Crayons

by P. S. Power

  “I don't know, but that wasn't what I expected either!”

  They got to the car a few minutes later. It was still warm from the last trip. A decently new car, since his mother leased them and traded in every year or two. It kept her in new cars without worrying about ownership and allowed her to upgrade for less than it would cost to buy. She didn't own them though, so teaching him to drive had been a no-no. Not that she'd had the free time for that anyway, or the temperament. He'd had to pay extra for lessons the summer before, so that he could get his license on his birthday.

  As she pulled out of the complex parking lot his mother glanced at him quickly and then drove carefully. On the third look she finally spoke.

  “I'm so glad I have you as a son. I should have told you all this earlier. Thank you for being so, perfect about everything. Um. Sorry about being a doofus.” Mercy grinned a little as she looked straight ahead.

  Josh was glad of the darkness inside the car then, because he knew that his face had turned red. Twice in one day was a record, even for him.

  “Well, good, all I have to do is not fall into the punch bowl then and I think everything will be alright, don't you?” He said softly enough that the words weren't heard over the sound of the engine. It wasn't a real concern, he didn't often make a scene at parties. Or anywhere.

  They drove down the dark streets, the car growing warmer the whole time.

  It felt nice. Safe. He could deal with whatever came, he decided.

  Josh would just have to stick to his plan and try not to shrink into himself. That was doable, right?

  Right.

  Chapter four

  The place they ended up with was decently large, not some kind of giant mansion, but it beat the little apartment they lived in hands down, Josh thought a bit enviously, then decided not to be intimidated by it. They weren't trying to cram the party into his bedroom and he wouldn't have to pick up after this one, so, good enough. They'd hired valet parking, young men in red suits that looked just about as out of place as possible standing out in the cool evening in front of a personal residence.

  Mercy passed the keys over as if it was something that happened all the time, and maybe it was in her world. That wasn't the same place that he lived in at all, Josh thought, trying to glance around no more than would be polite. It was a great place though, two stories of brick and ivy, a white columned porch and a very highly manicured lawn. The garage was attached, but had a hallway or walkway that stretched about fifty feet to it along the back to make it happen. Cars were filling up the driveway and then down the street out front, which was hidden by a thick tree line. Or something like that, it was hard to tell in the dark.

  At the door he half expected his mom to try and wipe his face with a damp napkin before going in, but she just smiled at him instead and put her arm around his shoulders gently, as if they were part of a real family. Well, accessory kid to the rescue then. Today had been about as close to an open discussion as they'd had in years. Still, now that she didn't have to hide half her life from him, maybe he'd get to see her a little more? That would be nice.

  The door opened without them having to knock or ring a bell, the woman standing there was pretty enough that Josh noticed her, even though she was old enough to have been his mother. His hormones didn't know that, so he smiled at her, which came across as just being polite luckily enough. No drool or anything. The thought perversely made him want to wipe his mouth, just in case.

  “Mercy! So good of you to come.” The woman said, her arms out for a hug. Her dress was black and slinky enough to mark her as a trophy wife, but she seemed actually happy to see them. It wasn't forced or anything as far as he could tell.

  “Laura, this is my son, Joshua, Josh, this is Bill's wife, Laura Banister.”

  That kind of explained it then. Josh had actually met Bill a few times, the senior partner. The man was wealthy, well connected, and about fifteen to twenty years older than the hottie at the door. It kind of made Josh feel hopeful. Have enough money someday and he could buy love, even if it didn't come naturally.

  Or rent it at least.

  Of course for all he knew the man was a saint and Laura just really loved him. He felt awkward for a moment because of his snap judgment then smiled. Not his business, was it?

  “Very pleased to meet you.” Josh tried to sound adult about it. Mrs. Banister smiled warmly enough that she at least thought his attempt was cute it seemed. Nice of her, since he felt like a chimp in a suit.

  They were moved into the house gently, it was lovely, but smelled of alcohol already. The hostess actually pulling him in just a little by the arm and shutting the glossy dark brown wooden door quickly to keep the temperature steady in the room. She didn't let go of him when she turned back to Mercy, so he moved around with her, feeling a bit bemused and out of place already. The room was filled with adults in suits and nice party dresses and over in one corner a group of kids that all looked to be under ten sat watching videos of some kind. Cartoons.

  That was it.

  No teenagers at all, and the only woman that looked young enough to possibly be interesting was on the arm of Bill Banister already. She looked slightly familiar but he couldn't place the face exactly. Laura started walking toward them so they had to move as a group, unless Josh wanted to start a wrestling match for the freedom of his arm. The girl looked even better close up. About his age, easily cute enough to be an actress, but not one of the people from drama... Really, he felt like he should know her though... She wore a silver dress that had sequins on it, which was a little over done for the room, but still, incredible really. So much so he just instantly assumed she wouldn't have anything to do with him and smiled in a friendly way that wasn't awkward at all. It was a trick he'd learned. When you really didn't care what someone thought of you, and you already knew you didn't need to impress them, there was no need to be nervous, was there? It freed your mind and allowed you to just be yourself.

  She just stepped up and put her hand out warmly, without anything being said at all.

  “Josh Harding?” The words were pretty certain for all they ended with a question at the end. He didn't know her at all though.

  “Yes, I... don't think we've met? Or we have and I'm brain damaged? Pretty sure I wouldn't have forgotten you...” Then he realized what he'd just said, how that would sound, and got ready to blush, but the girl stole the march before anyone else could react at all.

  “Well, different circles, I normally run with the science crowd and you're one of the drama people. I'm Meridith. We should hang out sometime, but right now I think I need to steal you away from everyone here for a minute. Or a few hours. I have work for you to do.” The girl looked at first Laura and then Bill, a graceful move that had to be a shrug in perfect land got made, the light sparkling off of her dress was the only thing that let him know she'd done it at all.

  Meridith looked at the others and smiled.

  “I'll be right back when I drop him off upstairs. Someone needs to snap out of...”

  Laura smiled and shook her head. “That's not fair love.”

  “Nope, but it might work. Be right back. Come on Josh.” She took his arm and started walking away, which he followed immediately, after all, half of improv was boldly following the lead of others. His mother laughed quietly behind him and said something he couldn't hear.

  Work? Well, not what he'd come for, but washing dishes or making gift baskets sounded like more fun than watching the Lion King with the little kids. Maybe it was what they were doing with the teens here? Fair enough. Slave labor, sure, but cost effective. Maybe there would be someone else to talk to?

  The girl moved up the stairs without saying a word, but she did smile at him the whole time. At the top she relented a little and finally said something, though it wasn't helpful.

  “We really should hang out sometime. Not tonight though. She needs a friendly face, you look friendly enough. She's mentioned you a few times even. It has to be a sign, right?
Here we are.” She tried the door, but nothing happened, being locked from the inside it seemed.

  She knocked firmly, still smiling.

  “Bathroom's two doors down on the left!” A soft and gloomy female sounding voice called out.

  “It's not that, I brought something from the party you might like. Open the door or you'll lose it...” Meridith sounded like he was a treat, but Josh doubted that he'd be enough for whoever was behind the door. Unless she had a big pile of party favors to put together in there or something. They should have brought food. Everyone ate that stuff, didn't they?

  After a loud sigh, the door opened. It took a second for the face to focus clearly, coming out of pitch black like it was. It was pale and had familiar amber hair, pulled back simply into a pony tail. A lot like the girl next to him in looks actually, now that he saw them close together.

  Amy.

  That made sense.

  Of course it did. The one person in the world he wasn't ready to see, and boom, there she was. She looked horrible too. Well, great, but that was, he knew, because he loved her. Her eyes were red and puffy, from tears recent enough that he could still see that her ever so slightly rounded cheeks were damp. She blinked at him for a few seconds, then she just didn't move.

  “Josh? I...” Well, he realized, friends or not in her mind, she did not sound happy to see him. Given everything that would pretty much be a given.

  He shrugged.

  “Came to visit. Can't let a friend cry in the dark alone, can I? Figured I'd come cry with you.” It was ridiculous, but got a smile anyway. Kind of. Still, pretending he was there just to see her seemed better than explaining how lost he was as to an explanation, didn't it? Meridith standing next to him patted him on the back.

  “Snap him up sis. If you don't I will. I expected him to run away when he saw who was behind the door. Especially looking like a swamp creature. Didn't even go all awkward on us. Pretty special, don't you think?” She didn't explain what that meant, but it had the sound of some kind of in joke, rather than an insult or teasing. Instead the girl just turned and walked down the stairs without pausing.

  Leaving him standing in front of the door, the bedroom door, he thought, of the only person in the world he'd ever loved.

  Who he'd promised himself he'd tell that to the next time he saw her. Here she was... and though he didn't really get why, there he was too.

  Marvelous.

  Yeah, it was a sign alright. Possibly one from the universe saying he was too worthless to live? Josh took a breath and wondered if running away at full speed would make him look worse than saying what he knew he had to? Probably.

  Well, this wasn't going to go well was it? Josh just smiled and got ready to say the words, explain himself and go away. Possibly at a run then. He had all that practice after all. It had to be good for something.

  “I told myself that I'd explain to you, everything, when I saw you next, I'm not ready, I haven't planned or rehearsed, but I really need to do it now, I kind of promised myself and if I don't do it, I probably never will...” The door opened wider.

  “Come in then. Whatever it is that I've done, I might as well cry about it behind closed doors. There's a party of sorts going on downstairs, I hear, no need to ruin things for everyone.” She sounded angry. With him. Well crud. Not at all what he'd thought this would be like.

  No, that involved a calm Amy looking at him as if he was a kindergartener being cute, telling the adult woman that he wanted to marry her someday. Right now she looked more ready to fight. Or cry.

  Until she didn't. When she shut the door the light all went away.

  “Oops. Sorry. I was just in here alone. Um, can we leave the light off?” She sounded more afraid now than angry.

  Josh shrugged then realized that she couldn't see him at all.

  “Sure, this won't take long. We may not be friends afterward, but I hope we can be.” He didn't know where to sit, so he just stood in the black, carpet under his feet. It felt like a nice soft thing. In front of him, a few feet, maybe more given the size of the other rooms, he heard bed springs shift as Amy settled. Just sitting he thought.

  “Go ahead. I probably deserve it, whatever it is.” The tears sounded like they'd started again.

  God, he realized, badly wanting to stall, or lie, or do something funny to lighten the mood, this was going to suck. There was, given her current state, a very real chance of her screaming at him, or throwing things. Calling him names was almost certain. He tried to remember where the door was in case he needed to flee in mortal terror. Anything less he'd just have to take, and hope it didn't hurt too bad.

  For a half minute Josh was silent, and couldn't hear anything but her breathing. It sounded sweet to him, even the occasional soft sobs. There couldn't be any more working up of courage he knew, Josh didn't have any for situations like this, he just had to act.

  The room smelled like peppermint.

  Too bad. If he associated this with peppermint later he might never be able to make himself eat it again. He kind of liked peppermint.

  “I... OK, a couple of months ago you started going out with Anthony. That I knew of at least, and I sort of decided to back off a bit, because I really like you. That was all it was. I'm not mad or anything. I just... didn't want to press you, since you seemed happy and everything.” He wanted to stop then, as he heard the breathing stop in front of him totally. It probably was shocking, wasn't it?

  He couldn't though. If he didn't tell her the whole thing, it wouldn't count at all. Argh. Josh shook his head and sighed.

  “No... that's not right. It's not really all of it. Amy... I love you. I have for nearly a year. I just know that, well, you know...”

  He waited not knowing what to expect. No growls of rage came from the pitch black, so that was potentially positive. Nothing hit him either.

  But nothing happened for a long time. Too long.

  “Oh.” She said, her voice sounding so bleak he nearly cried himself. Well, it would be better in the long run and now they could just not be friends and it would be alright. It would hurt, but someday the agony ripping his soul in two would stop. Wasn't the universe supposed to end in twenty billion years or so? It gave him something to hope for at least.

  “Oh.” This time her voice was simply blank. God. Well, at least it wasn't blowing up on him. Maybe he could work his way out of the room and just wait out in the car or even just hang out with the little kids for the rest of the evening, so that it wouldn't ruin things for his mom. This was important to her, a big business thing.

  He was just about to suggest he go when he heard a soft laugh from in front of him.

  “Really?” She spoke so softly he almost didn't hear her at all. “Meridith didn't tell you to say that did she? She's my sister and I love her, but her idea of how to fix things can be a bit blunt at times. Kind of like using a sledgehammer to cut a birthday cake.”

  “OK, and we just veered off into a sudden right turn, going into Amy land.” He smiled when he said it, but a worried one that didn't carry into his voice. “I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't even know that you knew Bill Banister at all. I knew he was married, but...”

  “Yeah, step-kid. He's a bit of a jerk, but not too bad. Better than... Well, a lot of things.” She sobbed a little, still crying though her voice had been clear when she spoke, then he realized... it was laughter.

  She was laughing at him. That... was one of the things that could have happened. Ouch though. Josh had expected better. Not much, but not outright mocking. Well, maybe he could tell his mom and Joanie that a new place outside of the Shilo school district would work out just fine. That or just die.

  “God Josh...” Her tone was sad now, lonely sounding. “God... I...”

  He took a step back edging toward the door.

  “I love you too.” She said, crying a little louder.

  “I always have, since the first time we met. Well, the second time really, but still, right near the be
ginning, you just never approached me as anything other than a friend, so I tried to get on with my life.” She stood and after a moment a hand caught his shoulder and suddenly a pair of warm arms wrapped around him. Then, surprising him, warm, soft lips touched his, her body tight against him. She tasted like peppermint. Strongly.

  His new favorite flavor he decided. Shallow of him? Easily led? Who, him?

  “We can't really do anything in here, the second Bill realizes that I'm alone with a boy he'll be at the door. I... Can we meet? I... Anthony and I broke up. Earlier today, so, I can't date anyone for a while. I just... can't. But we could hang out and, maybe do some stuff? Hang out on vacation? I really could use a friend about now.”

  His face grew warm and being daring he kissed her back. It wasn't something he'd done before really, but luckily he was well read and apparently got close enough to make a recently crying girl happy. She didn't take back her offer at least.

  “That sounds fun. I have a lot of time for the next bit...”

  She took a deep breath, still holding his neck in both her hands, soft hands that felt warm on his skin. This was...

  More than he'd ever expected from her. More than he'd dared to dream about. Literally. Josh hadn't even fantasized about her, even though he did about every other girl he knew from school. For that matter he'd had more than one or two pervy thoughts about Joanie, which would be a little awkward to remember now. A lot more than a few actually... A couple that day even.

  “Go back to the party?” She said softly, nearly in his ear, her breath warm and moist against his flesh. “Bill really will be up here in a bit. I was counting on it if you started railing on me for being evil or something. Really though? You love me? That's not... Me reading into it wrong or being delusional?”

  “It's real, painful and breathtaking, but yeah, the genuine article.”

  “Good! About time someone I loved returned the feeling. I'll be down in... a while. I have to get ready... Um, don't go anywhere? Not until we can make plans.” She sounded breathless suddenly.