Always and Forever

by Soraya Lane

  Lisa squealed when he rolled them again, putting her back on top, but he wanted to let her take the lead, let her slow things down if she wanted to.

  Lisa was his happy place, and he didn’t want to do anything to mess that up.

  “Hey, beautiful.”

  Matt slung his arms around Lisa’s waist from behind as he spoke low into her ear. He pressed a kiss to her neck and rocked his body into hers.

  “Hey,” she whispered back, setting down the knife she was holding and spinning in his arms.

  He’d expected her mouth on his, but instead she laid her cheek to his chest and hugged him tight. Matt stroked her back and rested his chin against the top of her head.

  “You okay?”

  “Uh-huh,” she muttered.

  He wasn’t convinced, but he guessed she’d talk when she was good and ready. Because there’d been a lot of action and not much talking since they’d arrived.

  “You didn’t have to cook anything,” he said. He’d jumped in the shower and by the time he came out he could smell something on the stove. Not exactly what he expected from an eighteen-year-old.

  “It’s just pasta and a tomato sauce. Nothing amazing.”

  “So let me help, then,” he said.

  Lisa looked over her shoulder at him and he stole a quick kiss. “I’m kinda done, but you could be my taste tester.”

  “Aye-aye, Captain! That’s just the type of job I like.”

  Lisa leaned back into him as she stirred. They’d rented the little cabin for the night, and they’d stopped off on the way to grab a few supplies. Matt grinned as he thought about the car ride up—they’d hardly been able to keep their hands off each other, and after hours lying in bed and doing everything they’d been waiting, wanting to do for so long, he could still feel himself stirring with her body so hard up against his. Once they ate, he was definitely going to be dragging her back to bed again.

  “Try this,” she said, turning in his arms and holding out the wooden spoon. He locked eyes with her as she blew on the hot sauce, lips igniting into a fresh smile as she waited for him to taste it.

  “I guess I didn’t expect you to know how to cook,” he said, laughing to himself. She managed to surprise him constantly; she might be young, but there was something about her that made him feel like the young one.

  “Hey, I’m surprised that you haven’t run out already, so I guess we’re even.”

  “It’s good,” he said.

  “Yeah?” she asked, looking unsure.

  “Hand on my heart,” he said, licking his lips. “Damn good!”

  Matt waited for her to put the spoon back and turn again. He tilted her face up with his fingers locked beneath her chin. “You’re gorgeous.”

  Her smile was softer now, less sure. “I wasn’t sure you’d still want me, you know, after . . .”

  “After sex? You thought I only wanted you for that and once I had it I’d let you go?”

  “Well, you don’t exactly have the best track record,” she said, confusing him with the serious look on her face. She dragged her fingers down his chest. “And you can kind of get any girl you want.”

  “I’ve been a fricking monk since I met you!” He protested. “And not any girl: it’s taken me forever to convince you.”

  Lisa laughed, head tilted back, making it obvious the joke was on him. “Poor baby. I know.”

  Matt shook his head, a smile playing across his lips even as he tried hard to keep a straight face.

  “You have no damn idea, do you? What you’ve done to me?”

  She blinked up at him, her doe-eyed stare making her look so damn innocent. But the way she’d keep resisting him, pushing him, making him wait before whispering in his ear one night that she was ready and wanted him . . . Christ! She drove him crazy. Completely fucking crazy!

  “Have you looked in a mirror lately?” he demanded.

  Matt grinned when her saw her blush, realized he’d managed to embarrass her. She might be young, but she usually called the shots, and he liked catching her out like that.

  “You’re so damn beautiful and you don’t even know it.”

  He kissed her back when she rose up onto her toes and pressed a soft, barely there kiss to his lips . . . It made him so damn desperate to shove her back against the kitchen cabinets and kiss her roughly, strip her naked again.

  “I can’t believe I’m here with you. That I’ve run away with a man.”

  “You’d better believe it,” he joked.

  “There’s so much I want to know about you.” She snuggled into him again. “You know, you’ve never told me about your mom. It must have been so hard losing her.”

  He didn’t want to talk about his mom. Lisa had changed the course of his life, taken the anger out of him and made him happy again just by being her, but it didn’t mean he wanted to talk to her about losing his mother.

  “You’re just saying that because you feel guilty lying to your own mom,” he said, trying to change the subject.

  “Maybe,” she said. “But I still wonder sometimes what it was like for you. How you got through it.”

  “I just did,” he said. “It’s in the past now. And hey, if you keep going on about it, I’m going to have to run out after all. Let’s just have a nice time, just us.”

  He laughed, pulling a silly face to make her smile when she didn’t say anything. “So you really thought I wouldn’t want you after this, huh?” he asked, trying harder this time, needing to throw her off topic.

  “It’s the only reason I cooked for you,” she joked, making him crack up. “Thought I’d wow you with my culinary skills to make you stay.”

  “Very funny,” he said, holding her tight against him again. “I ain’t letting you go. Ever. Culinary skills or not.”

  He inhaled the sweet scent of her shampoo, or maybe it was perfume, shutting his eyes as he turned his cheek into her soft hair. He might be crappy at expressing himself, but he wanted Lisa more than anything. When his mom had died, he’d known then he could never go through anything like it again, couldn’t deal with losing someone else he loved. He’d made it clear to every girl he’d been with that it was just casual, and then Lisa had come along with her big blue eyes and her soft, long blonde hair. And then he’d started talking to her, had realized that there was a whole lot more to her than how damn cute she was. Lisa was pretty and sweet, strong and capable. He wanted to tuck her close and beat the hell out of anyone who even thought of hurting her. And just like that he’d fallen, done exactly what he’d earned such a bad reputation for not doing in the past.

  “We’re going to have to tell my parents about us,” she said. “I mean, that it’s not just us going on some dates.”

  Matt laughed. “Wait, you want to tell your dad that when he thinks you’re tucked up safe in bed at night you’re actually sneaking out your window to jump in my car?” Matt shook his head. “Or more importantly now, my bed? With me doing wicked, wicked things to you?”

  “Well . . .” Lisa looked up at him, eyes bright and full of something so damn intoxicating he couldn’t get enough of her. “Maybe not the sneaking out part. But we do need to tell them. I’m old enough for them to have to deal with it.”

  “Kelly knows,” Matt said, watching her face to see how she reacted.

  “You told my sister!”

  He hadn’t had to watch her face after all. Her shriek was enough. “Lisa, until we hooked up, she was one of my best friends. She kind of still is. I can’t lie to her; you know that.”

  “Does she know we’re here?” Lisa asked.

  “Um, no. I didn’t tell her that I was sneaking her little sister away for a dirty night in a cabin with me. But she knows we’re together, that I’m not hooking up with anyone else.”

  Lisa looked relieved. “You still shouldn’t have told her about us, not yet.”

  “Yeah, I should. Because she told me that she’s seen the way I look at you, watched me pull my shit together since I met you. She knows
you’re good for me, and I wanted her to know.”

  “But?”

  He liked how easily she seemed to be able to read him, knew that there was a but, that he wasn’t telling her everything.

  “But she’s scared I’m going to hurt you. Her beautiful little sister who’s never had her heart broken before.”

  “I’m scared of that too, sometimes,” she whispered as he cupped her face, palms to her cheeks as he stared into her eyes.

  “I’ve never loved a girl before, but I love you. Real bad,” Matt told her honestly, voice cracking. “You have my word that I’ll never hurt you. Promise.”

  Lisa’s lips parted the second before he kissed her, her arms circled around him, warm body pressed to his. He’d fallen for a girl and it felt all kinds of right. Lisa made him forget, Lisa was his new beginning, and he wasn’t going to do anything to mess that up.

  13.

  PRESENT DAY

  We are going to be so fat by the end of this trip.”

  Matt grabbed her hand as they walked into Scott’s Seafood. Lisa had half-expected her husband to take her to some grungy little seafood place—he was never one to choose somewhere fancy. But she could see out to the river as soon as they stepped inside, and it was perfect.

  “We might be fat, but as long as we’re happy, yeah?” he said, winking at her before turning to face the waitress approaching them.

  “Are you here for Happy Hour?” she asked.

  “We sure are,” Matt replied. “Can we sit at the bar for an hour, then grab a table for dinner?”

  The waitress smiled and took their names before telling them to head over to the bar.

  “Cocktail?” Matt asked as he reached for the menu.

  Lisa shook her head. Matt’s enthusiasm was always infectious, and today was no different, only lately she’d felt guilty every time she was happy. And no matter how hard she tried to stop herself from thinking like that, she couldn’t. “Get me a Bud. I’ll have a beer with you.” She’d never ordered beer before, usually just had a few sips of Matt’s, but she’d been craving it all day. Maybe it was all the sunshine and fresh air she’d been getting, and the fact that she was trying hard to be a fun wife.

  She watched as Matt ordered, smiling when he slid a bottle of beer her way.

  “I never thought my wife would be swilling beer with me,” Matt said with a grin.

  “I know. It’s a bit of a waste only ordering beer at happy hour, isn’t it?”

  “It’s not a waste if it makes you happy.”

  His words were sweet, so kind, but Lisa found it hard to meet his gaze. She didn’t know what made her happy these days.

  “Are you happy?” he asked.

  Lisa forced a smile, tried to be brave . . . But all she wanted to do was run back to their room and bury her face in a pillow. How did she tell her husband that every day there was a pain in her so deep she didn’t even know if she’d be able to walk, talk, think? That the bursts of happiness she’d had over the last twenty-four hours were only that—sudden bursts that felt great, but only made the crash back to reality that much harder.

  Matt pulled his bar stool closer, legs parted so her knees could tuck inside his thighs. They’d always been like that, always touching, and nothing had ever changed between them, until now. Now there was an invisible divide a lot of the time, an awkwardness that meant she had to think about every movement, every touch, instead of being instinctual. She’d often wondered if things would have been different when kids had come along, that this change between them would have happened sooner, but she was one of those women who’d always adored her husband, couldn’t imagine loving her children as much as her man. Until she’d fallen pregnant and had sixteen weeks to think about and fall in love with the little person she was carrying. Then she’d realized that there just had to be enough room in her heart for both.

  “I’m happy that I’m alive,” she said honestly, because even though she felt guilty, she was happy that she was still walking this planet; that she could breathe and be, and not be six feet under or suffering through chemo.

  “Good.” He sipped his beer and she did the same. “Me too.”

  “Are you?” she asked. “Happy, I mean?”

  “Well, I’m pissed off at the universe for a whole lot of things right now, but yeah, I’m happy enough.”

  Lisa leaned in to him, made herself connect with him, and Matt pressed a warm, soft kiss to her forehead. When she tipped her head back to look up at him, she watched his lips, parted hers as he moved closer. Matt kissed her once, then twice, and she sighed into his mouth when he finally pulled back.

  “I could do that all night,” she murmured, a weight lifting, reminding her of how good things had been. Once they touched, it always took her back in time, made her feel amazing. Her problem was initiating it.

  “Me too,” he whispered back, lips to her ear now, tickling her and making her laugh. “But I’m kinda hanging out for the steak and prawn combo.”

  Lisa stifled her laughter. “You’re turning down sex because you want shrimp?” They hadn’t talked about sex, or lack of it, but she was starting to feel like she wanted it again, was craving that connection. She’d bet that no matter what he joked, he was desperate for it, too. But Matt was going easy on her—joking about their sex life made her feel a whole lot less bad about the drought they’d been going through.

  “I’m a simple man,” Matt said, shrugging as he took a pull of beer. “I need some sustenance before I can be expected to satisfy my wife.” He grabbed the menu and waggled his eyebrows at her over it. “Talking about food, want to grab some of their calamari?”

  “When have I ever said no to sharing calamari?”

  Lisa leaned over the bar and ordered, then sat back to slowly sip her beer. It was a weird feeling, being in limbo, feeling like she was having to try when her marriage had always been so easy.

  When they’d been on vacation before, it was always for a short time, maybe a week, and she’d always known how busy life would be when they returned home, with so many things to do after taking a break. And then, she’d had no regrets, no all-consuming pangs of guilt.

  “So you’ve definitely chosen what you’re having?” Lisa asked, taking a deep breath.

  He reached for her hand, tucked his fingers tight over hers and pulled a menu closer. “Yeah. Fillet steak with grilled prawns is my pick. Sounds like my idea of heaven on a plate.”

  “That’s you and me both, then.”

  Lisa took another sip of beer, liking the weight of his hand over hers, wishing she hadn’t pushed him away so much lately. “I know things have been rough, but I love you, Matt.”

  Matt gave her a slow, sexy wink. “I know. I love you, too.”

  She leaned in and kissed him, focused only on her lips brushing against his.

  “Want to go to our table instead of propping up the bar?” he asked.

  Lisa nodded. “Sounds like a good idea.”

  Matt checked with their waitress as she finished her beer and leaned over the counter to reach for the wine list they’d discarded earlier. More than two drinks and she’d be drunk, but she did like the idea of nursing a glass of chilled wine over dinner.

  “Hey, you’re drinking more than me. I’d better catch up,” Matt murmured, pushing up behind her, his groin to her lower back. “And our table’s ready.”

  Lisa tipped back, let him trail warm kisses down her neck. “Have you been thinking about Blue?”

  He chuckled against her skin. “Right now, Blue is the last thing on my mind.”

  Lisa pushed him away when the bartender came over to take her order. She ordered a chardonnay and then turned back to Matt, twisting in his arms, happy to be there.

  “I’m worried about him.”

  He sighed. “Will you promise not to mention the dog again when I’m kissing you, if I tell you to ring your damn sister and check up on him now?”

  She smiled up at him. “Deal.”

  Lisa pulled o
ut her phone, grinning when she saw the text she’d missed. “Check this out,” she said as they walked outside.

  Matt leaned in, bumping shoulders with her. “Ha, cute.”

  The girls were snuggled up to Blue, arms around him, and he had his tongue lolling out, smile on his face like he was the happiest pup in the world.

  “I guess I won’t bother calling. He looks pretty happy to me.”

  Matt held Lisa’s chair for her, then sat down across from her.

  “Sorry to interrupt. Here’s your chardonnay.”

  Lisa gave the waitress who’d brought out her drink a grateful smile. “Thanks.”

  “I’ll take another Bud.”

  “Tonight feels like a good night,” Lisa said, closing her eyes, loving the feel of the coolish wind against her bare skin, the way the beer had taken the edge off whatever she’d been feeling.

  “You know, I’ve been praying,” Matt said, chuckling like he’d said something funny.

  She laughed even though she knew she shouldn’t. But this was Matt: he wasn’t exactly the church-going type! “You’re kidding, right?” she asked.

  “You know, they say that even non-believers pray when they think they’re going to die, or basically just whenever things turn to shit.”

  Lisa gulped. “Have we turned to shit?” She stared into his eyes. “I just feel so lost, like most of the time I can’t even catch a breath. But this feels good—we feel good right now.”

  Matt took a long pull of his beer as she watched. “Hey, there’s a fifty-fifty chance the big man upstairs was listening, because we’re sitting here together now. I might get into this whole praying business.”

  “You’re so cute sometimes,” she said, smiling back at him. And he was trying damn hard, she knew that.

  “Ditto.”

  Lisa laughed, and laughed some more. It wasn’t even that funny; it had just been a long time since she’d actually felt like laughing for the hell of it.

  Matt grinned back at her, liking how relaxed things suddenly felt between them.

  “Come here,” Lisa whispered, pulling him in close. She kissed him, her lips soft and warm and making him wish they were alone.