Maeve on the Red Carpet

by Annie Bryant

  Artemia bent down with her hands on her knees. “Are you sure? Casting this movie is my decision, Maeve. Not Mr. Von Krupcake’s, you know.”

  I nodded. “I’m sure.” I wiped away just one teeny tiny tear from my eye and put on my best smile. “It’s not that big of a deal. Someday, I’ll have plenty of starring roles.” I bit my lip and hoped that saying the words out loud would make them true, but inside I felt like my heart was breaking into pieces.

  Apollo raised his hand like we were in school. “I have an idea,” he announced.

  Artemia and I slowly turned and at the same time said, “Yeeeeeees?”

  He sighed. “Okay, okay, just hear me out. I said it before and I’ll say it again, Maeve. I think you should think about trying out for Sufoo. I’m telling you, it’s a way more interesting part than the princess. Think about it—why would you want to be a boring old princess if you could be a weird kung fu fighting little maid?”

  “Sometimes the supporting actor is the role that makes a movie outstanding,” Artemia added matter-of-factly.

  I thought about this and then remembered something. “Like how Anita and Bernardo in West Side Story won the Oscars for Best Supporting Actress and Actor even though Tony and Maria didn’t?” I asked in one giant breath.

  Apollo raised one eyebrow (How do people do that?) “Okay, since I’ve been in Boston, I’ve seen a lot of ducks. A LOT. And I gotta tell you … you’re one odd duck, Maeve Kaplan-Taylor. That’s a good thing, by the way,” Apollo assured me. I think he was impressed. See, when it comes to math facts and science facts … they are soooo not my thing. But movie trivia? I happened to be an expert extraordinaire.

  “Hold on though. Let’s just say I did want to try out for Sufoo. The auditions are over now … and I didn’t try out for that part. It doesn’t seem fair for me to get it.” What was wrong with me? First I was giving away Sophia and now it was Sufoo? BE QUIET, MAEVE! I scolded myself.

  “You’re absolutely right, Maeve,” Artemia agreed. “It wouldn’t be fair to just give you the part. But … do you know what directors do when they want to see an actor try out for a different part?”

  I searched my brain. Oh, this one was so obvious, it was right on the tip of my tongue.

  Apollo raised his hand again. “I know, I know!” (I could see why he and Sam got along so well.) “Hold a callback?”

  Artemia looked at her son, smiled, and shook her head. “Thank you, Mr. Hollywood. Yes, that’s right. We’ll hold a callback for the part of Sufoo tomorrow. And Maeve, I shouldn’t be telling you this but … I think your name might just be on the list,” she whispered and winked.

  I smiled. “Well … no offense, but I don’t have time to sit around and chit-chat, kids. I’ve got to get my beauty sleep. Looks like I have a big audition in the morning to prepare for!”

  Apollo clapped his hands. “Boo-yah! Does this mean what I think it does?”

  I pressed my lips together, bowed, and did a chop-kick toward the door. “If you’ll excuse me, there’s a kung fu fighting weird little maid whose audition lines I absolutely must learn. Ta-ta, darlings!” I blew them a kiss, bowed again, and dashed up the stairs to my house and shut the door.

  “Sweeeeeeet!” I heard Apollo holler. “She’s going to be the best kung fu fighting weird little maid EVER!”

  I opened the door to our apartment a crack. “Hey … don’t get my hopes up!” As I ran up the stairs, super excited to start a new acting project, I suddenly thought of one more thing. I ran into Sam’s room—totally knocking down his Star Wars dudes all over again.

  “Hey!” Sam sat up in his bed.

  “I’ll fix them, Sam.” I struggled to open his window. Artemia and Apollo were almost at the corner. “Artemia!” I called, just loud enough to get her attention, but quiet enough to not wake up the entire block. “I was thinking … please don’t tell my dad about this. He would feel just terrible … if he knew.”

  She waved and smiled. “Of course, Maeve. I completely understand. Your secret is safe with me.”

  CHAPTER

  16

  Stealing the Show

  Once we started working on the movie, film camp instantly became the best thing that ever happened in my whole life. People really got into the whole Boston Holiday idea. Lizzie Kwan even brought in her copy of Roman Holiday for us to watch. Dad screened it in the Movie House—obviously—and, also obviously, got the famous Movie House popcorn machine going. (Watching classic movies without buttery, delicious popcorn would be just … well … wrong!)

  Right away I learned some good news and some bad news. Good news first. I got the part! Not of Sophia, of course, but of Sufoo. And the other good news was that Apollo was one hundred percent right. It was even more fun than I had anticipated. I mean, maids usually reminded me of dusting, vacuuming, and other cleaning-type things that I really do not enjoy. Who would’ve thought that playing a maid could be so much fun? And not just fun … a blast. Turned out I had a lot to learn about acting after all.

  My yoga came in handy too. Take it from me—you needed to be pretty flexible to do a lot of those high kung fu kicks and lightning fast spins. I practiced all my moves before and after camp. I really wanted to know all of Artemia’s choreography by heart.

  Now for the bad news. If I thought Maddie was annoying before she got the part of Princess Sophia, afterward she was seriously a nightmare. A year ago I saw the musical Phantom of the Opera by Andrew Lloyd Webber when it came to Boston—totally awesome musical BTW—and there was this song in it called “Prima Donna.” In operas, “Prima Donna” means the first lady or the lead role. The song’s basically about this Carlotta woman who was the star of all the operas and forced everyone to treat her like a queen. She was not nice AT ALL. (Later on in the play, the Phantom makes her croak like a frog in the middle of her singing! It’s hilarious.) Anyway that pretty much reminded me of how Maddie was acting all week, minus the frogs … unfortunately.

  As a dedicated observer of movie stars, one of my favorite columns in Teen Beat was the one called “Prima Donna Behavior.” That’s when people in Hollywood spilled their secrets about the crazy things that movie stars do. One of my favorite stories was about a famous actress who would only wash her hair with bottled water. When I told my friend Katani about that she got so mad. “There are people who need water to drink!” she’d fumed. So believe me, I knew a Prima Donna when I saw one.

  The very first second she got out of her limo, Maddie announced, “Now that I’m a movie star, you can’t expect me to go anywhere without my entourage.” That was how she began every sentence: “Now that I’m a movie star …” It was extremely annoying.

  She reminded me of those dolls that played a recording when you pulled their string. “Now that I’m a movie star, I can’t be seen without makeup, darling,” and “Now that I’m a movie star, you can’t expect me to walk! Darling, call the driver.” Nobody really knew what to say to Maddie, including me. Even the girls who used to be part of her fan club were no longer impressed. When Maddie was on the set, we all knew to stay far, far away.

  I was super relieved that the other lead actors didn’t also turn into major Prima Donnas. (Were boy Prima Donnas called Prima Dons or Prima Donalds?) Artemia gave the part of Nanny Nuna to Rebeccah Fullerton. Rebeccah turned out to be a really fun girl. She was two years older than me, and had a few big parts in real high school plays. She could dance and sing and was a very outspoken contributor to camp, which I thought was totally awesome. Her amazingly colorful outfits and upbeat attitude had earned her the cutest nickname: “Snappy Turtle.”

  The Evil Assistant (Apollo suggested that this part would be more treacherous without a name) would be played by Mickey Snyder, a large boy who wanted to be a playwright. He was a little bit braggy, but overall nice. He had helped Lizzie out with a lot of the script-writing. But it turned out he could act, too.

  Grego—the kung fu instructor, reporter, and the (sigh) romantic lead—went to a boy named Da
vid Dell. David was by far the funniest actor. During improv, he would make all the kids laugh to the point of tears—which is the best kind of laughing. David wore thick, tortoiseshell glasses and was about the height of Henry Yurt (who might be the shortest kid in my whole grade), but when he acted, he honestly changed into a whole other character. Best of all, he was a wonderful dancer. Two thumbs way up in my book. I was sure that he’d make a perfect Grego. Maddie, on the other hand, wasn’t so sure.

  We taped the first scene in front of the Taj hotel. It was double the fun, because all the strangers and guests of the hotel were totally curious about what was going on. They all whispered and stared, wondering if we were famous actors and if this were a real Hollywood movie. Someday, I thought dreamily.

  The scene we were doing was actually the one I’d outlined on my laptop. (BTW, Dad was right—Apollo and Lizzie were impressed that I typed it.) It was the big escape sequence when Princess Sophia fled from the hotel with Grego. Our super, dramatic idea was that Grego could give Sophia a piggyback ride while Sufoo went down the fire exit, fighting bad guys the whole time.

  Apollo was ready to tape our big escape scene, when David Dell raised his hand. “Hey, I have a little problem. I was thinking … maybe we should change this piggyback part,” he suggested. “Like, we could just run instead …” David stretched his mouth into a funny smile and tilted his head at Maddie. My jaw dropped as I realized what the problem was: Maddie was at least a foot taller than David. There was no way he’d be able to give her a piggyback. Everyone around us giggled. Maddie was not pleased.

  “You expect me to run? In these shoes?” She was outraged. “I’m the princess and the script says you’re going to carry me out. It makes perfect sense. Now can we start already?”

  All eyes turned to David. “Okie-dokie, chokie. Let’s give it a shot.” He turned to Rebeccah and Mickey. “Do me a favor. When you guys try to chase me, don’t try too hard.”

  I covered my mouth, trying not to laugh. David was too funny.

  “Scene one, take one. ACTION!” Artemia shouted.

  Maddie straightened her crown and began, “Oh Grego, I can’t leave this hotel. Not yet. I’m not ready! All I’ve known my whole life has been wealth, luxury, and privilege. How do you think I could possibly survive in the cold, outside world of commoners?”

  “You must, your highness. This hotel isn’t safe!”

  Maddie clomped out the door in her high-heeled shoes and dramatically pretended to faint. “I can’t go, Grego. You and Sufoo must leave. Save yourselves. Don’t worry about me.”

  David stomped his foot. (In the movie, Grego and Sufoo didn’t want to scare the princess, so they hadn’t yet told her that the bad guys were none other than her very own Nanny Nuna and the assistant. It was part of the suspense.) “Well if you won’t leave … then you leave me no choice. I’m going to have to take you!”

  “Scene one, take one. ACTION!” Artemia shouted.

  I held my breath as David charged at Madeline, hoisted her on his back, and tried to gallop down the stairs of the beautiful, old hotel. “Oof!” he grunted. His face was pink.

  “Faster, faster!” I heard Maddie whisper as David limped by me. But the faster he tried to go, the more he had to stoop over. Pretty soon he was slumped over like Quasimodo from The Hunchback of Notre Dame, dripping with sweat. “I said go faster!” Maddie shrieked.

  “He’s not a horse, you know,” Rebeccah informed her. I liked that Rebeccah wasn’t afraid to put Maddie in her place.

  “This is as fast as I go!” David groaned. He stopped at the bottom of the steps, wavered to the right, caught his balance, wobbled to the left, caught his balance again, and then started crumbling. “Tiiiiiiiiiiiiimberrrrrrrrrrr!” David shouted as he went down.

  “Cut!” cried Artemia.

  We ran out and huddled around Maddie and David. Maddie quickly got up and collected herself, dusting off her coat. David just lay there like a pancake. “David, David, are you all right?” I asked.

  He couldn’t answer, he was shaking so hard. I dropped on my hands and knees. “David, answer me!”

  He shook his head and looked up with a huge smile on his face. Laughing hysterically, David banged his fists against the sidewalk. “Please tell me that’ll make the final cut!” he finally gasped.

  “This is awful!” Maddie spewed. I took a step back. Maddie was furious and madder than a hornet. She shook her finger in frustration. “Hey, you, stop that!” I looked to see who she was shaking her finger at. Oh no… This was not good. Not good at all.

  “Were you … were you … taping me? Did you tape me falling? Give me that camera!” Maddie glared at Sam. He clung to his camera, staring at Maddie with huge, bugged-out eyes. Sam shook his head.

  “I said give me that camera!” She took a giant step toward Sam.

  “Easy there, girlfriend!” I cried and jumped in front of Maddie. “He’s just doing his job.”

  Maddie tucked her hair behind her ears. “And what, might I ask, is his job?”

  I frowned. Hello? Did Maddie really not know? “I’m the filmotographer! Duh!” Sam blurted.

  “He’s documenting our experience at film camp.” I smiled. “Which means … he’s taping our most embarrassing moments.”

  Maddie’s lip trembled. “Why … AAAHHHHH!” she shrieked.

  Beside me, David snorted to keep down a giggle. Not laughing was next to impossible.

  Maddie breathed out of her nostrils and tried her best to act calm. “Now that I’m a movie star …” she began in a wounded tone, “… I shouldn’t have to tolerate this abuse!”

  Artemia sighed. “Now Madeline, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. David didn’t mean to fall. It was an accident. Remember, we’re not using stunt doubles.”

  Maddie glared at David, who was grinning and rubbing his scraped elbow. “This is ridiculous. David is just too short to play Grego. If I’m supposed to be in love with Grego, he needs to be tall, and strong, and dashing, and David’s, well let’s face it, none of those things.” She shrugged at David and patted him on the head like a toddler. “I’m sorry, darling, but it’s true.”

  My jaw dropped. How could Maddie say those things to someone? It was like she had no feelings at all. Ice Princess Sophia, I thought.

  “So it’s settled then. Apollo will play Grego, and David can go play with the camera. Shoo, now. Run along,” Maddie instructed. Apollo turned white—no, green. He suddenly went into a violent coughing spasm. He was quaking so much he had to put the camera down.

  “Apollo!” Maddie squeaked. She fluttered over to him and whacked him on the back. “Darling, are you all right? Will somebody get Apollo some water? NOW!”

  As one of the campers dashed over with a cup, Maddie purred, “See, darling? We’re going to make an excellent team.”

  Apollo gulped down the water—every little drop of it—before he could manage to spurt out an answer. “Maddie, I told you. I’m done with acting. Finished. Finito. I WANT to be the cameraman.”

  Maddie was shocked. She grabbed Apollo’s arm and squeezed it. “You can’t be serious. EVERYONE wants to be a star.”

  We didn’t make a peep as we waited anxiously for Apollo to speak. “Look,” he said sharply. “My answer’s no. N-O. I don’t want to be a star. I like shooting and setting up scenes. Besides, David got the part of Grego fair and square. He deserves to play the lead.”

  Now all eyes were on Maddie. No one knew what would happen next. Even David Dell looked intrigued. People just didn’t say “no” to Maddie. Forget Boston Holiday—this drama was better than a movie!

  “Hey, I have an idea,” Rebeccah volunteered. “David can still carry Maddie out of the hotel. But we’re going to need Maeve’s help.”

  Artemia raised her eyebrows. “Maeve?”

  “Why not? I’ll try anything once.”

  Maddie folded her arms. “Typical has-been.” She sneered and huffed away.

  Rebeccah’s idea was nothing short of genius.
She showed me and David how to make a seat for Princess Sophia by gripping our fists into a tight square. That way, Maddie could sit primly and properly in the middle—even more like a princess. The best part of all was that Artemia taught us that a series of kung fu punches made the perfect transition to the fist-seat.

  “Now let’s take this from the top,” Artemia clapped. “Scene one, take two—”

  “Wait,” Apollo interrupted.

  Maddie tapped her foot. “What now?”

  Apollo ran over to me. “Okay, Maeve, I want you to leap in the air and do a high kick. Then do a hip hop spin and punch the air the whole time. Just keep kicking and dancing and doing your thing. When we’re done I’ll edit the scene so you’ll move in slow motion and then pause it when you’re suspended in the air, like in my mom’s movies. You know what I mean?”

  “Do I! I’ve only watched Kung Fu Crazy, like, a billiongazillion times!” I exclaimed. I could see why Apollo wanted to shoot. He had vision. Maybe he would be a famous director someday.

  Artemia looked proud of her son. “That’s a great idea! Maeve, can you do that?”

  “Sure!” I rolled up the sleeves of my costume—a kung fu outfit that Ms. Pink had specially made for me … in a shade of vibrant, flamingo pink.

  I slapped David Dell five. “This is going to rock,” I assured him.

  He looked slyly at Maddie, who, thank goodness, was busy getting primped by her makeup artist. “Are you sure you’re going to be able to do this carrying thing? Take it from me …” He glanced over again at Maddie, leaned in, and covered his mouth. “She’s pretty heavy.”

  “It’s true,” I said, flexing my arms in my best bodybuilder-woman pose. They weren’t what I’d call bulging with muscles. “Maybe Maeve Kaplan-Taylor might not be able to lift her … but I have a feeling Sufoo can.”

  David grinned. “Right on.”

  “Places!” Artemia called.

  I hurried over to my mark in the Taj lobby, while David and a not-so-happy Maddie dashed to the hotel elevator. As Apollo walked by adjusting his camera, I tried to get his attention. “Pssst! California boy, over here!”