Finding Grace: A Novel

by Sarah Pawley

  The slightest smirk came to his lips. She was right, of course. He was a grouchy bastard. And he didn’t feel the least bit guilty about it. But he had to admire her honesty. Because of his military service, most people felt obligated to treat him with great respect. Even Victoria, with her frequent fits of temper, was apt to sweet-talk him, especially when she thought it might get her what she wanted. But there was something refreshing about someone who preferred honesty to flattery...even if that someone was a hopelessly naive little country mouse.

  What a shame she wasn't suited to his taste. She was too much of a rube...not nearly sophisticated enough. And even if she hadn't been a simpleton, she was much too young, and with an older brother to boot. That was never a good chance to take. Yes, it was too bad indeed. With a little improvement, she could have made an interesting conquest.

  * * * * *

  The smell of coffee, fried bacon and eggs must have drifted upstairs quickly. Not long after Grace started cooking, Jack appeared in the doorway, still in his pajamas, with his hair sticking up all over.

  "I smell food," he said. "Good food. What are we having?" He came up next to her and took a piece of bacon off the plate. She just smiled at him, shaking her head.

  "Just like a man, always thinking with your stomach. You can't even say good morning."

  "Good morning," said Alice, who appeared in the doorway behind them. As she came near them she looked at her husband, eyed him up and down, and shook her head. "You look like something the cat dragged in.” She kissed him sweetly on the lips, then hugged him and pressed her cheek to his…and she winced.

  "My Lord, Jack. Your face gives me whisker burn. Go get a shower and a shave, will you please?"

  "Yes, please," said Grace as she tried to suppress a smile.

  Jack turned around, grumbling good-naturedly as he shuffled out. "Damn. My own house and I have to shower and shave. Why don’t you put me in a frilly pink dress with my hair in pigtails so I'll be pretty enough for you?"

  Alice smiled as she called out to him. "You don't have the legs, doll.”

  Grace giggled, delighting in the fun of teasing him, and she added her own little jibe.

  “You wouldn’t look right in pink. Purple, maybe.”

  From the hallway they heard him make a goofy, mocking kind of laugh. "Everybody’s a comedian."

  Grace and Alice just smiled at one another. Alice gestured at the cooking.

  "What is all this? You cleaned up everything from last night, I see. And now here you are, cooking breakfast. You didn't have to do all of this."

  Grace only smiled, shrugging. “It's just my way to thank you for putting up with me."

  Alice smirked. "Well, you're just so much trouble.” She started taking out plates and silverware to set the table. Her voice became tender.

  "You know sis, I don’t want to tell you what to do…but I think maybe you should make that call to home. It's best to get it over and done with, you know."

  There was a long silence as Grace pondered whether or not to actually make the dreaded call.

  "I'm sorry," Alice said. "It's none of my business. You make that call whenever you want. Or not at all."

  Grace put down the wooden spoon she held in her hand, turning down the fire.

  "No, you're right. It's best to just get it done."

  Alice spoke softly. "The phone is in the living room. Do you want me to go with you, just for moral support?"

  Grace shook her head. "No, that's all right. I'll manage...I hope."

  In the living room, she sat by the phone for some time before finally picking it up and speaking to the operator. She gave the name and location, the operator connected her, and she waited. After what seemed like an eternity, a female voice finally connected on the other end of the line. It was Mrs. Smith, the doctor's wife.

  "Hello?"

  "Is this Mrs. Smith?" Grace asked.

  "Who is this?"

  She swallowed a sudden lump in her throat before she answered. "Gracie Langdon."

  There was a pause at the other end of the line. Then Mrs. Smith replied in shock. "Is that really you Gracie? Your folks have been looking all over creation for you. Where on earth are you?"

  Grace swallowed, nervous as she answered.

  "I'm with Jack.”

  There was another pause. "How in the world did you get there all by yourself?"

  "I'm sorry, Mrs. Smith, but I can't talk about it now," she said. "Just tell Mama and Daddy not to worry, will you? I've got to go now. Goodbye." She quickly hung up the phone, motivated by a fear that she still might be caught and dragged home like a criminal, where she would have to suffer for a lifetime because of her defiance. The phone itself seemed frightening at that moment, like a spy who might give her away. So she moved away from it quickly and headed back toward the kitchen, and in the hall, she met Jack. He looked at her with a serious expression, and she knew just what was on his mind and what he would ask her about.

  "You called home just now, didn't you?"

  She nodded. Neither one of them said anything else, and both silently agreed not to discuss the subject further. As far as both were concerned, Grace had done the right thing in alleviating her parents concern, and now the matter was closed. A change of subject was best.

  "I've got to go out and get the paper," he said, but Grace waved him off.

  "I'll get it for you," she said. "I could use a breath of fresh air."

  She went out the front door and walked out to the end of the curb, looking around at the pretty little lawns that still shined with wet dew. The air was warm but pleasant, and the sunshine helped lift the weight off of her shoulders. As she reached down at the curb to get the paper, something made her draw her eyes upward and across the street. She didn't want to look - but her curiosity had often been a bully to her common sense, and this occasion was no different. Her eyes rose, and she saw Henry sitting on the front stoop of his house, reading the paper. For the longest time, she stood there watching him - sort of admiring the way his long legs were stretched out before him, and the way his broad shoulders were sort of slouched as he relaxed. He was wearing glasses, too. She found something oddly appealing in that.

  Suddenly she shook her head. Why am I standing here, staring like a fool? She thought. Thank the Lord he hasn't looked up and seen me. She hurried back into the house with the newspaper in hand, fearful that at any moment, he would look up and meet her eyes. For some reason, the thought of that terrified her.

  She didn't see it when he glanced up from his paper…his eyes watching her closely as she walked into the house.

  * * * * *

  At the breakfast table, there were most of the same foods and rituals that she'd had every day of her life. Some things, she supposed, were common experiences no matter where one was born. But there was no lack of new things to learn...new experiences, small as they might have been.

  She’d never had toasted bread before. Spread with butter and topped with a bit of scrambled eggs, it was delicious. But it was the milk in her glass that enthralled her most. The taste was not as rich as the milk she’d had at home, but it wasn’t the difference between the two that held her fascination. It was the transformation that Jack made of it. Taking a little canister from the cabinet, he sprinkled in a sweet-smelling brown powder and stirred the glass with a spoon. Chocolate milk, she found, was delightful...and Jack seemed animated by her reaction. He grinned.

  “God bless Milton Hershey,” he said, stirring up a glass for himself.

  Alice smiled, shaking her head.

  "Your brother and his sweets. You should see him with Hydrox Cookies and milk. It's ridiculous."

  Jack shrugged. "Hydrox cookies are an American institution. I'm just being patriotic."

  Now Alice rolled her eyes. "It a wonder that you don't look like a Macy's Day float. It's a good thing we go out all the time and stay active, or you’d be in serious trouble."

  “Speaking of activities,” said Jack, “I think toda
y is a good day to go down to the lake. You should see it, sis. You will see it, as a matter of fact. We had lakes back home, but nothing like this. And we sure didn't have a beach at home."

  Grace's expression fell, and she looked down at the table for a moment. There was something on her mind that she'd wanted to ask for the longest time, but never knew how or when. Somehow, this moment seemed to be the right one.

  "Have you ever missed being home?" she asked. "Even the least little bit?"

  Jack slowly put down his glass. He and Alice looked at each other, and then he looked over at Grace. His face was quite serious, his voice calm…and almost cold as he spoke.

  "Baby sister," he said. "There are little things that I'll always miss. The music we used to play, for one. The big outdoors, for another. And I miss most of the family.” He paused a moment, and then his eyes grew very dark, the way they had always done when he was growing angry. Still, his voice was calm. "But I don't lose sleep at night, wishing I was still there. I don't miss freezing to death in the winter, or working like a dog every day and never getting a thing out of it. I don't miss scraping up just enough food to keep body and soul together. And I'm not sorry I got away from that damned old coal mine."

  As if sensing that the mood had gotten too serious, and perhaps realizing that his tone had taken on a rather dark note, he paused for a few moments. He cleared his throat, and then, a little smile came back to his face. Now his tone was almost joking in its sarcasm. "I lost the chance to die in a collapse, or from a methane explosion. Or better yet, there's always that old black lung disease, from swallowing all that coal dust. What a shame I missed out on all of those things."

  Alice frowned. "That's enough, Jack.”

  For several moments he didn't look at her, or at Grace. Then he rose to his feet.

  "I have to answer the call of nature," he said. "You two will excuse me, won't you?" He said it all rather quickly, as if he was in a hurry to get away. Then he turned and left the room.

  Alice sighed...and Grace lowered her eyes, troubled and saddened.

  "I shouldn't have opened my big mouth,” she said.

  But Alice was quick to comfort her. "Don't talk like that. It's been a sore subject ever since we left the mountains. The few times I ever did get him to talk about it, he either made jokes or refused to talk about it at all. We’ve gotten into a few bad arguments about it over the years. He has to be the most stubborn man I've ever known in my life."

  Despite the gloomy mood that had descended, Grace couldn't help but smile a little, though her eyes were fixed on the table. "He always was like an old mule, when it came to doing what he wanted." Her face fell again, as a sad memory came into her head. "I remember how bad things got at home, especially after you both left.”

  Alice shook her head sadly. "I always wished things could’ve been different. I never wanted to break up anyone's family. I hope you never thought I was trying to do anything like that."

  "Alice, you don't have to tell me that. I was just a kid, but I always thought the world of you. And I always knew that Jack left because he wanted to leave. He would have gone away with or without getting married. And now that I'm older, I understand exactly why he didn't want to stay."

  "But no man should forget his family," Alice declared. "If something ever happens to your Mama, your Daddy, or one of your brothers, he'll be regretting it until the day he dies that he didn't go back home."

  They heard a door shut upstairs, and it was a signal to both of them to cease their conversation, at least in the presence of Jack. Grace rose to her feet and began clearing the table, and Alice stood and helped her as Jack came in the room. He stood in the doorway for several moments, watching them with a kind of suspicion. Alice looked over at him, and then she snapped her fingers and gave him an excited look.

  “Honey, I just had the best idea. When we go to the lake, let's stop at Edgewater Beach.” She turned to Grace and began talking with delight. “We had our wedding and reception at the Edgewater Beach Hotel. You should see it. It’s so beautiful. And pink! You’ve never seen such a place.”

  Jack scoffed. “Pink. I can’t believe I stayed in a place that was colored like a danged piece of bubble gum.” He sat down…and then a little smile came to his face. “Then again, I wasn’t exactly thinking about where I was. All I could think about was getting married.”

  Alice cooed at his sweet statement. “The happiest day of your life, was it?” She leaned down to kiss him…and as she turned away, she didn’t see the little smirk on his face.

  “When I woke up the next morning,” he said, “I saw the ball and chain attached to my leg, and it scared the hell out of me.”

  Before the words were out of his mouth he was running from the room…and Alice chased after him, threatening all kinds of violence. Grace smiled, thinking to leave them alone with whatever they would do next…but when she heard Jack shouting for help, she couldn’t resist rushing to see what they were up to.

  Jack was lying face down on the sofa, and Alice had her knee in the middle of his back. She had his arm pinned behind him, gripping his wrist hard, shouting at him.

  “Say Uncle!”

  Jack was laughing and pleading at the same time. “Help! Get this crazy broad off of me!”

  Alice dug her knee in further, twisting harder on his wrist…and all the while, Grace just watched the two of them, giggling at their play.

  If all couples were more like them, she thought, Marriage might not be such a bad idea.

  * * * * *

  The company store is nothing compared to this, she thought with wonder.

  Marshall Field’s seemed too beautiful to be a store. It was all polished brass and gleaming tile floors, with carpeted stairs that went to multiple stories. In the center of it all was a great glass dome, and looking down from the fifth floor balcony, she felt her head spin from the height.

  Alice seemed quite delighted as they went along, gushing over this garment and that, trying on hats and sampling fragrances from the cosmetics counter. Grace followed quietly along, taking in each new experience.

  But as they passed a set of mirrors, she looked at the reflection of her plain little self in her flour sack dress…and she wanted to turn and run. As much self confidence as she'd always had, it seemed to be sapped right out of her as she looked at her own image reflected.

  After walking for a spell, Alice suddenly noticed that her shopping partner was not beside her. She went back, and saw Grace standing in front of the mirror.

  "What's wrong?" she asked.

  "Look at me," said Grace. "I don't belong in a place like this."

  Alice pursed her lips. "Oh don't be like that. You just need some new clothes, that's all. We could have some real fun getting you a new wardrobe."

  Grace shook her head. "Oh no. I don't want you spending all kinds of money on me, even if I am a sorry sight. I can make my own clothes, if I can get some material. And I'll help around the house to pay for it. I promise."

  Alice smiled. "If it makes you happy to make your own clothes, then I won't argue with you. We'll find you some lovely material to work with. But you need at least one or two simple dresses between now and then. And I have to fight you on one other thing, sister." She pointed down at Grace’s boots. "Those things will have to go. And besides new shoes, I just have to twist your arm about a party dress. You should have at least one fine dress, in case we go out to a classy restaurant or some other special occasion. Will you please just let me do that for you?”

  Grace was hesitant. But looking into Alice’s eyes, she saw how eager her sister-in-law was to please her. She didn't like the idea of being dressed like a doll, but Alice really wanted to do this kindness, and she was aware that she could stand a bit of self-improvement. Right then she promised herself that this would be the first and only time she would succumb to the temptation of vanity and spending money. Other people's money, as it was.

  As if reading her thoughts, Alice laughed a little. Loop
ing Grace’s arm in hers, she pulled her away from the mirror.

  "I promise, I won't try to make you into a princess," she said. "I despise the notion of a princess. But we're not peasants, are we? So why dress that way? We'll keep it simple and painless, I promise you. Just some new shoes and stockings. Maybe a hat or two. And then there are the basics, of course, like underwear." She saw Grace blush, but only smiled. "Don't be embarrassed. We're both women. We can talk about these things."

  It was a bit embarrassing, picking out such personal effects. And yet, there was a kind of fun in seeing all the different garments and under things. As for picking a party dress, it wasn't at all difficult. Her eye was caught by a pale pink garment in a rose print, with a straight-across bodice and draping chiffon sleeves that came to the elbows. It was one of the prettiest things she'd ever seen, but she felt ashamed of liking it so much, when she knew that Alice would be paying for it.

  "I wish I had a way to pay for this myself," she said. "I feel just awful having you buying everything for me."

  Alice smiled, giving her a thoughtful look. "I'll tell you what. If you keep on keeping me company, and keep helping me around the house, it'll be worth its weight in gold."

  Just when Grace thought they were through with their buying, Alice came across another item of a female wardrobe that she insisted her sister-in-law needed - a swimsuit. Grace took one look at the selections and went red with embarrassment.

  “Women actually wear those things in public?” She gasped, shaking her head in denial of accepting the thing. “That’s a little too bold for me. I think that’s the one place I’ll have to put my foot down.”

  “Well you wear a wrapper over it while you’re on the beach,” Alice assured her. “And when you’re in the water, no one will really see it anyway. It works better than wearing regular clothes. Remember how we used to do that when we went swimming back home? It was all well and good while we were in the water, but once you got out, it was like your clothes were plastered to your skin.”