Under Her Wing

by Ronica Black

  “Not right now you don’t. Right now, you need to relax and heal.”

  “I can’t,” she said. A tear slipped down her face. “I have so much to do.”

  Kassandra squeezed her hand in return. “Jayden. You have to let go. Let the others help. I’m here. I’m going to help.”

  Her eyes shifted to her. “You will?”

  “Of course.”

  “I…never know with you. I seem to chase you away.”

  A heavy feeling of guilt washed over Kassandra. “I’m here now,” was all she could think to say.

  “Good, because I need you.”

  Kassandra studied her closely. She knew the sedative had kicked in and Jayden’s walls were down. But still the confession surprised her, and even more than that…moved her. She didn’t think Jayden was the type to ever need anyone. But maybe that was her shield. Maybe she used that attitude to protect herself like she did.

  “You do?” Kassandra asked softly.

  “Yes.” She licked her dry lips. “You make everything…right. You make it all fit, like a puzzle that was missing a piece.”

  Kassandra felt her breath catch. She held her hand, felt Jayden stroke her with her thumb.

  “Don’t leave again,” she said. “No matter how afraid you are.”

  “How do you know I’m afraid?”

  “Because I am.”

  Kassandra looked away, her eyes too deep, too penetrating. “I just…” She swallowed against a burning throat. “I…people fail me. My father made promises he never kept. I know it shouldn’t, but it still sticks with me. People don’t do what they say or say what they mean. And I’m…left all alone…waiting for them to follow through.”

  “I get it,” Jayden said. “The teens, they feel the same way. Maybe that’s why you’re so good with them.”

  “Maybe.”

  “Kassandra?”

  Kassandra met her heavy gaze.

  “Like I said before. I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here. In whatever way you need.”

  Kassandra took a deep, shaky breath, the tears rising and frustrating her. “Okay.”

  “No, I mean it. I won’t disappear. I’m here.”

  Kassandra laughed a little to break the heaviness.

  “No, I mean it.”

  The curtain rings scraped and Kassandra turned to find Mel entering, face ashen, eyes wide with concern.

  “What the hell happened? Are you okay?” She rushed to Jayden’s side. “Allie said you fell.”

  “I’m fine, I’m fine. Just a little banged up.”

  “You look like hell.”

  Kassandra stood, knowing that was her cue to go. Jayden looked at her while Mel continued on.

  “Don’t go,” she finally said.

  “I need to get back. Check on the dog.” She knew Jayden wouldn’t argue with that.

  “I’ll see you soon.”

  Mel unstrapped her wrists, cursing softly.

  “Be careful. She tries to pull her IV out,” Kassandra said.

  Mel shot her a look. “Yeah, I got it. You can go.”

  Kassandra burned at her tone but said nothing. Jayden needed to rest, and she knew Mel would take care of her. She waved and quietly walked out. Jayden’s eyes were wide and full. But she couldn’t stay, not even if Mel left. Jayden was opening her up, filling her with kindness and understanding, offering to be there, no matter what. With the exception of Katelynn and Wendy, no one had ever followed through on that. She reminded herself of that as she walked into the setting sun, squinting against the light, squinting against Jayden’s words that were trying their very best to penetrate. She slipped on her shades, battling back. Even if Jayden meant it, only time would allow her to prove it. And she just didn’t know how much longer she could fend her off without crushing her lips to hers and getting lost in her soul.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Jayden groaned and the dogs moved, allowing her to sit up on the couch. She scowled at Mel, who stood from the nearby chair to hand over the cane she’d bought for her.

  “I told you, no cane.”

  Mel scoffed. “Jesus, will you cut it with the bravado. It helps you balance better in case your back tweaks.”

  Again, she waved it off and stood. “I’m fine. Better.” She paused as a bolt of pain shot through her back muscles. “Every day.”

  “Mm-hmm.” Mel tried to cup her elbow, but Jayden glared at her.

  “I’m just going to the kitchen.”

  “Why? What do you need?”

  She didn’t answer, just moved carefully across the room, dogs walking slowly at her heels. She wanted to get the chilled wine from the fridge and set the table for Kassandra. She was due any minute with a homemade casserole. Jayden’s mouth watered just thinking about it. The bean burritos Mel had been bringing her were good, but they were getting old, fast. She’d made the mistake of telling her that’s what she was craving when she got home from the hospital. Mel had gone into overdrive, bringing her several from one of their favorite Mexican restaurants.

  “What are you doing?” Mel asked as Jayden retrieved the wine and set it on the counter to open. She sighed as she pulled out the corkscrew. There was no way she could open it. Mel would have to do it.

  “Will you open this?” She slid her the bottle.

  “I see,” she said. “Straight girl is coming over.”

  “She’s bringing dinner, and her name is Kassandra.”

  “Her name is ‘tease.’”

  Jayden gave her a look, warning her. She didn’t tolerate Mel berating Kassandra, and Mel knew it.

  “Okay, okay.” She grabbed the bottle and got to work with the corkscrew. “If you like her so much why don’t you ask her to move in here with you while you heal?”

  “Are you saying you’ve had enough of me?”

  “No.” She grunted as she twisted. “I’m saying this is the perfect opportunity to have her close. To get to know her better. To, you know, get her in your bed.”

  Jayden jerked and winced as the corked popped. “I’m not trying to seduce her, Mel.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because she needs to feel how she feels. Figure things out on her own.”

  “You’re chicken shit.” Mel slid the bottle back to her and Jayden poured the wine into two glasses.

  “You wish. I just really care about her, Mel. If she ends up wanting me, then she does. I’m not going to push it.”

  “How noble,” Mel said. “As always. I just don’t know how you have the patience when you have so many women who would gladly have you.”

  “I don’t want them. And besides, I don’t expect anything, so I’m never disappointed.”

  “How long will you wait, Jay?”

  Jayden shrugged. “I might have these feelings for her forever. Even if she only wants to remain friends. I’ll just have to figure out how to move on. If I can. Right now, I can’t even imagine another woman.”

  Mel shook her head. “You’re too good for me, girl. Too good for me.”

  Jayden smiled. “Just wait, someday you’ll feel like this.”

  “Right.”

  “You will. It will happen.”

  Mel gave a wave. “On that note, I will bid you good-bye. You want me back tonight?”

  “Nah.”

  “Got it. Later, Romeo.” She breezed out the door and Jayden carried the glasses to the table and began carefully readying it for dinner. It had been a week since the accident, and she was slowly coming around to feeling normal. Mel had temporarily moved in to help her get around, and for a while she’d needed it. But now she was feeling stronger, the pain was dulling, and she could move around better. Kassandra would be pleased.

  She’d come by almost every day since the accident, bringing food, wine, playing with the dogs. Not to mention the work she’d done at the kennel. The teens were raving about her, and Allie was even impressed. Jayden had felt herself glow in her presence, even when she put her foot down and told Jayden to take it easy.
She seemed to really care, and it felt nice. Right.

  “Knock, knock,” Kassandra said as she peeked around the cracked door.

  Jayden turned carefully and smiled. “Come on in.”

  Kassandra greeted the dogs and stepped inside carrying a glass casserole dish covered in foil. “It’s still warm,” she said, smiling.

  “I can already taste it,” Jayden said.

  “Did you tell her no more burritos?” She set the dish on the counter, removed the lid, and searched for a spoon.

  “I don’t have the heart. She really thinks I love them that much. Plus, Mel’s not exactly creative that way. She thinks like your average straight dude.”

  “If that means she’s anything like my ex-husband, then I completely understand.”

  Jayden tried to smile, but the mention of her ex-husband again made her stomach drop. The thought of someone having Kassandra and not appreciating how incredible she was infuriated her. Not to mention the thought of that person being a man. Was Kassandra still attracted to men? Would she ever accept her as a woman? Accept her attraction? They were questions that drove her mad when she allowed them. But like she’d told Mel, she was pushing them away and expecting nothing but a good friendship, and so far, Kassandra had been a great friend to have in her corner.

  Kassandra helped her set the table, and they settled in as she scooped out chicken casserole for the both of them. The dogs all lay at the entrance to the dining area, having been trained not to enter when people were eating at the table. Seven dogs begging for food could be a little overwhelming.

  “Mmm, great wine.” Kassandra sipped heartily and Jayden tried not to notice how it stained her beautiful lips.

  “I had Allie pick some up. Mel, well, I already explained about Mel.”

  “Right.”

  Jayden sipped hers lightly. She was still on a light dose of painkillers so she had to be careful with alcohol. She didn’t want to get woozy in front of Kassandra because she honestly couldn’t remember what she’d said to her the last time she was. She vaguely recalled telling her that she wanted her after she’d fallen. That confession alone made her uneasy, and she felt exposed. She wished she could remember Kassandra’s response.

  “How are you feeling?” Kassandra asked, blowing on a bite of food.

  Jayden swallowed, thanking God that Kassandra knew how to cook. “Better every day.”

  “Still stiff?”

  “Yes.”

  “I can help you stretch after dinner.”

  Jayden nearly dropped her fork. Mel helped her stretch twice a day. There was no way she could let Kassandra do it. She didn’t trust herself not to heat and embarrass herself at the close proximity.

  “Thanks, but Mel already did.”

  Kassandra looked down, and Jayden wasn’t sure if she saw disappointment cross her face.

  “I wish you’d let me do more for you,” she said, forking another bite.

  “You do plenty.”

  “I do a lot at the kennel, but here…I feel like you’re careful with me somehow. Like you don’t want me to get too close. I thought we were friends.”

  Jayden gulped her wine. “We are.”

  “Then let me help.”

  “I do.”

  Kassandra sighed. “How about your laundry? Has Mel done that?”

  “I did. Today.”

  “Jayden, you shouldn’t be doing that. Not yet.”

  Jayden warmed from the wine. She wanted another glass to help ease her growing anxiety, but she resisted. “I’m okay.”

  “What about your bedding?”

  Jayden couldn’t think quickly enough and Kassandra pounced.

  “Good, I’ll change that out for you.”

  Jayden tried to argue, but Kassandra gave her a look, warning her not to even think about it. Jayden didn’t push.

  “So, how are you? Things going well at school?”

  Kassandra’s face clouded. She tried to smile but failed. “I just keep thinking I’d be happier somewhere else. I love the kids, but I just feel like my hands are tied with them. I’m the librarian, not a counselor. I just can’t seem to help them enough. And no one else seems interested in doing so.”

  Jayden chewed and shrugged. “So why don’t you counsel?”

  Kassandra looked up and blinked. “You mean change my profession?”

  “Sure. If that’s what makes you happy. Why not?”

  “I don’t know. I’ve never really put much thought into it. I guess I’d have to go back to school.”

  “Would that be a deal breaker?”

  Kassandra played with her food. “No, not necessarily.”

  “I say do what makes you happy. I couldn’t imagine working a job I didn’t like.” She was damn lucky she had her kennel. Working a nine-to-five in an office sound hellish to her. She needed to breathe the fresh air, even if it was 115 degrees. And she couldn’t imagine not being able to work with the dogs. They gave her so much love and affection and filled almost every void deep inside. Almost every void.

  Kassandra finally forked another bite. “I’ll think about it.” She smiled, and this time it reached her eyes. “Thanks.”

  Jayden loved seeing her happy. She desperately wanted to tell her she was trying to locate her student Tony, but she wanted it to be a surprise if she found him. She knew from her phone calls that he’d been put in the system, and Kassandra was always upset when she talked about it, feeling responsible. She missed Tony at the school. His presence seemed to be the only thing she looked forward to at work anymore. Jayden wished she could make it all better, but there was only so much she could do.

  She tried her best not to stare at her as they finished eating. She still felt a little light-headed from the wine, and Kassandra had a second glass. They talked about the teens as they rose and walked the dishes to the sink. Kassandra insisted on cleaning up, and Jayden argued but only halfheartedly. She was growing tired and weak, and she tried her best not to show it. But eventually, she had to make her way to the couch and sink down. The dogs joined her, lying at her feet and a couple settling on the couch with her.

  When Kassandra joined her, she covered her with a light throw. “Comfortable?”

  Jayden nodded. “Yes, thanks.”

  “I’m going to go change out your bed.”

  Jayden tried to move, but Kassandra eased her down. “I’ll be right back.” She touched her cheek, so light and delicate Jayden almost wondered if she’d imagined it. With a blink, she was gone, leaving behind her light, lingering scent. Some of the dogs followed her, including Dax, who had become quite taken with her. Jayden smiled and closed her eyes. It felt so good having Kassandra in her home. Sharing a meal with her, sipping wine, just having light conversation as if they were an everyday couple settling in for the evening. It felt good, warm, perfect. Even if they were only friends.

  “Where are your sheets?” Kassandra called out.

  “In the hall closet.” Jayden winced at having to yell. It hurt, and now even breathing seemed to hurt. She decided to rise and join her rather than continue to shout. Slowly, she walked down the hall to the bedroom. She slowed as she came to the doorway. As she reached up for the door frame to steady herself, she caught sight of Kassandra at the bed, Jayden’s pillow hugged to her body. She moaned as she briefly inhaled it and then removed the pillowcase.

  Fire burned beneath Jayden’s cheeks and she knew she should retreat, but the dogs on her heels bounded into the room and onto the bed, startling Kassandra. She turned and dropped the pillow, while the cover remained in her hand. “You scared me,” she said, covering her heart with her free hand.

  Jayden looked away, unsure what to say. With the wine, she couldn’t think quickly enough, and she knew with Kassandra’s awkward silence that she knew Jayden had seen her. She tossed the pillowcase on the bed and blushed. “I, um, you really should be resting while I do this.”

  “I came to help.”

  “You shouldn’t have.”

  Jayden
met her gaze. “But I did.”

  Kassandra forced a smile and sighed. “Yes, well, I’ve been wondering what cologne you wear. I really like it.”

  Jayden’s heart pounded in her ears. She wanted to walk to her, cup her face, and kiss her so soft, so deep, she’d crawl into every cell in her body. But Kassandra was embarrassed, and it had been a private moment, not one she’d wanted Jayden to know about. Jayden had to respect that.

  “Safari.” The word just came out, her voice threatening to cave.

  “Oh. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of that one before.”

  Jayden stood still, not trusting herself to move. “It’s men’s cologne.”

  Kassandra continued to pull the sheets from the bed. “You, uh, wear men’s cologne?”

  “Yes.”

  “I guess I never even imagined that. Women, you know, wearing men’s cologne.”

  “I like the way it smells. And so do—those I date.”

  Kassandra tripped over the pile of sheets on the floor but caught herself, straightening with her hand in her hair, obviously flustered. “I’m so clumsy.” She laughed, but it sounded nervous. She bent and hugged the sheets and moved toward the door, lower half of her face covered.

  Jayden moved to let her by and then walked to the bed to begin putting on the set of clean sheets. Her back spasmed a little, but it honestly felt good to stretch. She struggled with the fitted sheet but finally managed to get it on. When she finished, she lay down, arms out wide, loose sheet over her legs. She exhaled long and slow and fought sleep.

  “You look comfortable,” Kassandra said, coming up to sit beside her. The blush on her face still remained, and Jayden wondered what she was thinking, feeling.

  “I am. It feels good to spread out.”

  Kassandra wrung her hands. “I could, you know, massage you.”

  Jayden jerked and closed her eyes in pain. “I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

  Kassandra was silent for a long moment. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe some things we shouldn’t do as friends.” Silence fell between them, and Kassandra sat with her hands in her lap, shoulders relaxed, a sad look on her face. “It’s hard for me,” she said. “Figuring out this friend thing.”

  Jayden watched her closely. She wanted to reach up and stroke her jaw, her arm, her hand. “I know what you mean.”