Land of My Dreams

by Norma Gail

  They sat at the kitchen table, a fresh pot of Brodie’s Edinburgh Tea between them, along with fresh-baked scones, compliments of Agnes. Janet passed the clotted cream, and Bonny smeared it on her scone.

  “I can’t get them off my mind. It’s amazing, Janet, the barrier between God and me no longer exists. A heavy burden has lifted, and I know He’s with me, as well as watching over them. I’m doing okay, considering.” She popped another bite into her mouth, licking her lips.

  “What does Kieran think?”

  “A gulf opened between us as soon as I told him. I’ll keep praying, and thank God he’s still willing to attend church. I’d appreciate you praying with me though.” She poured more tea for both of them.

  Janet stirred milk into her tea. “Of course I will, but why the big breakthrough now? You admit tragedies pushed you in the wrong direction in the past.”

  “I appreciate the way Graeme explains things. Over here, removed from the past, I can allow God’s word to sink into my heart in ways I refused to when anger and bitterness filled it instead.” She swallowed a sip of tea and reached for another scone. “I know I’ll be fine now. Your mom makes the best scones, by the way.”

  “You haven’t wanted to discuss what precipitated your fall from faith. If it’s none of my business, say so, but …” Janet’s eyes locked with her own, and Bonny realized she was foolish to hide the truth.

  “You’re so patient. I was too embarrassed to tell you, though what Sean did to you was worse.” She stood and crossed the kitchen, reaching for the homemade apricot preserves Kari’s mom sent, needing a taste of home.

  As she explained how Adam had lied about Vanessa, Janet’s wide-open eyes and downturned mouth displayed the understanding Bonny should have known was there all the time. “I felt ashamed. It fit into the conversation naturally with Kieran, but it still wasn’t easy. Now Adam keeps trying to contact me, and I want nothing to do with him.”

  “You poor dear, but why now?”

  “He’s very controlling. Adam Lawson believes one phone call will put me on the next plane begging him to take me back.” She picked up the teapot. “More?”

  Janet held her cup out and reached for another scone. “I won’t want anything for dinner. Those apricot preserves are delicious.”

  “It’s girl’s night, enjoy.” She refilled both their cups. “Someday I want to let him have it—tell him I love someone else and see his expression. He no longer has a hold over me. He’s so opposite of Kieran.”

  “Why did you let him control you? You seem so brave and strong.” Janet set her cup down, shoving the scones away.

  “He’s handsome, charming, and he loves the outdoors. He wasn’t so controlling until his ambition became unmanageable after law school. By then, we’d been together so long, marriage felt natural. He said I’d be a perfect wife when he was ready to pursue politics, and a perfect hostess.”

  Janet picked up the photos Bonny pulled out of the back of her wallet. “Aye, he’s braw enough to turn any woman’s head. Handsome is as handsome does, though. Has Kieran seen these?”

  “No, I edited Adam out of the photos I showed him. I shouldn’t still have these. In fact, I’ll throw them out now.” She started to tear them up, but instead tossed them into the trash. “I refuse to let him control me anymore. A more tender, loving man than I ever dreamed of has taken his place.”

  “Slow down, lass.” Janet’s voice took on a warning tone as she pointed her fork at Bonny. “Your knight in shining armor is somewhat tarnished, don’t you think? There’s a reason I’m here praying while your best friend is fighting for his life, and Kieran’s not.”

  Bonny carried their dishes to the sink. “He isn’t tarnished. He’s a strong support. He understands the feeling when someone you love is suffering and you’re helpless. Listening to Graeme and singing in the Christmas program will impact him, wait and see.”

  Janet shook her head. “I’ve been with him from the day it happened. If he changed easily, we wouldn’t be praying for him now. Why continue in another relationship with someone lacking the qualities you want?”

  “He’ll come around, Janet, faced with the right circumstances. Let’s pray.” She headed into the living room.

  Janet put on her coat after they prayed. “Something occurred to me as we were praying. You won’t thank me, though.”

  “You don’t sound encouraging.”

  “Perhaps you aren’t in Kieran’s life to marry him. It’s possible you’re a catalyst to help him change.” She laid her hand on Bonny’s arm. “If he refuses to change, maybe it’s time to move on. Don’t be trapped in a relationship where you can’t become everything God intends.”

  Bonny’s heart dropped to the pit of her stomach. “I won’t. See you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

  Janet walked out into the night. Bonny shut the door and put another log on the fire. When she turned out the kitchen light, she picked up the photos lying on top in the trash, remembering her first love. Carrying them to the bedroom, she placed them face down in the bottom of her jewelry box.

  Before climbing into the big four-poster bed, she took her dad’s Bible off the shelf and curled up on the couch. Thumbing through the worn pages, she stopped at her favorite passages, filling her with hunger for the word of God again.

  Deuteronomy, her dad had read from chapter thirty-three to remind her where her help lay. The comforting words flooded her mind, especially where it said God was a shield, a helper, and a glorious sword. How had she forgotten?

  His voice echoed in her mind. “The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms.”

  She longed to lay her head on his strong shoulder and feel his hands, rubbing at the knots and sore places in her neck. Just as her father had massaged her sore muscles, God’s words assuaged the sore places in her mind and heart. Those earthly arms were gone, but the eternal, everlasting arms of God remained. She was right with God again, but she knew everything in her life wasn’t as He wanted it to be.

  Recorded in her memory, she heard her mother’s voice reminding her to keep God as the center of her life. She needed to develop her own faith, instead of relying on her parents, as in the past.

  Turning to another dog-eared page, she read from chapter thirty-two, “‘Take to heart all the words I have solemnly declared to you this day … They are not just idle words for you—they are your life.’”

  She closed the Bible and laid it on the arm of the couch. Putting her head on the worn cover, she breathed in the familiar, leathery smell, reminiscent of her earthly father, but filled with the words of her heavenly Father. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. When she awakened, the moon shone through the open curtains, bright and full.

  Janet’s warnings mingled with the words of scripture, but she refused to lose hope. Kieran would change.

  The phone said, “No Caller ID.” Maybe it was news about Dan.

  “Hello?”

  “It’s me, Bon. Has someone called you about Dan?” It was Adam’s voice.

  “Kari called before she even knew for certain how bad he was. I blocked your number. Why are you calling?” The seething tone of her own voice shocked her. How could he miss her anger?

  “I had to make certain you knew. I’m so sorry, for him, for Kari and his family, for you. I know how you love him.”

  “I appreciate your concern, but I have no desire to talk to you, even about Dan.”

  “The four of us had some good times. It’s scary to think we could lose him.” His voice broke. At least he had some sympathy for someone.

  “Adam, please leave me alone! I am in love with another man. I am completely loved for the first time, by a man I could spend the rest of my life loving and never feel I had loved him enough. You have to accept that and move on. Let go, Adam, and let me move on.”

  “Bonny, please? I don’t want anyone else.”

  “Then I guess you’ll just have to live alone.”

  “What about all the years w
e spent together, the dreams we shared?”

  “I have a new dream.” It was time to hang up.

  “Bonny …”

  “Goodbye, Adam. No more tricks. I won’t talk to you again.”

  Bonny hung up the phone, changed her number on the Internet, and called Kieran with the new one. No more Adam, ever.

  Of course, when she went home, there was a box full of never-mailed wedding invitations and a never-worn dress to be dealt with. And though she hated to admit it, she felt a little sad.

  Chapter Sixteen: The Nightmare

  Help! Somebody help! I’m burning—get me out of here!” Dan’s throat hurt every time he called out. He couldn’t see the smoke, but he smelled it. Acrid and thick, it filled his lungs. When he coughed, it felt as if his lungs were on fire, as well as everything around him.

  “I can’t see! Please, don’t let me die! Get me out of here, God, please, get me out!” He no longer felt the intense heat, but his entire body was wracked with stinging, searing pain. “God, I don’t want to die!”

  “Dan.”

  He jumped, startled. The hand that touched his was cool.

  “Where am I?”

  “You’re at Landstuhl Regional Army Medical Center in Germany. I’m your nurse, Karen.” The voice was calm and gentle. “You were injured in a roadside bombing, but you’re in the hospital now.”

  “Please, I don’t want to die.” He was shaking, shivering, unable to control the terror rising in his mind. To die without Kari beside him, to leave her … “No,” he felt like a little boy again. His lower lip was quivering. He had no control of mind or body. “Help me.”

  The hand was on the back of his neck now, circling firm and slow. “Your family and fiancée know, Dan. They’ll meet you in San Antonio at the Brooke Army Medical Center. You’ll all be together tomorrow night. They send their love.”

  “What happened?” His voice was weak and raspy. He was surprised she heard him.

  “Your Humvee hit a roadside bomb, and you became trapped in the explosion and fire. They pulled you out, but the smoke you inhaled burned your trachea, your windpipe. It takes two or three weeks to heal.”

  “I can’t see you! Am I blind?” Panic rose, like gorge in his throat.

  “Dan.” The human contact of her hand on his felt reassuring. “Your face received second degree burns, so your eyes have damage also. The bandages will come off in two weeks. We won’t know anymore until then, but I promise you’ll receive the best care we can provide.”

  Her answer caused his stomach to knot up, and he struggled against the nausea of pain and fear. He was trapped, unable to turn, and attempts at moving brought deep, torturous pain. “Why am I facing down?”

  “Your back and legs received third degree burns. Your legs got the worst. The second-degree burns on your arms should heal fine. I won’t lie, they’re serious. We have to keep the pressure off as much as we can. But you’ll receive the best possible treatment here.”

  “What am I lying on?”

  “You’re lying face down on a Circo-electric bed. It allows us to keep pressure off the burns and rotate you whenever we need to. We’re using heat lights to keep you warm. Can I explain anything else to you?”

  “How long before I go home?” This dark world is frightening. If only she’d stay.

  “They’re airlifting a group of you at 0600 hours tomorrow. You’ll arrive at BAMC by nighttime and your family will be there to greet you. The C-17 serves as an intensive care unit, so the medical staff has everything they need to keep you comfortable. You’ll travel in the bed. Can I tell you anything else?” She rubbed the back of his neck in a circular motion.

  “No.” If he kept talking she’d stay, but he would scream if she told him more.

  “There’s a buzzer next to your right hand for you to call when you need something.” She moved his hand and helped him locate the button. Once again, she laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m close by.”

  Tears stung his burned eyelids. As her footsteps receded, he whispered, “God, where are you? My parents and Kari—they must be so worried. What will happen to Kari and me?”

  “No!”

  A hand on his shoulder startled him awake. “Dan, it’s Karen, can I do something for you?”

  “I—I heard screams—my buddies, what happened to them?”

  Her cool hand touched the back of his neck again. “I’m sorry, Dan. The other men in your Hummer didn’t get out alive. The guys from the vehicle in front of you pulled you out of the burning wreckage.”

  “Dead. They’re all dead?” God, no!

  The sympathy in her voice was enough to make him cry again. “I can ask a chaplain to visit if you want.”

  “Just let me die.”

  He heard a male voice from his right. “Dan MacDermott, I’m Dr. Carlisle. Does the morphine control your pain enough?”

  “I hurt everywhere.” Anger mixed with the fear. “I’m trapped in this bed. My buddies, they’re all …”

  “I know, Dan, and I’m sorry. I can increase the morphine in your IV. I’ve spoken with Karen. Can I answer any more questions? We want you to have the information you need.”

  “If I live through this, will I be scarred and deformed?”

  “You’re fortunate. Your face and arms received first and second degree burns, which should heal fine.”

  Fortunate wasn’t the right word for it, but the voice sounded calm and reassuring.

  “Barring infection, we can take the bandages off your eyes in two or three weeks. Your back and legs received the worst.”

  “Will I walk again?” He steeled himself for the answer.

  “There’s no reason to believe you won’t, but it will take a while.” The voice sounded cautious and confident at the same time.

  “My buddies, dead …” Tears stung his bandaged eyes again.

  “I’m sorry, Dan. I know it’s difficult.” He could hear the compassion in Dr. Carlisle’s voice, and it calmed him for the moment.

  He felt Karen next to him, still giving a comforting pat now and then. “We’ll give you heavier sedation for the trip home. I’ll make certain the chaplain sees you before then.”

  I probably look like something out of a horror movie. My buddies are dead. I may lose Kari. Heavy sedation—good idea, maybe they’ll give me too much and I won’t wake up. Bring it on.

  Kari and the MacDermotts arrived at one in the morning, not long after the C-17 carrying Dan and the other patients from Landstuhl set down, and the dedicated staff at Brooke Army Medical Center took charge of the patients.

  The majority of patients made the 7,500-mile journey from Landstuhl in less than seventy-two hours after the rescue helicopters picked them up. Once in San Antonio, teams of BAMC surgeons waited to operate on those requiring immediate attention.

  The young man at the information desk pointed the way to the burn unit. “Ask for his nurse. She’ll have up-to-date information on his condition and medical procedures.”

  After calling on the red phone, a nurse came through the over-size double doors. “Hi, I’m Becca. I’m Major MacDermott’s nurse. You’re his family?”

  Dan’s father held out his hand. “Yes, his parents.” He put his arm around Kari. “And this is Dan’s fiancée, Kari Anderson.”

  The first thing Kari noticed was the odd smell. It was unique, sickening, and she feared the source.

  “Welcome.” Becca’s smile brought warmth to the cold hallway. “I’m certain you’re tired and frightened. The major went into surgery an hour after he arrived. They will debride, or remove, as much of the burned tissue as they can. This is the first of many surgeries. The waiting room is around that corner, to your right. I’ll notify the doctor to speak to you when he’s finished.”

  Mr. MacDermott put one hand on Kari’s back and the other on his wife’s, guiding them to the dimly lit waiting room. He nodded toward a counter with coffee, tea, and water. “Ladies, can I get you some coffee?”

  “Nothing, thank
s.” Kari slumped into a chair, covering her eyes, and wished she could wake up from this nightmare. If I feel this frightened and hopeless, how must Dan feel?

  An hour later, she jumped to her feet as a doctor wearing green scrubs entered the waiting area. “I’m Dr. Andrews. Major MacDermott came through in fine shape.”

  “How bad is he, doctor? What are we facing here?” With an uncharacteristic quiver in his voice, Dan’s father spoke for them all. Kari was so thankful not to be here alone.

  “He received extensive burns on his back and legs. We map the location, size, and severity of the burns in order to decide the best way to proceed. During the first surgeries, we debride the burned tissue. The less severe burns on his face and arms will heal more rapidly than the rest. We’ll start skin grafting on his back and legs in the next day or so. It helps keep out bacteria, controls temperature, and promotes the healing process.”

  “Where will you take the skin from?” Dave MacDermott’s eyes grew moist.

  “In Dan’s case, so much burned area must be covered that we’ll use pigskin and cadaver grafts. There’s a long road ahead of him, but barring infection, he should make a complete recovery.”

  Chapter Seventeen: Love and Thanksgiving

  Thanksgiving was coming, and Bonny was homesick. She composed a long email to Kari. Then, she made invitations, asking Kieran, Janet, Graeme, and the Camerons to a Thanksgiving dinner.

  The day before, as she had prepared the turkey, gales of laughter had accompanied her work, thinking about the Scots calling the big birds “bubbly jock.”

  She explained her family’s traditions to the guests packing her dining room. “We didn’t have a large family, so we invited people from church or the university to share our meal. We went around the table before the blessing, letting each person say what they were most thankful for.”

  “I’ll go first,” Janet said. “My sister gave birth to a healthy baby after a problem pregnancy.”