Beyond Reach

by Melody Carlson

  I glance at Garrett, and he actually looks worried for her sake. How sweet is that?

  “She can do it,” I whisper as they get ready to start the song.

  He nods but still looks concerned. I suspect he's had his own embarrassing moments. He seems like the kind of guy with an empathetic spirit too. I'm so glad he came with us today. And he actually looks pretty cool in his aviator shades. I'm thinking with a little work, Garrett could look a whole lot less nerdish. Still, I'm not sure he'd be willing. And I don't want to insult him.

  Suddenly, Olivia is playing keyboard and singing into the mie, like a real pro. It's fun watching the faces of the guys. Cameron and Dirk are totally getting down. But Jack, although surprised, still doesn't look pleased. Just what is his problem anyway?

  Then I notice that he does resemble the guy in my. visions. Especially when he holds his head down to look at his bass. Maybe that's what this is about. Maybe Olivia was really on to something here. Whatever the case, it's fun listening to Olivia holding her own with these bad-boy dudes, who actually seem more like normal kids right now.

  “That was awesome,” Cameron says when they finish up. Garrett and I are clapping from our spot on the weight bench.

  “You're really good, Olivia!” explodes Dirk.

  “Not bad…” But Jack's voice sounds flat, and he doesn't even look at her.

  “Come on, Jack,” urges Cameron. “Admit that she's good. Really good.”

  “He won't,” teases Dirk, “‘cuz Jack wants to keep doing vocals.”

  “You're full of—”

  “Then admit it. She's good,” challenges Cameron.

  “Yeah, man,” says Dirk. “You stink at vocals, Jack. Get over yourself, okay?”

  Jack lets out some foul language, and I can tell Olivia's getting uncomfortable.

  “Sorry about him.” Cameron frowns. “He's just jealous.”

  “And you can go to—”

  “Lighten up, Jack,” says Dirk.

  “Maybe this isn't such a good idea.” Olivia sets down the mie.

  “See what you did, Jack?” Dirk points a drumstick at him. “You're scaring her off now.”/

  “We don't need no girls in this band.”

  “Is that the problem?” asks Cameron. “‘Cuz if it is, you're going to have to change your voice and sing higher.”

  “Maybe get a sex change.” Dirk grins.

  “Because we want a girl singer. If Kyle were here, he'd agree.” Cameron glances at Olivia. “Kyle's our keyboardist. He's got the flu.”

  “And Kyle's not gonna like that Olivia's trying to replace him,” Jack says.

  Olivia holds up her hands. “Hey, I'm not trying to replace—”

  “Ignore Jack,” says Cameron.

  “Yeah, he don't know jack.” Dirk laughs at his own joke.

  “Kyle plays a couple of other instruments too,” says Cameron. “Do you play anything else?”

  “Just flute and cello and violin, but I'm learning guitar.”

  “Maybe she can replace you.” Jack sneers.

  “Look,” Olivia says in a calm tone. “I don't want to be the cause of a big disagreement. Maybe you guys should talk this over while I'm gone. And whichever way you decide to go, I'm fine. Okay?”

  “Yeah, maybe we can work Jack over once you girls are out of earshot,” teases Dirk. “Either he complies or he'll be singing soprano too.”

  “Funny,” snarls Jack. “Maybe I'll just get the—”

  “No!” Olivia says in a loud voice. “We're going. You guys work this out.”

  “I'll give you a call,” says Cameron. “Thanks for a great audition.”

  And then we are outta there.

  “Whew,” Olivia says once the door is closed. That got a little creepy.”

  That Jack dude has a real attitude problem,” says Garrett.

  “Just because I'm a girl? What's up with that?”

  “Maybe his mother used to beat him and he's a woman-hater now,” suggests Garrett. “Or maybe he's just gay”

  Olivia and I laugh, but Garrett gets quiet now. So Olivia and I make a few more corny jokes at Jack's expense. But then I notice that Garrett's not laughing. And I start to feel bad about making fun of Jack. What if that poor guy really is the one in my visions? What if he's depressed and suicidal? For sure, he'll be going onto my prayer list now.

  “Thanks for coming with us,” I tell Garrett as he's getting out of the car.

  “It was cool. Thanks for asking me.” Then he looks out toward the street just as a big black diesel pickup pulls up behind us, the engine revving loudly. The look in Garrett's eyes is hard to read. It seems a combination of fear and anger. And maybe even disgust. But I have no idea why.

  Then the pickup pulls into the driveway, and the older guy inside gives us all a good, long, hard look before he goes into the open garage door then closes it.

  “Is that your dad?” I ask lamely.

  He nods. “See ya.”

  “Take it easy,” I say. But as he walks away, head hanging slightly down, something begins to click in my brain. Something very disturbing.

  Olivia,” I say as she pulls out into the street. “I think I know who the suicide guy might be.”

  “Yeah? Me too!”

  “Really?”

  “Duh. Jack McAllister. That guy has some real issues. I mean, at first I thought he just hated me personally But then I could tell he's mad at the world in general. I don't know why, but for some reason that kid is in serious trouble. I can just feel it. Do you think it's because of drugs?”

  “No.”

  “But how can you be so sure?”

  “I mean, no, because I don't think it's Jack.”

  “Huh?”

  “When I said, “I think I know who the suicide guy might be,’ I wasn't even thinking about Jack, although he is definitely on my list of possibilities, and I'll admit he's got some problems. I don't get why he's so down on you, Olivia. You really were awesome. “

  “Well, thank you.” She smiles and turns the corner.

  “And you could be right. Jack might be using drugs and it might be making him act like that. Especially if he's coming off something. Zach could get really mean and creepy when he was coming off something. Mom used to think it was because he was on something. And one time Zach told me that's just how ignorant she was because he acted way nicer when he was high than when he wasn't.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes, but I'm digressing here. I think I know who the suicide guy is.”

  “What makes you so sure it's not Jack?”

  “Well, I realize that his actions today make him seem likely, but I just got the strongest impression that it could be Garrett.”

  “Garrett?” She seems genuinely surprised. “He seems so nice and normal. I really like him, Sam. I'm glad you asked him to come, and I'd like to get to know him better. What makes you think he's suicidal? Seriously, if I had to bet which guy's about to check out, I'd go with Jack. That boy's got issues.”

  “Obviously, Jack has problems. And to be honest, I have no idea whether or not suicide is one of them. But I'm suspicious of Garrett.”

  “Why?”

  “It's because of a letter I read on the suicide website a few days ago. Something I almost forgot, but now I could swear that it might've been written by Garrett.”

  “But that website is all over the country,” she points out. “Wouldn't it be quite a coincidence if Garrett was using it too?”

  “I know it seems like a long shot, but some things just seem to add up.” So I explain to her about the guy who wanted to kill himself because his dad was beating him up because he was gay.

  “You think Garrett's gay?”

  “Well, the guy on the website was gay,”

  “So how does that make him Garrett? I'm confused.”

  “The guy on the website goes by gg for Gay Guy. And gg's dad has a pickup.”

  “Lots of people have pickups, Sam.”

  “Did you
see the way Garrett's dad looked at us?”

  “No.”

  “Did you see how Garrett acted when his dad came home?”

  “No.”

  “And Garrett had a black eye today.”

  “So?”

  “Gay Guy, online, said his dad beat him up the other day, the night before Garrett didn't come to school. Then he finally shows up today and he has a black eye and a swollen nose. He said he ran into a door.”

  “Maybe he did.”

  “Or maybe he didn't, Olivia. And did you notice how quiet Garrett got after making the joke about Jack being gay? It's like he took it personally, but it was his joke.”

  “Yeah, he did kinda shut up after that.”

  “So, can you see how I'm thinking it might be him?”

  “Not really.”

  “I've got an idea.”

  “What?” She's pulling up to my house now.

  “Do you want to go to the game tonight?”

  “Sure, but what does that have to do with Garrett?”

  “We'll invite him to join us.”

  “Okay.”

  “And maybe we can talk to him.”

  “Like ask him if he's gay and wanting to kill himself?”

  I punch her arm. “No, silly. But you could mention his black eye, since I already did. And I'm curious about his mom. I mean, if he's the guy online, I gotta wonder what's up with her, why she'd let her husband get drunk and beat up her son.”

  “Yeah, that's terrible.”

  “Anyway, maybe if we get to know him better, it'll be clearer. And if it's not him, I can focus my attention on Jack.”

  “And even if Garrett's not your suicide guy, he could still use some friends, don't you think?”

  I nod as I open the door. “Yeah. Thanks, Olivia.” Then I tell her that I'll call and invite him, and she says she'll be here around seven.

  When I get home, there's a message from Conrad on our machine. I almost expect it to be an apology since he's been sort of ignoring me lately, but instead he sounds slightly irritated.

  “Hey, Samantha. I tried to catch up with you after school today, but you were taking off with your lab partner. What's up with that? And why are you so busy lately? I mean, I've got basketball and there's not much I can do about that, but it's like every time I look for you, you're not there. Maybe we can talk after the game tonight.”

  My first reaction is to delete this message and get mad. He's accusing me of not being there. What about him? Then I calm down and replay the message, and I can actually hear the hurt in his voice. Like he's not sure where we stand. And I realize that our biggest problem at the moment might be that we haven't really talked for several days. And, okay, it's pretty funny, but I also think he's a little bit jealous of Garrett. Oh, well.

  Then I call Garrett's number, but a man with a gruff voice answers the phone. He yells at Garrett to come get it then after some shuffling sounds, a little more yelling, and what seems an inordinately long time, Garrett finally says a glum, “Hello.”

  “Sorry to bother you,” I say quickly. “This is Sam.” I can hear his dad still talking in the background. I can't make out the words, but the tone of his voice seems angry.

  “It's okay. Just make it quick.”

  “Olivia and I wanted to see if you'd like to come to the game with us tonight.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, it's not like I'm making this up.”

  “Sure. When?” And he sounds so eager that I want to run over and pick him up right now—although I have no car. I seriously wonder if his dad is going to beat him up again and if Garrett is really the guy who's been writing on the suicide website. Although I know that's a leap on my part, but it seems a real possibility. Something inside me, maybe it's God, seems to be confirming this.

  “Well, Olivia was going to pick me up at my house,” I start saying without really thinking this through. Most of all I want to get Garrett out of his house ASAP. “So, would it be too much trouble for you to come over here? I don't live that far from you, and we could just hang—”

  “Sure,” he says eagerly. “That sounds good.” Then he löwers his voice. “Give me the directions and I'll be right over.”

  “Great!” So I give him directions and hang up. Okay, what am I getting myself into? Am I crazy? Is my imagination just working overtime? Or is something really going on with Garrett? Then I literally hit my knees and ask for God to help.

  Dear heavenly Father, if Garrett is who I think he is, please, help me to help him. I know this will take some divine intervention, and I really need Your assistance. Please, protect Garrett right now. Get him safely here. Then show me what to do. Amen.

  Then I call Olivia and tell her what I just did. I also describe what I think the tone of his father's voice sounded like. Basically hateful and lethal. Like poison.

  “So what are you going to do when Garrett gets to your house?”

  “I have no idea. Any suggestions?”

  “Hmmm…well, he might be hungry.”

  “So I should feed him?”

  “Why not?”

  I consider this. “Okay, maybe I'll make some spaghetti. I'm sure my mom would appreciate it.”

  “I'd offer to help, but I promised my parents I'd go to dinner with them before the game. My dad thinks he hasn't seen me in days, which is actually his fault, not mine.”

  “Pray for me,” I say before we hang up. “And Garrett. I feel just like I feel in chem class, like I'm in way over my head.”

  She laughs. “You're never over your head, Sam. God just wants to remind you that He's the one in control. Your weakness is simply God's opportunity to be strong. You'll be fine. And I will be praying.”

  To my relief we do have what it takes for spaghetti. Fortunately, it mostly involves a jar of sauce and some pasta. But I dig out the parmesan cheese and find some garlic bread in the freezer. Then deciding it might be good to have a distraction when Garrett gets here, I dig out the ingredients for a green salad. This will make Mom happy.

  As I work on this last-minute dinner, I pray for Garrett. And I pray for me. I ask God to help me not say anything lame or offensive. Just how does a person broach these subjects anyway? I can't just blurt out things like, “Are you gay? And do you want to kill yourself?”

  Lord, please help me.

  As it turns out, I never get a chance to ask Garrett any terribly personal questions. Mom gets home before he arrives, and I don't really want to explain the whole thing to her, other than the fact that Garrett is my lab partner and a kid who just needs a friend.

  Still, she's pleased at my attempt to make dinner and even helps me with it. And then when Garrett finally does arrive, she's very congenial and kind to him. The one thing I do learn, via Mom's questions, is that Garrett's parents are divorced. His mom lives somewhere else, and he seems reluctant to discuss her much more than that.

  Then Olivia gets here, and we all head off to the game. I can tell Olivia's curious as to what happened and whether or not Garrett is the guy in my visions. Finally, we both head to the bathroom during halftime, and I fill her in.

  “I didn't get a chance to find out anything,” I quickly explain, without revealing enough information to get the attention of other girls in the bathroom.

  She nods knowingly “Well, it's still a good thing that you did that, Sam.”

  “I guess.” Then I tell her about Conrad's message and how I'm kind of worried. “I need to talk to him after the game.”

  “Let's all go out together.”

  I nod. “Yeah, that might help clear up some things.”

  The game is close, going into overtime, but McKinley wins by one point, and our team looks devastated. They do their high-five Congrats with the other team, then leave the floor with heads hanging.

  “Now I don't know what to do,” I say to Olivia as we file down from the bleachers. She just shrugs.

  “What's wrong?” asks Garrett.

  “Well, I'm kind of going out
with Conrad Stiles,” I say. “And I wanted to talk with him after the game. But he probably isn't in a very chatty mood now.”

  “Oh.”

  “I should explain,” I tell him, “I think Conrad is jealous of you.”

  Garrett grins now. “Of me?”

  “Yeah. He saw us together after school and left a funny message on my machine.”

  Garrett frowns. “Funny, how?”

  “Oh, just in that he sounded jealous. I think his feelings were hurt.” Then I notice Alex down on the gym floor. He's staring right up at us. “Hey, I'll see if Alex can give him a message. You guys wait, okay?” Then I jog over to where Alex is standing by himself.

  “Too bad about the game, huh?” he says.

  “Yeah, bummer.” I glance over my shoulder to see Olivia and Garrett waiting off to one side. “Could you give Conrad a message for me?”

  “Sure. What?”

  “We're heading over to pizza, and I thought maybe he coulckmeet us there.”

  “What's up with Garrett Pierson hanging with you and Olivia?”

  “He's my lab partner,” I say somewhat defensively. Now I'm wondering what's up with Alex and Conrad being so suspicious of poor Garrett? I mean, these guys are Christians too. They know that we should reach out to others.

  “It just seemed like Garrett needed a friend,” I tell him. “So Olivia and I have befriended him. No big deal.”

  Alex nods. “Hey, that's cool.”

  “Yeah. So, you'll talk to Conrad?”

  “No problem.”

  Then I head back to Garrett and Olivia. “Guess that's all I can do.”

  “Wanna get pizza?” Olivia asks, more to Garrett than me.

  “I guess.” He looks a little unsure, like he's still trying to figure out how he got involved with us two girls. And I suppose he seems a little suspicious, like why are we so interested in him.

  But as Olivia drives us across town, we make some jokes and the atmosphere lightens up. Why have I been obsessing over this guy? He actually seems pretty normal. Maybe I'm all wet about him being the suicide guy, not to mention gay. I remind myself of what Pastor Ken said about balance.

  The pizza place is already pretty packed, mostly with kids that have been at the game, but Garrett and I find a table against the wall and we stake it out while Olivia gets at the end of a long line to place our order.