Burned

by J. Nichole Parkins

  “I’m a PI,” I started. Tori’s eyebrows shot up, interest sparking. “I mainly work for myself, but I get the occasional contract gig for Uncle Sam.” I glanced at Spencer, eyebrow raised. I wasn’t sure how much exactly I could share.

  “She was working with me for a while. I’m with the FBI.”

  “Whoa.” Tori’s jaw hung open. “Why? Did something happen?” Sitting forward in her seat, blue eyes sparkling with curiosity, she rested her pointed chin on her hand.

  “We solved our case just before heading out here. That’s why it was so spur of the moment and why I didn’t know if I could come until the last minute,” Spencer chuckled at her intense focus.

  Tori shifted in her chair, her leg swinging. She bit her lip, but asked her burning question despite her doubts.

  “Are you two an item?” she rushed out.

  I laughed. I know she wanted me back with Gavin - it shouted from her every gesture. She always did want me to be officially part of the family.

  “I wouldn’t say that,” I mumbled, not wanting to dive deeper in the quagmire that was my love life.

  “Tori, that’s enough. I know you want to know everything and there is a lot of catching up to do, but please don’t give her the third degree. Pest.” Her shoe flew across the fire and smacked Gavin on the arm. She always did have excellent aim.

  I woke in the dark surrounded by unfamiliar things, unfamiliar smells. Panic slammed into me. Disoriented I leapt from the bed. No wait, it was a pullout couch.

  What?

  Heart racing, energy swirled around me gathering strength. Something was wrong.

  “It’s okay Kyra,” Spencer called out from across the room. The squeaking of the mattress and the thump of his feet on the hardwood floors let me know he was coming to me. He’d fix this. I remembered suddenly where I was and relief that he was with me made me weak in the knees. He would keep everyone safe.

  From me.

  From my inability to control myself.

  From what I was. Pain laced its way through my chest constricting my breathing.

  “Shh. It’s okay. We’ll get through this together.” His arms wrapped around me, keeping me from falling to pieces in more ways than one. I felt hollow.

  Empty.

  And yet the energy was peeking into those empty places, finding new places to fill. Sparks crackled in the air around us.

  I whimpered. The noise so foreign to my ears made me feel weak and helpless. And I had made sure I was anything but weak and helpless. My thoughts flew through my head, a jumbled mess.

  Grabbing Spencer’s face between my hands I locked my lips onto his, our kiss bruising. I pulled him closer, devouring him. The energy poured into him, grounding me but singeing him. I finally pushed him away, hard and he landed with a thump on the floor, conscious but dazed.

  “What the hell?” Shaking his head, he rubbed his short hair. “Damn girl. You are going to be one tough act to follow. That was literally hot,” he chuckled, his humor serving its purpose and disarming me. Making me feel less guilty for almost setting him on fire. Again.

  “Sorry. I-”

  “Stop with the apologies. This is why I came along. I know having me here is pretty uncomfortable, but I would rather not have my partner arrested for manslaughter, arson, or both.”

  The silence stretched between us.

  “I’m the reason you are in this mess so I’ll help you deal,” he murmured, his heavy voice thick in the darkness.

  I pondered his words as I sank back onto the makeshift bed.

  “And how do you come to that conclusion?”

  “You were following my half-baked theory when you got involved with Alejandro. It’s because of his blood that your powers are so unstable.” He spread his hands.

  “That’s ridiculous. It would have happened eventually, his blood just intensified the process. Apparently it’s just part of what I am.”

  “Care to share?”

  I fleetingly considered telling him, weighed the consequences of baring my soul. But in the end I guarded my secret, my vulnerability and shook my head.

  “Fine. We both have our secrets, I suppose.” He sighed and settled back under the covers, back turned towards me. Despite his obvious hurt feelings, I could hear his breathing even out in a matter of minutes. I on the other hand tossed and turned for hours.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  In the morning, way too early for my preference, I stumbled downstairs and made a beeline for the coffee machine. Thankfully a pot was already brewed. I was sipping my second cup when Gavin came in from outside.

  “Morning,” he sang, leaning over to kiss my forehead.

  I grunted in response, half asleep.

  “Still not a morning person I see.” I flipped him the bird and hunched back over my precious coffee like Gollum. I was unpleasant in the morning when I got a decent amount of sleep. With a rough night I was downright nasty and I knew it.

  He chuckled and fixed himself a cup making the wise decision to sit a few chairs away.

  “She had a rough night,” Spencer added coming from the hall. He purposefully didn’t elaborate, letting Gavin come to his own conclusions. I glared at him and stuck out my tongue. Bastard. Making his own cup, his deep laugh had Gavin glaring daggers at his back.

  “Shut it, Spence,” I growled into my cup, tired of the bickering. Spencer was poking at the tiger - or cougar in this case. Not a good idea. I rolled my eyes at Gavin. “He’s trying to get a rise out of you, you know.”

  “I know.” He sipped his own coffee. “It’s hard to admit that it works. I have little control where you are concerned Kyra.” My eyes snapped back to his and I slammed my mug on the table, coffee sloshing over the edge.

  “Fucking get control, Gavin.” I rose and got a dishtowel to clean up the mess.

  Control.

  I was one to talk. Kettle. Black.

  I stalked out the door, letting it bang behind me. The hundreds of times I heard that sound echoed through my mind. Memories, feelings I had tried to lock away peeked out, rattled their doors - wanting to be remembered. Regret tickled its way into my heart. Things would have been so different if-. But I couldn’t go there; the what-ifs were a dangerous and futile path.

  There was only now.

  I pulled the crisp air into my lungs, gathering my control around me, blanketing me. But I felt him approach, his presence a warm rock at my back pulsing with energy. And I was greedy. The monster inside me wanted it.

  But I had to show Spencer, and show myself, that I could control the monster.

  “I don’t want to control it,” he growled behind me, unknowingly echoing my thoughts. “I share you because you give me no choice.” He practically spit the words out, not worried about the attention he was drawing. I could feel the weighted stares of others as they witnessed our latest argument. I’m sure it had been a while since they’d had this much excitement. We always ran hot.

  “You have a choice!” I snarled back at him. “It is your choice to share me. You could just walk away.” Challenging, I raised an eyebrow.

  “You know I can’t do that. Not after all I’ve done to find you. I tried. I just can’t let you go.”

  “Sure,” I yelled back, stepping closer. “Blame me. Again. I left you, sure. But you make your own choices. You chose to look for me. You chose to sleep with me, even knowing what-” I choked back the words. After a deep breath I continued, my voice a little quieter. “You made your choices, Gavin. Don’t blame me for your hurt feelings at this point.”

  His eyes bored into mine. So close I could see the irises expand, the warm tones deepening with intensity. His breath feathered my face carrying his spicy scent. Stirring the monster. “I will fight for you with my last breath,” he growled low, speaking so quietly no one could have heard him except me.

  “Then you know where you stand. But you can’t win. I won’t let you dictate my life. I warned you where this was leading. I told you, you wouldn’t be able to handl
e it. And here we are.” I spread my arms, fingers splayed.

  “Yes, but you don’t get to tell me to control myself,” he sneered in my face again. “I won’t hurt your precious humans. But I will fight it and make my displeasure known when I feel like it. You don’t control me.”

  “Get out of my face,” I growled back as I shoved against his chest. He was made of stone, solid. His warm energy seeped into my hands, making me a little reckless. I used that added energy to turn up the heat a little. A warning.

  Infuriated, he got right back up into my face. “What the fuck? You want to fight it out?” He raised his chin, glaring at me.

  The monster answered. She wanted to fight. But I knew that Spencer was watching. If he wasn’t there we’d have it out like cats, with teeth and claws. He couldn’t dominate me in either form. I wasn’t worried about him, in fact I itched to fight him. To best him in a way that might register with him on a primal level. My body ached to shift.

  But Spencer still didn’t know about my shifting. I had to tell him before he found out another way.

  “Not now Gavin, Spencer-”

  “Fuck Spencer!” he bellowed. “I’m talking about us.” He paced around me, stalking me like the cat he was. His eyes had shifted, his control was holding on by a thread. Muscles trembled to hold off the change.

  “But he-” His growl cut me off. Losing the last shred of control, he flowed roughly into his other form. It came quicker than I’d ever seen him shift. Muscles popped back into place, tawny hair sprouted from his skin. He stood in his cat form, proud. Angry. Determined. He roared his displeasure at me. My heart pounded, my hand ached to dive into his soft fur.

  “Gavin,” I whispered. The words were too heavy to speak aloud. I wanted to shift, to run with him. To have this out once and for all. I wanted to meet him as an equal. I didn’t need his protection anymore.

  I almost gave into the urge. A movement in my periphery caught my attention and my eyes shifted to the porch. Spencer. He stood worriedly, watching the whole scene. I had to tell him-.

  A burning pain seared through my arm. I looked down. Blood welled through claw marks, dripping onto the grass. I could hear each drop as it landed. It echoed in the sudden stillness. Like the whole ranch held its breath.

  Waiting.

  I narrowed my eyes, but held onto my anger. Not allowing it to overflow.

  “Fuck you.”

  I stalked off back to the house. My movements stiff and jerky. It wasn’t so much the pain, I’d felt much worse.

  It was the betrayal. The utter look of shock and frantic worry on Spencer’s face as everything registered. I could practically see his thoughts racing.

  Infected.

  But I couldn’t catch what Gavin was, everyone here knew that. Everyone but Spencer.

  Gavin had just taken my choice from me.

  “I’m fine,” I insisted, wrapping the injury in a bandage. The sinking feeling in my gut intensified. Just let this go.

  “Maybe there is a treatment. We need to call Don right away.”

  “No really. It’ll be fine.”

  “What are you, in denial?” he sputtered. “You know how this spreads, bites or scratches in shifter form. You’ve been surrounded by them your whole life.”

  “Spencer, I really don’t have to worry about it. Like you said I’ve been around shifters my whole life. I know when to worry and when not to. I don’t have to worry about this.” I pled silently for him to just let it go. But I knew he wouldn’t. I should have told him before it was too late.

  “Not worry?” His puzzled eyes stared into mine.

  “No. I don’t need to worry about this.” My heavy words almost echoed in the silence of the room we shared.

  “What are you telling me? You’ve already been infected?” He took a single step back. Away from me. Pain laced through my chest.

  “No, not infected exactly,” I mumbled wanting this to just be over. Wanting to go back in time and tell him before we got to this point.

  “Did Gavin infect you or something?” Eyes narrowed, blazing in anger.

  “No, Spencer. I’m not infected, it’s different-.”

  “So you are telling me that you aren’t infected, but you don’t have to worry about being infected? What kind of bullshit is this Kyra?” His hand dove into his hair, causing it to spike up every which way. “Why don’t you just spell it out to me? In fucking black and white.”

  “This has to be kept between us-”

  “Fuck!” The words tore from his chest, filled with pain. Betrayal. He spun around, giving me his back while he fought to control himself.

  “Spencer.” I hated the pleading tone in my voice.

  He jerked away from my hand on his shoulder. Like it was hot.

  Contaminated.

  “You should have told me.” So quite. I barely heard the words. “I thought we trusted each other.”

  “I do. But this is something no one but my family here knew. I haven’t told anyone.”

  “But nothing, Kyra.” He turned back around, eyes blazing with anger.

  “Spence, this isn’t something easy for me. I set aside that part of myself - as much as I could anyway - when I left here.” It was hard to look at him so I examined the pattern on the rug, the blues and whites running together as tears began to fill my eyes. I vowed not to let them spill.

  “You have to keep this between us. If anyone finds out - especially Don - they will kill me. Dead.” I wanted to grab him and shake him. To beat the seriousness of my predicament into him. “Do you understand?” I looked hard into his eyes.

  He nodded, jerkily. The look in his eyes urged me on, but begged me not to say it. “I can shift but-” He made a terrible frustrated noise. Glaring at him for his interruption, I continued.

  “But I’m not a shifter exactly. Not like Gavin and his family.”

  The silence stretched between us as I gathered my thoughts. I hadn’t even come to terms with what I was yet. Only Alejandro knew. Fear rolled in my stomach as Spencer waited for me to elaborate. His anger vibrated through the room.

  “I’ve known I was different since I came here and found out about shifters. I ran from a – a really bad situation and they took care of me. Helped me heal. They thought I was like they were, but I’m not. We’ve attributed the differences to being a different species or something.” Spencer watched me, eyes narrowed as I crossed across the room and back.

  “Alejandro told me he had met others like me, centuries ago. He filled in a lot of blanks for me. I haven’t told anyone. I was too afraid.” What would happen to me now?

  “No one knows except Alejandro?”

  “As far as I know. But he seems to confide almost everything to his lawyer, lover, whatever she is - Arabella. So I’m not sure about her.” The silence stretched between us, heavy and thick. Painful.

  “Kyra, you don’t have to tell me what you are. Not if it’s that hard for you. But I’m pissed that you didn’t tell me about shifting. That you felt you couldn’t trust me.”

  “I didn’t want to put you in more of an awkward position. You are in the FBI. You follow rules - as much as you can. This would be something you’d have to hide. I didn’t want to ask you to do that.”

  “You are more than just a job to me.”

  “I know that.”

  “You mean more to me.” His eyes looked deep into mine as he took my hand. “I don’t know what it is about you. I just feel,” he stumbled searching for the right word, “a connection. You know what I mean?”

  I nodded.

  “You are my friend,” he chuckled. “That sounds lame. Sometimes I want you, but I think that is more because of our complementary powers. The grounding causes some pretty intense feelings, but I know that we are not meant to be like that. Not like you and Daniel or Gavin. We’d have fun no doubt.” He wiggled is eyebrows, making me laugh. Lightening the intense moment.

  “And I’m not saying I’d never go there. But we are friends. We should b
e there for each other. Trust each other. This hurts. I can understand it. But it still hurts.”

  My head bobbed again. Despite my best efforts the tears escaped, trembling down my cheeks. He gently cradled my head in his hands, thumbs brushing them away. He was right, I should have trusted him. But it was so hard to let people in.

  “Can you, show me?” he asked softly.

  I considered it. There would be no going back. But then again, there was already no going back. I had to trust him. He deserved as much.

  “Yes.”

  “Does it hurt?” At my negative response he added, “It looked painful when Gavin did it.”

  “I’m not like Gavin and the others. It does hurt them.”

  “Show me.”

  Pulling my shirt over my head, I began stripping. He watched me, eyes blazing. When I stood naked before him, I relaxed and let the change happen. I heard his shocked gasp. It only took me a few seconds to change. One moment I was human, the next jaguar. Unsettling I’m sure.

  “Shit,” he whispered, awed. His wide eyes took in my new form, roving over every inch.

  I had never shown myself to a human before, just other shifters. I was small in comparison to most of them, but I suppose to a human I was rather large and intimidating. I stalked toward him, my padded feet making no sound.

  He sank to his knees in front of me, eyes at the same level, meeting mine. I couldn’t help but growl. Unknowingly he was in a position of challenge.

  “Kyra?” I met his eyes, reminding myself he was not a threat. “Can I touch you?”

  I considered his request for a moment. Part of me balked at the idea; I was no one’s pet. But at the same time, this was Spencer. It wouldn’t hurt anything. I stepped closer, slowly as to not startle him. Inching forward, his fingers brushed the fur on the top of my head. When I didn’t bite off his hand or make any threatening movements, he sank his hand in my soft fur caressing down my neck. When a purr unexpectedly rumbled through my chest he jumped, startled. Laughing, his tense body relaxed, surprising me by diving both hands into my fur. I flopped onto the floor luxuriating in the sensations.