by J. A. Huss
"– from the tunnels in the Stag."
"So, they did–"
"Stop, she's listening to us."
"Junco?"
It's Tier. I activate my mic and breathe. "Yeah."
"Ya OK, darlin'?"
"No. It's dark."
"It was dark out in the big tunnels too, Juncs. It's no different. In fact, it's safer, OK? There's no mutants in here from what we can tell. It's better this way."
"It's small, Tier." The words come out a whisper and they make me feel small too.
"Nah, it's just the right size. We could have ta crawl, now that would suck. But we can stand and walk just fine. Right?"
Moju pulls me to my feet and we walk over towards Gideon.
"Moju's got ya, right?"
"Yeah."
"Well, ya know he'll never let anything hurt ya, Junco. Never."
I take a deep breath and want to cry, but I don't. Can't. "Right."
"Remember the swim we had, Junco?"
The tears slip out, I can't help it. "Yeah."
"And ya were so worried. But we came through and what was on the other side?"
"A nightdog."
He laughs. "Nah, who was on the other side, ya crazy little shit, after we made our escape?"
I look up at my brother. "Moju."
"And he's there with ya right now, too. Yer gonna be fine. We're gonna meet up in a few miles, so the quicker we hoof it up the mountain the sooner we'll all be back together, OK?"
I nod. "OK."
"Are ya walking?"
"Yeah."
"OK, then I'll be here if ya need me. But hurry, Junco. I miss ya already."
I smile at that.
Gideon leads and Moju pushes me forward by the shoulders for the first several minutes. My breathing comes back from the brink and I feel the fear leave as easily as it appeared.
"Sorry about that."
Moju just squeezes my arm, but Gid turns and answers me. "That's why I'm here, Junco. So don't sweat it." He smiles and it brightens me up.
The walk gets more difficult as the incline increases and the passageway becomes a series of tall terraces with ladders to climb. Our boots clang against the metal rungs as we get into a pattern of climbing, then walking a half mile or so, and climbing again.
We've done this about thirty times when my muscles begin to burn. "Can we stop? Or do we have to keep going?"
"Do you need to stop, Junco?" Moju looks down at me with a slight panic in his eyes. "We can stop, but Soli, she–"
"That's OK, I can go longer."
"Ya sure, Juncs? We can stop if you need to."
"No, I can keep going."
Sera? I type it out on the vision screen so Gideon can't spy on me.
I'm still with Arel, Junco. What do you need?
Something to help me keep going?
I can't, Junco, no hormones if you're pregnant. I'm sorry. I could burn some fat calories and shunt them to your major muscle groups, but you really don't have a lot to spare. Tell them you need to stop and eat.
Never mind.
We push on and the climb gets harder with each terrace level and finally my legs are shaking so bad I have to say something. "OK, I have to stop. I'm sorry. I have to eat."
Moju takes a deep breath and looks down the passageway, but to his credit, he stays silent.
Gideon walks back over to me, turns his back and bends his knees a little. "There's a place up ahead, Junco. Hop on and I'll carry you until we get there. Then we can rest."
I do.
And he does. Like I'm a bag of feathers and weigh nothing. Which might almost be true under normal circumstances, but I'm wearing at least sixty pounds of weapons, ammo and supplies and so is he.
He grabs hold of my legs and I have my arms around his neck as we walk, then he lets go to climb the ladders and this becomes our new pattern. I bury my face in his back and smell him. My cheeks go hot with embarrassment as I catch myself. Hopefully Isten didn't feel that.
Finally Gideon drops me and walks over to an access room that leads out to the tunnels. "Stay here, I'm going to go take a look outside and see what's there."
I have no desire to revisit those fucking things so I stay with Moju, but he's antsy and pacing around.
"Can you feel her, Moj?"
He looks over to me. "Yeah, she's in a lot of pain." He chews on his thumb for a second, then resumes his pacing.
"Can she hear you? Can you talk to her?"
He shakes his head. "Nah, we're not like you and Isten," he looks over towards the open doorway, "or Gideon. We just feel each other. I can feel them all, but I know Soli, personally, right? So, I feel her the most."
"Did you grow up with her?" I study his face and use my words to calm him, like he was doing for me earlier.
He takes a deep breath and smiles. "Yeah, we had each other for most of our childhood. Then they sent her to the Eastern Utopias."
"That's where Esta was, did they know each other?"
"No, Tier had already taken Esta. That's why they had to send Soli over there."
"Oh. Well, that must've pissed you off, huh?"
He smiles. "You have no idea, Junco."
"I can eat and walk–"
"No, I can't make you do that, Juncs. It's OK. She'll be OK. I know she will. We talked to Layla and she's fucking good at that genetics shit, I know she can help her."
"She helped me, and I was all fucked up. I'm sure Layla can take care of her."
He resumes his pacing and I take out a ration packet from my pocket. I squint down at the label and wrinkle my nose.
"Let me guess, blueberry pancakes?" Gideon is back and he's looking down at me with an amused grin.
I stick my tongue out. "No, it's mapolina." I empty my pockets and start reading labels. They're all mapolina. I push them away. "Moj, what kind of food ya got?"
Both he and Gideon search their pockets and Moj comes up with chicken and rice.
"Give it here!"
Moju smiles at me. "What, that avian shit food hasn't grown on you yet?"
I laugh. "Are you kidding me? I spent the first month eating cookies unless forced to do otherwise, and right before I left I had Lucan get me a cheeseburger and fries. I still don't know how he got them, but I only eat mapolina if I'm seconds from death."
I pull the heat tab on the chicken and rice packet and wait until my palm is just the right temperature and then open the seal and start squeezing it in my mouth. Fucking chicken and rice is one of the best field rations on Earth. I moan a little and Gideon throws me another ration and a water packet. I open the filter seal on the water and blow until it's inflated, then push the the water tablet through and wait for the pouch to fill up.
The nutrition does wonders for my muscles, but it also makes me severely sleepy and I doze for a few seconds as Gid and Moju talk with the 039 over the coms.
OK. Junco. I'm back.
That's nice, Sera. I'm tired now.
It's almost time.
Almost time for what?
To take me where I need to go.
I sit up and look over to Gideon and he nods.
Where do you need to go?
The valley is only another two miles, but the Siblings and where I need to go are on the opposite sides of the compound. So we'll have to go over to the communications building while everyone else waits for you to come back.
Maybe we should do it all at once? We'll go drop you off and they can grab the Siblings.
No, Junco. It is mandatory for you to be there at extraction.
Why?
Because if you're not, all your friends will die.
I look over at Gideon. "Did you get all that?"
He nods. "Yeah. Everyone already knows, Junco. But we're gonna rest first. You can't fight like this."
Moju shakes his head and sighs. "I'm not waiting around, dammit. Soli is gonna–"
"Moju, knock it off. It's no good being an asshole. We need Junco to get them out. And right now she
's too tired to do anything, so she needs to rest."
"Juncs, I get it, I'm not mad at you, but I can't just sit here and–"
"So go fucking scout it out ahead, why don't you? But I swear, Moju, if you blow this because you can't control yourself, I'll fuck you up."
Moju looks over to me. "Do you care if I go ahead and take a look?"
I shake my head. "No, go ahead."
"OK, I'll go up to the valley and see if they have anything we need to know about. Hey Sera," Moju calls out to the air, "come with me, in case they have security."
She appears in the tunnel, looking like some fantasy soldier from a porn screen, and follows him off in the dark.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
"Come in here, Junco. It's safer," Gid points to the access room as he looks down at me, "and not so closed in."
The air flow is better in there too, so I plop down on the floor and lean against one wall. "Can I sleep?"
"Yeah, sure." He takes a seat opposite me, leaning up against the other wall.
I lie down and put my helmet close to my ear so I can hear if the team calls and then close my eyes. My thoughts go to Moju and his relationship with Soli. How lucky he is to have her and know that he's had her the whole time.
"I was on your side, Junco."
I open my eyes and look over at Gid. "What are you talking about?"
He smiles, but it's forced. "In the camp. I was always on your side."
"I really don't remember you, Gideon."
"Yeah, all right." He sighs and stretches his legs out. They are almost long enough to cross the distance between us.
"Sorry, I just don't have those memories yet." I feel guilty, but fuck. How is it my fault I have no recollection of him?
"Don't worry about it, OK? It's not your fault, I don't blame you."
"You can tell me, if you want. Maybe I'll remember something?"
He laughs but it's as forced as his smile was. "Nah, I'm not gonna be the one to tell you what happened back there. Fuck that."
"So it's OK for you to keep these secrets and not make me listen, but when Lucan and Tier want to do the same thing, they're what? The evil avians?"
He sighs. "The shit they keep from you is about your future, not your past."
"That's terrific. Thanks. I love hearing about how fucked up my life was, how everyone treated me like shit, and especially this new development about how I'm the evil seventh demon who's gonna enact eternal vengeance on the world and kill an entire race of sentient beings."
He's got nothing to say to this.
"You called me pathetic back in the room last night. That's the most pathetic thing I've ever heard. That's what you said, right? Yet you're such a coward. You're pathetic, Gideon. You, not me. You throw this shit in my face, the fact that you know everything and I don't, well, that's just fucking great for you, then, isn't it? But I do what I have to do to stay alive, that's why I don't want to know the things they're not telling me. I do what I have to."
I watch him struggle as he turns his head away from my eyes and we sit there in silence for several long minutes, me staring blankly at the opposite wall, and him with his head in his hands.
Eventually I turn my back and face the concrete. I can see small insects busy up near the ceiling and normally this would bother me enough to sit up or at the very least limit body contact with the wall. But I don't care. I'm tired. And not just in the sleepy way, either. I'm tired of walking, of fighting, and of wondering what nightmare is gonna come up to haunt me next.
I just don't give a shit. Those fuckers can crawl into my mouth and slide down my throat for all I care. I've been through worse. Besides, they're full of protein.
"It wasn't all bad, ya know."
My eyes open at his voice, but I don't turn around. "What was good about it then?"
"I took you once."
I roll over and look over at him. "Took me where?"
He smiles and this time it's real. "I took you out. It was supposed to be for an overnight training maneuver, but," he shrugs, "I lied, we just fucked off for three days."
"How did this happen?"
"You were almost ten and I was fifteen. I was only back at camp for a few weeks and then I had to leave again for training." He stops and I feel inside him for the first time, searching for the memory and choosing words. I can feel him like he's Isten.
"And I hadn't see you in a year almost. So I waited for them to bring you back that night because they had you down in the tunnels, doing something horrible, which I won't tell you about. But anyway, you came back upset, all crying, your face all stained with tears and dirt and your hair a mess. It was hard for me to see you when they were ripping you apart like that.
"Anyway, you came running over to me and hugged me, chatting me up like there's nothing wrong with how we live and what we do. So, you're right about that, Junco," he looks at me sideways from the corner of his eye, "you do have an exceptionally well-developed coping mechanism for the pain. You've always had that on your side. It's hard to be mad at the things you push down, because I can't blame you. I'd have done it, if I knew how."
I let out a deep breath. "Some people think that makes me a monster. Or insane. Annun said as much back on Amelia. Asked me straight up what the limit was on my indifference." I look at Gideon's eyes. They are green in my night vision. "And I've come to the conclusion that there is no limit. I can get rid of all of it."
He looks away when he answers. "I'd take that over living with it any day."
"You were saying?"
"Yeah, so I talked them into letting me take you out for stalker training. Told them, lied to them actually, that we were gonna hunt nightdogs. And they said yes."
He smiles and then lets out a short laugh. "It kind of took me off guard, but they said yes. I packed you up in a prairie buggy and we headed north a few hundred miles, to this little marsh that popped up when we had all that rain?" He asks the question like it's something I should remember, except I don't. "And I gave you this little notebook and some colored pencils."
He stops and looks over at me, his face slightly saddened with the story. "I wish you could remember this, Junco. I made you so happy."
My throat tightens up and I have to get a hold of my breathing before I reply. "Me too, Gid."
"I gave you those pencils and that notebook and then I went fishing."
"What did I do?"
He smiles again. "Whatever you wanted, Junco. I let you do whatever you wanted for three whole days. You splashed around in the marsh, caught frogs, picked weedy little flowers, and drew everything you saw and wrote little notes next to the pictures. Like you were a biologist or something. I still have that notebook, ya know."
I'm stunned. "Where?"
A grin spreads across his face. "Back at my house. I don't normally work out of the Northern Territories, Juncs. I only came back recently to wait for you to show up."
He stares at me, waiting for me to ask him questions. I swallow. "So how could you work for my father, Gid? I don't understand why everyone is so willing to overlook his part in all this. He was not that good to me, he was not that careful."
"I don't work for him, Junco. I said I work for your mother. And the only reason I agreed was because I had to get back to you. She was my only chance."
He waits for the implications of his statement to sink in before continuing.
"Working with them is just a means to an end, and the end is coming up fast, so we really gotta get our shit together."
I'm afraid to ask after what Selia told me last night, but I do anyway. "What is the end, Gid?"
"Get the Siblings and get the fuck off this planet before they destroy the whole fucking thing."
"You're coming back with us?"
He shrugs. "If they let me, yes."
"Why am I like this, Gideon? How is it possible that I can recall the key to ancient Sumerian cuneiform from third year, yet I've lost all of you? Most of my father? It makes no sense."
He plays with something in his hand for a few seconds before answering. "They started wiping your memory of your camp time when you were only a little girl. I went to get you one day, you said you'd help me move cows – were excited about it even because they never let you ride at the camp. So it was gonna be a fun day for you. And when I found you in your room, you had no idea who I was. Just gone."
My mind goes backward in time and I see a small room. Just one bed and one chair. But then it drifts off and I can't know for sure if it was real.
"That was the first time, when you were eight."
"Eight? Why eight?"
"They fucked up your training somehow and couldn't get you to do anything. You shut down because of the prairie lions."
The nerve of me.
"They did it again when you were ten, after I left and you ran away. That's what I heard anyway. That you went home with your dad and started telling everyone who'd listen that you were off killing people for the RR."
My eyes dart around the room as I look for this memory, but it's gone. "Any more?"
He nods and takes a deep breath. "Yeah, the summer right before you turned seventeen. You killed–"
"A trainer. I remember that one."
He shakes his head. "No, that was after. You killed the kids."
My mouth drops open. "What?"
"The mutant kids, the monsters. You found them in the outer perimeter buildings at the Stag and you killed them. They erased that shit immediately – weren't even careful about it either. You were never really the same. I didn't see you after that, but there were stories that you went insane. Starting erasing things all on your own. Making gaps and filling it in with made-up shit."
"My father did this?"
He nods. "He signed off on every bit of it."
"So, how did all you guys end up on the same team, Gideon? It makes no sense."
He lets out a little air, a half-laugh maybe. "Junco, there are worse people out there than your father. He was not in on the RR plan, he was a plant from day one. Long before you were born. He saved me too, ya know. I realize he's got a lot of crimes to answer for, but–"
"And you just put up with it?"
"I told you, I came back to help you. They were just the path that got me here."
