Burned

by J. Nichole Parkins

  Astonished, he fumbled the cigarette, burning a hole in the sheets. The smell of singed bedding filled the air, permeating the silence that stretched between us.

  “You did that.” He stared at the burning tip in his hand and then back to me.

  “Yes. You don’t have a problem with that do you?” I narrowed my eyes. “It’s not like you don’t know about others.”

  His eyes flashed with surprise then narrowed suspiciously. I wondered if I’d made a mistake. Covering my vulnerability I nonchalantly added, “I can smell them on you, Daniel.” I inhaled the smoke, the burn keeping me focused.

  His eyes were cautious as he asked, “What do you mean? What are you?”

  I sighed and began explaining. “As to what I mean, you know very well. You are a walking snack for the vampires. You smell like them. And blood - old blood.” His horrified expression would have been comical under any other circumstances. I hastily added, “Not everyone can smell you, just some others. It’s not unpleasant.” I smiled reassuringly. And it wasn’t, especially for any type of predator. It made him enticing. But that probably wasn’t something I should share.

  “I’m not exactly sure what I am though.” I confided. “I can start small fires with a thought. I’m a little better physically than regular humans. Stronger, better senses. That kind of thing.” I hesitated briefly, sounding a little unsure. “That doesn’t bother you does it?” Tense, I waited for his answer.

  “No!” He hurried out. “I was just surprised. You kind of hit me with this out of the blue.”

  “Yeah, well I thought you wouldn’t mind since you were friendly with the vampires and all. I’m not near as different as they are. I’m trying here, Daniel. I’m not used to sharing things about myself with anyone. I try to stay off the radar. Not many people know. It’s hard, you know?”

  “Actually yes. It’s like knowing this whole other world exists but you’re unable to talk about it with anyone.” He laughed, relaxing again.

  I shrugged. “I know what you mean. I’ve never met anyone like me before. My partner Spencer - you remember meeting him at Phoenix, right?”

  He nodded, eyes widening. “No he’s not…well he is different.” I amended. “But he’s a Grounder. That’s why I like to have him around. He is pretty useful if things get out of control, which - when you can start fires with a thought - tends to happen occasionally.” I laughed. “But that’s about it.” I shrugged again. “I’m sure there are more people out there like us that have talents they keep hidden out of fear. And then even more people like you who know of the others and have to keep their mouth shut.” I peered at him concerned. “What happens if you leak the info?”

  He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Um, it’s rather bad for my health.”

  “Oh.” My heart sank. They’d kill him.

  I wasn’t surprised. Although I wouldn’t go that far to keep people from knowing about me and my abilities, I wanted to stay hidden. Vampires had survived centuries; it was in their best interest to stay concealed. Although it was getting more difficult in the modern age with the advances in technology.

  It was my turn to narrow my eyes suspiciously at him. “Do you have any special talents?”

  He wiggled his eyebrows up and down. “Only my amazing sexual prowess,” he growled. I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “You don’t mind about my abilities though do you?”

  “No.” Daniel shrugged. “Although you are lighting my cigarettes from now on. I’m lazy like that.”

  I laughed again, the tension leaking from my shoulders.

  “So how did you get involved with the vamps?” I asked leaning back on the pillow, enjoying what was left of my cigarette.

  Leaning back he mirrored me, his gaze lost in the past as he explained.

  “I told you about the mess of my childhood.” Pain flashed across his face, fleeting but there. I recognized the pain he carried around like baggage, but worked to keep hidden under his humorous nature. He sighed, trying to gather himself to dive back into the past, coupled with the fear I’d run again.

  My heart ached for him. Grabbing his hand suddenly, I backtracked. “You don’t have to-”

  “It’s okay.” He looked deep into my eyes, nodding at whatever he saw there. “I just don’t usually talk about it.” I nodded, relaxing back against the headboard again, but I didn’t release his hand.

  He started where he had left off last time, on the streets at fifteen. In order to survive, he had started selling his body; first for food, then money, and eventually drugs. Living on the streets was dangerous, obviously, but made even more so by the abundance of others in the area. They were whispered about, but he had thought they were delusions from a bad trip.

  Until the night he was desperate for drugs and snuck off with an unusual, shifty man. One who he would normally have the intelligence to turn down. But the desire to get high outweighed his logic. Only caring about getting his next fix, he took the offered heroin. And instead of the usual payment – a blowjob or a quick fuck – he found himself being munched on by a vampire, a drug addicted one at that.

  Apparently some vampires could get hooked on the blood of addicts. They couldn’t get high from the drug itself, but were able to get a short but intense high from the blood of users. Unfortunately for Daniel, the vampire had very little control in his condition, even less regard for humans. Fortunately, they were discovered by Alejandro - a powerful, ancient vampire - before it was too late and Daniel was completely drained. Not tolerating addicts, Alejandro executed the vampire immediately and, by some shocking act of compassion, took Daniel under his wing. The ancient vampire helped get him clean and he’d been with the House ever since.

  Not just the House, I realized as he continued describing his life afterward. He was in the main Family and Alejandro was the head-honcho.

  My heart ached at his story, his struggle. While I was glad he was alive, and clean, fear raced through my heart at the precarious situation he had found himself in - at the mercy of a power-hungry vampire. An ancient. The older they were the less humanity remained, as if it leaked out through the years. The centuries.

  “I don’t want to creep you out or anything, but I hope to be turned one day.” My heart almost stopped at his admission. I had guessed, but to hear him admit it aloud was startling. I couldn’t fault him for wanting to be immortal and powerful though. I couldn’t blame him, a mere human, for wanting to be stronger, live longer. I’m not sure I would give up my powers if the opportunity were ever offered. I was strong, powerful enough that I felt confident in my ability to fight. Unlike the weakling I was as a child, unaware of my true self. I had, in fact, killed my abusers to ensure that I was safe. I loved not feeling as vulnerable. I enjoyed the fact that I could keep myself safe, that I didn’t have to rely on anyone to save me. I couldn’t deny that feeling of security to anyone, especially someone who had gone through similar pain in their past.

  “I understand,” I whispered. “More than you know. I understand.” He nodded, getting it. “I wasn’t always like this,” I confided. “My powers are a more recent development.” I shrugged, but the admission was anything but casual.

  Fighting the strange compulsion to tell him about the abuse I suffered at the hands of the foster system, I begged him to understand what I didn’t say. He nodded and ran his thumb along my cheek, the light brush of his skin causing me to shiver.

  “One day I hope you feel you can trust me. I know I have to earn that.”

  “I’ve never talked about it,” I choked out.

  “Never?” I shook my head.

  “I just can’t-”

  “I don’t expect you to. After dealing with everything we have, it’s hard to trust again. It is something that takes time.” I couldn’t look at him anymore, my duplicity eating away at my insides.

  “I have to go.” The familiar urge to run making me restless. Making me dangerous. I untangled myself from the sheets, pulling on my clothes that were s
cattered around the room.

  “I promise.” I turned before leaving and looked hard into his worried eyes. “I will be back. I just-”

  “I understand,” he said quietly. I pulled him close and he held me in a tight embrace. My hands trembled as I gripped his shirt in my fists. “Call me,” he murmured against my ear, his warm breath tickling the outer shell.

  My kiss was almost bruising, lips crashing onto his. I tore myself away and took off.

  The energy was too volatile, my emotions too erratic. My control was slipping though my fingers. The past was creeping up on me, rearing its ugly head. Things I hadn’t thought about in years were flashing through my mind. I’d kept my past locked away for so long. I didn’t think about the abuse I’d suffered, nor the love I’d felt from my new family - a group of shifters that taught me about my other side. How to live side-by-side with her instead of constantly fighting. I tried not to think about the misery I had caused them the last couple of years I was with them, the pain I had caused when I left.

  Anything before my arrival in Tampa when I was eighteen I had completely blocked, shoved down deep. It was like a dam broke. I struggled to cram them back into their box. I couldn’t cope with everything and still manage my new life. I had finally found some sort of balance, my life here was tolerable.

  I parked my Suzuki in the underground garage and flew up the stairs to the gym on the top floor of my building. Fortunately at this time of night it was empty. I put myself through the paces running and swimming, burning off the energy, the feelings that threatened to overwhelm me. Finally exhausted, I collapsed into bed, falling asleep immediately, just as I had intended.

  Chapter Eight

  “Congratulations!” I cried out with what I hoped was the appropriate amount of enthusiasm. Knowing she wanted me to, I leaned across the table and embraced my only girlfriend, Allison.

  As we settled back into our seats, our handsome server arrived setting our lunches in front of us. Allison munched on her Caesar salad, while I shoved my giant burger in my mouth. The Colossal was so huge and loaded with goodies like bacon and jalapeños, I was barely able to take a bite. I rolled my eyes in pleasure, moaning as the amazing flavors danced in my mouth.

  “Oh-my-god-how-do-you-find-these-places?” I mumbled around the delectable morsel. “This is the best burger.”

  “I eat out a lot for work.” She shrugged delicately, cutting her salad with a knife. I narrowed my eyes, drawing my brow as I watched her. Polar opposites, I wondered why she bothered putting up with me. I didn’t even want to be friends with her, really. Or at least I didn’t in the beginning. She was slowly growing on me, her persistence wearing me down.

  “The Harmony is owned by a friend’s boyfriend. She is another attorney but works exclusively for him. He’s some type of big-wig.” Her hand waved in emphasis. “It’s good right? It’s almost impossible to get a table here at night, reservations are booked for months. Lunch is easier for some reason. But if you ever want to join us for dinner, my friend can always get us in.” I nodded around my burger, surprised to find myself actually considering her offer.

  “So when is the date?”

  “Well, we got engaged less than a week ago silly. We haven’t set a date yet.” Gracefully eating a forkful of salad, she rolled her eyes at me.

  “I don’t know this shit.” I frowned at her, wiping the juice from my burger from my chin. The sudden feeling of inadequacy made my words sharper than I intended.

  “Sorry.” But she wasn’t, not really. One of the reasons we had managed to become friends was her continual toleration for my moodiness and my biting tongue. Being the one of the few female trial lawyers in her prestigious firm, she had a high level of tolerance for assholes. Usually undercutting bullshit with a sugarcoated switchblade, they didn’t know was coming until they had already been eviscerated.

  “It’ll probably be in the fall. You’re invited.” She threw out casually, knowing I wouldn’t come if she made a big deal about it. “You should bring one of your boy-toys.” Laughing, she winked, the sound drawing the attention of other diners. I didn’t miss the appreciative gleam in eyes of those with a Y chromosome - she was even more stunning when she laughed.

  I was surprised at the stab of jealousy that hit me. Not that she was getting married - I shuddered at the thought - at her perfect normalcy. What was it like for life to be that simple? To have dreams of marriage, two-point-five kids, and a house with a white picket fence?

  That unfamiliar pang was my only excuse for blurting, “I’m in a relationship.”

  Was I?

  “Sort-of,” I amended. “I think.”

  Her fork dropped into her salad, clashing against the side of the plate. She flattened both hands on the table and leaned forward, her piercing gaze zeroed in on me. The sudden inkling of how formidable she was on the courtroom floor, made my nerve falter. I never wanted to be on the stand with her interrogating me.

  “I thought you didn’t do relationships? Give me details, chica,” she barked, “Now!”

  I told her about how I met Daniel, leaving out the motives and anything related to the case. I stumbled over describing the cobalt blue in his eyes, which had matched his mohawk the last time I’d seen him. Just talking about his lean body with toned muscles in all the right places, had me feeling a little warm. I fanned myself a little, playing if off, not really joking when I added, “He’s fucking fantastic in the sack.” I was unable to keep the satisfied smirk off my face. Allison squealed with laughter, clapping her hands like an enthusiastic cheerleader.

  “I’m so happy for you!” She practically bounced in her seat. Leaning in close, her voice almost a whisper, she asked, “Does he have any piercings?”

  “And tattoos.” My eyes danced as I remembered tracing the haunting tribal tat on his hip which led down to his –

  I shook myself out of my haze and refocused on my friend who was now fanning herself with her napkin.

  “Goodness.”

  “Yeah,” I sighed. “He’s seriously yummy.”

  “So why the doubt in your status?” She daintily rested her chin on her hand after she finished her last bite.

  “It’s not like we’ve talked about it. I’m just not having sex with anyone else currently.” I shrugged. “Not saying I won’t, but I’m not into anyone else right now.”

  “Do you actually talk with him?” I nodded.

  “And-he-painted-my-toenails,” I rushed out, my cheeks flaming.

  Her jaw almost hit the table.

  The uncharacteristic move was so hysterical I couldn’t help but snicker. Which, of course, caused her to laugh. Our chuckles quickly spiraled out of control until we were both bent over at the waist. We struggled to control ourselves, as our enjoyment was met with the not-so-amused glares of some of the stuffy diners.

  I guess this whole having-friends-thing wasn’t so bad after all.

  After yet another night dancing at Phoenix, Daniel and I went back to his place again. Fortunately for us, he lived alone. Especially because most of our time there was spent naked.

  I couldn’t get enough of him.

  He couldn’t get enough of me.

  I’d never been preoccupied with a guy before. They were usually just a way to pass the time, have a little fun. Scratch an itch.

  But Daniel?

  I thought about him when he wasn’t around. I wondered what he was doing, wanted to call him.

  That fact alone made me want to run in the other direction. Fast.

  If my relationship with him wasn’t a key component to getting somewhere in this damn case, I would have bailed. Maybe that’s all it was - the fact that I couldn’t bail.

  A nagging voice insinuated that I was more likely to despise the guy for that reason. The fact that I didn’t said a whole hell of a lot.

  I tried to treat him as a contact, a job. But he just wouldn’t stay there. Thoughts of him lingered well after I left him. His soft voice, his touch, invaded my dreams. He
haunted me.

  And when we were together? Forget it. He had seeped under my skin, and wormed his way past my barriers, settling into my marrow.

  Sex with Daniel was on a whole new level. I couldn’t completely let down my guard - he was a human after all. But he could keep up. The guy had some serious stamina.

  And some creative ideas.

  He was up for trying anything, a trait I came to value highly. I’d never been with anyone so uninhibited.

  But sometimes boundaries are a good thing.

  Mixing humans with others was generally a harmless thing. In my case it was straddling the border. I held my shifter side on a tight leash, one that wasn’t appreciated, but was necessary in order to stay hidden. Since I no longer lived with a family of shifters, I was no longer free to roam in whichever form I chose. Control was essential. Add in the extra power I’d seemed to inherit and I was a hot mess.

  Literally.

  But I couldn’t go back to the Wyoming ranch, so I worked hard to blend in, to be human.

  That was part of the reason I wasn’t close to anyone. I was too dangerous. Too volatile. I couldn’t hide all the time. I was bound to slip up if I was close to people for long.

  Sex for me was a double-edged sword. I needed it like breathing. It used up the constant energy that swirled inside me which threatened to build to dangerous levels, but at the same time there was that brief moment of release where I lost control.

  I was always worried that I wouldn’t be able to reign it back in.

  With Daniel I was crossing that line, getting close. Dangerously close.

  But I was unwilling and unable to back away.

  Even after I almost ripped his throat open.

  “I don’t know,” I giggled into his carpet as he nipped at my lower back. He found perverse pleasure in making me giggle at every opportunity. Hunting down all of my ticklish spots he attacked them mercilessly. It was useless on my part to protest. I hated the feminine, silly sound. It represented everything I was not.