran said.

&n
bsp; With a regretful sigh, Danni took a seat at the table. Next to arrive was Cameron. “Hey Cam, did you sleep okay?”

  “What, why would you ask that?” she said a little jumpy.

  “Was being polite? I know it can be hard to sleep in an unfamiliar place.”

  “Oh right, yeah, slept fine,” she said quickly. I looked at her funny. I was about to ask her why she looked so tense when Dean walked into the room.

  “Woo, it’s like a brothel in here,” Gran said as she shuffled her feet across the floor.

  “What was that gran?”

  “Oh…nothing dear,” she smiled, going back to making breakfast. I looked at everyone sitting at the table. They were all wearing tense and uncomfortable expressions making me wonder what the hell was going on.

  I turned to Dean surprised to see him up this early. “You’re up early. I trust you slept well?”

  “What would make you say that?” he asked nervously.

  I rolled my eyes. “I heard you last night.” Dean looked at Cameron and she shifted her eyes. Poor thing probably had to endure all the horrible noises that was coming from his room. “Not going to invite your friend to breakfast?” I teased.

  “You know I never mix business with pleasure,” he smiled.

  “Please, it’s the least you could do after having to spend the night with you,” I joked.

  “After I’m done with them they’re too tired to get out of bed,” he retorted with a quick glance to Cameron and I saw her smile when she sipped her coffee. At least someone enjoyed his humor.

  “More like their stomach’s too weak to eat,” I laughed at what I thought was a clever comeback.

  “Ella, this is not a discussion for the table,” Gran growled at me. I put my hands up in defense, wondering what the hell I did.

  I helped Gran finish breakfast. Right when we were about to serve, Jasa had made her way down to the kitchen. “I missed you last night. Where were you?” she said, kissing Xander’s cheek.