Becoming the Gateway

by Justin Roberts

  BECOMING THE GATEWAY

  By Justin G. Roberts

  PART 1: LAST DAYS OF SUMMER AT BEAR CREEK RANCH

  CHAPTER ONE

  Clarence Wilkerson worked the grounds of the Bear Creek Ranch for the better part of a century. In those years the sprawling landscape of high desert beauty had provided the eighty-six year old ranch hand with all the experience and joy a simple man like himself needed to be content with his time here on God’s green Earth. He took a simple satisfaction in knowing that the same pine trees which had stood so proudly on the hill tops that surrounded the valley in which the Bear Creek Ranch was nestled in since long before he was even born just 30 miles to the southwest in Yakima all those decades ago, would still be keeping watch over his beloved valley ranch decades after his time here was done.

  Most of Clarence's entire life had actually played out within the shadow of those pines, minus the time he devoted to Uncle Sam in Korea during the fifties plus a short time afterwards that he spent drifting up and down the west coast working various odd jobs and playing poker in dark, smoky saloons. While he gained plenty of real life experience during those times, at his age now it seemed almost impossible to recall any part of his long life that wasn’t acted out within the very region in which he now stood. No matter where life took him in those idealistic and early years, all roads eventually lead back home.

  Sure, in his younger years his buddies and he would make the drive over the Cascade Mountains to hang out in Seattle and enjoy what they referred to jokingly as the "big city" life. Although in those days, Seattle did not so much resemble the same mega metropolis it does now. This was many years before Microsoft, Starbucks, and Boeing. Still, compared to the desert of Eastern Washington, Seattle might as well have been Manhattan, even back then. Nowadays, however, he couldn't even imagine putting up with all the modern day stresses that urban life on the west side of the mountains entailed, not to mention the miserable weather. Clarence would take the one hundred degree summers and three feet of snow winters of Eastern Washington over the constant over-cast, suicide inducing drizzle that seemed to consume the more populated side of the state about nine months out of the year any day.

  The beautiful truth of the matter was that for all his travels and adventures throughout the years, when he closed his eyes at night and traveled through his memories the way that all of us who end up old and alone must do, the Bear Creek Ranch was always the place he considered home. This was the land where he met, married, and lost the one and only true love of his life. Sure, he'd had plenty of women during his eighty-six years, more than he was even able to remember during his younger years. But there had been only one girl that Clarence Wilkerson could truly say he considered to be the real deal love of his life. Jenny Sorenson was her name, until it became Jenny Wilkerson on the day they were married just one month following Clarence's twenty-eighth birthday right there in the shadows of those very same pines. Not a day went by now that he wouldn't let his mind take him on a trip back to those longed for times when he could simply look into her radiant blue eyes and instantly feel as if any and every stress in his world simply melted away under the warm tenderness of Jenny's smile.

  Very few people will ever be fortunate enough to experience the type honest love and passion, both emotional and physical, that Clarence and Jenny Wilkerson experienced for each other during those blissful fifty-eight years of marriage. Never once did she make him feel like his modest earnings as a ranch hand were at all inadequate for their life together, and she was damn well aware of his previous years as a whiskey guzzling, womanizing gambler and actually loved him all the more for it. Not that she would tolerate any of that behavior once they were an item. The whiskey and gambling was alright once in a while, heck, some nights she even drank his ass under the table while whooping him at black jack! But the womanizing…not so much.

  That was totally fine by young Clarence because once he'd been with his Jenny he had no need to seek the company of another woman. Not only did she keep him physically satisfied in ways that folks back in his day wouldn't dare speak of in public, but she lit up every aspect of his existence so brightly that every word from her mouth seemed nothing short of poetic, and every gentle embrace of her touch exuded such a tender innocence that even now in his old age he was often overcome with tears of joy when his thoughts wandered toward the memory of the only real partner the lonely, old ranch hand ever really had by his side throughout his eighty-six years. Sure, they probably had their fair of arguments, fights, and rough patches throughout those years, but for the very life of him now, Clarence could only remember the good parts.

  He remembered the very first time he had laid eyes upon her, when he had first returned from his brief walkabout up and down the west coast at the age of twenty-four. He still had a crystal clear metal snapshot of how the sunlight seemed to reflect from her perfect skin as she stood greeting parishioners at the door of St. Mary’s Church, just twelve miles from where he stood now. Jenny’s first love would always be the church. Clarence himself was never much one for religion in those days. He tended to rely on what he could see, hear, and feel for himself without taking someone else’s word for the fact that there was some sort of magical world beyond what he could see for himself. For this reason, as utterly world shattering as it was, he figured that any chance a rogue heathen like himself would have with the woman whom he had decided right then and there in those first seconds he gazed upon her would be the only woman he would ever settle down for, was dashed to pieces before they even had a chance to grow.

  But he knew he would spend the rest of his life in cold, lonely regret if he didn’t at least try! So, for the next few months, Clarence attended Sunday mass like clockwork every single week, if only to have the chance to strike up a conversation with the stunningly gorgeous object of his growing affection. He found it to be a taxing experience at times when he had to actually pretend to be interested in the ramblings of the old preacher, Jeramiah Hopkins, since he feared that Jenny would notice him gazing upon her angelic face and think him some sort of obsessed stalker, even though that is exactly how he felt. The old man was a severe alcoholic who did not quite so much preach as he did just babble on about various ills of society before reciting random gospel verses, and quite often repeating the same passages multiple times during the same sermon whilst in his drunken stupor. At times Clarence would find himself actually enjoying the enfolding debacle as the withered, old drunkard created a scene the likes of which the God fearing Christians of the desert landscape surrounding the Bear Creek Ranch would dismiss in an embarrassed denial, although he could swear at times that he was not the only one in attendance trying not to burst into laughter right there in his pew.

  It was not until he had been attending service for a full three and a half months, each time making sure he took the extra few minutes to chat with Jenny about how glad he was to finally find faith and be part of the community and so on and so forth, that his fragile hopes were suddenly turned from the pipe dreams of a lonely and love sick young man into a full-fledged chance to have the one thing he actually truly cared about, and to his complete and utter shock, it was Jenny who broke the ice.

  “So are you going to ask me out or are you just going to keep coming every Sunday pretending like you give a shit about that drunk old man’s train wreck of a sermon?” She said to him in a coy whisper as he was leaving the church on what from that day on would rank as one of the top two best days of his entire life, tied only with the day they were wed four years later.

  If anybody ever wanted to catch an image of a deer in headlights facial expression transposed onto a human being than the look on Clarence Wilkerson’s face at that very moment in history would have to be
a perfect capture.

  He meant to slyly talk his way out of it by professing his faith and swearing on all that is sacred that Jesus Christ had brought light into his life, but all that came out was, “Uh…umm…”

  “Why, Clarence Wilkerson, I’d be a liar if I didn’t say that your face is turning about as red as one of those delicious apples from that orchard behind that big old house you’re always working at.” The soft giggle that followed would be etched into his soul forever, a ballad of pure bliss which he would put on repeat in his head during these long, lonely days that he presently endured.

  Back then, however, life was vivid, rich and beautiful. Every day since that first Sunday afternoon they spent smoking Clarence’s rolled cigarettes and walking aimlessly through the paths and game trails that snaked their way across the landscape, back and forth in and out of the Bear Creek Ranch property, brought new love and laughter, he had found the one thing in this chaotic universe that brought a sense of order to his life. It was on that very first date; if you could call it a date, there wasn’t exactly much to do in that neighborhood back then, or even now for that matter, but that was when Clarence Wilkerson’s life actually began. Everything prior to Jenny was simply a hazy dream, a practice run so to speak, now he was actually alive and had found his true center in this crazy world.

  The best thing was that Jenny never once judged Clarence for who he was or what he believed or did not believe. She had always a woman of devote faith, both in God and in her choice to make Clarence Wilkerson the most important person in her life, and she trusted fully in Jesus Christ to look after both of them, in this life and the next.

  “I know that God loves you, Clarence, and he would not want you to pretend like you’re something you’re not just to please me, I don’t care what anyone says.”

  While Clarence never quite reached the level of religious devotion which Jenny had embraced, he did become somewhat of a believer and was quite fond of attending Sunday mass with his love. At first it was just to be with her, but after a while he could not help but get caught up in the celebratory nature of the whole thing. He enjoyed seeing the people from his little hick town at least having something positive to with their time besides drink and fight, and it was a nice feeling to be surrounded by so many people who cared so deeply about their faith, even if he never really bought into the whole story, it was the best way he could spend his Sunday, and since Jenny would go with or without him, and he decided to spend every second he could by her side.

  They were engaged to be married after just shy of one year after that first afternoon they spent together after reverend Hopkins’ booze fueled sermon, although, if he would have had the nerve, Clarence would have asked Jenny Sorenson to marry him the very instant she called his bluff. When he finally did find the courage to pop the question, her response was, “Well what the heck took ya so long, cowboy, I would have said ‘yes’ if you’d have asked me that first day we walked around this gorgeous slice of Heaven! I love you so much, Clarence Wilkerson,” tears swelled up her eyes, as they did in present times as Clarence replayed the moment in his mind, “I want absolutely nothing else than to spend the rest of my life as your wife, and I want to spend that life right here! I truly feel like this place is magical and the Lord wants you and I to build a life right here, this will always be our place, and I will always be your girl.”

  “So…that’s a yes?”

  “Of course that’s a yes!” She playfully smacked him on the chest as she wiped the tears from her face, the smile on her face was the type of smile that epic wars would be fought over in in stories of ancient glory, easily equal to that of which had caused the fall of Troy.

  She did not make him wait until marriage to consummate the union, and Clarence did find himself actually thanking God for this, even whilst silently taking joy at the beautiful hypocrisy of human nature when it comes to laws of faith. Clarence had been around plenty in his days, and Jenny was well aware of the fact that she was not his first, although she herself had remained untouched until Clarence, and she was fine with this. Clarence figured that in some ways he might have been a sort of pet project for Jenny. A sort of outreach program to try to bring him into the flock. That thought was obliterated that first time Jenny and him made love, only moments after his proposal. By every definition, Jenny Sorenson was a “good girl”, but she pleased Clarence in ways so intense that first night that all of his many other sexual experiences combined could not hold a candle to how absolutely mind blowing that first time with Jenny was. Later, Jenny would admit to him that she knew Jesus would forgive her for not waiting until marriage because the love they had was straight from Heaven, but some of Clarence’s lustful ways weren’t so she figured in the name of God’s will she had better nip that in the bud and show him that there was no longer any need for him to let his heart, or other parts, wander.

  Clarence waited until he could afford to buy the small cottage he rented on the ranch property outright before they went through with the actual wedding. He was not about to have Jenny take on his name without at least having a home he could proudly say he owned. He was damn sure going to make sure that they foundation of the life they were building was set on solid ground, and solid it was. The years flew by like weeks as Clarence and Jenny Wilkerson lived the only dream either of them had, to be with one another, right here on this sacred land where they had found and loved each other.

  ~

  When she became ill from emphysema in her later years and it became clear that she was not long for this world Clarence felt as if there was zero chance he could live on without her. He did all he could to show his support, spent every day by her side at the county hospital, even quit smoking cold turkey after smoking a pack and a half day since he was fifteen, he relapsed once from the stress and took his doctor’s advice and used the patch to finally quit but it was certainly still a herculean effort by any standards. He wouldn't let her be aware of all his worries as she was passing because the last thing he wanted during these difficult times was for his love to be worried for him.

  Of course Jenny could see right through his act.

  "Oh my sweet, kind Clarence," she whispered to him on one of her last days as he sat loyally by her side, tears running down his cheek. "I know how scary this must be for you, but you just need to keep on living until we meet again in Heaven. I need you to promise me, Clarence, I mean really promise me that you'll find your peace with all this, I need to know that you'll live the rest of your days in happiness and..." before she could finish she was overcome with another terrible coughing fit brought on by the fluid in her lungs that was slowly drowning the life from her.

  He squeezed her hand and said, "You just rest, baby, I promise I'll..." now he was the one who couldn't finish his sentence, only he was overcome with tears. The thought of losing the woman who'd been the most important part of his life for as long as he could remember was too much for him to process without losing his composure.

  Jenny lurched back up and took in a deep, hard fought for breath then looked deeply into her husband’s eyes and wheezed out her final words, “I…I’ve been praying for you Clarence…” she coughed up a thick black wad of phlegm from her ravaged lungs, most of it flew past Clarence’s shoulder and landed on the linoleum floor behind him, but a gooey strand of thick, tar-like, black mucous hung from her chin. It broke Clarence’s heart every single time he had to witness his lovely Jenny in such an undignified state, but in his mind’s eye she would never be any less beautiful than she was in her prime.

  He ran his strong, calloused hand, conditioned to a lifetime of physical labor to be nearly as hard as tree bark, one last time through Jenny’s hair with a soft gentleness that was only reserved for his sweet Jenny.

  “Don’t you worry, baby, I know you’ve been praying, you’re always praying for God to take care of those around you, but never for you, Darling. And that’s why He will always protect you, because you are always so full of love and concern for everyon
e around you. You just have to be the most unselfish, loving person in all creation! But you need to just stop worrying about all of us and rest for a while, baby. I need you to just try to rest, Sweetie, Okay?”

  Those were the last words that he ever spoke with his love.

  The coughing only got worse, the nurse increased Jenny's morphine drip to help ease her discomfort. As Clarence sat there in that hospital watching his lovely Jenny slip into death's embrace he felt his sorrow turn into a fierce anger. He cursed the world and cursed fate for letting the love of his life have to suffer this way. He wished he could share her optimism about meeting again in Heaven, however, as he watch his beloved wife's body wither away his faith in everything withered away along with her. He felt ashamed of his negative outlook when he looked at how Jenny's spirits had stayed so strong throughout the whole ordeal. No matter how hard he tried to share her attitude all he could think was if this could happen to his love then the good in the world had died long ago.

  For the first few months after Jenny passed away Clarence was sure that he would be soon to follow. He'd read about elderly couples who pass on within days or weeks of each other, the one left behind dying from what literally seemed to be a broken heart. After some time, though, he began to feel as though he might actually be able to honor the promise he made to Jenny on her death bed. He found plenty to do around the ranch and the more he stayed busy the less he dwelled on the pain. He also had a few friends to keep him from succumbing to loneliness. Jenny and he never did have children, she was not able to conceive. They did, however, have the Henderson's. They were the family that had owned the ranch and Jenny and Clarence were as close to them as any family could be.

  ~

  Clarence had watched generations pass through that big house on the eastern end of the valley. Rick Henderson was pretty much Clarence's best friend throughout the years. Clarence was hired by Rick all those years back and had remained a part of the family ever since. Jenny and he spent every Thanksgiving and Christmas at the Henderson house. Jenny even eventually became the nanny for the Henderson children, Stephen and Charlotte. Nowadays, it was the Henderson grand kids, now well into adulthood, who owned the ranch house. Rick and his wife Betty had long since passed away. Rick died one day right there on the ranch of a heart attack as he was taking his daily stroll across the property. Betty spent the last of her days in a retirement community until she herself died of natural causes many years later.