Burned

by J. Nichole Parkins

“What does that mean?” His brow furrowed in confusion.

  “I run errands for a group of vampires in power.”

  “Humph.” Gavin mulled over this tidbit as he munched on fries. I handed them each a beer from the fridge, to their murmured thanks. “So the vampires are pretty active around here?”

  “I know.” I grinned crookedly. “Who would have thought that there would be so many vampires in the sunniest state in the US?” Shrugging at the absurdity, my sparkling eyes met his.

  “It is weird. We don’t have many in Wyoming, except a faction in Cheyenne.”

  “Most prefer urban metropolises,” Daniel clarified.

  “Makes sense. They can hide better in the urban throng. The opposite of shifters. We typically prefer rural areas.” His eyes skirted to mine. “But I guess there are always exceptions.”

  My breath caught in my throat and I coughed, choking on a fry. I downed my beer trying to clear the blockage as Daniel whacked me on the back a couple of times. Gavin just watched, eyes filled with mirth at my predicament, but he wisely held his tongue.

  “I’m okay. Thanks for the concern.”

  “Oh! I almost forgot.” Daniel reached into a white paper bag pulling out a colorful icing covered cupcake. I zeroed in on the sugary confection, unable to hold back my gleeful smile. I might have even squealed just a little. It’s a lemon cupcake with blackberry icing from Sinful Delights.

  “Wipe your chin, honey, you’re drooling,” Gavin chuckled, his whole face lighter than I’d seen it yet. He looked younger with the ever-present scowl missing. It almost felt like old times.

  I snatched the cupcake from Daniel, profusely thanking him as I savored each and every bite of sugary goodness. Moaning as the fruity flavors mixed beautifully, the combination of tart and sweet the perfect end to the carnivore’s delight that was dinner.

  Daniel’s heated gaze met mine, full of promise, flaring all my relevant parts to attention. I wanted him to stay the rest of the night, but glancing at Gavin, I wasn’t sure how to accomplish that without ruining what had surprisingly turned out to be a pleasant evening.

  Gavin was staring at my sugar-sprinkled lips like he wanted me to be the dessert. My lips tightened with the awkwardness of the situation. His eyes darted from my mouth to Daniel, who was bagging up the remnants of dinner.

  “What happened to your neck?” Gavin was referring to the partially healed fresh bite wounds on Daniel’s neck. To someone inexperienced - which Gavin was - it wasn’t obvious what the twin wounds were. His question hung suspended in air as Daniel’s wide eyes darted uncomfortably to mine. I didn’t want to lie to Gavin so I shrugged, trusting Daniel to handle answering the best he could.

  “I had to give tribute today to Alejandro. My boss.” I could see the moment the name clicked in his memory.

  “What is tribute?”

  “A blood sacrifice.” The silence that stretched between us was thick. A car honked in the street below, the melancholy sound echoing around the buildings.

  “And you do it?” His voice was laced with horror as an expression of revulsion fluttered across his face.

  “I don’t really have much of a choice. When working with vampires it is expected.”

  “Kyra?” Unable to find my voice in the face of Gavin’s disgust I just nodded my confirmation.

  “Don’t knock it until you try it.” My eyes shot to Daniel’s, warning him not to make things worse.

  “You like it?” Wisely Daniel just shrugged, but Gavin turned his piercing eyes on me.

  He wanted to say more, but thankfully he let the subject drop.

  “I think it’s time for me to go.” Gavin glared at Daniel, hoping he’d leave too. Daniel stayed perched on the stool, his eyes watchful.

  The shifter’s eyes flared, his face tight. He knew Daniel was staying the night. I said nothing, not wanting to make an awkward situation worse. I walked him to the door, leaning against the frame.

  Eyes darting to my mouth as he said goodbye, I knew what he wanted. Unable to help myself I ran my tongue along my lower lip and he traced the movement with his hungry gaze. My breath quickened at the heat dancing in his eyes, but he made no move to close the distance between us. So instead I did. My lips hungry on his, I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the groan deep in his chest. His heart sped under mine.

  Tearing himself away, he gripped his hair in his fist. His hazel eyes almost frantic. Confused.

  “I don’t know if I can do this, Kyra,” he panted. “It’s all just…” Staring down the hallway, he cleared his throat. “I’ll call you.”

  My heart cracked a little as he walked away. I considered not answering if he did. It would probably be better for the both of us.

  Unable to cope with the demands of living two lives, I focused everything on the House. On learning as much as I could about my powers, and trying to sneak around as inauspiciously as possible to make some sort of headway in this case. I didn’t make the same mistakes as before however, texting regularly with my partner who also tried his best to keep me in the loop. Things were not going well for Spencer, he was feeling a lot of heavy pressure from above to catch this killer. He admitted tersely to sleeping poorly. I worried about him. This case needed to be over.

  When almost a week went by without hearing from Gavin, I figured he’d returned home. Disgusted with me and the life I led. It was better this way. I reminded myself every time I reached the bottom of a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Fortunately I could drown myself in sugary therapy as much as I wanted, higher metabolism being one of the side effects of being a shifter.

  I divided my time between Daniel and Alejandro, the former more pleasant to be around than the latter. Sometime Daniel brought Arabella along. I still struggled with my conflicting feelings about his friend, but I tried for his sake - and the sake of the case - to not show my uncertainty.

  On the sixth day Alejandro called me to his office again. Dread stole my breath as I trudged through the opulent building. It’s beauty marred by the sickness within it’s walls.

  Ruling regally over his domain behind the lavish desk, you’d never guess by looking that he was a sick fuck. His handmade Kiton suit draped his figure, hiding the creature behind an elegant facade. His cultured voice dripped feigned concern as he asked me to do the unthinkable. Again.

  This time it was a shifter. Regardless of my new discovery of my origins, I still considered shifters family of sorts.

  I stood in the doorway of what I had begun to regard as the dungeon, since it seemed to consistently house the tortures I inflicted. Unlike the other rooms in this area of the building, this one held a steel cage. The scent of shifter - a canine, the most common type - hit me before I’d fully entered. I swallowed back bile at the thought of what I was going to do to him. His eyes widened at my sudden appearance.

  “What is going on? Who are you?” I tuned him out refusing to acknowledge him. I didn’t want to hear anything more than I had to. The nightmares were bad enough as it was. He finally gave up when I didn’t move or speak, but remained staring at me from behind the bars.

  I didn’t want to remember anything about him. I didn’t want a name to associate with the screaming I knew would haunt me.

  Alejandro entered along with a couple of associates, including Arabella. She too perched against the wall furthest from the shifter, staring at a spot on the wall, tuning out as much as possible. I was curious if she suffered from the same nightmares as I. Or could she sleep better at night since I was the weapon?

  Alejandro and an associate, a smaller man with beady eyes wearing an Armani, started the interrogation. I tuned in when I heard my name summoned and the instructions given. The shifter’s eyes widened as the consequences were clearly explained. Lie and I’ll turn up the heat. Simple.

  He stood in the center of the room, stoic. Strong. An alpha. My heart bled for what I was about to do. But I didn’t have a choice.

  “This will hurt. Just answer our questions truthfully and it wil
l all be over.” The beady-eyed vampire almost bounced with excitement. He wanted the shifter to lie. He would enjoy the man’s suffering. I held back the bile that threatened. Shutting off everything except Alejandro’s smooth voice telling me what to do. I was nothing but a tool to be used.

  I’d been throwing up for hours. There was nothing left to expel - I was dry heaving. Arabella had noticed my distress during the interview and had called Daniel. I was grateful for her small gesture of kindness. His presence was the only reason I was holding it together. Somewhat anyway.

  I lay on the cool tile floor of the bathroom, a washcloth on my face as I struggled to fight the nausea that churned in my gut. My mind was comfortably blank but my body hadn’t gotten the memo. When it was pretty clear I was safe to leave the bathroom I lay in my bed, Daniel beside me cradling my hand in his. He asked no questions, just comforted me with his presence.

  Tears pricked my eyes, but I stuffed everything in its box. Filed away in manila folders in my head.

  My phone chirped indicating a text message. My eyes flicked to the screen but I wish I’d ignored it. Instead I threw the phone across the room, shattering it again. I left it, unconcerned about the pieces.

  This time he’d transferred half a million into my bank account.

  “Kyra, why don’t you take a few days off? I’m sure Alejandro wouldn’t care. You’ve done so much for him. You need to take care of yourself. I don’t like seeing you like this.” He pulled me into his arms, wrapping me in his comforting embrace. I nodded. My sanity required it.

  “Do you-” He swallowed thickly and tried again. “If you want to talk about it you can. I’m here to listen.”

  I mulled over the issue for all of thirty seconds before I told him everything that had happened.

  An alpha shifter was strong. Tough. They can take a lot of abuse before they give in. And this guy took it in spades. I sincerely hoped that I left no permanent damage - physical or emotional - although I truly doubted it. I couldn’t imagine a shifter going through life disfigured or scarred. We healed unnaturally fast. I wasn’t even able to get a tattoo since I healed so fast. Every shifter I knew was the same. But the amount of damage that I’d inflicted was brutal, and repeated. I shivered, nausea churning again as I described every last detail, purging myself of the horror in more ways than one.

  Daniel said nothing, just continued to hold me. His hand occasionally making soothing circles on my back. The erratic beating of his heart the only indication of his horror. Until I noticed the wetness on his cheeks.

  We stayed that way until the next night.

  I felt it the moment Alejandro woke; his tribute the night before had set my abilities out of whack again. Calling immediately I put in a request for a brief vacation, which was granted to my surprise. Daniel’s request was not however. My heart sank, but I resolved to use this time wisely. To think about the next steps. To heal.

  To plan.

  Chapter Eighteen

  The water was warm as I cut through the waves. When I reached the calmer, deeper water further out, I began swimming parallel to the shore, my strokes fast and sure. Seagulls called overhead but the sounds from the beach were far enough away to be muffled by the surf. As my strokes sliced through the water and I fell into a pattern: stroke, stroke, breathe, stroke, stroke, breathe. Peace seeped into my bones. There was nothing like a workout to center me. The next best thing was Spencer’s grounding. But I shook away that thought. I didn’t want to think about Spencer, the case, the murders, or anything at all. I just wanted to move. To feel the warm embrace of the water surrounding me.

  After my watch assured me that an hour had passed - although it didn’t feel like it - I headed back to my towel and the cold drink waiting for me on shore. Of course my peace couldn’t last; someone else was waiting for me. Gavin sat on my towel looking a little out of place on the hot pink fabric. The water pooled in the sand around me as I stood on the shore, the irritation I was feeling obvious by my scowl.

  “You know,” I started as I grabbed my water bottle from the cooler. “I was really enjoying some time off.” I tried glaring at him as I drank the cold liquid, but it was impossible. The water was so refreshing in the heat of the day, I ended up drinking almost half the bottle. My hair was already dry in the sun baking down on us.

  “Well,” he sheepishly asked, “can’t we enjoy some time off together? This is my vacation as well Kyra. It’s not like I don’t have a job and a life to get back to in Wyoming.”

  I really hadn’t thought much about that - his life back home. I sat next to him on the soft fabric, the shade from my umbrella falling over both of us.

  “Tell me about it then. What is waiting for you back in Wyoming?” Feeling more curious than annoyed now, I passed the remainder of the bottle to him. I wasn’t sure how much of that hour he had spent waiting in the heat.

  “I still live on the ranch with the family.” Pausing to drink, I knew he had been waiting for a while as he chugged the rest of the bottle. At his mention of the Guarani’s ranch I thought back to how his family all lived in three lodge-like homes on their large, sprawling ranch. They raised cattle, which provided for most of their livelihoods. His family was pretty traditional, the men working the ranch, the women raising babies and keeping house. I shuddered at the thought, even though I was warmed by the memories. I had lived with them for almost five years. However hard I tried, I just couldn’t fit in.

  “Aunt Sue is still baking her cookies, although since we’ve had several additions in the last few years she’s gotten on a bit of a health kick. Most of them have dried fruit and whole grain dough now.” Countless times her cookies had been the catalyst for building bridges and trust. They had helped open me up, especially in the early days, when I had such a difficult time trusting anyone, constantly afraid they would kick me out or report me to child services. Or worse, the police. But that never happened. Instead I was the one to leave, sneaking out in the night like a criminal. Which I guess I was.

  “Additions?”

  “Babies.” A huge grin spread across his face. “I’m sure you remember my cousin Cole.” At my nod he continued, “He got married a few years after you left to a really sweet girl, Nora, he met at college. After we got the whole we-are-a-family-of-shifters discussion out of the way-”

  “I bet that was a fun conversation!” Laughter fell from my lips.

  “Well, you know Aunt Sue. She’s had to do this a time or two before for the various siblings and cousins. She’s a total pro now.” I shook my head, glad that everyone I hung around now was pretty much indoctrinated into the cult of the weird. No introduction required on my part. She was certainly a stronger woman than I’d ever be.

  “Anyway, they’ve had a couple of kids since then. Same thing with my cousin Joel, he and Leah have four already. Tori is pregnant with her first. She married Lee last year.”

  “They were always sweet on each other.” Wow. Tori married. I remembered her following me around. She was a cute kid, but a bit of a pest.

  “Yeah, they didn’t waste any time.”

  “Not at all apparently.” Dragging my fingers though the sand, my heart ached. That would have been us - Gavin and I - if I hadn’t run off. We were engaged at sixteen and planning to marry sometime after I graduated. But instead of planning a wedding I left without telling anyone. We probably would have been one of the couples with kids by now.

  “Do they hate me?” My heart ached at the thought. I knew I didn’t deserve their love - even before I ran away - but certainly not after. I hurt them all so badly, none more so than Gavin. Repeatedly. I don’t know why he even bothered coming after me, he deserved so much better.

  “No Kyra, they don’t. They were mad, especially Tori. But they pretty much got over it with time. They’d be happy to know I found you… I don’t hate you either.” He shrugged. “Maybe I should, but I don’t. I knew things were difficult for you. I just didn’t know how to make it better, none of us did.” The silence st
retched between us, echoing in the waves.

  “I’m sorry it wasn’t enough,” he sighed.

  “No, I’m sorry,” I exclaimed. “It should have been enough. I wish it was. I wish I would have been happy in that life. I wish we could have been like Tori and Lee. I’m sorry we weren’t - I’m sorry I wasn’t. You deserved better.”

  “But we are both here now. We can try again-” My bitter laugh cut him off. I looked him deeply in his beautiful hazel eyes, hoping he’d finally get the message and find some nice girl. Someone who deserved his goodness.

  “But nothing Gavin. It’s not going to work.” I held up my hand when he started to interrupt. “Gavin, I left because you guys were so normal - shapeshifting notwithstanding. If you haven’t figured it out I’m fucked up, Gavin. Fucked. Up. I tried so hard for all those years to fit in with your family. Those were wonderful years, but I was just pretending. I ran away because I just couldn’t do it anymore. Nothing has changed. You have to understand that. If anything, the things I’ve learned, hell - the things I’ve done since then.” I took a deep breath trying to gather my thoughts, and stop the gathering energy. “Suffice to say, if I was out of place then, I’d be even more so now. Do you understand? What you are asking of me is impossible. It’s too much.”

  His head hung. I didn’t need to be an Empath to feel him hurting. But I couldn’t give him false hope. It was better to do it quick so he’d get over the pain quicker. “I don’t think you realize what I do, what I am. I’m not a shifter like you and your family. I can’t really tell you what I am, it’s complicated. But I can tell you it’s not good. Gavin.” I waited for him to look at me. “I set things on fire just by thinking it, sometimes even without. I’m too dangerous to be around your family, especially little ones. Just imagine what could happen.”

  “But you wouldn’t do anything to hurt them-”

  “Not intentionally, but I set my curtains on fire in my bedroom the other day. Again. I can’t even tell you how often that has happened over the last few years. Does that sound like someone who is safe to bring around your family?” He shook his head.