André

by Catherine Lievens

  André snorted. “Chilly little heart? Really?”

  “What can I say? I’m thawing.”

  Keenan was one of the most loving people André knew, so much so that he rivaled André’s parents when it came to taking care of him even when he didn’t want them to. Keenan and Nysys were always there for everyone, making sure everyone had enough to eat and was happy. Their hearts were anything but chilly.

  “Anyway, me and Nysys are organizing a small get together for tonight. Why don’t you invite him?”

  André nibbled at his lower lip. “I don’t know. I don’t think he’ll want to come.”

  “He doesn’t know about shifters?”

  “No, he does. That’s not what’s worrying me.”

  “You know you can talk to me about anything, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “But you won’t talk about Mr. Boyfriend.”

  “It’s not that. It’s just that Nicky feels uncomfortable at the idea of coming here.”

  “Nicky, huh?”

  André sighed. He’d let it slip out and he couldn’t take it back, but he didn’t think Keenan would recognize Nicky as Nicholas Sykes. Nicky was too common a name. “Yeah.”

  “Why wouldn’t he be comfortable?”

  “He’s very solitary. He’s been living on his own for more than a year, and he doesn’t have friends. He’s not the best when it comes to socializing.”

  “So? Nysys sucks at socializing. I mean, every time he opens his mouth something inappropriate comes out of it. We’ll leave your Nicky mostly alone if that’s what he wants. You can make out with him in a corner if you want, but I’d like for you both to come. Four dates means there’s something there, André. I’m not saying you should marry him or anything, but I know you wouldn’t be still seeing him if he wasn’t the right guy.”

  André smiled. “Is there anything like a right guy?”

  “There is when you have a shifter mate.” Keenan narrowed his eyes again. “You said he knows about shifters. Is he one?”

  “Umm, yeah.”

  “Huh. Weird.”

  “What?”

  “Most shifters I know wouldn’t go out with a human who wasn’t their mate, not unless they lost their mate.” He leaned forward until only a few inches separated his nose from André’s. “Are you hiding something?”

  André tried to look as innocent as he could. “Of course not.”

  Keenan snorted and leaned away. “Did you forget who my best friend is? I know when someone’s lying to me.”

  André needed to get out of there, and fast. “I’m already late, so I’ll see you tonight, okay?”

  “You’re not even having breakfast?”

  “Nope. Bye.”

  “Your jacket!”

  André rushed out of the house and to his rental car. He wasn’t supposed to see Nicky that morning. Hell, he wasn’t even supposed to leave the house, but he’d been lucky enough that his keys were in his jeans pocket. That still left him without a jacket, though, and he couldn’t exactly walk around like that since it was the end of October.

  He wasn’t about to go back inside, so he climbed into his car and drove away. Nicky was probably still in bed, but he should be awake. André hadn’t gone back to his small apartment since that first day, but he hoped a surprise would be welcome.

  He stopped at a coffee shop first. He gathered all the change he usually left in the car and bought two coffees and two cookies, then drove the rest of the way to Nicky’s apartment. Once there he locked the car and climbed the outdoor stairs, hooked the bag with the cookies under his arm, and knocked.

  Everything was silent for a moment, then Nicky called out, “Boss?”

  “Umm, no. It’s me. André.”

  The door swung open and Nicky blinked at him. “Did we have a date I forgot about?”

  André momentarily forgot how to talk at the sight of Nicky wearing only a pair of pajama pants that hung low on his hips. There wasn’t an ounce of fat on his body. His muscles were long and defined, his nipples two pink discs that were puckering in the cool autumn air.

  Nicky hissed and crossed his arms on his chest. André gave him a sheepish smile, but for some reason Nicky didn’t look particularly happy with him right then, so he raised the coffees he was holding and retrieved the cookies from under his arm. “I brought breakfast.”

  “I see.”

  “Well, if you don’t want it I can go back to the mansion and eat it on my own.”

  André started to turn around. He wasn’t angry at Nicky, but he wanted him to understand that if there was a problem he should talk about it or at least point it out. André wasn’t a shifter, even though he knew a lot of them and had lived with them for a while. Sometimes he still thought they were weird, and he was sure he made mistakes. He couldn’t learn from them if no one explained what was wrong.

  “Don’t go,” Nicky said, and André stopped moving.

  He waited until Nicky stepped to the side, then walked in. He put the coffees on Nicky’s tiny table and watched as his boyfriend retrieved a T-shirt and put it on. “Are you cold?”

  “No.”

  André sat at the table and bit a mouthful of cookie off. He chewed and swallowed watching Nicky disappear into the bathroom, then come back a few moments later. He took a folding chair from a corner of the room, opened it, and set it on the other side of the table before sitting.

  “Not that I want you to be uncomfortable or anything, but is there a reason why you covered your chest since you’re not cold?” André asked.

  Nicky sighed. “Do we really have to talk about it now?”

  André put his cookie down. “No, but we’ll have to eventually, or at least I hope so. And we have to talk about something. Not that I didn’t have fun during our dates, but we spend more time kissing than talking. You don’t want to talk about your past, your present, or even your future. I really don’t know how to get to know you better if all we do is kiss.”

  * * * *

  Nicky reached for the seam of his T-shirt and pulled it off again. He bunched it and put it on his lap, his fingers tangled in the fabric.

  “Not that I mind looking at your naked chest, but you could have just told me whatever it is that’s bugging you,” André said, his eyes fixed on Nicky’s chest again.

  “Isn’t it obvious?”

  André finally looked up. He leaned against the back of his chair. “You’re talking about the scars, right?”

  “What else could I be talking about?”

  “I won’t say I hadn’t noticed them, but that’s not what I was looking at, to be honest.”

  Nicky found that hard to believe. “And what were you looking at, then?”

  “You. Your body. You’re sexy as fuck, you know.”

  Nicky wasn’t one to blush, but he could feel his cheeks heating. He knew he was good looking. He’d had to say no more than a few times to men and women trying to pick him up at the bar. But hearing André say something like that was different.

  “You know who did this to me?” Nicky asked. He was pretty sure André didn’t, and he needed to.

  André leaned forward to take a better look, almost knocking Nicky’s coffee down. Nicky saved it just in time and took a sip. It was lukewarm, but it was better than having no coffee.

  “Looks like claws,” André finally said.

  “Yes.”

  André leaned back again and looked at Nicky. “So? Are you going to tell me what happened or do I have to guess?”

  Nicky waited, because he knew André would understand on his own. It didn’t take a genius, not since he already know about the challenge.

  André blinked, then looked at Nicky’s chest again. “You mean Dom did that?”

  “Yes.”

  “During the challenge.”

  “Yes. That’s why I lost. Well, that and the fact that I wasn’t convinced of what I was doing and Dominic was stronger than me
and more experienced.”

  André was still staring at Nicky’s scars, and Nicky wanted to put his T-shirt back on. He resisted the urge and took the second cookie.

  “It doesn’t hurt anymore, right?” André finally asked.

  “No.”

  “I know shifters don’t usually scar.”

  “They don’t.”

  “So this was pretty bad when it happened.”

  Nicky looked down. The scars went from his sternum to his bellybutton, dividing his chest in two. He could trace the individual claws that had left the signs even now. “It was. Dominic’s mate healed me, but he couldn’t do anything for the scars.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “For what? You didn’t do anything. I did.”

  André’s expression shifted to stubbornness, and he crossed his arms on his chest. “Well, I don’t care.”

  Nicky arched a brow. “About?”

  André waved at Nicky’s chest. “About the scars. You obviously thought I would, since you covered it, but I don’t. I don’t know if someone said something about it, or if you’re just self-conscious, but whatever it is, you can get over it. I’m not one to get in a tizzy for a scar, no matter how big it is.”

  Nicky chuckled. “I’m starting to understand that.”

  “Good. The sooner you surrender to the idea, the better it’ll be for you.”

  “That sounded almost like a threat.”

  “It wasn’t. For now.”

  “Oh. I don’t know if I should be scared or not.”

  André laughed. “Probably. I’ve been known for hanging out with Nysys and Keenan.”

  Nicky shook his head. “I’m not sure what that means.”

  “Right. You don’t know how they are, apart maybe for Nysys. Well, I guess you’ll find out soon enough. Keenan is throwing a small party tonight and he invited you.”

  “Ah, nope. I’m not coming.”

  André’s smile fell a bit and Nicky almost regretted being so hasty to answer. Almost.

  “Why not?”

  “I’m not really one to party, André, and we’re talking about the mansion. Does Keenan even know who I am? Have you told him?”

  “No. Dominic asked Nysys to keep his big mouth shut until you felt comfortable enough to go to the mansion and to have people know about you. Nysys is not happy about it, and he’s still pouting, but he hasn’t told anyone.”

  “Then Keenan won’t want me there.” Nicky remembered Keenan. He’d been one of the few who’d come see him while he was in the infirmary. Nicky hadn’t stayed there long, just one night, and Keenan had been the one to bring him dinner, a dinner Nicky hadn’t eaten. Keenan hadn’t seemed angry or scared, but he hadn’t welcomed Nicky with open arms either. Of course, Nicky had just attacked Keenan’s alpha and tried to kill him, so Nicky hadn’t blamed him, and he still didn’t. He didn’t think Keenan would welcome him now, though, not even after all the time that had passed.

  “I’m sure he won’t have problems with you being there.”

  “André...”

  “No.” André leaned forward, his eyes narrowed, his chin set. “Look. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’d wrap you in wool and hide you from the world if I could, but I can’t. You have to face life, Nicky. I don’t mind giving you time and space, but you’ll have to do it sooner or later. I want to be with you, but right now, it feels like I have two separated lives, the one with you, and the one with my friends. I want those two lives to meet. I’m not ashamed of you or of what you did, and I don’t think you should be either. Keenan is one of the loveliest guys I know. He’ll welcome you. Everyone in the pride will.”

  “But after what I did—”

  “I call bullshit.”

  Nicky shot up from his chair. The chair screeched against the floor, but Nicky ignored it and moved away. Why didn’t André understand? Why couldn’t he see that Nicky going to the mansion was a bad idea? Who would forgive Nicky for attacking the great Dominic Nash? That man was loved by everyone with a grain of salt in their brain, and Nicky knew his pride members worshiped the ground he walked on. He understood the sentiment. Dominic could have killed him when he’d lost the challenge. He should have. He certainly didn’t have to have Nicky healed and to offer him a place in his pride.

  “You don’t know anything,” he said, tightening his hands into fists by his side. He didn’t want to scare André, but he wanted him to understand. What Nicky had done was unforgivable. Even if André was willing to close a blind eye, he was one of the only ones who would, and Nicky couldn’t face rejection again. He’d already been through too much of that.

  He’d rather be alone. It was easier, less painful. No one cared, and he didn’t either. That meant he wasn’t disappointed, that he wouldn’t be in the future.

  André got up too, slower, and calmer. “You’re hiding behind a wall you built, and I get why you’re doing it, Nicky,” he said softly. “You lost everything, and keeping life away is easier than facing the possibility of losing things and people again. I get it, really, but you can’t spend the rest of your life like that. You can’t be alone for the rest of your life.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Sure, you have me, and you won’t ever lose that, but am I enough?”

  Nicky tried to relax. “Yes.”

  “And when I have to go see my parents? Or when I need to travel for work? Are you going to come with me and hide in my hotel room the entire time?”

  “I... I don’t know. I can’t lose my job.”

  “So if I leave and you decide to stay here, you’ll be alone until I come back.”

  “So? I was alone for more than a year and I’m fine.”

  André slowly walked around the small kitchen table. He stopped in front of Nicky and cupped Nicky’s cheek.

  Nicky wanted to move away, because he couldn’t bear the tenderness and the pain he saw in André’s eyes when he finally looked at him.

  “I want you to be happy, and I don’t think I can do that on my own. You need to forgive yourself and to see that no one is angry at you.”

  “Nysys was.” Nicky hated that his voice was so feeble and trembling.

  “He was, but he didn’t know about us. He didn’t know why you were there.”

  “And now that he does?”

  “Now that he does he said he’d give you a chance. Everyone will. Everyone in the mansion knows what losing family feels like, and honestly, you wouldn’t be the only one who has done something bad.”

  “I’m not sure I believe that.”

  André smiled and let his hand fall. Nicky missed its heat.

  “Adrian used to work for the Glass Research Company. He experimented on shifters and on humans, yet everyone in the house loves him. Chogan is a wendigo shifter. His kind eats human flesh. He and his mother are part of the pride, and no one has anything to say against that. Morin, Nysys’ mate, is Glass’ son. John was a guard for the company. Micah’s father was a hunter.”

  Nicky tried to wrap his mind around that information. He hadn’t known—of course he hadn’t. He’d isolated himself, had cut himself off from the world, and this was the result.

  André came closer and kissed his cheek. “I’ll be at the mansion for the rest of the day, to work. If you decide to come, you can, whenever you want. I’ll be waiting for you.”

  With that, he turned around and left Nicky alone in his tiny apartment.

  * * * *

  André went back to the mansion feeling like shit. He’d thought he’d spend the day with Nicky since he wasn’t working tonight, but instead, he’d ended up scolding him and leaving. Damn, he was an asshole. Nicky knew all those things André had told him. It wasn’t his fault he wasn’t ready to come by the mansion or to meet André’s friends, and who was André to push him to do something he wasn’t ready for? An asshole, that was who.

  Now he was going to have to face Keenan and tell him Nicky wasn’t coming. To b
e honest, André didn’t think he’d hang out with the guys that evening. Was there anything more depressing than spending an evening with couples making doe eyes at each other?

  André didn’t know who would come, though, so maybe Morin and Jonah wouldn’t be there. He wasn’t sure he was in the mood for partying, though.

  He parked and got out of the car. The wind had picked up, and his hair flew around his face. He tugged on one curl, wondering if it was time to cut it already. Probably. He didn’t want to look like a deranged poodle, and that was how he looked with too-long hair.

  André opened the front door and sighed in relief when he closed it behind himself, cutting the wind out. There was no one in the entrance, so he crept upstairs. He managed to make it to his room and take his shoes off before Nysys suddenly appeared in front of him.

  André sighed. “I have to work.”

  Nysys’ expression shifted to horror. “It’s Sunday!”

  “So? Not like I have anything better to do.”

  “Wasn’t Nicky free today?”

  André mentally berated himself for telling Nysys about it. He’d been so excited before, and as far as he knew, Nicky didn’t often get Sunday free. André knew he’d probably had to promise to work longer hours the rest of the week or something like that. He’d tried to tell Nicky it didn’t matter, but Nicky had shrugged and said he wanted to spend the day with André.

  “He is,” he answered.

  “And didn’t you tell Keenan you were going over to his apartment?”

  “I did.”

  Nysys put his hands on his hips and tried to stare André down. André just stared back. He wasn’t one to back down in front of Nysys. He’d understood soon enough that if he did, Nysys would walk all over him, and that was the last thing he wanted. Nysys had already broken the rules by shimmering into André’s room without permission.

  “Why are you here if he’s free?” Nysys asked when André didn’t volunteer more information.

  André sighed. “We fought.”

  “Aww.” Nysys let his hands fall by his side and sat on André’s bed. He patted the spot next to his hip and André rolled his eyes, but he sat anyway. “Come on, tell me. You know you can talk to me if you need to.”