Always and Forever

by Soraya Lane

  Kelly laughed. “Then he’ll be put in a box and sent to wherever you two are!”

  Lisa hugged her sister, squeezing her long and hard against her body. They’d always been so close, and she hated that she’d been so distant from her and everybody else. “You know I’m going to miss you and the girls. I love you all so much, even if I haven’t seen much of you lately.”

  She’d tried to tell herself to live in the moment, not to start tearing up, but something about hugging Kelly and realizing what a shitty sister she’d been lately was getting to her. She realized how withdrawn she’d been. If she said anything now, Kelly would fob her off and tell her she’d had a good excuse, but still. She just wanted to break free of the dark cloud that was following her around, shrug it off for good instead of just for a few hours or stolen moments here and there. And she was hoping that the road trip would do that for her.

  “Stay strong,” Kelly said, holding on to her arm and staring straight into her eyes, looking at her like only a big sister could. “And try to have fun. You both deserve it.”

  Lisa was pleased Kelly hadn’t brought the girls. The last thing she needed was to pack the car and sob at the same time—it was hard enough saying goodbye to Blue without adding Zoe and Eve to the mix. She loved them so bad, but being around them lately had only reminded her of what she’d never have. She hated being that person when she loved them more than anything, but she couldn’t help the way she’d been.

  “See you, Bluey,” she said, trying to sound bright as tears swamped her eyes. She quickly brushed them from her cheeks. “Be good.”

  Matt emerged from the garage then, but Lisa didn’t wait for him, wanting a minute to herself. Instead, she waved to her sister and turned her back, went into the house and straight to her bedroom. She had two big bags almost packed on the bed, but everything was still a mess. She didn’t know what to take, what she’d need. And she suddenly wasn’t even sure she wanted to leave her house, because it had been her safe place while she was sick. Her beautiful bedroom with the voluminous drapes swept back from the windows, the walls a duck-egg blue that had taken her so long to choose when they’d been renovating the house. Her white waffle duvet cover and over-size pillows that she never failed to love every time she went to bed; the bedroom that had become her sanctuary and her prison when she’d been recovering. All she could say was thank god for work, but even that wasn’t going to save her marriage if she didn’t start making an effort. Which was why she had to go on this road trip no matter what. Because work wasn’t enough.

  “You okay?”

  Matt’s deep voice made her turn. She took one look at him and ran into his arms, cheek to his chest, listening to the steady thump-thump-thump of his heart. Why had she kept pushing him away when she wanted him so bad?

  “I’m sorry,” she whispered, feeling like she couldn’t breathe, like every bit of air had been sucked from her lungs and there was no oxygen left to inhale. “I’m so sorry. But I can’t do this. I don’t want to go away.”

  “You can. You know why?”

  She looked up at him, loving the gruff way he spoke to her.

  “Why?”

  “Because I’m your person, and it’s only a trip. We’re not leaving forever,” he said, one side of his mouth kicking up into a grin. “And we’re doing this together: we need the break. Now come with me.”

  “Where to?” she asked, blinking away the last of her tears and following him, taking the hand he held out. It was the nursery she didn’t want to leave, terrified of forgetting her excitement, the anticipation of waiting for their first baby, of all those memories, even if they were painful. She wished it hadn’t affected her so badly, but it had and she didn’t know what to do about it. Which was why she was swinging back and forth about wanting to go away on the one hand and hibernating at home on the other.

  “Two things,” he said. “The first one is gonna be tough. The second is gonna make you smile.”

  Lisa took his hand and followed him out into the hall, but she dug her toes in when she saw the nursery door open, knew instantly where he was taking her.

  “No, Matt,” she said, refusing to go any further.

  “We need to go in there. Together,” he said firmly.

  “Why? Come on, just let me go finish packing.”

  Matt stared at her. “We need to look around that room and then shut the door, leave it behind. Together.”

  It was so unlike him to be so insistent. “Fine.”

  She followed him, hesitated, and then stepped into the nursery and looked around. Even though she knew every inch of the room, knew how many giraffes were on the cute little mosaic going around the room and all the colors of the mobile still sitting on the carpet waiting to be hung, she still looked at every little detail, took it all in.

  She looked out the window, out into the garden. The sun was shining brightly, but everything was still lush and green from the rain they’d had. If she’d been home with a newborn, she’d have been spending as many hours out there as she could log. Sitting on a picnic blanket on the grass, beneath the shade of the single tree in the corner of the yard. Admiring cherubic little hands and cheeks, laughing with her baby boy, singing even though she was tone deaf, making puppets and telling stories. It was supposed to be her time, the one time in her life that she stepped back from the business she’d built and took time out just for her and her new baby. Lisa turned around.

  “This room is just sitting here, waiting to be used,” she said sadly. “It’s like we’re still waiting.”

  Matt put an arm around her shoulders. “You want to stay in here any longer?” he asked.

  Lisa was surprised at how thoughtful he was being. “No,” she said honestly.

  They both walked out and she pulled the door shut behind them, the noise of the latch making her feel sick. All that time she’d avoided going in there with Matt, except that one day he’d found her in there.

  “Come on, let’s go out and see your present now!” Matt said, tugging on her hand excitedly.

  She sighed, not wanting to do anything anymore. Just being in the baby’s room had drained all of her energy, and now Matt had gone from sweet and thoughtful to something that felt entirely the opposite, even if he was just trying to be nice. He was like a child sometimes, and although she’d always found that part of his personality fun, lately it had been draining.

  “What is it?” she asked.

  “An anniversary present,” he said, his palm covering hers again.

  “What? But we don’t do presents. Seriously, I . . .”

  “Come on,” he said, tucking her under his arm, holding her close. “If you don’t like it, we can take it back. This is the fun part.”

  Lisa followed him to the garage, mystified. Matt never gave her presents, never. She’d always hoped he might get more romantic one day, but there were only so many times she could hear him say that he didn’t buy into Valentine’s Day, birthdays or anniversaries without giving up. “You didn’t have to get me anything.” She hoped it wasn’t a pity present. That would make it even worse.

  Matt squeezed her. “It’s kind of a gift for both of us.”

  She groaned. “Like the time you bought me a chainsaw?” It was the only other time she could remember him surprising her, all because he’d been desperate to buy a big, expensive power tool. But at least thinking about that dismal present took her mind off everything else, and even made her smile despite herself.

  “Close your eyes,” Matt said, leaving her side as she planted her hands over her face. “And no peeking.”

  Lisa heard a noise that sounded like the garage door going up, then silence. Until Matt’s hands were closing over hers and slowly putting them back down to her sides.

  “Surprise!”

  Lisa’s eyes almost popped out of her head. “A car?!” she spluttered, feet immobile as she looked from the car to Matt to the car again. “What the hell?”

  “Not just any car. She’s a Cadillac.
” His grin told her that he was insanely proud of the gift. “Bet you didn’t see that one coming.”

  “Ohmygod.” Lisa finally managed to get her legs moving and walked closer, fisting her hands to stop them from trembling as she approached the shiny red Cadillac her husband had just been crazy enough to give her. She touched the gleaming paintwork and grinned as she looked at the cream leather interior. Someone had either loved the car incredibly well or done a great job of recently restoring her.

  “She’s beautiful,” Lisa said, turning to look at Matt, deciding not to lose the plot over how much money he must have spent. He’d done it for her and she could see how excited he was. She suddenly looked around, seeing his Chevy truck out front but . . . “Where’s my car?”

  Matt looked guilty. “I figured there was no point in having your boring old Toyota sitting around when I could get us a Cadillac.”

  “Matt! You sold my car without asking me?!” She planted her hands on her hips, ready to tear into him. Only the look on his face, the smile that had always melted her heart and the nervousness that flashed in his eyes, stopped her. He’d done this for her, for them. The last thing he needed was her getting all sentimental over a car that didn’t deserve it. It had been an average vehicle that she’d gotten used to driving, not something she’d loved. “How can we even afford this one?”

  “You let me worry about what we can and can’t afford. Besides, they gave me a pretty good trade-in price for your car. Now jump in and try her out!”

  His enthusiasm was contagious and she wasn’t about to be the party pooper at her own party. “I hope it has a roof that works,” she grumbled.

  “Course it does, baby,” Matt assured her, opening the passenger door for her. “Your carriage awaits.”

  Lisa sat down and burst out laughing, the clouds above her lifting, happiness taking over. “We actually own a Cadillac!”

  Matt joined her, sitting behind the wheel. “We sure as hell do.”

  “This is crazy,” she muttered.

  “You already said that,” he said with a grin. “The day I suggested the road trip in the first place.”

  Lisa sighed and leaned back in the seat. It was incredible. She’d never been super into cars, but there was something about the Cadillac that made her feel like someone else. “We’ll be like Thelma and Louise.”

  “Thelma and freakin’ Louise?” Matt spluttered. “I ain’t no Louise.”

  “Bonnie and Clyde then,” she said with a smirk.

  “I can roll with that.”

  “Ohmygod, please don’t tell me you stole this car? I don’t want to actually be Bonnie and Clyde.”

  Matt gave her a long hard stare, one eyebrow raised. “No, sweetheart, I didn’t steal the car. Don’t be crazy—even I’m not that stupid.”

  Lisa shut her eyes and rested her head back again. It did feel good. The car was beautiful, her husband was bending over backward to make her happy, and they were about to go on the adventure of a lifetime. It might not be what she’d seen in her future, but she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth, not after all the blows she’d received over the last year. It was time to try, and she was going to make a damn good effort at doing exactly that. For both their sakes. Because she’d been with Matt since she was barely a woman, married her childhood sweetheart. Their problem was that everything had always been easy between them; they’d never had to face any obstacles. Until now. And now life was testing both of them in ways she’d never imagined possible.

  “You ready to roll?” Matt called out, shutting the trunk and stretching as he glanced over at his Chevy. He couldn’t believe that his pick-up was going to be parked up without him. The only thing about it he did like was that it meant he wasn’t going to be working for a bit, and after a busy few years building houses with his teams of guys, it was nice to take a decent break.

  “Almost.”

  He jogged up the two steps of their house and headed down the hall. He stopped when he reached their bedroom. Lisa was bending to pick up a bag and the look she gave him was pure guilt.

  “Another bag?” he asked, groaning at the thought of re-packing the trunk to make anything else fit.

  “I don’t know how long we’re going to be gone,” she said, flashing him a smile that made him groan again. “You want me to look good though, right?”

  “Stop with the guilt,” Matt growled, trying not to laugh. “Of course I want you to look good!” It felt good laughing, just joking around. Made him remember how things had always been between them.

  “Okay then.” The two words sounded like a breath of air, a gentle whoosh as she blinked and fixed her beautiful hazel eyes on him, a peacefulness there that made him smile.

  “Come on, let’s go,” he said, crossing the room and taking the bag from her before she could change her mind.

  “You have the camera?” she asked.

  “We have the camera. And the iPads and our phones and the list and just about everything from your closet.” Lisa punched him on the arm and he jumped out of the way, laughing. “And I have a change of underwear, a clean t-shirt and a pair of jeans. We’re good to go.”

  “The fridge is empty and everything’s turned off. I think we’re actually ready to leave,” Lisa told him.

  “Me and you in our pretty red Cadillac,” Matt said with a chuckle as he threw his arm around her and dragged her down the hall. There was no point saying anything else; all he wanted was to keep a smile on her face and enjoy every second they had together.

  “Just me and you and the road,” she murmured, hugging him tight to her side as they walked.

  He noticed that she didn’t even look at the nursery door they’d shut earlier. Going into the baby’s room had been tough before, but it was something he’d been wanting to do and he was glad he’d looked around it. Maybe he could get the color changed while they were gone so it was easier for Lisa to come back to.

  Matt stopped to set the alarm and then pulled the front door shut behind them, locking it and turning to face the car. Lisa grinned as she walked toward it, swinging open the door and jumping in. He watched as she scooped her long blonde hair up into a ponytail, thinking how gorgeous she still was. She’d been cute when he’d fallen for her, but she was all woman now, and she’d gotten more gorgeous with every year that had passed.

  He carried the bag to the car, leaned in to give her a quick kiss on the mouth and then opened the trunk again.

  “What was that for?” Lisa asked, looking surprised.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all. Can’t a guy kiss his wife just for the hell of it?”

  “Sure.”

  He listened to her laugh and found a place to stuff her bag. “And because you’re my wife, it means I can kiss you whenever the hell I want.”

  Matt was trying so damn hard, but at least today it felt natural. Their fights usually consisted of him screwing up, her yelling at him, him waiting her out and eventually them having crazy-good make-up sex. Whatever was going on between them right now was nothing like that.

  Matt strode over to his Chevy and started the engine, drove it into the garage before locking it and shutting the garage door. He pushed the keys into his back pocket out of habit and ran back over to jump behind the wheel of the Caddy.

  “You’re taking the truck keys with you?” Lisa asked, looking confused.

  “I ain’t risking no one stealing my ride,” Matt said with a grin, turning the engine over and leaning back as the car started up. It sounded like heaven to him: endless days driving and no plans. After being settled for years, he was looking forward to some downtime. If he hadn’t met Lisa he’d probably have been a drifter, not giving a damn about putting down roots anywhere, after the upheaval of losing his mom. But with her, he’d been happy to do whatever she wanted, and he’d gotten used to following her lead.

  “Goodbye, little house,” Lisa called out, holding her hand high above her head and waving in the air as he backed out.

  Matt took her
hand and placed it on the gear shift, putting his on top of it.

  “This is it,” he said, giving her a quick grin before pulling out onto the road.

  “Yep, this is it. Here’s to an amazing road trip,” Lisa said.

  “Damn right.”

  Matt put his foot down and reached in the back for his baseball cap, loving the way it shaped to his head like it was made just for him. He put his hand back over Lisa’s and settled into his seat. They were going to drive for a few hours, eat somewhere good, and then find somewhere to stay the night.

  Sounded perfect to him. Or as perfect as they could get right now.

  The sun was so bright and beautiful that Lisa was worried she was going to get burnt before their vacation even began, but it was making her feel good. Maybe she’d been seriously lacking in Vitamin D the past few months. Matt had put the hood up for a bit and was putting some gas in, and she did a quick check of her emails, wanting to post a pic of their car that she’d taken earlier. Her customers loved seeing snaps of her life and what she was wearing or doing. After a little while offline when things were really rough, she’d jumped straight back in to social media, sharing designs, what she was wearing . . . Lisa gulped. Pretending like she hadn’t had her heart ripped out of her chest and her dreams shattered had been tough, but there was also something freeing about being another person online. Work was what kept her going, and she liked the contact with the women who frequented her store or bought online, the fact that her clothes made them feel good.

  Lisa put her phone back in her purse once she was done and turned as Matt jumped back in the car. He passed her a Coke and put a bag of chips in between them, and she quickly ripped the bag open. So much for her post-cancer diet.

  “To hell with no sugar, huh?” she joked.

  Matt held up his Coke and banged it to hers. “Cheers to that.”

  They both sipped, and Lisa loved the taste. She never drank soda and it took her back to the drinks she used to buy at school when she was earning her own money and her mom couldn’t stop her.